Tania frowned. "There's nothing normal about the way she exercises. It's as if she's driven. She'd be in that gymnasium twenty-four hours a day if you'd let her."

"It's not hurting her." He paused. "You don't have to baby-sit her, you know. She's not your responsibility."

"I like her. I want to help her." She added slowly, "I suppose I see myself in her."

"One of you is quite enough." He turned to Nell, who was now beside them. "Don't overdo it. When you get tired, give it up and come back."

"We will."

He thrust a roll of bills at her. "Here. I didn't know how much cash you had on hand."

Nell looked at him in bewilderment. "I don't need this. I don't have my credit cards here, but I'm sure I can call and make some arrangement."

"It will be easier if Tania charges everything to the clinic and we bill you later." He opened the back door of the car. "And remember, this Lincoln turns into a pumpkin at three."

"This is Dayton's department store. We'll be able to get most of the basics here. We'll go to boutiques for the specialty items." As she got out of the car, Tania said to Phil, "Will you give us three hours and meet us here at one?"

Phil frowned uneasily. "I don't think that would be a good idea. Suppose I park the car and meet you inside?"

"Okay," Tania said. "Come to sportswear. We'll go there first."

Nell followed Tania into the department store and was immediately enveloped in mellow lighting and glittering commercialism. "We don't have to go anywhere else. All I need are the basics, Tania."

"Need and want are two different things." She stepped on the escalator. "You may not want to see yourself in-Where are you going?"

"I have something to do. I'll meet you out front at one." Nell glanced back as she moved quickly toward the side entrance. Tania was halfway up the escalator but turned and started down. "The hell you will."

Nell reached the side door and jumped into a cab parked at the taxi stand. "Public library. Central branch."

Tania ran out the door as the taxi sped away from the curb. "Nell!"

Nell felt a twinge of remorse. Tania had been kind, and she hated deceiving her. But she was also Tanek's friend, and Nell couldn't risk her interfering.

Ten minutes later she walked brusquely into the reference room of the library and up to the woman at the desk. "I understand you have Nexis?"

The woman glanced at her. "Yes."

"I've never used the program. I wonder if I could have someone help me find some information?"

The librarian shook her head. "We supply the program for our patrons, but we've no time to give lessons." She added, "And there's a charge for each subject you research."

Nell glanced at the woman's name tag. Grace Selkirk. "I'll be glad to pay for the service as well, Ms. Selkirk."

"I'm sorry, we have no time to-"

"I'll help you."

Nell turned to see a tall, lanky young man smiling at her.

"I'm Ralph Dandridge. I work here."

She smiled. "Nell Calder."

The librarian said, "You know the rules, Ralph."

"Rules are meant to be broken." Ralph turned to Nell. "If you're not computer literate, the program is a little confusing. I'll guide you through it."

"You've no time for this, Ralph," Grace Selkirk said. "I've something else for you to do."

"Then I'll do it after lunch," Ralph Dandridge said.

"And I'm taking my lunch hour right now." He gestured for Nell to precede him. "The computers are over in the next bay."

"I don't want to get you in trouble."

"No big deal. This is only a part-time job. I go to college at night. Besides, Grace is usually pretty cool. She just likes things by the book."

"Well, I appreciate you helping me." She smiled. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come along."

He stared at her in bemusement a moment before tearing his eyes away. "Well, let's see how much I can do for you. Nexis is basically an information system. It keeps a record of thousands of newspapers, magazines, and periodicals. All you have to do is type in the subject and it will bring up every reference to it during the past ten years."

"But can I access a name?"

"Sure. But you may have to weed through a bunch of similar names. Whom are you looking for?"

"Paul Maritz."

He accessed two stories about a Paul Maritz and pulled them up on the screen for her to scan. One of them concerned a screenwriter who had won an award, the other Maritz was a fireman who had rescued a child. Definitely not her Maritz.

She hadn't really expected there to be any references about Maritz, but it had been worth a shot.

"Anything else?"

"Philippe Gardeaux." The name was unusual and she doubted if she'd run into the same trouble. Which didn't mean that she would have any more luck. But according to Tanek, he was a criminal on the grand scale. Surely there would be references to arrests, trials ... something.

Jackpot. After trying two other spellings, three references to Philippe Gardeaux. One in Time magazine. One in Sports Illustrated. One in The New York Times.

"They look pretty long. Do you want to scan them?" Ralph asked.

"No. Can we print them all out?"

"Sure." Ralph highlighted the references, hit the rint button, and leaned back in his chair. "Are you going to write an article on him?"

"What?"

"We get a lot of writers doing research."

"It's a possibility." She eagerly watched the paper scroll out of the printer.

He picked up the bundle of sheets and handed them to her.

"How much do I owe you?"

