I find myself standing in my mother's garden behind our old home. Michael is standing beside me and I see the back of a blonde haired woman sitting in the white gazebo.

I turn to Michael. "I don't understand. Why are we inside my mind?"

I look at the woman in the gazebo and know it has to be my mother.

Michael sighs. "Go talk to her, Jess. She's waited a long time to see you again."

I feel my eyes water with warm tears as realization sets in.

"She's dead isn't she," I say, not really asking but needing to say it out loud for my own benefit. "That's why she's here like this."

Michael puts one of his hands on my back. It's the first time since we connected that we've had physical contact. His touch is warm and comforting.

"Let her tell you her story," he gently urges.

I walk over to the gazebo and see my mother stand from the bench she was sitting on. She looks just like I remember her. She's wearing a nude colored summer dress with black lace appliques on the front. Her long blonde hair flows freely down her back in soft curls and her bright blue eyes light up when she sees me walk into the gazebo.

I stand at the entrance not sure what to do, not sure what to say.

She folds her hands in front of her, twisting them nervously. An anxious smile plays at the corners of her lips.

"Hi, Jessi," she says, taking a tentative step towards me.

My vision blurs and I hold a hand to my mouth to prevent a sob.

My mom walks over to me and takes me in her arms. Arms I haven't felt in fifteen long years. I hold her tightly to me and let myself cry on her shoulder. She rubs my back telling me everything will be all right. It brings back memories of her doing the same thing when I was a child, soothing the hurt from a sc.r.a.pped knee or comforting me after a nightmare. This is the mother I remember. This is the mother I've been searching for.

I let myself enjoy feeling her love for me, but finally lift my head from her shoulders and ask, "What happened to you?"

My mother cups my face with both her hands and wipes the tears from my cheeks with her thumbs.

"Come sit with me," she says.

We sit down side by side on one of the benches, holding hands.

"I'm not sure where to begin," my mom says, shaking her head at a loss for words. "I want you to know leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever done. But it was the right thing to do."

"Why?" I ask, the seven year old girl in me needing to know why her mother chose to abandon her.

"I was so screwed up, Jessi," she says. "I tried to hide it from you when you were growing up but I knew if I stayed I would just end up ruining your life."

"How can you say that? You're my mom. I needed you."

My mom shakes her head. "No, I wasn't someone you needed in your life. That's why I chose Mama Lynn to be your mother. I knew she was someone who could raise you the way you needed to be raised."

"I still don't understand. Why couldn't you do it?"

"I just wasn't strong enough. I was still an addict, Jessi. I never stopped. I knew if I stayed with you I would end up hurting you in some way."

"How did you die?"

"Overdosed on some meth at a drug dealer's house. They probably buried me in some unmarked grave somewhere. I doubt the police were ever notified."

That had to be why Joshua and Nick couldn't find any trace of her.

"So you chose drugs over me?" I ask.

"It's not that black and white, Jessi. Addictions are hard to break. Unless you've ever gone through it, you just can't understand what it does to you physically and mentally. It's like having a constant itch you can't scratch and when you do scratch it, it's never enough to take the itch away completely. I wasn't strong enough to fight it. And I knew if I stayed with you, I would make your life a living h.e.l.l. You deserved better. You deserved to have the love of a good mother who would raise you to be a strong woman. And that's what Mama Lynn did. She helped shape you into someone who is able to stand in front of Lucifer and not back down from him even when he's angry. I never could have made you into that woman."

"But you didn't even try."

"I did, baby. During those seven years with you, I tried to fight against my addictions but I just couldn't. I might not have been using but I sure did want to. I knew I couldn't be the person you needed me to be. That's why I decided to leave. I wish I could have been stronger for you. I wish I could have been the mother you deserved, but I couldn't. So I did the next best thing and found you a mother who could be all those things for you. I loved you enough to let you go."

My mother brings me into her arms. "Never doubt that I love you, Jessi. Of anyone in this world you hold my heart like no one else ever will. I hope you can forgive me for being so weak."

I hug her back tightly. "There's nothing to forgive. You did the best you could. I love you, Mom."

"And I will always love you, Jessi."

After a while and after more than a few tears, we pull away from each other.

"I can't tell you how proud I am of you and everything you've been able to overcome in your life. I was so happy when you finally let yourself fall in love with a good man."

"I asked him to marry me," I tell her.

"I know. I saw it," she smiles.

