Both of them were horrified at this revelation. "Ye dunno' say!"

She went on in a low voice. "I have been showing her the truth of the order she formerly served. I want her to know that what the Shimat truly are."

The old man could see where she was going with this and started to shake his head. "Ye be a sly one, la.s.s. Ye know I canno' deny ye now."

She didn't reply, but waited for the man to think things through. Finally, he held out his hands to Adesina and her mother. "Ye'll haf ta guide me a bit'o. I dunno' know what ye wan'te see."

E'rian took one hand and gestured that her daughter should take the other. This time, when the flash of light faded, she stood with them inside the memory.

Adesina was about to question her mother why she had come along this time, but mayhem broke out around them. They were standing in the middle of the main street of a village when a man on a horse came riding into the middle of the crowd, shouting to the villagers.

"The king has been murdered!"

Shouts erupted everywhere.

"How could this have happened?"

"He was heavily guarded both day and night!"

"What of the queen?"

The man on the horse answered this last question. "She is also dead!"

"What will become of the monarchy?"

"What of the young prince?"

The man shook his head. "Dead! They are all dead!"

He spurred his horse onward to spread the news to the next village. The pandemonium continued long after he was gone: shouting, wailing, people running in all directions.

Off to the side of the street Adesina spotted the woman Shimat who had stood in the king's study. She was barely visible, hiding in the shadows. There was a slight smile on her face as she watched the chaos around her.

The enveloping light took them away from the scene and placed them in another. E'rian guided Adesina through a myriad of memories all belonging to the old man. Some of them were short, others took several minutes to view. All of them showed how the old farmer's entire life had been affected by the invisible influences of the Shimat.

Whispers of murder, neighbors blackmailed, children gone missing, rumors of shadows come to life.

The Shimat were still called old wives' tales, but the underlying fear plagued every southern home. Even though the old farmer had not recognized all the signs of their presence in his life, Adesina did. She saw their hidden power shape the world around them for their personal gain.

The final memory shown to Adesina was of the old farmer's death.

He and his aged wife were taken from their home to a dark, unknown room. Three Shimat began questioning them about a visitor they had had in their home.

The old man of the memory shook his head in genuine confusion. "I dunno' know what ye mean! We be takin' no visitors!"

The first Shimat smiled unpleasantly. "Do not make this harder on yourselves. Tell us what we need to know, and you will be spared."

Adesina knew from his tone of voice that the old couple would not live no matter what information they gave him.

Still, they tried to convince him that they didn't know what he was talking about. The Shimat looked at each other in a twisted sort of antic.i.p.ation and began torturing their prisoners.

Adesina couldn't bring herself to watch the horror before her. She jerked her hand free in order to stop her ears.

The flash of light returned her to the cottage, where the old woman was patiently waiting. The abrupt return left the young woman feeling disoriented, but not enough to drive from her mind what she had seen. She gripped the armrests of the chair she occupied, feeling nauseated.

She felt her mother's arms pull her in. "Ma'eve? Are you all right, love?"

Adesina had noticed that while Dreaming she was much more emotional. It probably had to do with the connection with her vyala. She didn't know how to handle the overwhelming feelings washing over her in waves. She struggled to breath, trying to tame the grief and despair crushing her chest.

She used her vyala to send her back to her own world, jerking her out of the Dream. Adesina laid on her back, staring at the night sky, sobbing quietly.

Chapter Twenty-seven: Darkness.

E'nes, who was on guard duty, was instantly at her side with his hand on her arm. "Adesina? Are you all right?"

She managed a nod as she sat up. She hurriedly wiped away any trace of her sorrow, but found that it was soon replaced with more tears. The strengthened emotions of her Dreams had carried over into the waking part of her life, and she found she could not control them. Tears streamed freely from her eyes and, try as she might, she could not stop them.

He put his arms around her, saying nothing but letting her know that she was not alone. Once again, Adesina's instinct was to pull away from his touch, but she fought the reaction and wept into his shoulder.

For the first time since she was five years old, she allowed herself to be something other than a warrior and was grateful to be held and comforted. The night was silent, and for a few precious minutes, it seemed like they were alone.

"My entire life has been a lie," Adesina whispered to her brother. She pushed away to look him in the eye. "I have done terrible things, E'nes."

