While making our exit from this glaring pit, I heard one moaning and crying dolefully: "I knew no better; no pains were ever taken to teach me to read my duties, nor could I spare the time to read and pray whereof I had need in order to earn bread for myself and my poor family."

"Indeed," quoth a crookback devil who stood close at hand, "hadst thou no leisure to tell merry tales, no idle roasting before thy fire through the long winter evenings when I was up the chimney, so that no time might have been given to learning to read or pray? What of thy Sabbaths? Who was it that was wont to accompany me to the alehouse rather than the parson to the church? How many a Sunday afternoon was spent in vain, noisy talk of worldly things, or in sleeping, instead of in learning to meditate and pray? Didst thou act according to thy knowledge? Silence, sirrah, with thy lying chatter!" "Thou raving bloodhound!" exclaimed the condemned, "'tis not long since thou wert whispering other words in mine ear; hadst thou said this another day, it is not likely I would have come hither." "Ah!" said the devil, "it matters not that we tell you the hateful truth here; for there is no fear of your returning hence now to carry tales."

Lower down I could see a deep, valley whence arose the bluish glare of what seemed to be a countless number of enormous, burning mounds; and after drawing nigh, I knew by their howling that they were men piled mountains high with terrible flames crackling through them. "That hollow," said the Angel, "is the abode of those who after committing some heinous deeds, exclaim: 'Well, I am not the first--I have plenty of companions,' and thus thou see'st they have plenty, to verify their words and add to their affliction." Opposite this was a large cellar where I saw men tortured just as withes are twisted or wet sheets wrung. "Who, prithee, are these?" asked I. "They are the Mockers," said he, "and the devils from pure derision essay to find whether they can be twisted as pliantly as their tales." A little below, but scarcely visible, was another gloomy dungeon-cell, wherein was what had once been men, but now with the faces of wolf-hounds, up to their lips in a mora.s.s, madly howling blasphemy and lies as often as they got their tongues clear of the mire. Just then a legion of devils pa.s.sed by, and some attempted to bite the heels of ten or twelve of the devils that had brought them there: "Woe and ruin take you, ye h.e.l.l-hounds!" exclaimed one of the bitten devils, at the same time stamping upon the quagmire until they sank in the reeking depths. "Who more deserving of h.e.l.l than ye, who gossipped and imagined all manner of tales, who retailed lies from house to house so that ye might laugh, after setting the entire neighbourhood at war? What more would one of us have done?" "This," said the Angel, "is the abode of the slanderers, defamers and backbiters, and of all envious cowards who always do hurt in word or deed behind one's back."

From thence we went past an enormous lair, the vilest I had yet seen, and the fullest of vermin, of soot, and of stench. "This," said he, "is the place of those who hoped for heaven because they were harmless, in other words, because they were neither good nor bad." Next to this foul pit I saw a great mult.i.tude sitting down, whose groans were more fierce than anything I had heard hitherto in h.e.l.l. "Save us all!" cried I, "what makes these complain more than all others, seeing there be no pain, nor demon near them?" "Ah," answered the Angel, "if the pain without is less, that which is within is more,--here are stubborn heretics, the G.o.dless and unchristian, many of the worldy-wise, of apostates, of the persecutors of the church, and millions such as they, who have utterly been given over to the more bitterly painful punishment of the conscience, which now without let or ceasing has its full sway over them.

"I will not this time," quoth conscience, "be drowned in beer, or blinded by rewards, or deafened by song and good company, or hushed or stupified by a thoughtless torpor; now I will be heard, and never shall the truth, the stinging truth, cease dinning in your ears." The will creates a desire for the lost paradise, the memory reproaches them with the ease wherewith it might have been gained, and the reason shews the greatness of the loss, and the certainty that nought awaits them but this unspeakable gnawing for ever and ever; so by these three means, conscience rends them more terribly than would all the devils in h.e.l.l.

Coming out of that wondrous defile, I heard much talking, and for every word such wild horse-laughter as if some five hundred devils would shed their horns with laughing. But after I had drawn near to behold the very rare sight of a smile in h.e.l.l, what was it but two gentlemen, lately arrived, appealing for the respect due to their rank, and the merriment was intended only to give affront to them. A pot-bellied squire stood there with an enormous roll of parchment, his genealogical chart, declaring from how many of the Fifteen Tribes of Gwynedd he had sprung, how many justices of the peace, and how many sheriffs there had been of his house. "Ha ha," cried one of the devils, "we know the merit of most of your forebears, were you like your father, or great-great-grandsire, we would not have deigned to touch you. But thou, thou art but the heir of utter darkness, vile whelp, thou art hardly worth a night's lodging; and yet thou shalt have some nook to await the dawn." And at the word the impetuous monster pierces him with his pitchfork, and after whirling him thirty times through the fiery welkin, hurled him into a hole out of sight. "That is right enough for a half-blood squire," said the other, "but I hope ye will be better mannered towards a knight who has served the king in person; twelve earls and fifty knights can I recount from mine own ancient line." "If thine ancestors, and thy long pedigree are all thy plea, thou canst go the same gate," quoth a devil, "for we remember scarce one old estate of large extent which some oppressor, some murderer or robber has not founded, leaving it to others as arrant as they, to idle blockheads or to drunken swine. To maintain lavish pomp, they had to grind their va.s.sals and tenants, and if there be a beautiful pony or a fine cow which my lady covets, she will have them, and well it happens if the daughters, yea, even the wives, escape the l.u.s.t of their lord. And the small free-holders around them must either vainly follow or give bail for them, resulting in their own ruin, the loss of their possessions, and the sale of their patrimony, or expect to be hated and despised, and forced to every idle pursuit. Oh how n.o.bly they swear to gain the confidence of their minions or of their tradesmen, and when decked out in their finery, how contemptuously they look upon many an officer of importance in church and state, as if such were mere worms compared with them. Woe's me, is not all blood of one color? Was it not the same way that ye all entered the world?" "For all that, craving your pardon," said the knight, "there are some births purer than others."

"For the great doom all your carcases are the same," said the imp, "everyone of you is defiled by the sin that took its origin in Adam."

But, sir," continued he, "if your blood is aught better than another, the less sc.u.m will there be when shortly it will be bubbling through your body, and if there be more, we must examine you, part by part, through fire and through water." Thereupon, a devil in the shape of a fiery chariot receives him, and the other mockingly lifts him thereinto, and away he goes with the speed of lightning. Ere long the angel bade me look, and I saw the poor knight most horribly sodden in an enormous boiling furnace with Cain, Nimrod, Esau, Tarquin, Nero, Caligula, and others who first established lineage, and emblazoned family arms.