"Nothing. I'll take it off my fringe-benefit time. My pleasure."

She couldn't let him do that; she knew what a struggle it was for most college students to just survive. "I can't accept-" But she couldn't hurt his pride by refusing either. Dammit, she wanted to read those articles now. She sighed. "Well, do you at least have time to run to a nearby restaurant and let me buy you lunch?"

His eyes lit up behind the tortoiseshell-rimmed glasses. "You bet I do."

She stuffed the printout into her purse and stood up. "Let's go, I don't want you to incur your boss's wrath by coming back late. Is there someplace nearby?"

"Yes." He hesitated. "But do you mind going to the Hungry Peasant? It's only a few blocks farther."

"Is the food better?"

"No, but a lot of my friends hang out there." He grinned. "I'd like them to see me with you."

He wanted to show her off as if she were some kind of trophy, she realized with distaste. The face Joel had given her had probably influenced this nice kid to help her, but it had also triggered this response. A mixed blessing.

But Ralph was looking at her wistfully, and she owed him. She said resignedly, "We'll go to the Hungry Peasant."

Nell arrived back at Dayton's at five minutes to one.

Tania was waiting outside the store.

Nell instinctively tensed when she saw her expression. "Tania, I'm sorry it was necessary for me to-"

"Don't say a word," Tania cut her off. "I'm so angry, I want to push you out in front of a car." She stepped forward to the curb and waved. "There's Phil. We'll talk when we get back to the clinic."

Phil gave her a reproachful glance as they got into the car. "You shouldn't have done that, Nell."

"Let's get back to the clinic, Phil," Tania said curtly, her expression cold.

And Tania was never cold, Nell thought. She would probably never want to see Nell again after today.

She had not expected to feel this sense of loss.

Back at Woodsdale, Tania strode into Nell's room and pulled back the sheet on the bed before turning to Phil. "I'm parched. Could you get us some lemonade? I'll see that Nell lies down to rest."

Phil nodded. "Sure."

As soon as the door closed behind him, Tania whirled on Nell. "You will never lie to me again."

"I didn't lie to you."

"You deceived me. It's the same thing."

"I suppose you're right. I had something to do and I was afraid you'd disapprove."

"You're damn right I disapprove. Joel didn't want to let you leave the clinic and I persuaded him. You used me."

"Yes."

"Why? What was so important that you had to lie?"

"I needed information. Tanek wouldn't give it to me. I went to the library."

"And you couldn't tell me?"

"You're Tanek's friend."

"That doesn't mean he owns me. Didn't it occur to you that I was your friend too?"

Nell's eyes widened. "No," she whispered.

"Well, it should have. I first came to see you because Nicholas asked me, but from then on it was my decision." Her hands clenched into fists at her sides. "I knew why Nicholas wanted me to come. He thought you needed me. We both had losses and he wanted me to show you how well I'd healed. Well, I'm not healed. I'll never heal, but I've learned to deal with it. You will too."

"I'm dealing with it."

"No, Nicholas held out a carrot and you're going after it. It's a substitute for the real thing. When you don't dream anymore, then you'll know you've dealt with it." She smiled crookedly when she saw Nell's startled expression. "Do you think you're the only one who's ever had nightmares? The first year after my mother and brother died, I dreamed every night. I still do occasionally." She paused. "But I don't talk about it."

"Not even to Joel?"

"Joel would listen, he would try to help, but he wouldn't understand. He's never been there." She met Nell's eyes. "But you've been there. You could understand. I needed someone to understand. I came to you because I needed you, not because you needed me."

She was telling the truth. Nell felt a rush of despair. "I can't help you. Can't you see? I don't have anything left to give."

"Yes, you do. You're already starting to come alive again," Tania said. "It doesn't happen overnight. It comes in ebbs and flows." She smiled faintly. "You didn't like it when I was angry with you. That's a good sign."

"But I'd do it again if it was necessary."

"Because you want to find the man who killed your daughter."

"I have to find him. Nothing else is important."

"Yes, it is, but you can't see it yet. I might feel the same if the sniper who killed my mother and brother had a face." She said wearily, "None of the soldiers had faces; they were just the enemy."

"But I do have a face and a name."

"I know, Joel told me that Nicholas gave them to you." She shrugged. "He could do nothing else. Joel was very worried about you. Nicholas saved your life, you know."

"No, I didn't know." And she didn't like it. "I'm sure he had a reason. He impresses me as a man who's not moved by sentiment."

"Sentiment? No, but he feels very deeply. Nicholas is not easy but, if he commits himself, he's a man to trust. I've never known him to break his word." She shook her head. "Nicholas brought you here and tried to help you. Why do you bristle every time I mention him?"

"He's standing in my way."

"Then you'll find he's not easy to move."