"You can't mean that."

"I don't know. I think a lot about it. I plan . . . and sometimes it seems the only way."

"Think of your career.''

"We could go right away . . . start afresh."

"No. It would be wrong. Besides . . ." He looked so wretched that I could not tell him I was not sure if he were free and asked me to marry him that I would. I was so sorry for him. I was so fond of him. I did not want to hurt him more than he had been already by telling him that I was not in love with him.

He said: "I feel so frustrated at times. Julia is ... intolerable. It becomes more difficult every day. Sometimes I feel I would do anything . . . just anything to end it all. Now that you are here it is even harder to bear."

''Perhaps I should go to Paris for a while. That could be easily arranged."

"No . . . no." He held me closer. "Don't go."

I was aware that Julia was watching. She was not dancing. She was standing with her hands gripping one of the chairs as though to support her. The inevitable glass was in her hand and I noticed that she was swaying dangerously and some of the champagne had slopped over onto her dress; Then suddenly she cried out: "Listen everyone. I have something to say."

She stood on the chair. I thought she was going to topple over at any moment. There was a stunned silence. The music stopped. She pointed at Drake. ''That,'' she said, ''is my husband, Drake Aldringham, an ambitious politician." Her words were slurred and to my horror I realized that she was completely intoxicated. "He doesn't want me. That's the one he wants . . . that one he is dancing with . . . holding her tightly . . . whispering to her . . . telling her what a terrible time he has with me. He wants her, the dressmaker, Lenore the bastard. No, he doesn't want me. I'm only his wife. She is his mistress. She's taken him away from me."

There was a deep silence. I could feel the furtive glances which were coming our way.

Drake went to her and said in a voice of disgust: "Julia, you are drunk."

She began to laugh wildly. She would have fallen if Drake had not caught her. Then she slid gently from his arms and lay prone on the floor, her eyes wide, staring at nothing.

I saw Charles making his way towards her.

"Better get her upstairs," he said and it seemed to me that he could not quite hide his amusement.

Cassie was beside me. "We ought to go home," she said.

And so ... the party was over.

I cannot think clearly even now what happened after Julia's outburst. I felt stunned. I was aware of people about me, avoiding looking at me.

Cassie was strong and practical in a crisis. She had taken my arm and I found myself outside the house. The carriage was to have come for us much later so there was no conveyance to take us home.

Cassie said: "Let's walk."

So we walked through the streets, she holding my arm, saying nothing. I was glad of that.

As we entered the house Grand'mere came down to see what had happened and we went into her room to talk about it. She listened horrified.

"Poor Julia!" said Cassie. "She was quite unaware of what she was doing . . . what she was saying."

"It must have been in her mind," I said. "How could she make such false accusations before all those people!"

"They will all know that she was drunk."

"That was obvious. But what she said! People will believe the worst."

"My dear child," said Grand'mere, "try to be calm. We'll find some way out of this. Perhaps you could go away. You could go back to Paris." She stopped, frowning. I knew what she was thinking; go back where I might possibly fall into the hands of the Comte. I could sense her weighing up the situation and deciding that in spite of the scandal and the difficult times ahead I was safer here.

"That would seem like running away," I said.

She nodded. "I'll tell you what. I'm going to make us a nice soothing drink. We'll take it and get a good night's sleep. We'll all feel better in the morning."

In spite of the drink I could not sleep. I did doze a little at dawn only to wake with a feeling of deep depression as the memory of that disastrous night came flooding back to me.

Could I leave? I wondered. I wished the Countess were here. With her worldly wisdom she would have summed up the position more clearly than the rest of us could. Suppose the Comte was still in Paris. He would think I had come back to be near him. He would continue his pursuit. I wondered whether I should find it irresistible.

I felt that I wanted to look at the situation more clearly than I had on the previous night. Of one thing I was certain: those who had been present would already be telling their friends of that scene last night. For a woman to accuse her husband of adultery with someone there, had surely never happened before. Those who had witnessed this scene would want to take advantage of having been eye witnesses.

I wondered what would happen now. Would credence be given to the story that I was Drake's mistress? I was sure it would.

Perhaps I should get away after all.

I thought of being in Paris ... of the possibility of seeing him, putting all this unpleasantness behind me. They would be sure I was running away-and so I should be!

A day passed. We were very busy. Far from custom falling off, there were many who could not curb their curiosity and came on the pretext of buying something. I stayed out of sight.

Two days later to my amazement Julia came to the salon.

Cassie came to tell me that she wanted to see me.

''I can't see her,'' I said. ''I think it better that I should not."

"She is very distressed," said Cassie. "She's crying. She must see you, she says. She can't rest until she does."

I hesitated but Cassie was looking at me pleadingly. Cassie had become very motherly over the years and she seemed to feel that her mission in life was to protect us all.

"Do see her," begged Cassie. "I hate these quarrels in families."

So I agreed.

Julia came in. She was rather pale and the receding colour made the tiny veins in her cheeks more visible. She looked older and pathetic.

We regarded each other in silence for a moment, then she burst out: "Oh, Lenore, I am so terribly sorry. I didn't know what I was doing. . . what I was saying. I don't remember much about it. I was standing on a chair . . . and I don't know how I got up there."

"You shouted a terrible accusation about Drake and me."

"I didn't mean to."

