I knew she had woken with lank dirty hair and a headache, but now as she came down the aisle of the Haflinger she had changed herself into a bride in a satire beautiful, golden, funny, drunk on oxygen. She wore the long white loose-fitting dress and sandals she always wore in Hamlet. Hamlet. This item was now thirteen years old. It was patched, threaded, had yellowed patches round the hems. This item was now thirteen years old. It was patched, threaded, had yellowed patches round the hems.

I did not know what it meant. I simply clapped her. She looked so beautiful. She kissed me very sweetly and smiled at Bill. Her fury was odourless, invisible. She sat herself between us, tucking her legs girlishly under her.

'We're going to do Tartuffe Tartuffe,' she told the bus of actors as the Haflinger lumbered out of our camp site. 'It's the new season. Just Moliere.'

None of these actors had ever played Moliere, and not one asked her what she meant, but her delivery was so fast, funny, and everybody picked up on Tartuffe Tartuffe, and as we headed for the ferry along the Road of Broken Bridges the bus was filled with Tartuffe Tartuffe jokes. jokes.*

'Will ... I ... have ... a ... part?' I asked her.

'We'll all have parts,' my maman said carelessly.

I clapped again.

'Especially Bill.'

But when I wished to talk about my part, she would not hear me.

'What ... about ... my ... part? ... What ... about ... my ... part?'

Finally she hissed in my ear, 'It's a joke, there's no Tartuffe.' Tartuffe.'

It was, you can see, complicated weather in that bus, and no one could have guessed that Tartuffe Tartuffe, this word she continued to throw around so lightly, was a knife, and that my maman was using it to saw at the bonds that tied her to my father.

I watched my maman laugh and felt unhappy. I did not know why I should. All I could see was that Claire Chen was now the driver of the Haflinger and I had lost Wally to Roxanna and her pigeons. I doubt that this would have mattered to me if the air had been less poisonous, if my maman had not been so agitated about Tartuffe Tartuffe, but in the course of a few hours the pigeons became the basin into which I poured all the bilious liquid of my distress. I came to dislike them like you come to dislike the last meal before an illness. I was repulsed by the memory of their nervous fibrillating hearts, the way they squirmed and made my fingers oily. On the bus I became nauseous. On the ferry I threw up raisins and apple juice all down my front.

'Would you?' my maman asked my dab.

Bill took me to the bathroom and cleaned me up, roughly, impatiently.

He felt he had outgrown outgrown his relationship with us. He had come out on the flight, eager to be with us, to be a proper father. Now he had decided we were hicks, cambruces. He brought me back on to the deck with raisins still sticking to my shirt. his relationship with us. He had come out on the flight, eager to be with us, to be a proper father. Now he had decided we were hicks, cambruces. He brought me back on to the deck with raisins still sticking to my shirt.

'Oh look,' my Maman beamed at me. 'Don't you have a lovely father.'

All the way up, across the Straits of Shanor, up Highway 1, Bill lived in a mora.s.s of sub-text. Nothing, even my mother's hand on his thigh, meant what it seemed to mean. And this white dress, the same one he had seen her wear as Ophelia thirteen years before, was a bitter reproach whose meaning, being unable to be discussed, could never be exactly clear and was, in all its ambiguity, all its possible meanings, like one of those barbarous bullets which fragment inside the body.

Bill wanted to be out of there. He could not wait. He thought of women he knew in Saarlim, young, sophisticated, very pretty. He thought of shops he might visit. Restaurants where he was known.

On the outskirts of Chemin Rouge, he announced that he would not travel all the way back to Gazette Street but catch the airport bus at the Ritz. My maman did not argue with him.

When the Haflinger stopped, my father shook my hand. He wished me well. I had no idea of the damage that had been done. None of the actors watching Felicity kiss Bill goodbye outside the Chemin Rouge Ritz guessed how urgently he wished to leave or how badly they had hurt each other. She kissed him lusciously, softly, sensuously, but carelessly too, like you might eat a peach in the middle of the season.

'Stop it,' he said, gripping her shoulders.

'Tartuffe,' she told him, and slipped away, laughing. From her seat in the bus she blew kisses and waved and the bad feeling did not break through the sea wall until she was inside the tower again and the actors were running in and out of the building, shaking the floor joists as they unloaded the remnants of The Sad Sack Sirkus. The Sad Sack Sirkus.

