GEORGE.--He! he! he! he! [Grins at her.]

MILLIKEN.--Hush, children! Here, Arabella darling, here is a book for you. Look--aren't they pretty pictures?

ARABELLA.--Is it a story, Papa? I don't care for stories in general.

I like something instructive and serious. Grandmamma Bonnington and grandpapa say--

GEORGE.--He's NOT your grandpapa.

ARABELLA.--He IS my grandpapa.

GEORGE.--Oh, you great story! Look! look! there's a cab. [Runs out.

The head of a Hansom cab is seen over the garden-gate. Bell rings. Page comes. Altercation between Cabman and Captain TOUCHIT appears to go on, during which]

MILLIKEN.--Come and kiss your old father, Arabella. He's hungry for kisses.

ARABELLA.--Don't. I want to go and look at the cab; and to tell Captain Touchit that he mustn't use naughty words. [Runs towards garden. Page is seen carrying a carpet-bag.]

Enter TOUCHIT through the open window smoking a cigar.

TOUCHIT.--How d'ye do, Milliken? How are tallows, hey, my n.o.ble merchant? I have brought my bag, and intend to sleep--

GEORGE.--I say, G.o.dpapa--

TOUCHIT.--Well, G.o.dson!

GEORGE.--Give us a cigar!

TOUCHIT.--Oh, you enfant terrible!

MILLIKEN [wheezily].--Ah--ahem--George Touchit! you wouldn't mind--a--smoking that cigar in the garden, would you? Ah--ah!

TOUCHIT.--Hullo! What's in the wind now? You used to be a most inveterate smoker, Horace.

MILLIKEN.--The fact is--my mother-in-law--Lady Kicklebury--doesn't like it, and while she's with us, you know--

TOUCHIT.--Of course, of course [throws away cigar]. I beg her ladyship's pardon. I remember when you were courting her daughter she used not to mind it.

MILLIKEN.--Don't--don't allude to those times. [He looks up at his wife's picture.]

GEORGE.--My mamma was a Kicklebury. The Kickleburys are the oldest family in all the world. My name is George Kicklebury Milliken, of Pigeoncot, Hants; the Grove, Richmond, Surrey; and Portland Place, London, Esquire--my name is.

TOUCHIT.--You have forgotten Billiter Street, hemp and tallow merchant.

GEORGE.--Oh, bother! I don't care about that. I shall leave that when I'm a man: when I'm a man and come into my property.

MILLIKEN.--You come into your property?

GEORGE.--I shall, you know, when you're dead, Papa. I shall have this house, and Pigeoncot; and the house in town--no, I don't mind about the house in town--and I shan't let Bella live with me--no, I won't.

BELLA.--No; I won't live with YOU. And I'LL have Pigeoncot.

GEORGE.--You shan't have Pigeoncot. I'll have it: and the ponies: and I won't let you ride them--and the dogs, and you shan't have even a puppy to play with and the dairy and won't I have as much cream as I like--that's all!

TOUCHIT.--What a darling boy! Your children are brought up beautifully, Milliken. It's quite delightful to see them together.

GEORGE.--And I shall sink the name of Milliken, I shall.

MILLIKEN.--Sink the name? why, George?

GEORGE.--Because the Millikens are n.o.bodies--grandmamma says they are n.o.bodies. The Kickleburys are gentlemen, and came over with William the Conqueror.

BELLA.--I know when that was. One thousand one hundred and one thousand one hundred and onety-one!

GEORGE.--Bother when they came over! But I know this, when I come into the property I shall sink the name of Milliken.

MILLIKEN.--So you are ashamed of your father's name, are you, George, my boy?

GEORGE.--Ashamed! No, I ain't ashamed. Only Kicklebury is sweller. I know it is. Grandmamma says so.

BELLA.--MY grandmamma does not say so. MY dear grandmamma says that family pride is sinful, and all belongs to this wicked world; and that in a very few years what our names are will not matter.

GEORGE.--Yes, she says so because her father kept a shop; and so did Pa's father keep a sort of shop--only Pa's a gentleman now.

TOUCHIT.--Darling child! How I wish I were married! If I had such a dear boy as you, George, do you know what I would give him?

GEORGE [quite pleased].--What would you give him, G.o.d-papa?

TOUCHIT.--I would give him as sound a flogging as ever boy had, my darling. I would whip this nonsense out of him. I would send him to school, where I would pray that he might be well thrashed: and if when he came home he was still ashamed of his father, I would put him apprentice to a chimney-sweep--that's what I would do.

GEORGE.--I'm glad you're not my father, that's all.

BELLA.--And I'M glad you're not my father, because you are a wicked man!

MILLIKEN.--Arabella!

BELLA.--Grandmamma says so. He is a worldly man, and the world is wicked. And he goes to the play: and he smokes, and he says--

TOUCHIT.--Bella, what do I say?

BELLA.--Oh, something dreadful! You know you do! I heard you say it to the cabman.

TOUCHIT.--So I did, so I did! He asked me fifteen shillings from Piccadilly, and I told him to go to--to somebody whose name begins with a D.

CHILDREN.--Here's another carriage pa.s.sing.

BELLA.--The Lady Rumble's carriage.

GEORGE.--No, it ain't: it's Captain Boxer's carriage [they run into the garden].