Oh, machine guns, machine guns!

They're the things to rake the Kaiser aft and fore!

May they never jam on us Till we've gone and won this gosh-darn war!

Oh, machine guns are the handy things to drive the Fritzy out When he hides back of bags of sand; And machine guns are the dandy things to put the Hun to rout If he tries to regain his land.

So just keep the clips a-comin', and we'll give her all the juice As we speed along our glorious way: And Von Hindenburg and Ludendorff will beat it like the deuce When the little old rat-rattlers start to play!

CHORUS.

Oh, machine guns, machine guns!

They're the things to rake the Kaiser aft and fore!

May they never jam on us Till we've gone and won this gosh-darn war!

CAN'T DO WITHOUT 'EM

Scene: An A.E.F. cookshack, during sanitary inspection.

Enter, to the cook standing at attention, one major, U.S.M.C., accompanied by one major, British Army Medical Corps.

U.S. Major: "Well cook, how's everything going?"

Cook: "Rotten, sir; men are either all sick or away on D.S., and there's only the mess sergeant and myself to look out for things. You can't get along without K.P.'s."

U.S. Major (to his British friend): "Major, you told me you knew a good deal of American Army slang; what would you say our friend the cook meant by 'K.P.'s'?"

British Major: "K.P.'s? Why, ah-er, I should say that cook was undoubtedly referring to the Knights of Pythias!"

FAMILY HOTEL, 7, Ave. du Trocadero.

Full board from 10 francs.

HOTEL D'ALBE, Av. Champs-Elysees & Avenue de l'Alma, Paris.

PATRONISED BY AMERICANS.

ONE EYE IS NOT TRUE BLUE.

So a Hoosier Patriot Tries to Return It to Berlin.

Paul Gary of Anderson, Indiana, is all American, with the exception of a gla.s.s eye. The subst.i.tute optic is alien. Gary tried to enlist in the U. S.

Marine Corps at their recruiting station in Louisville, Ky., but was rejected when his infirmity was discovered by Sergeant G. C. Wright.

"Didn't you know that the loss of an eye would prevent your enlisting?"

asked the sergeant.

"I thought it might," explained Gary, "but this gla.s.s blinker is the only part of me that was made in Germany, and I want to take it back."

He was advised to mail it.

QUITE RIGHT.

"Do you suffer from headaches?" queried the M. O.

"Certainly I do," rejoined the hurried infantry officer. "If I enjoyed them as I do whisky and soda, I wouldn't have consulted you!"--_Aussie_, the Australian Soldiers' Magazine.

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE _READING ROOM_

194 Rue de Rivoli.

Open daily 2.30 to 5 p.m.

ALBERTI'S _Grand Cafe_

KNICKERBOCKER 14, Bd des Capucines, 1, Rue Scribe, PARIS.

LUNCH 7 francs DINNER 8 francs (wine included)

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