After wending our way onward a little, my guide bade me peer through a riven wall, and within I saw a group of coquetts busily pr.i.m.m.i.n.g up, doing and undoing the deeds of folly they were formerly wont to do on earth; some puckering their lips, some plucking their eyebrows with irons, some anointing themselves, some patching their faces with black spots to make the yellow look whiter, and some endeavouring to crack the mirror; and after all the pains to color and adorn, upon seeing their faces far uglier than the devils', they would tear away with tooth and nail all the false coloring, the spots, the skin and the flesh all at once, and would shriek most dismally. "Accursed be my father," said one, "it was he who forced me when a girl to wed an old shrivelling, and it was his kindling my desires with no power to satiate them, that doomed me to this place." "A thousand curses on my parents," cried another, "for sending me to a monastery to be taught to live a life of chast.i.ty; they might as well have sent me to a Roundhead to learn how to be generous, or to a Quaker to be taught good manners, as to a Papist to be taught honesty." "Fell ruin seize my mother," shrieked a third, "whose covetous pride refused me a husband at my need, and so drove me to obtain by stealth what I might have honestly obtained." "h.e.l.l, a double h.e.l.l to the raging bull of a n.o.bleman who first tempted me," cried another, "had he not by fair and foul broken through all bounds, I would not have become a common chattel, nor would I have come to this infernal place;"

and then would they lacerate themselves again.

I made all haste to leave their loathsome kennel, but I had not proceeded far before I observed, to my astonishment, another prison full of women, still more abominable; some had become frogs; some, dragons; some, serpents, and there they swam about, hissing and foaming, and b.u.t.ting one another, in a foetid, stagnant pool that was much larger than Bala Lake.

"Pray, what can these be?" asked I. "There are here," said he, "four chief cla.s.ses of women, not to mention their minions--Firstly: Panders, who maintained harlots to sell their virginity an hundred times, and the worst of these around them. Secondly: Mistresses of gossip, surrounded by thousands of tale-bearing hags. Thirdly: Huntresses followed by a pack of cowardly, skulking hounds, for no man ever dared approach them, unless in fear of them. Fourthly: The scolds, become a hundredfold more horrid than snakes, always grinding and gnashing their venomous stings."

"I would have deemed Lucifer too gracious a monarch to place a n.o.ble lady of my rank with these vulgar furies," complained one, who much resembled the others, but was far more hideous than a winged serpent. "Oh, that he would send hither seven hundred of the basest demons of h.e.l.l in exchange for thee, thou poisonous h.e.l.lworm," cried another ugly viper. "Many thanks to you," quoth a gigantic devil, overhearing them, "we regard our place and worth as something better; though ye would cause everyone as much pain as we, yet we do not choose to be deprived of our office in your favor." "And Lucifer hath another reason," whispered the Angel, "for keeping strict guard over these, and that is, lest on breaking loose, they might send all h.e.l.l into utter confusion."

Thence we still descended until I saw an immense cavern wherein was such fearful clamor that I had never heard the like before--swearing, cursing, blaspheming, snarling, groaning and yelling. "Whom have we here?" I asked. "This," answered he, "is the Den of Thieves; here are myriads of foresters, lawyers and stewards, with old Judas in their midst." And it grieved them sorely to behold a pack of tailors and weavers above them in a more comfortable chamber. Hardly had I turned round when a demon, in the shape of a steed, bore in a physician, and an apothecary, and hurled them into the midst of the pedlars and horse cheats, because they had sold worthless drugs. And they too began murmuring against being allotted to such low society. "Stay, stay," cried one of the devils, "ye deserve a better place," and he pitched them down amongst conquerors and murderers. There were vast numbers in here for playing false dice and cheating at cards, but before I had time to observe them closely, I could hear by the door a huge crowd in wild tumult and shouts--hai, hw, ptrw- how-ho-o-o-p--as of cattle being driven along. I turned round to see the cause of it, but could perceive only the horned demons. I enquired of my Guide if there were cuckolds with the devils. "No," said he, "they are in another cell; these are drovers who wished to escape to the prison of the Sabbath-breakers, and are sent here against their will." Thereupon I look and saw that they had on their heads the horns of sheep and kine; and those that were driving them on, cast them down beneath the feet of blood-stained robbers. "Lie there," said one, "however much ye feared footpads on the London road erstwhile, ye yourselves were the very worst cla.s.s of highwaymen, who made your living on the road and on robbery, yea and by the perishing of many a poor family whom ye left in hunger, vainly hoping for the sustenance of their possessions, while ye were in Ireland or in the King's Bench laughing at them, or on the road with your wine and lemans." On leaving the furnace-like cave, I caught a glimpse of a haunt, which for loathsome, stinking abomination, went beyond anything (with one sole exception) that I had set my eyes upon in h.e.l.l,--where an accursed herd of drunken swine lay weltering in the foulest slime.

The next den was the abode of Gluttony, where Dives and his companions, wallowing on their bellies, devoured dirt and fire alternately, with never a drop to drink. A little below this, was a very extensive roasting-kitchen, where some were being roasted and boiled, others broiling and flaming in a fiery chimney. "This is the place of the merciless and the unfeeling," said the Angel. Turning a little to the left, where there was a cell lighter than any I had so far seen, I asked what place it was: "The abode of the Infernal Dragons," said he, "which growl and rage, rush about and rend one another every instant." I drew near and oh! what an indescribable sight they were! It was the glowing fire of their eyes that gave all that light. "These are the descendants of Adam," said my Guide, "scolds and raving, wrathful men; but yonder are some of the ancient seed of the great Dragon, Lucifer;" but verily I could not perceive any difference in loveliness between them. In the next dungeon dwell the misers in awful torment, being linked by their hearts to chests of burning coin, the rust of which was consuming them without end, just as they had never thought of an end to the piling of them, and now they were tearing themselves to pieces with more than madness through grief and remorse. Below this was a charnel vault where some of the apothecaries had been ground down and stuffed into earthenware pots with Alb.u.m graec.u.m, dung, and many a stale ointment.