"How could you think such things?" 1 demanded. "They must have been in your mind."

"I'm so unhappy, Lenore. I think I've always been jealous of you. Drake liked you from the first. . . better than he ever liked me."

"He's married to you, Julia."

''I know, but that doesn't mean everything, does it? He doesn't love me. Sometimes I'm frantic. I was afraid that he'd marry you. That's why I tried to stop it... like I did when we were at Swaddingham and I forced my maid to pretend she was the ghost up in that gallery ... the ghost that appears to warn them about marrying ..."

I was puzzled then I remembered.

"Oh Julia," I said, "how could you be so ... so foolish. Your implications are untrue."

"I'm so sorry, Lenore."

''The harm is done now. What are people thinking? They are believing you, of course."

"I will tell them all that I did not know what I was saying. Sometimes I think Drake hates me. It maddens me ... makes me frantic." I could see that she was beginning to get hysterical again and I had to calm her.

"All right, Julia," I said. "Let's try to forget it."

"Do you mean that?"

"Yes, I do. Let me tell you that I am not and never have been Drake's mistress."

"But he was on the point of marrying you once."

"He did not ask me to, Julia. Forget it. He has married you."

"Yes," she said. "He did that, didn't he?" She was smiling a little slyly remembering I supposed how she had tricked him.

In spite of everything I was sorry for her. She was a poor hysterical woman. She might be rich but life had not gone very well for her. She had been obsessed with Drake from the moment she had seen him and would clearly use any means, however dishonest, to get him.

"Do let's try to forget it," she said with a smile.

I thought: With London society aware of it? What harm was this going to do to Drake's career? A politician with an unstable wife could not hope for advancement. Perhaps even now the damage done was irrevocable.

I had not seen Drake since the outburst and I did not really want to. I feared what he might have to say for I believed he would be more eager to get away from Julia than ever. His career was in jeopardy. It might, even now, be impossible to save it.

But Julia was here before me. She was truly contrite. I was sure her remorse was genuine. It was true that she had been intoxicated and had not realized what she had said. What was the use of railing against her? I must try hard to remember that when she had drunk too much she did not know what she was saying. She was pitiful.

"I am going to try to give up drinking," she said. "I am sure I can if I try hard enough. It helps me, you see, Lenore. It helps me to forget. I wanted so much to help Drake, and then I did what I did the other night. It was seeing you dancing with him . . . and he looked so happy. I said to myself: Why is he not like that with me, and before I knew what I was doing ..."

"Please, Julia, do understand that he is just a good friend of mine. He married you. ..."

"Yes, he married me. So we are friends again, aren't we, Lenore?"

Cassie was looking at me pleadingly.

"Yes," I said, "we are friends."

Before the week was out a tragedy occurred which sent our little scandal to the back of people's minds.

Charles's house was burned down.

He had been alone in the upper part of the house. The servants were all in the basement. Charles had had a guest to dinner and had ordered that he was not to be disturbed. The guest must have departed for there was no sign of her. Charles had had a lucky escape. His valet, who had had the night off, had returned earlier than expected. Fortunately he had smelt the smoke coming from Charles's room. When he opened the door the flames shot out. He called to Charles, and there was no answer but he was convinced that Charles was in that room. Wrapping a damp towel about his face he investigated. Charles was sprawled across the bed, presumably overcome by fumes. He was unconscious but the valet, a very resourceful man, dragged him to safety. He gave Charles artificial respiration and by doing so saved his life.

Charles had indeed been fortunate. He could so easily have died in the fire and would certainly have done so but for the prompt action of his valet.

Julia cast aside her depression and became quite energetic. Charles's wife, Helen, was away in the north of England. There was no need for her to be disturbed, said Julia. Charles should come and live with her until something could be sorted out.

Katie was too observant not to have noticed that something was wrong.

"What did Aunt Julia do?" she asked. I pretended to look puzzled.

''It was something,'' she went on. ''People's mouths go straight when they talk about it as though they think it was wrong and are rather pleased about it."

"Oh . . . she is not very well."

"She seems well. She has such red cheeks. They are purple too."

I said to her on impulse: ''How would you like to go to Paris?''

''When are we going?''

"I didn't say that I would. I wondered if you would like to go and stay with the Countess."

"And leave you here?" She was dismayed.

"I. . .I thought you might like it."

"Why can't you come?"

"Well, there are things to keep me here and I thought you might like to go."

"I could see Raoul and the Comte. I'd like that but I'd want you to be there, too. Besides, the Comte wouldn't come to see me, would he? He comes to see you."

I was surprised at how much she knew. Children are far more aware than one sometimes realizes. I wondered how much she knew about the Comte's pursuit of me and my involvement with Julia and Drake.

Grand'mere came in. "Grand'mere," said Katie, "Mama thinks I might go to Paris.''

Grand'mere looked at me and I said hastily: "I thought Katie might like to go there for a while and stay with the Countess."

"Without you?" asked Grand'mere.

"Somehow I feel I ought to be here."

Grand'mere nodded.

"I wouldn't want to go without Mama," said Katie.

"I think you should both stay here for a while," added Grand'mere.

Afterwards she said: "You wouldn't want the child to go without you."

"It was just that I was thinking she might see more than we realize. She is aware that something is happening. She might have heard scraps of gossip. Children do. I thought it might be a good idea for her to get away for a while.''