*Felicity later told me that she thought Tartuffe Tartuffe a very political and 'appropriate' play, and one which she could have quite happily adapted for the Feu Follet, but that she was using the t.i.tle in the way that Bill, in 'all his splendid ignorance', intended. a very political and 'appropriate' play, and one which she could have quite happily adapted for the Feu Follet, but that she was using the t.i.tle in the way that Bill, in 'all his splendid ignorance', intended. [TS] [TS]

27.

Gabe Manzini arrived at the Chemin Rouge Ritz at the same time as Bill Millefleur got down from the Feu Follet bus, and if it took him a moment to recognize him, it was not just the fresh scar, which was certainly disconcerting, but the fact that Manzini was just off the flight from Saarlim.

It was not exactly culture shock that the short athletic man with the trimmed grey-flecked hair was suffering from. He came here too often for shock. It was something softer, more diffuse that he felt, a sort of mosquito net between himself and life, a dulling of some senses, a heightening of others, an almost s.e.xual response, not unconnected to women, but also related to the place itself, the wide sleepy straight streets, the fragrant mangoes, the dried biche-la-mar hanging in racks in the old G.o.downs by the river, the river itself which would, with luck, soon be filled with thunder-borne water, raging, turbulent, clay-yellow.

Gabe Manzini loved the taste of the air at this time of year. He was alive to the taste of mould spore amongst the fresh-mown gra.s.s. It was all so far from the great Sirkus Domes of Saarlim City and when a tall dark-haired man in a crushed light suit brushed past him, it took a moment to place him properly.

'Mr Millefleur,' he said.

The Sirkus performer turned, blinked.

'You don't know me,' Gabe said. 'I just love the way you handle horses.'

The young man frowned, nodded, and something in the way he did it, his embarra.s.sment, made Gabe remember that he was indeed an Efican and, rather than being annoyed by his gracelessness, as he once would have been, he privately celebrated it. He liked Eficans, their lack of slickness, their sense of privacy, even their disconcerting habit of calling their superiors by their first name. He liked their lack of bulls.h.i.t, their pragmatism, their sense of realpolitik. And as he walked across the soft grey carpet to check in, he began to think how he might use this Efican actor with strong ties in Voorstand. It occupied him as he signed in, as he went up to his room, and when he was finally alone he dictated a short note which would sit in the computer casebook all through the exercise.

In the end he would not try to recruit Bill Millefleur he would not need to but the actor's name would sit in the secret action book of Voorstand's chief undercover 'vote-dokter'* for the following six weeks, and when the elections were finally over he would look back at this moment, when he crossed paths with Bill Millefleur, and marvel at the symmetry. for the following six weeks, and when the elections were finally over he would look back at this moment, when he crossed paths with Bill Millefleur, and marvel at the symmetry.

*The author is aware that your PM claims that no such position exists in the VIA. [TS] [TS]

28.

It was the smells that got my mother, I was sure of it. She had forgotten the way they pile up dampness, mould, the leaking gas, rodents in the walls, rotting wood in the sills, the rust-and-grease odour from damaged plumbing. These are things she had lived with, shaped herself to, but when she re-entered her old life, which was, in the afternoon sun, as unlovingly lit as a stage under work lights, overly warm, bright, malodorous it reminded her of everything that was unsatisfactory about her existence.

The tower had become smaller than her memory of it. It smelt of mouse and mouldy paper. Yellow sun entered through a screen of rain-spotted dust. It made her whole life seem second-rate.

'I'm sick of this,' she said.

'Really?' I said, but I was already shot through with panic.

'Yes,' she shouted, rugging at the sleeves of her Ophelia dress. 'Really. Totally, completely sick of it.'

I unrolled my mattress and lay down on it and folded my arms behind my head.

'I'm ... not.'

My maman walked to the window where she looked down at Wally and Roxanna, who was unloading pigeon cages on to the vert-walk.

'Funny old Wally,' she said.

'It ... always ... smells ... like ... this ... when ... we ... get ... back ... Open ... the ... window ... the ... smell ... goes.'

'Tristan, your maman is too old to live like this any more.'

I pulled my knees up to my stomach. She sat down on the mattress beside me. She stroked my head, but there was something actorly in the way she did it and I flinched from her.

'Don't!' she cried.

I took her hand and kissed it.