Ever downward we were journeying through the wilderness of ruin, in the midst of untold and eternal tortures, from cell to cell, from dungeon to dungeon, the last alway surpa.s.sing in monstrous ghastliness, until finally we came within view of an enormous entrance hall, most unsightly of all that I had previously seen. It was very s.p.a.cious and terribly steep, running in the direction of a gloomy red corner, full of the most inconceivable abominations and horrors: it was the royal court. At the upper end of the king's accursed hall, amidst thousands of other dread sights, by the light my companion shed, I could see in the darkness two feet of prodigious size, and so enormous as to overcast the whole infernal firmament. I inquired of my Guide what such immensities might be. "Thou shalt have a fuller view of this monster when returning," said he, "but, come now, let us to see the court." As we were going down that awful entrance hall, we heard behind us the noise as of very many people advancing; on stepping aside to let them pa.s.s I noticed four divers host, and upon enquiry I learnt that it was the four princesses of the City of Destruction leading their subjects as an offering to their sire. I distinguished the troop of the Princess of Pride, not only because they insisted upon the foremost position, but also because they stumbled now and then from want of keeping their eyes upon the ground. She led captive kings without number, princes, courtiers, n.o.blemen and braggarts, many Quakers, and women innumerable and of all grades. Next to these came the Princess of Lucre with her sly and crafty followers--a great many of the brood of Simon Skinflint, money lenders, lawyers, userers, stewards, foresters, harlots, and some of the clergy. Then came the gracious Princess of Pleasure and her daughter Folly, leading her subjects--players of dice, cards and back-gammon, conjurers, bards, minstrels, storytellers, drunkards, bawds, balladmongers and pedlars with their trinkets in countless number, to be at length instruments of punishment to the d.a.m.ned fools.

When these three had taken their captives into the court to receive judgment, Hypocrisy, last of all, brings in a more numerous troop than any of the others, of every nation and age, from town and country, patrician and plebeian, men and women. In the rear of this double-faced legion we came within sight of the court; pa.s.sing through the midst of many dragons and horned demons, and h.e.l.l's giants, the dusky porters of the devil-hunted fire; I, the while, carefully hiding within the veil, we entered that direful edifice: wonderful, and of amazing roughness was every part of it; the walls were cruel rocks of burning adamant; the floor was one unendurable extent of sharp-cutting flint, the roof of fiery steel, meeting in an arch of greenish and blood-red flames, similar, except in its size and heat, to a tremendous circular oven.

Opposite the door, upon a flame-encompa.s.sed throne sat the Evil One with the lost archangels around him, seated on benches of terrible fire, according to the rank they formerly bore in the region of light--the lovely whelps--it would only be a waste of words to attempt to describe how atrociously ugly they were, and the longer I gazed upon them, sevenfold more frightful did they become. In the centre above Lucifer's head was a huge hand grasping an awful bolt. The princesses, after paying their courtesy, immediately returned to their duties on earth. No sooner had they departed than at the King's bidding, a gigantic devil with cavernous jaws set up a roar, louder than the discharge of a hundred cannon, and as loud, were it possible, as the last trump, to proclaim the infernal Parliament, and behold, without delay, the court and hall are filled by the rabble of h.e.l.l in every shape, each upon the form and image of that particular sin he was wont to urge upon men. After enjoining silence, Lucifer, looking steadfastly upon the chieftains nearest him, began and spake these gracious words:-

"Ye peers of this profoundest gulf, princes of the hopeless gloom, if we have lost the place we erst possessed, when, clothed with brightness, we dwelt in those celestial, happy realms; yet, however great our fall, 'twas glorious, nought less than all did we hazard, nor is all lost--for, behold regions wide and deep extending to the utmost bounds of desolate Perdition still 'neath our sway. 'Tis true we reign while racked with raging torment, yet, for spirits of our majesty, 'tis better to reign in h.e.l.l than serve in heaven. {85a} And what is more, we have well nigh won another world, a greater than a fifth of earth has been for long beneath my standard. And although our Omnipotent Enemy sent his own Son to die for them, I, by my pleasing guile, gain ten for every one He gains through his crucified Son. Though we cannot aspire to do hurt to Him on high who hurls His all-conquering thunder, yet revenge by whatsoever means is sweet. {85b} Let us then bring ruin on the rest of men who adore our Destroyer. Well do I recollect the time when ye caused them, their armies and their cities, to be consumed in horrible combustion, yea and caused nigh all the dwellers on the earth to fall through the whelming waters into this fire. But now, although your strength and innate cruelty are no whit less, ye have been somewhat listless; were it not for this, we would have long ago destroyed the G.o.dly few, and brought the earth one with this our vast domain. But know this, ye grim ministers of my wrath, if ye henceforth be not up and doing, valiantly and with all haste, seeing the brevity of our alloted time, I swear by h.e.l.l and by Perdition, and by the vast, eternal gloom, that upon you, yourselves, my ire first shall fall, with pain the like of which the oldest amongst you hath never proved." Whereupon he frowned until the court became sevenfold darker than before.

Next him, Moloch one of the infernal potentates, stood up, and after making due obeisance to his king, spake thus:- "Oh Emperor of the Sky, great ruler of the darkness, none ever doubted my desire to practice utmost bale and cruelty, for that has always been my pleasure; no sound was more delightful to mine years than the shrieks of children perishing in the flames outside Jerusalem, where in former days they were sacrificed to me. And also after our crucified foe had returned to his celestial home, I, during the reigns of ten emperors, continued as long as it availed me, slaying and burning his followers in my attempt to sweep the Christians off the face of the earth. And afterwards in Paris, in England, and in several other places, did I cause many a ma.s.sacre of them; but what have we gained? The tree whose branches are lopped off grows but the quicker; we snarl without the power of biting."

"Pshaw!" exclaimed Lucifer, "shame! cowardly hosts that ye are! Never more will I place my trust in you. This work I myself will perform, this enterprise none shall partake with me. {87a} In mine own imperial majesty will I descend upon the earth, and alone will I devour all therein contained; henceforth no man shall there be found to worship the Most High." Thereon he gave one terrific flying leap to start--a blaze of living fire, but the hand overhead whirls the terrible dart so that he trembles notwithstanding his rage, and ere he had gone far, an invisible hand drags the brute back by the chain for all his struggles; his rage becomes sevenfold more vehement, his eyes more fierce than dragons, thick black clouds of smoke issue from his nostrils, livid flames from his mouth and bowels, while he gnaws his chain in his grief, and mutters fearful blasphemy and awful oaths.

At last, finding how futile was his attempt to sunder his bonds and how unavailing to contend against the Almighty, he returned to his throne and resumed his speech, in words somewhat more calm, but twice as malignant: "Though none but the Omnipotent Thunderer could overcome my power and my guile, to Him I am unwillingly constrained to submit; but I can pour forth the vials of my wrath here below, nearer at hand, and let loose my ire upon those who are already under my banner, and within the length of my chain. Arise, ye too, ministers of destruction, lords of the unquenchable fires, and as my anger and my venom overflow, and my malice rush forth, do ye a.s.siduously scatter all broadcast among the d.a.m.ned, and chiefly among the Christians; urge on the engines of torture to their uttermost; devise and invent; increase the heat of the fire and the ebullition, until the hissing flood of the cauldrons overwhelms them; and when their unutterable woes are extremest, then sneer at them and mockingly reproach them, and when ye have exhausted all your store of scorn and gall, hie to me and ye shall be replenished."

