For a rutted, sunbaked, dirt back road, this one sure got plenty of traffic. Tobias tugged on the reins and tried to calm Honey. She didn't like surprises, which didn't make her great for buggy pulling on the road. Tobias didn't much like surprises, either. Caleb had the same blue eyes and fair skin as his sisters. Rebekah's cheeks turned strawberry red. She had a beautiful face, high cheekbones, eyes the color of the ocean, dark-brown hair that peeked from under her kapp. Curves filled out her dress nicely.

He shook his head as if he could shake off those thoughts. Embarra.s.sment heated his already warm face even though he hadn't said a word. She'd left her post at the school in the middle of the day to meet a sister who'd left the faith. He should help her see the error of her ways, nothing more.

He cleared his throat. "Anyone else coming? You could have cla.s.s here, in the great outdoors, if more people show up."

"You're the one who kept spiking the volleyball the other night. What are you doing out here with my schweschder?" The boy popped to his feet and dusted off his hands on dirty pants. He sidled toward Rebekah, his gaze whipping back and forth. "Susan sent me to look for you. She was worried when you didn't come in from recess after lunch, what with the rattlesnakes and all-"

"Whoa, whoa." Rebekah held up her hands as if to stem the flow of words. "I'm right here. I took a walk and lost track of time and I ran into Tobias. He's on his way to the school to check if the snakes have regrouped at the outhouse."

Her gaze begged him to let it go. He shook his head. He wouldn't be party to a lie, not even to a young boy. It was wrong. "I was cutting across to reach the school quicker. I need to get home for lunch and back to the shop. I heard a car."

Let her explain the car. She still had a chance to redeem herself.

"A car. Out here?" Caleb patted Honey's forehead. "This horse is a beaut. A palomino, right? We have to get back before Susan sends out a whole posse to look for us."

Rebekah remained silent, her face miserable. How could someone look so sad and yet so beautiful? It didn't matter. A woman bent on breaking the rules of the Ordnung could not be considered fraa material.

What a hypocrite he was. If she only knew.

Tobias drew back from that white-hot, throbbing place where the memory of Serena resided, careful not to touch it directly. With time, perhaps, but for now, even the periphery of the memory hurt too much.

Daed insisted the move here would erase those feelings.

Feelings for a woman unsuitable for a Plain man.

He'd come to Bee County, Texas, half a country away from his heartache, so he could do just that. He had to establish himself here. Set up the leather shop, get some customers, start working on the custom-made saddles. Three weeks of intensive work to make one saddle. That would keep his mind and his heart occupied until he could trust himself to risk his heart again. It wouldn't be to a woman who broke the rules.

That didn't mean he couldn't be kind. "I'm headed to the school, anyway. Let me give you a ride." He scooted to one side in the buggy. "There's room and it'll be faster than walking."

She shook her head, her brilliant blue eyes cold as snow on a winter day up north. She most likely debated how much he would tell Susan. "We'll walk. It's not that far."

"Get in. We're headed the same direction."

If she shook her head any harder, her kapp would fall off. He wouldn't mind seeing the rest of her chestnut hair. Behave.

"We don't need a ride. We're fine."

"Nee, schweschder. I'm missing the spelling test." Caleb ended the disagreement by climbing into the buggy without so much as a by-your-leave. "Because of you. Let's go. I don't want to stay after school to finish. Susan will make me, you know she will."

Rebekah paused, hands on her hips, her expression grim. "Fine." She climbed into the buggy but squeezed herself against the far edge of the seat. "Can you hurry? I'm supposed to be helping the little ones with their numbers."

It was silent for several minutes as the buggy shook and shimmied over thick ridges and ruts in the road. Tobias glanced at her from the corners of his eyes. She seemed to be studying the ruts, her full lips turned down in a pout. "So what did your sister say about helping Lupe and Diego?"

"You saw Leila?" Caleb's voice shot up an octave and then back down in the typical boy-on-the-edge-of-growing-into-a-teenager way. "She was here? Did she bring the baby? What did she-?"

Rebekah's hand shot up in a stop position. Her glare, like a spotlight on a dark night, spoke volumes. "Jah, I saw her." Her voice quivered and broke. She turned in her seat so Tobias mostly saw her back and shoulders. A hard sniff followed. "She'll ask Jesse what he thinks."

"Why are you crying?" Caleb raised one hand as if to pat his sister's back. The hand dropped. Probably afraid she'd bite it off if he got too close. "That's good, right? We want them to stay, don't we?"

"I'm not crying. I never cry." She pivoted on the seat again. Her eyes were red but her mouth set. "I asked about them because they're only children and they're in a strange land and they have no one to help them."

They had no one to protect them. All children should have protectors. "Agreed."

"But . . ." Her mouth dropped open. She didn't appear to have a single filling in her even, white teeth. "You agree."