"Uh, how much of what happens down there do you see?" I ask, wondering if everyone in Heaven is a voyeur.

"We don't see everything," she a.s.sures me. "G.o.d lets us see the happiest times of our loved ones lives so we can share in the joy."

I sigh in relief.

"Do you get to see Dad in Heaven?" I ask, wondering why he told me he didn't know where my mom was.

"No, I don't think he even knows I'm there to tell you the truth."

"Why not?"

"We're not in the same part of Heaven."

"It has different parts?"

"Yes. And before you ask me to name them all, I can't," she laughs. "I only know about the part that I'm in."

"Will this be the only time I get to see you?" I ask.

"I'm sure if you really needed me He would bring me to you again."

"Then I won't say goodbye," I tell her.

What daughter doesn't need her mother?

When I wake up, G.o.d is standing above me.

"Thank you," I tell him.

"You're welcome."

I sit up feeling like a weight has been lifted from my heart. Seeing my mother again helped fill in a part of my past, finally allowing me to close that chapter of my life. My mother loves me. That's all I ever wanted to know.

When I look over at G.o.d standing a few feet away from me now, I see a troubled frown on his face.

"What's wrong?" I ask him.

"I feel I should help prepare you for something." He pauses and I'm not sure he's going to finish his thought until he says, "In your final confrontation with Lucifer a sacrifice will have to be made."

"What kind of sacrifice?"

"That will be revealed to you soon."

"Are you seriously going to just leave me with that answer?" I ask in disbelief.

"I have to be careful with my words," G.o.d says. "I hope I haven't said too much as it is."

"So will I get a warning about this sacrifice or is it just going to be a surprise?"

"There will be a warning. One of the archangels you have yet to find will be able to show you more."

I sit there stunned and, I'll admit, slightly p.i.s.sed. He drops a sacrifice bombsh.e.l.l on me and doesn't say anything else? Ugh...

"Also," G.o.d says, "tell Mason I would be happy to do what he asked."

"What did he ask?"

"I believe he wants to tell you that himself."

"Ok," I say, not having a clue what Mason would have asked G.o.d to do for him but apparently I was involved in it in someway.

"I should go now," G.o.d says to me. "Lucifer is coming."

"Do I offer him the crown now?"

"You will know when the time is right."

G.o.d phases just as I hear the rhythmic movement of the rocking chair on the porch.

Chapter 16.

I have no idea when I'm supposed to offer Lucifer the crown but I feel certain it isn't today. I run to my bathroom and grab a white towel to wrap it in. I go back to the living room and hide it inside one of the cabinets in my entertainment center. I grab my coat and walk out to the front porch.

"So what was all the commotion in your backyard about last night?" Lucifer asks me when I come to stand in front of him.

"Were you here?" I ask, certain I would have noticed the devil in my backyard.

"Yes but I didn't see you, just your neighbors."

"Mason and I must have left by then."

Lucifer looks at me expectantly, waiting for an answer to his original question.

"I asked Mason to marry me last night."

Lucifer grunts. "Guess I should have seen that coming," he says derisively. "Did he not have enough gumption to ask you himself? Needed a woman to do the job for him did he?"

"Don't talk about him like that in front of me. If you can't speak civilly about the man I plan to share my life with, don't say anything at all or better yet leave."

"At least he's not human," Lucifer shivers, completely seeming to ignore my ultimatum. "I would have to seriously reconsider your intelligence if you had chosen a monkey to mate with."

"But in your eyes I'm a monkey," I remind him.

"Only partially. You have the soul of a Guardian. That puts you above a normal human in my estimation."

I suppose that's how he's rationalizing his feeling for me now. If I have part of the soul of an angel, I'm not completely human so he's not degrading himself by being friends with one.

"Tomato, tamato," I say to him.

Lucifer looks confused. "What?"

"A tomato is a tomato even if you try to make it sound fancier. It's what you're trying to do by saying I'm above a regular human because part of my soul comes from a Guardian. You need to face the fact that I'm just a human, Lucifer. You're friends with a human."

Lucifer grunts again but doesn't say anything.

"I suppose he said yes," Lucifer says, changing the subject. "Is that the biggest ring he could find?"

I look at my diamond. It sparkles even in the shade of the porch, trapping the ambient light within is mult.i.tude of facets and causing a dazzling shimmer.

"Big enough for me," I say.

"Well I would hope so. A 10carat diamond doesn't come cheap in your world."

I hadn't even thought about how much it cost.