A great stillness had brooded over h.e.l.l for some time, while the pains grew far more unbearable by being given no vent. But now the silence which Lucifer had enjoined was broken, when the fierce butchers, like bears maddened by hunger, fell upon their captives; then there arose such doleful cries, such dismal howling, from every quarter, louder than the roar of rushing torrents, than the rumble of an earthquake, till h.e.l.l itself became ten times more horrible. I would have died, had not my friend saved me. "Quaff deep this time," said he, "to give thee strength to behold things yet more dire." Hardly were the words from his lips, when lo! heavenly Justice, who sits above the abyss, guardian of the gates of h.e.l.l, advanced scourging three men with rods of fiery scorpions.

"Ha ha," cried Lucifer, "here are three reverend gentlemen whom Justice thought worthy himself to conduct to my kingdom." "Woe's me," said one of the three, "who ever wanted him to take the trouble?" "That matters not," answered he, with a look that made the fiends wax pale, and tremble so that they knocked one against the other, "it was the will of the Infinite Creator that I myself should lead to their home such accursed murderers." "Sirrah,"--addressing one of the demons,--"open me the fold of the a.s.sa.s.sins, where Cain, Nero, Bradshaw, Bonner, Ignatius and innumerable others like them dwell." "Alack, alack! we have never slain any man," cried one. "No thanks to you that you did not, for time only was wanting," said Justice. When the den was opened, there came out such a hideous blast of blood-red flames, and such a shriek as if a thousand dragons were uttering their death-wail. As Justice was pa.s.sing by on his return, in an instant he caused such a tempest of fiery whirlwinds to fall upon the Evil One and his princes that Lucifer was swept away, and with him Beelzebub, Satan, Moloch, Abadon, Asmodai, Dagon, Apolyon, Belphegor, Mephistopheles, and all their compeers, and they were hurled headlong into a whirlpool which opened and closed in the centre of the court and which, both in aspect and in the execrable stench that arose from it, was a hundredfold more foul and horrid than anything I had ever seen. Before I could ask aught, quoth the Angel: "This is the gulf that reaches to another great world." "What, pray, is that world called?" I enquired. "'Tis called the bottomless pit or the Nethermost h.e.l.l, the home of the devils, whither they now have gone. And those vast, dreary wilds, parts of which thou hast traversed, are called the Region of Despair, ordained for the condemned until the Judgment Day; then it will become one with the utmost, bottomless h.e.l.l; then will one of us come and seal up the devils and the d.a.m.ned together, never more to open upon them, never to all eternity. In the meantime they have leave to come to this colder country to torment lost souls. Yea, often are they suffered to wander through the air, and about the earth, to tempt men into the pernicious ways that lead to this horrible prison whence no man returns."

While listening to this account, and wondering that the entrance of Perdition should differ so from that of the Upper h.e.l.l, I heard the tremendous clash of arms, and the roar of artillery, from one quarter, and what seemed like loud-rumbling thunder answering from another quarter, while the deadly rocks resounded. "This is the turmoil of war!"

I cried, "if there be war in h.e.l.l." "There is," said he, "there cannot be but continuous warfare here." When we were on the point of going out to know of the affair, I beheld the jaws of the Pit open and belch forth thousands of hideous, greenish candles--for such had Lucifer and his chiefs become after surviving the tempest. But when he heard the din of war he turned more livid than Death, and began to call out, and levy armies of his proven veterans to suppress the tumult. While thus occupied he came across a little imp, who had escaped between the feet of the warriors. "What is the matter?" demanded the King. "Such a matter as will endanger your crown, an you look not to it." Close upon this one's heels another devilish courier in a harsh voice cries: "You that plan the disquietude of others, look now to your own peace; yonder are the Turks, the Papists and the murderous Roundheads in three armies, filling the whole plain of Darkness, committing every outrage and turning everything topsy-turvey." "How came they out?" demanded the Evil One, frowning more terribly than Demigorgon. "The Papists," said the messenger, "somehow or other broke out of their purgatory, and then, to pay off old scores, went to unhinge the portals of Mahomet's paradise, and let loose the Turks from their prison, and afterwards in the confusion, through some ill chance, Cromwell's crew escaped from their cells." Then Lucifer turned and peered beneath his throne, where every d.a.m.ned king lay, and commanded that Cromwell himself should be kept secure in his kennel, and that all the sultans should be guarded.

Accordingly, Lucifer and his host hurried across the sombre wilds of darkness, each one's own person furnishing light and heat; guided by the tumultuous clangor he marched fearlessly upon them. Silence was proclaimed in the King's name, and Lucifer demanded the cause of such uproar in his realm. "May it please your infernal majesty," said Mahomet, "a quarrel arose between myself and Pope Leo as to which had done you the better service--my Koran or the Romish religion; and when this was going on a pack of Roundheads, who had broken out of their prison during the disorder, joined in and clamoured that their Solemn League and Covenant deserved more respect at your hands than either; so, from striving to striking from words to blows. But now, since your majesty hath returned from h.e.l.l, I lay the matter for your decision."

"Stay, we've not done with you yet," cried Pope Julius, and madly they engage once more, tooth and nail, until the strokes clashed like earthquakes; the three armies of the d.a.m.ned tore each other piecemeal, and like snakes became whole again, and spread far and wide over the jagged, burning crags, until Lucifer bade his veterans, the giants of h.e.l.l, separate them, which indeed was no easy task.

When the conflict ceased, Pope Clement spake--"Thou Emperor of Horrors, no throne has ever performed more faithful and universal service to the infernal crown than have the bishops of Rome, throughout a large portion of the world, for eleven centuries, and I hope you will allow none to vie with them for your favor." "Well," said a Scotch-man of Cromwell's gang, "however great has been the service of the Koran for these eight hundred years, and of popish superst.i.tions for a longer period, yet the Covenant has done far more since its appearance, and everyone begins to doubt the others and be weary of them, but we are still increasing, the wide world over, and have much power in the island of your foes, that is, in Britain and in London, the happiest city under the sun." "Ha ha," exclaimed Lucifer, "if I hear rightly ye too are about to suffer disgrace there.

But whatever ye may have done in other kingdoms, I will have none of your rioting in mine. Wherefore make your peace forthwith under the penalty of more woes, bodily and spiritual." And at the word I could see many of the fiends and all the d.a.m.ned, with their tails between their hoofs, steal away to their holes in fear of a change for the worse.