He shrugged. "Jah, but it doesn't matter. It's not up to you or me. It's up to the bishop and he told you not to talk to Leila and Jesse. You disobeyed. What's more, you know it. You have guilt written across your forehead in big red letters."

Caleb inched closer to his sister. "She probably meant well. That's what Mudder says. Rebekah always means well."

A good bruder, this boy, who defended his sister. Still, it was all well and good to agree with Rebekah regarding those poor kinner, but a person still had to do the right thing. Going against the bishop's wishes-and her stepfather's wishes-would only result in difficulties for Rebekah. Tobias had had enough of that sort of thing back in Ohio.

Silence reigned for the remaining few minutes it took to reach the school. Susan stuck her head out the door as he pulled the buggy to a stop by the front steps. "There you are. I was about to organize a search party." She lifted her hand to her forehead and squinted against the sun. "Tobias, what are you doing here? Your little schweschders and bruders are doing fine."

"Daed wanted me to make sure no more rattlers are hanging around here." Tobias hopped from the buggy. He glanced back at Rebekah. She didn't move to get down. As much as he knew it was the right thing to do, he found himself hesitating. She looked so penitent. "I came upon Rebekah here visiting with her sister Leila out by the road on the back side of our property. Then Caleb showed up looking for Rebekah."

The smile slid from Susan's face. She sighed. "Danki for bringing them back. I would've made them walk, myself."

"What with the snakes and all, I wanted to see how the little ones have settled in." He glanced at Rebekah. Her gaze was glued to the ground as if she found sticks and stones fascinating. "Daed will want to know that his kinner are behaving and that they're in good hands."

"Much better than some folks around here." Susan's frown deepened. "Rest in the a.s.surance that what you saw today is not the norm around here. We follow the Ordnung. Please let your daed know."

Rebekah's face was stained beet red. She raised her head and met his gaze head-on. Something there told him she would offer no apology for her actions. So be it.

"I will. He's very careful, what with my mudder having pa.s.sed six years ago. He feels a lot of responsibility." Just as Tobias did. Every minute of every day. "He wants what's best for Lupe and Diego as well."

A course of action to be decided by Jeremiah, Mordecai, and Will. Not a girl who decided to interfere even after she'd been specifically told not to do so.

"Come on up and have a peek." Susan c.o.c.ked her head toward the door. "The little ones are doing addition and subtraction right now."

Rebekah slipped past him without a backward glance. He quelled the urge to say he was sorry. He'd done what he had to do. Still, he was certain at least one person would not be happy to see him at the school.

Or anywhere else.

THIRTEEN.

Rebekah stood at the bedroom's only window, staring out, her hand kneading the tattered white curtain. Seeing nothing. Waiting. Dusk had fallen hard and the sun had lain itself to rest behind a flat, barren horizon, its rays fading into oblivion as they did each night with rea.s.suring regularity. Still, the room sweltered with heat and humidity that spoke of the impending arrival of summer. Sweat beaded on her face and traced a route from her temples down her cheeks and onto her neck.

Whatever she'd done, she'd done it for the right reason. Mordecai, at least, would see it that way. Unlike Will, who had deep scars on his heart because of Leila, Mordecai would have the capacity to be fair about this, as he was fair in all things.

With each year that pa.s.sed, Rebekah remembered less about her own father. When she tried to picture his face, Mordecai's black, curly hair and skin-stretching grin appeared in her mind along with a million jokes, short stories, and pieces of useless information. Mordecai would urge Jeremiah to let him speak to her, counsel her for her disobedience, and he would prevail. If not, it didn't matter. She wasn't sorry. The situation with Lupe and Diego had made it much more important that she do it. Even if it meant going against Mudder and Mordecai's wishes.

Gott, forgive me for my rebellious heart.

And Tobias. How dare he? How dare he pa.s.s judgment? She wanted to say that. Rebekah wanted to be mad at him, but she couldn't. He'd done what was right and honorable. On the other hand, she'd asked him to lie for her. Almost a complete stranger. What he must think of her. Shame coursed through her, leaving an ugly, bitter taste in her mouth.

She should leave here. Start fresh. Where would she go? Missouri? She could stay with Frannie and Rocky in Jamesport. She ached to tell her cousin of her latest misstep. Frannie, always in trouble herself until she married her Englisch-man-turned-Plain-man, would understand. Jamesport had several Plain districts. Lots of Plain men. Not like Bee County. Maybe she could stay with them.

Nee, Mudder would never allow it.

"How is she?"

Rebekah closed her eyes for a brief moment and let her dreams of escaping seep away. She could never leave Mudder and Hazel and Caleb and Deborah. She wasn't like Leila. She took a quick swipe at her face with the back of her sleeve, then turned and faced her mudder. "Good. She's good. Gracie, your granddaughter, is a sweet baby. And there's another on the way this summer."