'We could live in a proper house,' she said. She touched my hair, again not hard, and even though it still felt false, I let her do it. 'You could have a yard,' she said. 'With trees. We could be in a proper house tomorrow.'

'Hate ... trees.'

'Oh,' she tried to tease me. 'It must be another boy who liked to climb them.'

I opened my stony-white eyes and stared into hers. 'I ... need ... a ... theatre,' theatre,' I said softly. 'Maman ... I ... have ... a ... destiny ...' I said softly. 'Maman ... I ... have ... a ... destiny ...'

My poor mother. She put her hand up against the place on her chest where you could see the bones beneath the skin. 'Tristan, listen to me.'

I knew what she was going to say.

'I ... know ... I ... am ... not ... handsome.'

'Don't kick.'

I shut my eyes, squinched up my face.

'I ... will ... play ... Richard ... the ... Third.'

Felicity put her hand across her mouth. 'You know who Richard the Third is?'

'A ... mighty ... king.'

'Who set you up to this?'

'Now ... is ... the ... Winter ... of ... our ... discontent.'

'You cannot cannot be an actor,' she said. 'You would not be an actor,' she said. 'You would not want want to be.' to be.'

'You're ... an ... actor.'

'Not any more,' she said.

'The ... smell ... will ... go ... you'll ... get ... used ... to ... it.'

'I don't want to get used to it,' she said.

She leaned out the window to where Wally was unloading the pigeons and stacking them along the street.

She called, 'Wally.' Then, 'Come up.'

'He ... knows ... what ... I ... want,' I said. 'He ... loves ... actors ... when ... he ... is ... reincarnated ... he is going ... to ... be ... an ... actor.'

'Re-what?'

'When ... he ... lives ... after ... he ... has ... been ... dead.'

'Do you really think I'd ask Wally's advice about acting?'

'Why ... you ... asking ... him ... up?'

'We could let him keep his pigeons here,' she said brightly. 'This could be a perfect pigeon loft.'

'NO.'

'Tristan, what have we ever done for Wally and what has Wally done for us? He loves you so much, I think he would die if anything happened to you. He only bought those pigeons because you liked them.'

'Birds ... in ... our ... HOME? ... No ... one ... will ... let ... you ... do ... it.'

'No one will let let me?' me?'

'The ... collective ... won't ... let ... you ... REALLY.'

She came and sat down beside me on the mattress. 'You want to know what's bad about being an actor?'

Her skin looked white and tired, but her eyes were dangerously active angry and demanding.

'When you are an actor, you are so dependent. You're a baby. You stand in line. The director and the producer look at you (look at me if I let them) like you're a worm. They know less about the play than you do. They have the most superficial understanding of the material, but they turn you into a lump of nervous jelly, even the most pathetic specimens, just with their power. They talk about the character you will play as if it is nothing to do with you. They talk about your body like it was a thing. They give someone else the role. When you are an actor your normal state is unemployed. It is so hard to even have a reason to get up in the morning.'

'You ... are ... an ... actor,' I insisted.

'No,' she said. 'I'm an actor-manager, and if I want to put pigeons in my tower, then that is going to be my pleasure.'

29.

All my mother's misery was now focused, not on Bill or his comments about the company's work, but on the tower. My father had left us, but it was the tower that was the demon. Once she had decided this, she could not stay still. Even though it was a Sunday, she had to act.

She rushed out to the cavernous old Levantine shop on the Boulevard des Indiennes and came back with Zinebleu Zinebleu, the Argus Argus, the Herald Herald, the News, Chemin Rouge Zine, L'Observateur, Le Pet.i.t Zine News, Chemin Rouge Zine, L'Observateur, Le Pet.i.t Zine, and took to them with a big pair of dress-maker's scissors. She covered the slippery floor with sheets of expensive cartridge paper and on each sheet she wrote the name of a street or an area she imagined might be pleasant to live in. Then she cut out the little avverts and glued them to the paper.

Wally arrived twice to invite me to come and feed the pigeons, but I would have nothing to do with pigeons. I stayed on my mattress ostentatiously reading Theatre Through the Ages. Theatre Through the Ages.

I wished Vincent would come and look after my maman. But Sunday was Natalie's time and my mother could not even call him at his home. The only thing she could do is what she did stay up all night cutting up the sheets of paper and arranging them in different ways. When I took her Voorstand first-edition Stanislavsky from her shelf, she did not try to stop me. I read it, pointedly, waiting for her to take it back.