Then after ordering all to be locked up in their lairs, and punishing and dismissing the officers whose carelessness had allowed them to break loose, Lucifer and his counsellors returned to the court, and sat once more upon the fiery thrones, according to their rank; and when silence had been obtained, and the court cleared, a burly, lob-shouldered devil threw down at the bar a fresh load of prisoners. "Is this the way to Paradise?" asked one (for they had no idea where they were). "Or if this be Purgatory," said another, "I have a dispensation under the Pope's own signet to pa.s.s straight on to Paradise, without a moment's delay anywhere; wherefore show us the way, or by the Pope's toe, we will have him punish you." "Ha ha," laughed a thousand demons, and Lucifer himself opened his tusked jaws some half a yard in scornful laughter. At which the new comers were sore amazed. "Look ye," said one, "if we have missed our way in the dark, we will pay for guidance." "Ha ha," cried Lucifer, "ye shall not hence till ye have paid the uttermost farthing." But on searching them it was found that they had one and all left their trouser behind. "Ye went past Paradise on the left above those mountains there,"

said the Evil One, "and although it is easy to descend hither, to return is next to impossible, so dark and intricate is the country, so many steep ascents of flaming iron are there on the way, and huge imminent rocks, overhanging glaciers of insurmountable ice, and here and there, a headlong cataract, all too difficult to clamber over, if ye have not nails as long as a devil's. Ho there! convey these blockheads to our paradise to their companions." Just then I heard voices drawing nigh, swearing and cursing fearfully. "Fiends' blood! a myriad devils seize me if ever I go!" and immediately the noisy crew were cast down before the court. "There," exclaimed the steed that bore them, "there is fuel with the best in h.e.l.l." "What are they?" asked Lucifer. "Past masters in the gentle art of swearing and cursing," said he, "who knew the language of h.e.l.l as well as we do." "A lie to your face, i' the devil's name!" cried one. "Sirrah! wilt take my name in vain?" said the Evil One. "Ho, seize them and hook them by their tongues, to that burning precipice, and be at hand to serve them; if on one devil they call, or on a thousand, they shall have their fill."

When these had departed, a gigantic fiend calls loudly for clearing the bar, and throws down thereat a man who was a load in himself. "What hast thou there?" demanded Lucifer. "An innkeeper," answered he. "What?"

cried the King, "only one innkeeper, when they used to come by the thousands. Hast thou, sirrah, not been out for ten years, and dost bring hither but one, and such an one as would serve us in the world better than thee, foul lazy hound!" "You are too just to condemn me before hearing me," pleaded he, "he was the only one laid to my charge, and now I am rid of him. But I despatched you from his house many an idler who drank his family's maintenance, and now and then a dicer, and card player, a fine swearer, an innocent glutton, a negligent tapster and a maid, harsh in the kitchen, but never a kinder abed or in the cellar."

"Although this fellow deserves to be with the flatterers beneath," said the Evil One, "natheless take him to his comrades in the cell of the liquid-poisoners, among the apothecaries and drugsters who have concocted drinks to murder their customers; boil him well for that he did not brew better beer." "By your leave," began the innkeeper tremblingly, "I deserve no such treatment, the trade must be carried on." "Couldst thou not have lived," quoth the Evil One, "without allowing rioting and gambling, wantonness and drunkenness, oaths and quarrels, slanders and lies? and wouldst thou, old h.e.l.l-hound, now live better than we?

Prithee, tell what evil have we here which thou hadst not at thine home, save the punishment alone? Indeed, to speak the plain truth here, the infernal heat and cold are nothing new to thee. Hast thou not seen sparks of our fire upon the tongues of the cursers and the scolds, whilst dragging their husbands home? Was there not a deal of the undying flame on the drunkard's lips or in the eyes of the angry? And couldst thou not perceive a trace of h.e.l.lish cold in the rake's generosity, and especially in thine own kindness towards him as long as he had anything in his possession; in the mocker's jest; in the praise of the envious and of the defamer, in the promises of the lecherous, or in the limbs of thy boon companions, benumbed beneath thy tables? Is h.e.l.l strange to thee whose very home is a h.e.l.l? Aroint thee, flamhound, to thy penance!"

After that ten devils, panting heavily, drop their burdens upon the fiery floor. "What have ye?" asked Lucifer. "We have what a day or two ago were called kings," answered one of the fiendish steeds. (I sought carefully to see whether Lewis of France were among them.) "Throw them here," bade the King; and at that they were thrown amongst the other crowned heads that lay beneath Lucifer's feet; and following the monarchs came their courtiers and their flatterers to receive sentence. Before I had time to ask any question, I heard the blast of brazen trumpets and shouts. "Make way, make way," and at once there came in view a herd of a.s.size-men and devils bearing the train of six justices, and millions of their race--barristers, {95a} attorneys, clerks, recorders, bailiffs, catchpolls, and the litigous busybody. I wondered that none of them was examined; but in truth, they knew the matter had gone too far against them, so none of the learned counsels opened their lips, but the busybody threatened that he would bring an action for false imprisonment against Lucifer. "Thou shalt have good cause of complaint now," said the Evil One, "and never see a court at all." Then he donned his red cap, and with unbearable, haughty mien, said: "Go, take the justices to the hall of Pontius Pilate, to Master Bradshaw, who condemned King Charles; pack the barristers with the a.s.sa.s.sins of Sir Edmundbury G.o.dfrey, {95b} and their other false co-partners who simulate mutual contention, merely in order to slay whomsoever might interpose. Go, greet that prudent lawyer, who, when dying offered a thousand pounds for a good conscience, and ask whether he is now willing to give more. Roast the lawyers by the fire of their own parchments and papers till their learned bowels burst forth; let the litigous busybodies hang above them with their nostrils deepest down the roasting chimneys, in order to inhale the noxious vapors arising thence, to see if they will ever get their fill of law. Throw the recorders amongst the retailers who prevent or forestall the sale of corn, who mix it and sell the mixture at double the price of the pure corn: similarly, they demand for wrong double the fees formerly given for right. As to the catchpolls, let them free to hunt about and lie in the ravines and bushes of the earth, to capture those that are debtors to the infernal crown; for what devil of you could do the work better than they?"

Shortly there appear twenty demons, like Scotch-men, with packs across their shoulders, which they cast down before the throne of despair, and which turned out to be gipsies. "Ho there!" cried Lucifer, "how was it that ye who knew the fortune of others so well, did not know that your own fortune was leading you hither?" No answer was given, for they were amazed at seeing here beings uglier than themselves. "Throw the tan- faced loons to the witches," bade the King, "there are no cats or rush- lights here for them, but divide a frog between them every ten thousand years, if they will be quiet and not deafen us with their barbarous chatter."

