"My heart has no wish left alive in it," she said. "There have been days when I had wish for the hut under the palms where my mother lived. A childish wish,--but other wishes are dead!"

"There is no going back," he said, staring at the tiles, and not looking at her. "It is of future things we must think. He said things--Perez did, and you----"

"Yes!" she half whispered. "There is no way but to tell of it, but--I would ask that the child wait outside. The story is not a story for a girl child, Ramon."

He motioned to Tula.

"Outside the door, but in call," he said, and without a word or look Tula went softly out.

There was silence for a bit between them, her hands were clasped at full length, and she leaned forward painfully tense, looking not at him, but past him.

"It is not easy, but you will comprehend better than many," she said at last. "There were three of us. There was my little brother Palemon, who ran away last year to be a soldier--he was only fourteen. Jose would not let me send searchers for him, and he may be dead. Then there was only--only Lucita and me. You maybe remember Lucita?"

Her question was wistful as if it would help her to even know he remembered. He nodded his head in affirmation.

"A golden child," he said. "I have seen pictured saints and angels in great churches since the days in the hills, but never once so fair a child as little Lucita."

"Yes, white and gold, and an angel of innocence," she said musingly.

"Always she was that, always! And there was a sweetheart, Mariano Avila, a good lad, and the wedding was to be. She was embroidering the wedding shirt for Mariano when--G.o.d! G.o.d!"

She got up suddenly and paced the floor, her arms hugging her shoulders tight as if to keep from sobbing. He rose and stood watching, but uttered no word.

After a little she returned to the couch, and began to speak in a more even tone.

"There is so much to tell. Much happened. Conrad was driving Jose to do many things not at first in their plans. Also there was more drinking,--much more! It was Conrad made plans for the slave raids. He no longer asked Jose's permission for anything; he gave command to the men and Jose had to listen. Only one secret thing was yet hidden from him, the hiding place of the guns from the north. Jose said if that was uncovered he might as well give up his ranchos. In his heart he could not trust Conrad. Each had a watch set on the other! Juan got his death because he made rendezvous with the German.

"That is how it was when the slave raid was made north of here, and the most beautiful Indian girl killed herself somewhere in this desert when there was no other way to escape the man;--the scar on the face of Conrad was from her knife. It was a bad cut, and after that there was trouble, and much drink and mad quarrels. Also it was that time Juan Gonsalvo was shot and died from it. Juana, his sister, came in secret for me while he could yet speak, and that was when----"

She halted, closing her eyes as if to shut out some horror. He thought she shrank from remembrance of how the secret of Soledad was given to her, for Juan must have been practically a dead man when he gave it up. After a moment she went on in the sad tone of the utterly hopeless.

"I speak of the mad quarrels of those two men, Ramon, but it was never of that I had fear. The fear came each time the quarrel was done, and they again swore to be friends, for in the new 'friend hours' of drinking, strange things happened, strange wagers and strange gifts."

Again she paused, and this time she lifted her eyes to Rotil.

"Always I hated the German. I never carried a blade until after his eyes followed me! He tried to play the prince, the great gentleman, with me--a girl of the hills! Only once he touched my hand, and I scoured it with sand afterwards while Jose laughed. But the German did not laugh,--he only watched me! Once when Jose was in a rage with me Conrad said he could make of me a great lady in his own land if I would listen. Instead of listening I showed him my knife. After that G.o.d only knows what he told against me, but Jose became bitter--bitter, and jealous, and spies always at my back!

"So Lucita and Mariano and I made plans. They were to marry, and we three would steal away in secret and cross the border. That was happiness to plan, for my life--my life was h.e.l.l, so I thought! But I had not yet learned what h.e.l.l could be," she confessed drearily.

"Tell me," he said very gently. Those who thought they knew "El Gavilan," the merciless, would not have recognized his voice at that moment.

"No, I had not learned," she went on drearily. "I thought that to carry a knife for myself made all safe--I did not know! I told you Juana Gonsalvo came for me very secretly to hear the last words of Juan. But I did not tell you we lived in the _casita_, little Lucita and I. It is across a garden from the hacienda, and was once a priest's house; that was in the days of the mother of Jose. It is very sweet there under the rose vines, and it was sanctuary for us. When Jose and the German had their nights of carouse we went there and locked ourselves in. There were iron bars on the high windows, and shutters of wood inside, so we were never afraid. I heard Conrad tell Jose he was a fool not to blow it up with dynamite some day of fiesta.

It was the night after their great quarrel, and it was a terrible time. They were pledging friendship once more in much wine. Officers from the town were at the hacienda with women who were--well, I would not go in, and Jose was wild. He came to the _casita_ and called threats at me. I thought the German was with him, for he said Conrad was right, and the house would be blown up with the first dynamite he could spare,--but threats were no new thing to us! I tried to soothe little Lucita by talk of the wedding, and all the pretty bride things were taken out of the chest and spread on the bed; one _rebosa_ of white I put over her shoulders, and the child was dancing to show me she was no longer afraid----!

"That was when Juana came to the window. I knew her voice and opened the door. I did not want Lucita frightened again, so I did not let her know a man was dying--only that a sick person wanted me for a little--little minute, and I would be back.

"I knew Juan Gonsalvo had been killed because he had been trusted far enough,--I knew it! That thought struck me very hard, for I--I might be the next, and I wanted first to send those two children happily out of reach of sorrow. Strange it is that because she was first, the very first in my heart, I went out that door in the night and for the first time left her alone! But that is how it was; we had to be so quick--and so silent--and it was her hand closed the door after us, her hand on the bolt!

