"We can do that." He sprang to his feet with that agility so remarkable for his size and offered me a hand up. Keeping my hand in his, he turned us in the other direction down the beach, away from where Andi and Rayfe had gone to find privacy. Idly his thumb rubbed over the back of my hand, much as I habitually touched the Star.

"What's that sort of salute you always give me?"

He slid me a glance. "Why do you want to know?"

I couldn't very well say because Andi had prompted me to find out. "Just making conversation."

"That excuse might work if you were a person who makes conversation, but you aren't. Even with apparently idle court chitchat, you always have a goal in mind."

"Fine." Was the man always right? "I wondered because it occurred to me that there's some significance to you in it. If that's so, then I should probably know what it is."

He stopped, framed my face in his hands, and kissed me, long and sweet, stealing my breath.

"What was that for?"

"For trusting me with an honest answer."

"Is this a reward system?"

"Yes." He took my hand again and resumed walking. "With the added benefit of allowing me to take pleasure in you at the same time. And I'd thought I'd better kiss you now, in case you don't like my answer."

Danu. I was afraid of that. That was why I hadn't asked.

"It more of a pledge than a salute," he said. "The Elskastholrr. It's a way that a Dasnarian man offers himself to the woman he wishes to be with."

"To take to bed."

"More than that."

"How much more?"

"A lifetime's worth."

I halted and he turned to face me, placid expression, battle readiness beneath. "You did not just tell me that all along you've been offering me some sort of marriage proposal."

"Correct. I did not."

I blew out a relieved breath. Became aware that he hadn't relaxed. "What, then?"

He tucked his thumbs in his sword belt, watching me carefully. "As far as I'm concerned, I've pledged myself to you, forever."

Flabbergasted, I had no words. No breath for words. "Are you out of your mind?" I finally got out. "I told you I have no idea what the future holds. Besides, you did that first only hours after we met. Danu-we hadn't even had a real conversation at that point."

"You have a good memory. It didn't matter. I told you I started to fall in love the moment I watched you walk into court, kept falling as I listened to how you handled the King, and finished the job seeing you run your fighting forms. It didn't matter to me whether you'd ever return my feelings at that point. I knew how I felt and that was enough to decide me. I belong to you-heart, mind, body, and soul-whether you choose to have me or not."

"I don't believe a person can fall in love that fast."

"You don't have to. We're not talking about you. I knew how I felt and it was a simple decision to make."

"Unreal," I whispered.

He shrugged. "It's the Dasnarian way."

"A country full of madmen."

"And madwomen. It makes for many a tragic ballad."

"You laugh, but this-whatever this is between us-could end tragically." I started striding down the beach and he paced beside me. "I never asked you for this."

"That's part of what makes the pledge significant. It must be freely offered, never requested."

Which only pointed out that he'd never ask for my pledge in return. Have a little pity on those of us who love you. Andi must have sensed the import of the gesture somehow, which further fueled my ire.

"What if I choose another man, take another lover, take a hundred?"

"I'd still be pledged to you and only you."

I hissed the impatience through my teeth. "How do you not have thousands of randy teenagers running around pledging themselves to the cutest boys and prettiest girls?" Danu, Amelia would have had most of the population of the Twelve pledged to her.

"Not everybody does it, by any stretch. You have to have passed through the kind of training I have to be . . . I don't think you have the word. Skablykrr. To have demonstrated that you have the strength of character, judgment, and perseverance to make such a vow."

"Oh, great." I stopped again and threw up my hands, amazed that he had the audacity to smile at me. "Well, I seriously question your judgment in this."

"Why?" He sobered, catching me around the waist and pulling me to him. "You are the most incredible woman I've ever met. I never could even imagine in my wildest dreams that there might be a woman like you in the world. Is it so impossible for you to believe I could love you as I do?"

I wished to Danu that Andi's damnable words would quit ringing in my head. I wished I knew how to explain that, yes, I knew I was impossible to love, without sounding like a weakling begging to be reassured. Even Andi and Ami didn't really love me-they'd simply had no one else. I understood that.

Harlan waited me out, gently stroking my back as if I were the one who'd fatally exposed herself. As if I needed soothing.

"What if I can't ever . . . be your lover?" I finally whispered.

"You already are. A magnificent one."

"Not fully."

"That's in the eye of the beholder."

"Children. You'll want sons someday. Every man does."

"Not every man. I'd be delighted to father children-sons or daughters-with you, my fierce hawk, but it's you I want, not progeny."

"Besides, they might turn out to be shape-shifters."

He laughed. "That would make for interesting parenting."

I shook my head at him, amazed he could laugh. "I don't know what to do about this."

"How about a swim?"

I stumbled mentally. "What?"

"A swim." He set me away from him. Unbuckled his sword belt and shucked off his shirt. "The water is warm enough and I worked up a sweat today. I'm for a swim."

"How can you talk about swimming at a time like this?"

He sat, pulled off his boots, and glanced up at me, cocking his head. "Nothing has changed for me, Ursula. You're the one digesting new information. And I'm reliably informed that our idyll is nearly over. Tomorrow may bring us sorrow, so I plan to enjoy paradise while I can."

He stood, dropping his trousers so he stood naked in the shimmering starlight, all solid muscle and masculine vitality. "I won't look, if you want to join me." And with a whoop like the Tala children had made, he ran into the water, splashing and arcing into a clean, disciplined stroke that cleaved the water. I watched him swim for a while, with his signature bold strength.

Fine, then.