After them came, methought, thirty labourers. Everybody wondered to see so many of that honest calling, so seldom did any of them appear; but they did not all come from the same parts nor for like faults--some for raising prices, many for withholding their t.i.thes, and defrauding the parson of his dues, others for leaving their work to follow after the gentry, and who in trying to stride along with their masters, strained themselves, some for doing work on the Sabbath, some for thinking of their sheep and kine in church, instead of giving attention to the reading of Holy Writ, and others for wrongful bargains. When Lucifer began to question them, lo! they were all as pure as gold, and not one of them found anything amiss in himself so as to deserve such a dwelling place. One can scarcely believe what neat excuses each one had to hide his sin, although they were already in h.e.l.l for it, offering them merely out of evil disposition to thwart Lucifer and to accuse the righteous Judge, who had condemned them, of injustice. But it was still more astonishing to see how cleverly the Evil One exposed their foul sins, and how he answered with a home-thrust their false excuses. When these were about to receive their infernal doom, forty scholars were borne forward by porpoise-shaped fiends, uglier, if possible, than Lucifer himself.

And when they heard the labourers pleading, they too waxed bold to give excuses, but what ready answers the old Serpent had for them with all their knavery and learning! As it happened that I heard similar pleas in another court of justice I will hereafter recount them together, and now proceed with what I saw in the meantime.

Lucifer had barely p.r.o.nounced their sentence--that they should be driven to the great glacier in the land of eternal ice, a doom that set their teeth a-gnashing, even before they saw their prison, when suddenly, h.e.l.l again most marvellously resounded with the crash of terrible bolts, with loud-rolling thunder, and with every noise of war. Lucifer loured and grew pale; in a moment, there flew in a wry-footed imp, panting and trembling. "What is the matter?" cried Lucifer. "A matter fraught with the greatest peril for you since h.e.l.l is h.e.l.l," said the dwarf, "all the ends of the kingdom of darkness have risen up against you and against each other, especially those between whom there was longstanding enmity, who are already locked together fang to fang, so that it is impossible to pull them apart. Soldiers have attacked the doctors for taking away their trade of slaughter; a myriad userers have fallen upon the lawyers, for claiming a share in the business of robbery; the busybodies and the swindlers are tearing the gentlemen, limb-meal, for unnecessary swearing and cursing, whereby they gained their living. Harlots and their minions, and a million other old friends and former comrades have fallen out with one another irreconcilably. But worst of all is the fray raging between the misers and their own offspring, for wasting the goods and money which, the old pinchfists aver, 'cost us much pain on earth, and here endless anguish.' Their sons, on the other hand, cursing and rending them outrageously, call for eternal ruin upon their heads for leaving overmuch wealth to madden them with pride and riotous living, when a little, under the blessing of heaven, would have rendered them happy in both worlds." "Enough, enough," cried Lucifer, "there is more need of arms than words. Return, sirrah, and play the spy in every watch to find the where and why of this great negligence, for there's some treachery in the air we wot not of as yet." The imp departed at his bidding, and in the meantime Lucifer and his compeers arose in terror and exceeding fear, and ordered the levying of the bravest armies of the black angels; and having disposed them, he himself started foremost to quell the rebellion, his chieftains and their hosts going other ways.

The royal army, like shafts of lightning across the hideous gloom, advanced (and we in their rear); ere long the uproar falls upon their ears; a fiendish bellower cries, "Silence, in the King's name!" to no purpose, it would be an easier task to hale apart old beavers than one of these. But when Lucifer's veterans dashed into their midst, the growls, and blows, and battering lessened. "Silence in Lucifer's name!" roared the devil a second time. "What is this," demanded the King, "and who are these?" "Nothing, sire, but that in the general confusion, the drovers came across the cuckolds, and set a-b.u.t.ting to prove whose horns were the harder; it might have turned out seriously, had not your horned giants joined in the affray." "Well," said Lucifer, "since ye are all so ready with your arms, come with me to trounce the other rebels." But when the rumour reached these that Lucifer was approaching with three horned armies, everyone made for his lair.

So he marched on across the desolate plains unresisted, and seeking in vain the cause of the revolt. After a while, however, one of the King's spies returns, quite out of breath: "Most n.o.ble, Lucifer! Moloch, your prince, hath subdued part of the North, and hath cut thousands to pieces upon the glaciers, but there are three or four dangerous evils still threatening you." "Whom meanest thou?" asked Lucifer. "The Slanderer, the Busybody, and the Lawmonger, have broken out of their prisons and got free." "No wonder then," said the Evil One, "if further troubles arise."

Then there comes another spy from the South, informing that matters would soon reach a dire pa.s.s in that quarter if the three who had already thrown the West into utter confusion be not taken, namely, the Huntress, the Rogue and the Swaggerer. "Since the day I tempted Adam from his garden," said Satan, who stood next but one to Lucifer, "I have never seen so many evils of his race at liberty together. The Huntress, the Swaggerer, the Rogue, on the one hand, and on the other, the Slanderer, the Lawmonger and the Busybody--a mixture would make devils reach."

"Little wonder, verily," said Lucifer, "that they were so much hated by all on earth, seeing that they are capable of causing such trouble to us here." Not long after, the Huntress comes to meet the King upon the way.

"Ho! grandam o' the breeches," cries a shrill-voiced demon, "good night to you." "Thy grandam on which side, prithee?" said she, displeased because he did not "madam" her. "You are a fine king, Lucifer, to keep such impudent rascals about you; a thousand pities that such a vast realm should be under so impotent a ruler; would that I might be made its regent." Then comes the Swaggerer, nodding in the dark--"Your humble servant, sir," saith he to one, over his shoulder; "Are you quite well?"

to another; "Can I be of any service to you?" addressing a third, with a leering smirk, and to the Huntress: "Your beauty quite fascinates me, madam." "Oh oh," cried she, "away with the h.e.l.l-hound;" and all join in the shout: "Away with this new tormentor, h.e.l.l on h.e.l.l that he is!"

"Let both be bound together hand and foot," commanded Lucifer. Soon after the Lawmonger comes on the scene between two devils. "Ho, ho, thou angel of peace," exclaimed Lucifer, "hast thou come? Keep him safe, guards, at your peril!" Before we had gone far, the Rogue and the Slanderer appeared, chained between forty devils, and whispering to one another. "Most n.o.ble Lucifer," began the Rogue, "I am very sorry there is so much disturbance in your kingdom; but if I may be heard, I will teach you a better method. Under the pretence of holding a Parliament, you can cite all the d.a.m.ned into the burning Evildom, and then bid the devils hurl them headlong to bottomless perdition, and lock them up in its vortex, to trouble you no more." "But the Common Meddler is still missing," said Lucifer, frowning most darkly at the Rogue. When we reached once more the entrance of the infernal court, who should come straight to meet the King but the Busybody. "Ah, your majesty, I have a word with you." "And I have one or two with you, peradventure," said the Evil One. "I have been over the half of h.e.l.l," said he, "to see how your affairs went. You have many officers in the East who are remiss, and take their ease instead of attending to the torturing of their prisoners and to their safe keeping; it was this that gave rise to the great rebellion. And moreover many of your fiends, and of the lost whom you sent to the world to tempt men, have not returned, although their time is up, and others have come, but hide rather than give an account of their doings."