He brushed her hair from her face. "Father will understand why you did what you did, Adesina. No one blames you for being manipulated."

She shook her head stubbornly. "I am not just talking about the things that I did as a Shimat. I mean the things that I did as part of my traininga"things that I chose to do to further my standing in the order."

When E'nes didn't say anything, she continued. "Did you know I committed my first murder when I was fourteen years old?"

The expression of stunned disbelief on her brother's face urged her to go on. "At the time I thought it was an execution, but-"

"It does not matter, Adesina," he interrupted. "None of that matters now."

New tears began to fall. "How can it not matter?"

He gently wiped them away. "Because you cannot change it. What matters now is how you choose to move forward."

She found his words comforting, but was having a hard time believing them. It felt impossible to be free of her past. How could she move forward when she was so weighed down by a lifetime of misguided choices?

She was still pondering this the next morning when L'iam came to speak to her, carrying a canvas sack.

Adesina was sitting away from the group, wanting to be alone. He knelt before her, looking into her eyes with unnerving clarity.

"I am returning your weapons to you."

The young woman studied him warily. "Why would you do that?"

His expression was grim. "We will soon be entering part of a forest that is favored by thieves and other miscreants. It will be best if we are all armed."

She took the canvas bag slowly, as if not sure whether or not to believe him. "Why would you choose to travel through such a dangerous place?"

L'iam gave her a half smile. "To avoid notice and to save time. A day and a half through this forest saves us several days of going around. As long as we keep our more distinct features hidden, we blend in rather well. No one will take note of us."

Keeping to this statement, they were all provided with long, hooded cloaks the following day. E'nes showed Adesina how to keep her hood pulled down while retaining the ability to keep a watchful eye.

The forest was resting up against a sharp range of impenetrable mountains. Pa.s.sing through the woods took them around to the back side of the mountains. At first Adesina wasn't sure if she would be able to tell when they had entered the section of forest that was apparently fraught with danger, but the change was noticeable.

The first thing that caught her attention was that this part of the forest was old. Strangely, much older than the surrounding forests, and also older than any she had ever seen in the southern lands. It had the slight smell of decay mingled with the other scents of a woodland. Adesina could also see why it would be a place favored by criminals. There was almost no light and there was an abundance of hiding places.

They rode at a measured pace, trying not to appear too hurried. Their hoods were always pulled down around their faces, even when they stopped for the night.

Adesina, impatient to be both of a.s.sistance and to be alone, volunteered to gather the firewood. She was quite a distance away from the camp when she heard the stealthy approach of several unseen figures.

Setting her jaw in aggravation, she put down the armful of wood she had collected and checked to make sure her hood was in place. When this was done, she glanced at her surroundings.

Ten silhouettes appeared in the gloom, encircling her. The one standing closest to her spoke first. "h.e.l.lo, girlie. Strayed too far from your friends, have you?"

"What do you want?" she asked in a cold voice.

The man chuckled roughly. "Well, you see, we normally do not bother other travelers in this lonely place we call home, but since you so willingly wandered into our camp, we thought you might give us a bit of friendly conversation."

Adesina had never before been threatened by anyone other than her peers. She felt an odd sort of an angry thrill shoot down her spine and her limbs became alive with adrenaline.

"If you do not walk away right now, none of you will ever walk again," she said in a tightly controlled voice.

There was a round of guffaws as the men began tightening the circle around her. The spokesman of the group gave her a leering grin. "Now, is that any way to talk to a stranger? You should learn to be more welcoming."

Something awakened deep inside of Adesina, transforming the despondency that she had been feeling the past several days into pure rage. That anger took focus on the faceless forms in front of her, as if they had been the ones who had betrayed her. Her hands moved to the clasp of the cloak, removing it and tossing it to the side. Then she reached back and drew her Blood Sword.

The stances of the figures became wary when they saw how she easily handled her blade. It was clear they had not antic.i.p.ated her militant reaction. She hadn't cowered or begged for mercy, which is what they were accustomed to seeing.

In spite of their sudden apprehension, it was too late for them to back down.

Two men moved to grab her from behind, but she pivoted and brought them down with two fluid strokes of her sword. The fury she felt swelled in satisfaction at the wet glint of blood on her sword and the bodies crumpled at her feet. She had overpowered them with ease, and the feeling was gratifying.