"Juan Gonsalvo had only fought for life until he could see me, and then the breath went. No one but I heard his whispers of the door of the picture here in Soledad. He told me his death was murder, and his last word was against Perez. It was only minutes, little minutes I was there, and the way was not far, but when I went back through the garden the door of the _casita_ stood wide and light streamed out! I do not know how I was sure it was empty, but I was, and I seemed to go dead inside, though I started to run.

"To cross that garden was like struggling in a dream with bands about my feet. I wake with that dream many nights--many!--I heard her before I could reach the path. Her screams were not in the _casita_, but in the hacienda. They were--they were--terrible! I tried to go--and then I knew she had broken away--I could see her like a white spirit fly back towards the light in the open door. The man following her tripped in some way and fell, and I leaped over him to follow her. We got inside and drew the bolt.

"Then--But there are things not to be told--they belong to the dead!

"Perez came there to the door and made demands for Conrad's woman,--that is how he said it! He said she had gone to Conrad's apartment of her own will and must go back. Lucita knelt at my feet in her torn bridal garment and told how a woman had come as Juana had come, and said that I wanted her. The child had no doubt, she followed, and--and it was indeed to that drunken beast they took her!

"Jose was also drunk, crazy drunk. He told me to stand away from that door for they were coming in, also that he had made gift of Lucita to his friend, and she must be given up. Then they began to fire guns in the lock! It seemed a long, long time she held to me there and begged me to save her, but it could not have been.... The lock gave way, and only the bolt held. I clasped her close to me and whispered telling her to pray, but I never took my eyes off the door. When I saw it shaking, I made the sign of the cross over her, and the knife I had carried for myself found her heart quickly! That is how I took on me the shadow of murder, and that is why the priest threatens me with the fires of h.e.l.l if I do not repent--and I am not repenting, Ramon."

"By G.o.d, no!" he muttered, staring into her defiant eyes. "That was a fine thing, and your mother gave good blood to her children, Jocasta.

And then----?"

"I laid her on the bed among her bridal laces, all white--white! Over her breast I folded her still hands, and set a candle at her head, though I dared not pray! The door was giving way.

"I pushed back the bolt, also I spoke, but it did not seem me! That is strange, but of a truth I did not know the voice I heard say: 'Enter, her body is yours--and she no longer flees from you.'

"'Ha! That is good sense at last!' said Jose, and Conrad laughed and praised himself as a lover.

"'I told you so!' he grunted. 'The little dear one knows that a nice white German is not so bad!'

"And again I heard the voice strange to me say, 'She knows nothing, Jose--and she knows all!'

"Jose stumbled in smiling, but Conrad, though drunk, stopped at the door when he saw my hand with the knife. I thought my skirt covered it as I waited for him--for the child had told me enough--I--I failed, Ramon! His oath was a curious choked scream as I tried to reach him.

I do not know if it was the knife, or the dead girl on the bed made him scream like that, but I knew then the German was at heart a coward.

"Jose was too strong for me, and the knife could not do its work. I was struck, and my head m.u.f.fled in a _serape_. After that I knew nothing.

"Days and nights went by in a locked room. I never got out of it until I was chained hand and foot and sent north in a peon's ox-cart. Men guarded me until Marto with other men waited for me on the trail. Jose Perez could have had me killed, yes. Or he could have had me before the judges for murder, but silence was the thing he most wanted--for there is Dona Dolores Terain yet to be won. He has sent me north that the General Terain, her father, will think me out of his life. One of the guards told an alcalde I was his wife, he was sure that story would be repeated back to Hermosillo! These are days in Sonora when no one troubles about one woman or one child who is out of sight, and we may be sure he and Conrad had a well-made story to tell. He knows it is now all over with me, that I have a hate of which he is afraid, so he does not have me shot;--he only sends me to Soledad in the wilderness where fighting bands of the revolution cross all trails, and his men have orders that I am not to go out of the desert alive."

"I see!" said Rotil thoughtfully, "and--it is all gone now--the love of him?"

"All the love in the world is gone, amigo," she said, looking away from him through the barred window where the night sky was growing bright from the rising moon. "I was a child enchanted by the glory of the world and his love words. Out of all that false glitter of life I have walked, a blackened soul with a murderer's hand. How could love be again with me?"

He looked at her steadily, the slender thing of creamy skin and Madonna eyes that had been the Dream of Youth to him, the one devotee at an altar in whom he had believed--nothing in the humanity of the world would ever have faith of his again!

"That is so, Jocasta," he said at last, "you are a woman, and in the shadow. The little golden singing one is gone out of your life, and the new music must be different! I will think about that for you. Go now to your sleep, for there is work of men to be done, and the night scarce long enough for it."

He opened the door for her and stood with bent head as she pa.s.sed. His men lounging in the patio could see that manner of deference, and exchanged looks and comments. To the victor belong the spoils in Mexico, and here was a sweeping victory,--yet the general looked the other way!

"Child, accompany the senora," he said kindly to Tula at the door.

"Chappo, bring Marto to see me. The new American capitan said he was a man of value, and the lad was right. Work of importance waits for him tonight."

CHAPTER XVIII

RAMON ROTIL DECIDES

Whatever the labors of Marto Cavayso for the night they appeared to have been happy ones, for ere the dawn he came to Kit's door in great good humor.