Then commanded Lucifer his herald to summon a second Parliament, and in the twinkling of an eye all the potentates and their officers were again in attendance at their infernal Eisteddfod. The first thing done was to change the officers, and to order a place to be made round the mouth of the pit for the Swaggerer and the Huntress, linked face to face, and for the other rebels, bound topsy-turvy together; and a law was published that whosoever of the demons or of the d.a.m.ned thenceforth transgressed his duty should be thrown into their midst till doomsday. At these words all the fiends and even Lucifer himself trembled and were sore perturbed.

Then next came the trial of the devils and the lost who had been sent to earth to find "a.s.sociates and co-partners of their loss;" the devils gave a clear account, but the statement of the d.a.m.ned was so hazy and uncertain, that they were driven to the ever-burning school, and there scourged with fiery, knotted serpents to teach them their task the better. "Here's a wench that's pretty enough when dressed up," said an imp, "she was sent up into the world to gain you new subjects; and whom should she first tempt but a weary ploughman, homeward wending his way, late from his toils, who, instead of succ.u.mbing to her wiles, went on his knees praying to be saved from the devil and his angels." "Ho there!"

cried Lucifer, "throw her to that worthless losel who long ago loved Einion ab Gwalchmai of Mona." {102a} "Stay, stay," pleaded the fair one, "this is but my first offence; there is yet scarcely a year since the day when all was over with me, when I was condemned to your cursed state, Oh king of woes!" "No, there is not yet three weeks," said the demon that had brought her there. "How therefore," said she, "would you have me be as skilled as those lost beings who have been here three or four centuries hunting their prey? If you desire better service at my hands, let me go free into the world once more to roam about uncensured; and if I bring you not twenty adulterers for every year I am out, mete me what punishment you list." Nevertheless the verdict went against her, and she was doomed to live a hundred long years under chastis.e.m.e.nt, that she might be more careful a second time. Presently, another devil entered, pushing to the front a man. "Here is a fine messenger," he said, "who wandering the other night in his old neighbourhood above, saw a thief stealing a stallion, but could not help him even to catch the foal without showing himself; and the thief, when he saw him, abandoned that career for ever." "Begging the court's pardon," said the man, "if the thief's child was endowed with power from above to see me, could I help that? Moreover, this is only a single case; 't is not a hundred years since that day which put an end to all my hopes for ever, and how many of my own family and of my neighbours have I enticed here after me in that time? Perdition hold me, if I am not as dutiful to my trade as the best of you, but the wisest is sometimes at fault." Then said Lucifer: "Throw him into the school of the fairies, who are still under castigation for their mischievous tricks in days gone by, when they were wont to strangle and threaten their neighbours, and so awaken them from their torpor; for their fear probably had more influence upon them than forty sermons."

Then came four constables, an accuser, and fifteen of the d.a.m.ned, dragging forward two devils. "Lest you lay the blame of every wrongful service upon the children of Adam," said the accuser, "here are two of your old angels who misspent their time above as much as the two who were last before the court. Here is a rogue quite as worthless as that one at Shrewsbury the other day, when the Interlude of Doctor Faustus was being played, amidst all manner of most wanton and lascivious revelries, and where many things were going on conducive to the welfare of your realm; when they were busiest, the devil himself appeared to play his part, and so drove all away from pleasure to prayers. Even so this one, in his wanderings over the world: he heard some people talk of walking round the church {104a} to see their sweethearts, and what should the fool do but show himself to the simpletons in his own natural form, and though their fright was great they recovered their senses, and made a vow to leave that vanity for ever; whereas had he only a.s.sumed the form of some vile jades, they would have held themselves bound to accept those; and so the foul fiend might have been master of the household with both parties, since he himself had mated them. And here is another, who went, last Twelfth Night, to visit two Welsh la.s.ses who were turning their shifts, and instead of enticing them to wantonness in the form of a fair youth, to one he took a bier, to make her thoughts more serious; to the other, he went with the tumult of war in a h.e.l.lish whirlwind, to make her madder than before; and this was quite needless. Nor was this all; for after he had entered the maiden, and had thrown her about, and sorely tormented her, some of our learned enemies were sent for to pray for her and to cast him out, and instead of tempting her to despair and endeavouring to win over the preachers, he began to preach to them, and to disclose the mysteries of your kingdom, thus aiding their salvation instead of hindering it." At the word "salvation" I saw some leaping up, a living fire of rage. "Every tale is fair till the other side be told," quoth the devil, "I hope Lucifer will not allow one of the earth-born race of Adam to contend with me, who am an angel of far superior kind and stock."

"His punishment is certain," said Lucifer, "but do thou, sirrah, give clear and ready answer to these charges; or by hopeless h.e.l.l I will--."

"I have led hither," said he, "many a soul since Satan was in the Garden of Eden, and I ought to understand my business, better than this upstart accuser." "Blood of infernal firebrands," cried Lucifer, "did I not bid thee answer clearly and readily?" "By your leave," said the demon, "I have preached a hundred times, and have denounced many of the various ways that lead to your confines, and yet at the same breath, have quietly brought them hither safe and sound by some other delusive path, just as I did while preaching recently in the German States, in one of the Faro Isles, and in several other places. In this manner, through my preaching have many Papist beliefs, and old traditions come first into the world, and all in the guise of goodness. For who ever would swallow a baitless hook? Who ever gained credence for a tale which had not some truth mingled with the false, or some little good overshadowing the bad? So, if whilst preaching I can instil one counsel of mine own among a hundred that are good and true, by means of that one, through heedlessness or superst.i.tion, will more weal betide your kingdom than woe through all the others ever." "Well," said Lucifer, "since thou canst do so much good in the pulpit, I bid thee dwell seven years in the mouth of a barndoor preacher who always utter what first comes to his mind; there thou wilt have an opportunity of putting in a word now and then to thine own purpose."

There were many more devils and d.a.m.ned darting to and fro like lightning about the awful throne, to count and to receive offices. But suddenly without any warning there came a command for all the messengers and prisoners to depart from the court, each one to his den, leaving the King and his chief counsellors alone together. "Is it not better for us also to depart, lest they find us?" I asked my friend. "Thou needest have no fear," answered the angel, "no unclean spirit can ever pierce this veil."

Wherefore we remained there invisible, to see the issue.