There were cried of dismay from the rest of the group and the speaker pushed up his sleeves angrily. "Right, then."

They all attacked at once.

Adesina moved like quicksilver, using the chaos to her advantage, and three more fell before they knew what was happening. She evaded every blow, flicking her sword expertly. One man fell to his knees, clutching his neck. Another keeled over from a stomach wound. One by one they fell until only the speaker was left.

Adesina had kept him for last. She brought him to his knees, pressing her blade against his neck hard enough to draw blood.

"Please!" he begged, "Please spare me!"

Something forced its way to the front of the young woman's mind.

It was as if the eyes of her mother were on her, filled with sorrow and disappointment. She looked at the carnage around her and the pleasure she had felt from the wrathful violence now made her feel sick.

The soft crackle of undergrowth brought her head around and she saw that E'nes, L'iam and Sa'jan were standing fifty feet away, staring at her in shock.

Adesina desperately wished she could hide the gruesome scene from their sight.

She lowered her sword and allowed the man before her to scramble away. Even after the noise of his escape faded into the distance, the L'avan stood still.

Adesina ventured one glance to her companions, but she couldn't stand how they were looking at her. She could see that she was a monster in their eyes.

Her mind was numb and she couldn't think straight. Moving mechanically, Adesina cleaned her sword of the blood and gore, and replaced it in the sheath on her back. Then she pulled out several small squares of white cloth from a pouch on her belt and went from body to body, staining each with the blood of the fallen.

She picked up her cloak and the firewood she had gathered, walked back to the camp and deposited the wood beside the fire. She took the squares of cloth and placed them on the burning logs, wafting the smoke onto her face.

A mocking voice in her mind laughed as she went through the motions of the ritual she had been taught. Yes, it seemed to say, honor the dead, you creature of the Shimat. She felt a deep sense of despair, knowing that she would always be what they had made of her.

Her eyes stung, but she knew it wasn't from the ritual.

She wrapped herself in her cloak and moved away from the group. Adesina wanted desperately to be alone, and yet she wished someone would come and sit with her.

From the dark she studied the L'avan. Those who had witnessed her encounter with the thieves preoccupied themselves with some task or another, avoiding looking in her direction. L'iam was speaking to Sa'jan in a low voice on the outskirts of the camp opposite of her. The remaining L'avan could sense that something was wrong, but said nothing. They tried to go about their duties as if everything was the same as before.

K'eb walked over to offer Adesina some food, but she shook her head before he got close enough to speak. After that, everyone left her alone.

Ravi had gone off on his own not long after the camp had been set up, and reappeared about an hour after the incident. Adesina a.s.sumed he had been hunting.

He spoke to E'nes for a few minutes before coming to lay beside her. He did not say anything, but leaned his head against her leg and began to hum. Adesina placed a trembling hand on his back, fighting a torrent of overwhelming emotions.

Long after everyonea"save the night guarda"had gone to bed, she sat beside the tree, staring into the darkness both around her and inside of her.

She had wanted to believe that she was still a good person, in spite of the fact that she had been used by the Shimat order. She had wanted to believe that she was not lost, even though her training had been so deeply instilled.

Tonight she had discovered what kind of a person she was in truth.

Adesina was ill with self-loathing. She had always looked at herself as a warrior and had taken pride in defending her homeland, but now she saw that she was a weapon. Nothing but a tool ruled by a lifetime of conditioning.

When she looked at the sleeping forms of the L'avan she felt the contrast keenly. These were all honorable mena"men who valued integrity and had individual worth. The Shimat valued ruthlessness, artifice, and only saw an individual for the skills he or she brought to the whole.

Adesina didn't know where she fit in. She was too much an instrument of the Shimat to belong to the L'avan, but she knew deep down that she could never return to the Shimat and serve their corrupt purposes.

She got to her feet silently. Ravi raised his head, but did not stop her as she walked away. Adesina didn't know where she was going. She only knew that she couldn't travel with people so radically different from herself. Her lack of self-control had endangered the entire group and had destroyed their attempts at traveling in secrecy. More than that, though, she felt her presence was a taint on the company.

The young Shimat hadn't walked far when she spotted L'iam through the trees. She paused, debating how to best get around him, but he had already seen her.