I'm proud, believe me, of those new gold bars-- I wouldn't swap 'em for the General's stars; And the little stripe upon my blouse's sleeve Means that nevermore for splendor shall my young soul grieve,-- For bars and braid, you can plainly see, Make an awful lot of difference on plain O. D.!

THE Pa.s.sING OF THE CAMPAIGN HAT.

"The campaign hat is going; 'twill soon be _tres pa.s.se_-- The winds of war got under it and blew it far away; The General (he who owned it) cussed, as Generals sometimes do: "Get us," he cried, "a hat to stick; with this blank kind I'm through!"

His orderly picked up the hat, all battered, torn and frayed, "Quite right," he ruminated, "you won't do for parade; Yet, good old lid, you've got your place--perhaps not over here, But there are regions in the States that hold your memory dear."

"The shadow of your ugly shape has blacked the Western plains; It brought relief to border towns all soaked with tropic rains; The sight of you, at column's head, made redskins turn and flee,-- O'er barren land you've led the van that fights for Liberty.

The Filipino knows you; his protection you have meant, And the wily Pancho Villa never dared to try and dent The contour of your homely crown or chip your wobbly brim,-- You, old chapeau, spelt business; and that left no room for him!

"From far Alaska's ice-bound coast to Porto Rico's strand, You've kept the sun and rain and sleet from Uncle Sam'yal's band; You've stood for no blame nonsense, and you've brooked no talking back, And cleaner towns and cities fair have sprung up in your track.

You--what's the use?--you've been there since the days of 'Ninety-Eight-- You've weathered twenty years of squalls--and now you get the gate!

But you're too good a soldier, old dip, to cuss or cry; So--(there he heaved it into s.p.a.ce)--goodby, old hat; goodby!"

OVER THE TOP THREE WAYS.

Feet, Tank and Plane Tried by this U. S. Officer--Ready for Next.

If they ever invent a new way of going over the top, there's one American officer who will probably be on hand to try the new wrinkle.

The French Government has decorated him with the Croix de Guerre for going over the sacks in every way known to date.

First, he went over with the French infantry in an attack last spring.

Though detailed as an observer, and not required to take too many chances, the officer was one of the first wave to cross No Man's Land.

He stayed with his unit until the objective was gained, and when it had to fall back before a heavy counter-attack he fell back fighting with it.

Some weeks later he went over the top in a tank. He followed that trip a few days later by an aeroplane observation flight. For the greater part of an afternoon the plane cruised up and down a German sector watching the effect of big French sh.e.l.ls on concrete defences.

The Boche anti-aircraft guns made it warm for the American flier, but he was still an enthusiastic aviator when the plane came to a successful landing on its own field at dusk.

WHERE HE GETS OFF.

(A sample letter).

France, January, 1918.

I. Rook.u.m, Gents' Tailor, U. S. A.

"Dear Sir:--

"Your interesting advertis.e.m.e.nt of spring styles for young men, k.n.o.bby clothes for business wear, and so forth, just received.

"While I appreciate your thinking of me, I am glad to say I have changed my tailor, and will not require your services until peace is declared.

"U. S. & Co. are now supplying me with some very nifty suitings of khaki, which I find best adapted to my present line of business. They don't get shiny in the seat of the trousers--for the simple reason that I never have time to sit down.

"They are also supplying me with headwear, their latest in that line being a derby-like affair with a stiff steel crown, which affords me better protection against the elements and the shrapnel than anything any civilian hatter has furnished me.

"Thanking you for past favors, and hoping to see you on the dock when the transport pulls in a couple of years from now, I remain,

"Yours truly, "I. Don't Needum, Pvt., A. E. F."

TWO SAMARITANS IN SKIRTS.

In the Modern Parable, They Aid a Poilu Chauffeur.

The woman motorcar driver has made her appearance in the zone of the army. A few of them are driving big motor trucks for the Y.M.C.A. and are making good at the job.

During a recent heavy snowstorm, two trucks driven by young women were sliding along a winding road carrying supplies to a hut from a depot when they came upon a big French lorry stalled in a ditch. The French soldier in charge was tinkering with the engine, having stalled it while trying to pull into the road again. He wasn't having much success.

Both the women, garbed in short skirts, high and heavy leather boots, and woolen caps that pulled down well over their ears, climbed down from their seats and between them first managed to get the engine in the stalled lorry started, and then one of them took her place behind the wheel and by skilful manoeuvring brought all four wheels to the road.

The Frenchman stood to one side during the whole of the operation and watched the women with astonishment.

WELLS FARGO & CO.

4 RUE SCRIBE, PARIS

Head Office: 51 Broadway, NEW YORK

Take pleasure in announcing to the

AMERICAN AND BRITISH EXPEDITIONARY FORCES