Then Lucifer began graciously to address his peers thus:- "Ye mightiest spirits of evil, ye archfiends of h.e.l.lish guile, the utmost of your malicious wiles am I now constrained to demand. All here know that Britain and its adjacent isles is the realm most dangerous to my state, and fullest of mine enemies; and what is a hundredfold worse, there reigns now a queen most dangerous of all, who has never once inclined hither, nor along the old way of Rome on the one hand nor yet along the way of Geneva on the other: to think what great good the Pope has for a long time done us there and Oliver even to this day! What therefore shall we do? I fear me we shall entirely lose our ancient possession of that mart unless we instantly set-to to pave a new way for them to travel over, for they know too well all the old roads that lead hitherwards.

Since this invincible hand shortens my chain, and prevents me from going myself to the earth, your advice I pray. Whom shall I appoint my viceroy to oppose yon hateful queen, Our Enemy's vicegerent?"

"Oh! thou great Emperor of Darkness," said Cerberus, {106a} the demon of tobacco, "'tis I that supply the third of that country's maintenance, I shall go, and I will despatch you a hundred thousand of your foemen's souls through a pipe stem." "In sooth," said Lucifer, "thou hast done me some good service, what with causing the slaughter of the owners in India and poisoning those that indulge in it, through the saliva, sending many to wander with it idly from house to house, others to steal in order to obtain it, and millions to grow that fond of it that they cannot spend a single day without it, and be in their right mind. For all this, go and do thy best, but thou art nought to our present purpose."

Whereupon Cerberus sat down; then rose Mammon, the devil of money, and with surly skulking mien began: "'T was I who pointed out the first mine whence money was to be obtained, and ever since I am praised and worshipped more than G.o.d, and men lay their pain and peril, all their mind, their affection and their trust upon me, yea, there is no man content, but all crave more of my favor; the more they obtain, the further still are they from rest, until at last, while seeking ease, they come to this region of everlasting woes. How many a crafty old miser have I enticed hither over paths that were harder to traverse than those that lead to the realm of bliss? Whenever a fair was held, a market, a.s.size or election, or any other concourse, who had more subjects than I or greater power and authority? Cursing, swearing, fighting, litigation, falsehood and deceit, beating, clawing, murdering and robbing one another, Sabbath-breaking, perjury, cruelty, and what black mark besides, which stamps men as of Lucifer's fold, that I have not had a hand in placing? For which reason have I been called 'the root of all evil.'

Wherefore, an it please your majesty, I will go."

He ceased. Then Apolyon uprose and spoke: "I know of nought more certain to lead them hither than what brought you here, {107a} and that is Pride; once it plants its straight stake in them and puffs them up, there is no need to fear that they will condescend to bear the cross or go through the narrow gate. I will go with your daughter Pride, and before they can realise where they are, I will drive the Welsh hither headlong while admiring the pomp of the English, and the English while imitating the vivacity of the French."

After him arose Asmodai, the devil of l.u.s.t: "'T is not unknown to you, mightiest King of the deep, nor to you, princes of the land of despair, how many of the gulfs of h.e.l.l have I filled through voluptuousness and lewdness. What of the time I kindled such a flame of l.u.s.t over all the world that the deluge had needs be sent to clear the earth of men, and to sweep them all into our unquenchable fire? What of Sodoma and Gomorrah, fine and fair cities, which I so consumed with licentiousness that a h.e.l.l-shower blazed in their infernal l.u.s.ts and beat them down here alive, to burn for ages on ages. And what of the great hosts of the a.s.syrians, who were all slain in one night on my account? I disappointed Sarah of seven husbands' {108a} and Solomon and many a thousand other kings did I bring to shame through women. Wherefore let me and this sweet sin go, and I will kindle the h.e.l.lish spark so generally that it will at length become one with this inextinguishable flame, for scarce one will ever return from following me to walk in the paths of life." At that he sat down.

Then Belphegor, chief of sloth and idleness, stood up and spake thus: "I am the great prince of listlessness and sloth, who have great influence upon millions of all sorts and conditions of men; I am that stagnant pond where the sp.a.w.n of every evil is bred, where the dregs of every corruption and baleful slime grows rank. What good wouldst thou be, Asmodai, or ye, chief d.a.m.ned evils, were I not? I, who keep the windows open and unguarded that ye may enter into the man when ye will, through his eyes, his ears and his mouth. I will go and roll them all over the precipice unto you in their sleep."

Then Satan, the devil of delusion, who was on Lucifer's left hand, arose, and turning his grim visage to the king, began: "It is unnecessary for me to recount my deeds to thee, Oh lost Archangel, or to you, swarthy princes of Destruction: for 'twas I who dealt the first blow to man, and mighty was that blow, to be the cause of death from the beginning of the world to its end. Is it likely that I, who erst ravaged all the earth, could not now give advice that would serve one little isle? Could not I, who deceived Eve in Paradise, overcome Anne in Britain? If inborn craft and continuous experience for five thousand years profit aught, my advice is that you adorn your daughter Hypocrisy to deceive Britain and its queen: you have no other as serviceable as she; her sway extends more widely than that of all the rest of your daughters, and her subjects are more numerous. Was it not through her that I beguiled the first woman?

And ever since she has remained on earth and waxed very great therein, so that by now the world is hardly anything but one ma.s.s of hypocrisy. And were it not for the craftiness of Hypocrisy how could anyone of us do business in any part of the world? For what man would ever have aught to do with sin, did he once behold it in its true color and under its own proper name? He would sooner clasp a devil in his own infernal shape and garb. If it were not that Hypocrisy can disguise the name and nature of every evil under the semblance of some good, and give a bad name to every goodness, no man at all would put forth his hand to do evil or would l.u.s.t after it. Walk through the entire city of Destruction and ye will perceive her greatness in every quarter. Go to the street of Pride and ask for an arrogant man or for a penny-worth of affectation mixed through pride: 'Woe is me,' exclaims Hypocrisy, 'there is no such thing here,'

no, nor for a devil, anything else in the whole street save proud demeanour. Or walk into the street of Lucre and enquire for the miser's house: pshaw, there is no one of the kind therein; or for the dwelling of the murderer among the doctors, or for the abode of highwaymen amongst the drovers; thou wouldst sooner be thrown to prison for asking than that one should confess to his own name. Yea, Hypocrisy crawls in between a man and his own heart, and so skilfully does she hide every wrong under the name and guise of some virtue that she has caused well nigh all to lose cognisance of their own selves. Greed she calls thrift; in her tongue riotous living is innocent joy; pride is courtesy; the froward, a clever, courageous man; the drunkard, a boon companion; and adultery is a mere freak of youth. On the other hand, if she and her scholars' {110a} are to be believed, the G.o.dly is a hypocrite or a fool; the gentle, a coward; the abstemious, a churl, and so for every other quality. Send her thither in all her adornment, and I warrant you she will deceive everyone; she will blinden the counsellors, the soldiers, and all the officers of church and state, and will draw them hither in hurrying mult.i.tudes with the varicolored mask upon their eyes." Whereupon he too sat down.