Roger: Tell Mr. Edward that his father is back--but not to worry, I will wait for him here--and try to do all I can. I will sell myself to the devil if I know what! Tell him not to worry, and as for you, begin by getting drunk and go to bed.

Jeremy: I will obey your orders exactly, don't fret.

(Exit Jeremy into the house)

Roger: Come, Roger, pull yourself together my boy: courage! Here we have a violent father returning impromptu from a long trip; a son in the midst of an orgy; the house in disorder full of cooks and caterers in preparation for an impending wedding--and all we have to do is prevent this from being discovered. Ah, here comes the old man. Let's stand aside a little and think of a way to prevent him from entering his own house.

(Enter Mr. Richly)

Richly: Now after all my work and all the risks I've run-- See: by Heaven's grace, my voyage has a happy ending. I return to my dear old home and I believe my son will be very happy to see me back and in good health.

Roger: (aside) Not as happy as we would be to know you are well--but elsewhere.

Richly: Children owe a good deal to fathers who work tirelessly to leave them well off.

Roger: (aside) Yes; but not to those who return so inopportunely.

Richly: I don't wish to delay anymore entering home and giving my son the pleasure of knowing I'm safely returned. I believe the poor boy will die of joy to see me.

Roger: (aside) It wouldn't surprise me if he's already half dead just knowing you're here. But it's necessary to meet him.

(Aloud) What do I see? Just Heaven--am I awake--is it a ghost?

Richly: I believe if I am not deceived, that it's Roger.

Roger: Indeed, it is Mr. Richly himself--or else the devil in his shape.

Seriously speaking, is it you, my dear master?

Richly: Yes, it's me, Roger. How've you been?

Roger: As you see, sir, very much at your service like a faithful servant, bright eyed and bushy-tailed--and always ready to obey you.

Richly: That's good news. Let's go in.

Roger: We weren't expecting you and I a.s.sure you, you have fallen on us from the clouds, as it were.

Richly: No, I came by carriage from Portsmouth where my ship happily arrived several days ago. But now--

Roger: How well you look! What a face! How stout! The air in Spain must do wonders for men of your age. You ought to stay there, sir--for your health--

(Low) and our safety.

Richly: And how is my son? Has he taken good care of the business? Is it profitable under his management?

Roger: Oh, as to that, why I tell you, he has done so well--you wouldn't believe how he's into money. Your business is in a state that would astonish you--my word on it.

Richly: You really make me happy, Roger, to give me such fine news. He's stored up a big pile of money, eh?

Roger: Not at all, sir.

Richly: Not at all? How's that!

Roger: No, I tell you this boy is the best manager you could wish. He follows your footsteps. He drives your money like a race horse. If he can make a buck he will work day and night.

Richly: That comes from setting kids a good example. I'm dying with impatience to hug him. Come along, Roger.

Roger: He's not inside, sir, and if you are in a hurry to see him, I suggest--

(Enter Mr. Andre)

Andre: Good day, Roger--

Roger: Your servant, Mr. Andre, your servant.

(Low) Here's a villainous loan shark who picks a fine time to come demand his money.

Andre: You know, Mr. Roger, I've been here everyday lately without finding your master. If he cannot pay me today, tomorrow I will swear out a warrant against him and you know it very well.

Roger: (aside) This will ruin us.

Richly: What's this all about?

Roger: I will explain everything to you when we are alone. Nothing to be concerned about!

Andre: A mere business of one hundred pounds owed to me for which I have a receipt and a judgement which I intend to put into execution.

Richly: What's he talking about, Roger?

Roger: He's a fiend who will do just what he says.

Richly: Edward owes you--?

Andre: Yes, indeed, Mr. Edward Richly, a child whose father is off somewhere and who will be pleasantly surprised on his return when he learns of the life his son has led in his absence.

Roger: This doesn't look too good.

Andre: The son is a gambler, a spendthrift, and a wencher, while they say the father is a villain, a miser, and a tighta.s.s.

Richly: What do you intend to say to this miser and tighta.s.s?

Andre: I don't want to talk to you, I want to speak to the father of Mr.

Edward Richly who is in two words an imbecile and a fool.

Richly: Roger--

Roger: He's telling you the truth, sir. Mr. Edward does owe him--

Richly: And you told me of his exemplary conduct.