CHAPTER V.

IN WHICH SIR ASINUS MAKES AS IGNOMINIOUS RETREAT.

Sir Asinus was apparently in high spirits, and smoothed the nap of his c.o.c.ked hat with his sleeve--the said sleeve being of Mecklenburg silk--in a way which indicated the summit of felicity.

He seemed to inhale the May morning joyously after his late imprisonment; and he betook himself immediately to paying a.s.siduous court to Miss Belle-bouche, who, the sooth to say, did not seem ill-disposed to get rid of Jacques.

Poor Jacques, therefore, made an unsuccessful attempt to engage Philippa in conversation. This failing--for Philippa was watching Mowbray disappearing toward Williamsburg--the melancholy Jacques made friends with the lap-dog, who at first was propitious, but ended by snapping at his fingers.

"A delightful day, my dear madam," he said to Philippa, once more endeavoring to open an account current of conversation.

Philippa, with bent brows, made no reply.

"The birds are having a charming time, it seems."

Poor Jacques! Philippa is buried in thought, and with her eyes fixed on the receding horseman, does not hear him.

"You seem preoccupied, madam," he said.

"Yes, a charming day, sir," she said, rising; "did you say it was pleasant? I agree with you. If I dared!" she added to herself, "if I only dared! But what do I not dare!"

And she abruptly left the room, to the profound astonishment of Jacques, who sat gazing after her with wide-extended eyes.

"I told you he was in love with her, my dear Miss Belle-bouche, since you say that will in future be your name--it is either with you or Madam Philippa."

These words were uttered in a confidential whisper to Belle-bouche by Sir Asinus, who was leaning forward gracefully in a tall carven-backed chair toward his companion, who reposed luxuriously upon an ottoman covered with damask, and ornamented _quoad_ the legs with satyr heads.

Belle-bouche suffered her glance to follow that of her companion.

Jacques was indeed, as we have said, gazing after the lady who had just departed, and for this purpose had opened his eyes to their greatest possible width. He resembled a china mandarin in the costume of Louis Quatorze.

"Am I mistaken?" said Sir Asinus.

Belle-bouche sighed.

"A plain case: he is even now saying to himself, my dear Miss Belle-bouche,

'Quis desiderio sit pudor aut modus Jam cari capitis----'

which means, 'How can I make up my mind to see you go up stairs?'"

Belle-bouche cast a tender glance at Jacques. Sir Asinus continued:

"Yes, yes, I see you pity him. But you should pity me."

"Why?"

"Your watch-paper--you remember; the one which you cut for me?"

"Yes."

"Well, last night I placed my watch on my window--before retiring, you know; and in the night," continued Sir Asinus, "it commenced raining----"

"That was last night?"

"Yes, Madam Belle-bouche. Well, the roof leaked, and presto! when I rose I found my watch swimming in water--your watch-paper all soaked and torn--that is to say, my fingers tore it; and a dozen minuets I had bought for you shared the same fate, not to mention my jemmy-worked garters! My ill luck was complete--_me miserum_!"

"Was it at college?"

"Oh no," said Sir Asinus; "you know I am temporarily absent from the _Alma Mater_."

"Indeed!"

"Yes. I have taken up my residence in town--in Gloucester street, where I am always happy to see my friends. Just imagine a man persecuted by the professors of the great University of William and Mary for the reason I was."

"What was it?"

"Because I uttered some heresies. I said the Established Church was a farce, and that women, contrary to the philosophy of antiquity, really had souls. The great Doctor could pardon my fling at the church; but being an old woman himself, could not pardon my even seeming to revive the discussion of the heresy in relation to your s.e.x. What was the consequence? I had to flee--the enemy went about to destroy me; behold me now the denizen of a second floor in old Mother Bobbery's house, Gloucester street, city of Williamsburg."

"Rusticating you call it, I think," says Belle-bouche, smiling languidly, and raising her brow to catch the faint May breeze which moves her curls.

"Yes; rusticating is the very word--derived from _rus_, a Latin word signifying _main street_, and _tike_, a Greek word meaning to _live in bachelor freedom_. It applies to me exactly, you see. I live in bachelor freedom on Gloucester street, and I only want a wife to make my happiness complete."

Belle-bouche smiles.

"You are then dissatisfied?" she says.

"Yes," sighs Sir Asinus; "yes, in spite of my pipes and books and pictures, and all appliances and means to boot for happiness, I am lonely. Now suppose I had a charming little wife--a paragon of a wife, with blue eyes and golden curls, and a sweet languishing air, to chat with in the long days and gloomy evenings!"

Belle-bouche recognises her portrait, and smiles.

Sir Asinus continues:

"Not only would I be happier, but more at my ease. To tell you the humiliating truth, my dear Miss Belle-bouche, I am in hourly fear of being arrested."

"Would a wife prevent that?"

"Certainly. What base proctor would dare lay hands upon a married man?

But this all disappears like a vision--it is a dream: _fuit Ilium, ingens gloria Teucrorumque_; which means, 'Mrs. Tom is still in a state of single blessedness,' that being the literal translation of the Hebrew."

And Sir Asinus smiles; and seeing Jacques approach, looks at him triumphantly.

Jacques has just been bitten by the lap dog; and this, added to his melancholy and jealousy, causes him to feel desolate.

"Pardon my interrupting your pleasant conversation," he says.