A faint smile appeared. As quickly, it fled. "How long have you been meeting her?"

"It's the only time. I wouldn't lie about that. What she did has caused me nothing but trouble." Rebekah wrapped damp fingers around her ap.r.o.n, willing them to cease trembling. "Still, I couldn't say no to the chance to see the bopli. Leila would like you to see her, too, and Deborah and Hazel and Caleb. The whole family."

"I can't. Neither can you and you know it."

"They were never baptized in our church. We can see them and talk to them. It's not wrong."

"You needn't remind me. I pray for them every night and every day." Mudder eased onto the bed Rebekah shared with Hazel, the box springs squeaking under her slight weight. "And seeing them and having them go away would be too hard. It's too hard. We have to keep our distance until they understand the error of their ways."

"They never will. That's the thing. They'll never see what they're doing as wrong. They were baptized, and Jesse is a lay preacher. He brings folks to the church through his preaching. He brings people closer to Gott."

"Stop." Mudder picked up a book-a prairie mail-bride story that had made Rebekah smile until now-from atop the thin blanket. She ran a hand over it, but her expression said she didn't really see it. "They belong here in their community. Not out there in the world. Jesse could've waited. He could've drawn the lot. If it was Gott's will, he could be speaking the Word to his own people."

"I know, but is it so wrong-?"

Mudder pointed her index finger at Rebekah. "It's wrong. Trust me."

"You don't trust me."

"How can we when you're having secret visits with a sister who has abandoned her family and her faith?"

"One visit. Only one. I did it because I wanted to help Lupe and Diego. Besides, Leila hasn't abandoned Gott. He hasn't abandoned her. She's happy and she has her mann and her bopli." Rebekah hated the tone of her own voice. Like a little girl who didn't get her way. She hated feeling this way. "Much more than I have. How can that be punishment for her for going against Gott's will?"

"It's a slippery slope."

Not for Rebekah. "They can help Lupe and Diego get placed in homes. They work with a group." She struggled to translate the words Leila had spoken into something Mudder would understand. "The Englisch churches are working together."

"You're sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong. It's for the men to decide."

"I found them. I feel responsible for them."

"You're a girl."

"I'm not. I'm a woman."

"Who should remember her place."

"How can I forget? You remind me every day. I'm not Leila, but you're so afraid I'll do what she did, you're driving me away. I might as well go. In your mind, I will. Sooner or later."

There. She'd said it.

How could she be so mean, so ugly, so hurtful? She swallowed against tears, wanting the words back before they left her tongue.

"Don't say that." Mudder's stricken face broke Rebekah's heart. "I'm not trying to drive you away. I couldn't bear it. I know Gott's will is Gott's will, but I can't stand to lose another of my girls."

"Then trust me. Let me live my life so I can find the happiness you have found here. Don't hold me back."

"How can I when you have secret meetings with your sister? What else are you doing?"

"Nothing. That's the whole point. No one . . ." Courting was private. She couldn't tell her mother how she longed for that man to come into her life who would share his innermost heart's desire with her and her with him. She turned back to the window, longing for a breath of cool, fresh air where none existed. "There's no one here to do anything with."

"In Gott's time there will be." Mudder came to stand next to Rebekah at the window. She smelled of homemade dish soap and the onions she'd fried with potatoes for supper. "Patience, child."

"I'm not a child anymore."

"I know."

"Gracie has my eyes."

Mudder sighed, a soft sound so sad it made unshed tears ache in Rebekah's throat. "She has Jesse's hair, but Leila's smile."

The second sigh was even softer, sadder.

"They're moving to Dallas by the end of summer. Jesse is going to college there. And seminary."

Mudder made a sound like she'd bitten her tongue. She turned and trudged across the room. At the door she paused, her back to Rebekah. "Mordecai will want a word with you now. He's at the kitchen table. He'll tell you that there'll be no more visits. It's best."

So he had convinced Jeremiah not to punish her. "He spoke to Jeremiah."

"He did. You're blessed to be so forgiven. Remember that."

Rebekah cleared her throat. "What about Diego and Lupe?"

"Jeremiah has decided to call another bishop he trusts. A friend in Jamesport. For his opinion. He's a wise man. You best remember that. You're only a young girl. Remember who you are and what you are."

How could she? They never let her. "Jah, Mudder."

Mudder paused again, one hand on the door. "Do you really think Mordecai and Jeremiah and Will are so hard-hearted they would send two small children away with little or no thought? Do you think that of Mordecai?"

Shame coursed through Rebekah. She was far too prideful. She thought she knew better than someone like Mordecai. "Nee. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Tell Mordecai, not me. It's his heart you hurt."

"And yours because you never want to see him hurt."