Before I realized I'd made the decision, I'd begun stripping off my own clothes, folding them neatly next to his cast-off ones. True to his promise, he didn't turn and look as I made my way, also naked, into the water. It made my heart ache to contemplate what he'd given up for me, would continue to miss out on, because of me. All of my jibes about purchased loyalty and he'd, without a word, given me loyalty of the deepest, most unquestioning kind.

He'd asked nothing of me, and that's exactly what I'd given him.

The water lapped warm around my ankles, slowly rising as I waded in, feeling my way along the soft, sandy bottom. When I judged it deep enough, I dove under, letting the water close over my head and bathe me with the sweet salt of Annfwn's tropical sea. Rising, I sleeked my hair back with my hands and swam to where Harlan stood shoulder deep in the lazy swells, gazing out to the horizon.

"Gorgeous, isn't it?" he said. "Now that Dafne stirred my memory, I recall tales, here and there, of a paradise like this. I'd never heard it called Annfwn, but the stories described it as such. If only all the world could have what the Tala have, without destroying this."

"Even the Tala have their problems. Food and sunshine don't solve everything."

"No." He raised his eyebrows as I moved in front of him, gaze dipping to my bare breasts, which floated at the surface while I softly treaded water. "But it goes a long way to eliminating some of the worst ones."

I put my hands on his shoulders. "I'm not tall enough to stand here."

"We can go shallower."

"That's all right-just hold me."

He gave me a delighted smile, wrapping his arms around me and spreading his feet to more firmly brace against the movement of the gentle swells. I pressed against him, the shock of full-body, skin-to-skin contact rocketing through me, sparking that fire he kindled in me. It affected him, too, and he hummed deep in his chest, hands roving over my back, hips and bottom, his cock already erect and urgent against my belly.

"You are so beautiful, Ursula," he murmured, an extension of the pleased sound he made. "Sleek and long and impossibly lovely. So full of courage. Don't blame me for loving you-I never had a chance."

"I still think you're crazy."

"I know that. I hate that it's so hard for you to believe. But I'm prepared to spend the rest of my life convincing you, if necessary."

I kissed him. Draped against him and steadied by those strong hands that never failed me, I lavished him with the best kiss I knew how to deliver. I'd improved at the skill, knowing now how he liked it when I ran my tongue inside his upper lip, how it increased his desire when I softened my mouth and opened for him to kiss me harder, a kind of plundering I delighted in allowing. The fire burned hotter, making my heart thunder, and I had to tear my mouth away to gasp in breath.

He simply moved his lips to my jaw, nipping there and laving the sting with his tongue, making me dig my nails into his flexing shoulders. Following the line of my throat, his mouth burned my skin, sizzling my blood, making me go wet and hot.

He lifted me, raising me out of the water to lavish my breasts with his tongue, and I let him hold me there, exulting in his strength, letting my head fall back so the dazzling array of stars filled my vision just as he filled that cold emptiness in my heart.

It became unbearable, the stimulation, the utter arousal of my body under his hands and lips and teeth. My heart raced as if it might burst from effort and, though I tried to steady my breathing, I lost the rhythm again and again, panting and making pleading noises. Finally I couldn't hold back and I thrashed in his grip, bending to take his mouth so he had to tip his head back to receive my desperate kisses.

"I want." I panted into his mouth. "I need."

I made no sense, but I craved so much more.

"I would give you the release you seek." His deep voice nearly growled the words. "But it may be too soon."

"I want this. Help me. Please." The fervent desire so drove me I didn't even mind that I seemed to be begging him for help.

"Can you touch yourself? Have you done that?"

Odd that I could be embarrassed, fully naked and writhing in his arms, but I buried my face in his neck, wondering if I could truly speak about this. "I did some, before . . . that time. But not after. I felt-"

"How did you feel?" He held me with such tenderness, as if he didn't feel the same mindless urgency I did. So controlled.

"I can't say it."

"Yes, you can. Lance the wound. The words are your blade. Use them to open it and let it all out. I'm here with you."

Absurd to think of words as a blade. Such simple things to confess, yet they sliced at me, old and jagged, rusty with stagnant blood.

"Dirty. I felt soiled. And it hurt."

He made a small sound. "You were so young. Of course it hurt. You were torn."

"Yes. I bled. Some. Not a lot, but I couldn't bear to think about it, so I just stuffed some cloth in there and tried to forget. Then the blood dried and it hurt even more, and when I pulled the cloth out finally, because I was afraid I'd get infected and die, it bled again."

"Oh, my hawk. Why didn't you at least see a healer?"

"I kept it secret. Told my maids my woman's time was heavy and they were all sympathetic. They gave me tea for cramps." I laughed a little into his shoulder, a watery sound.

"So brave," he murmured, kissing my temple.

"No. I was desperately afraid and miserable. Over time it stopped hurting so much and I healed. But I never touched myself there, no more than I needed to."

"Does it pain you now?"

I lifted my head and looked him in the eyes. "Not pain, but different. Aching. I want you to try again."

"It doesn't have to be tonight."

"What if tomorrow sees an end to either or both of us? I want to try. I'm tired of being a coward."

"That you could never be." He brushed my lips with his, deepened the kiss, a blacksmith stoking the fires again, thumbs caressing my nipples, and he held me afloat with his big hands spanning my rib cage. When he had me panting again, very nearly as desperate as before, he turned me in his arms. "Let's try this."

29.

He had me lie back in the circle of one arm and slipped the other under my back, so I floated in the water. We kissed like that for a while, the fever burning hotter. "Touch yourself, Ursula. When you're ready. Try it a little bit."