"Sneak away?"

"Jah. It'd have to be in the wagon."

"You don't think they'd notice?"

"I think they will eat your mudder out of house and home and then go outside and look for night crawlers and then sneak into the barn to see the baby kittens and then play hide-and-seek in the hay stanchions until we drag them kicking and screaming into the wagon."

He knew kinner. She fanned herself with her hands, not sure if the sudden heat was from the vigorous game of volleyball or the thought of taking another ride with Tobias Byler. She'd been living for this moment since the last time they took a ride together. Waiting for another ride to end the way the first one did. A flush burned its way up her neck and across her cheeks. "Mordecai will notice."

"He was nodding off under the Budget the last time I pa.s.sed through the front room."

"But Mudder-"

"If you don't want to go, then just say so." His smile seeped away, replaced by a frown that caused grooves around his mouth. "Maybe you didn't have as much fun on the last ride as I did."

"It's not that." She'd had more than fun. She'd been overwhelmed with feelings hard to sort out. Careful delight. Fettered happiness. Joy wrapped up with a bow of uncertainty. She couldn't put her finger on it. Did he feel the same way? What ran through him when their lips touched? The feeling that he'd come home? Or fear of the unknown? Fear of falling head over heels into the deep well of emotion like that which flooded her whenever she slipped too close to this man.

All the same, she wanted that welter of emotion again. She craved it. Craved the feeling of being crushed against his chest. No getting around it. Rebekah stood and dusted off her ap.r.o.n. "Let's go."

"Fine." He stood. "After you."

"Fine." She stalked ahead to the spot where the horse nibbled at spa.r.s.e gra.s.s next to the barbed-wire fence that served as a corral of sorts. The wagon was nearby. She climbed in before he could start hitching the horse. He glanced back and grinned. "Now you're in a hurry to spend time with me."

"Nee, I'm not." She sputtered and stopped. "You just like to give me a hard time."

"I do."

"Why?"

"Because you make it so easy." He harnessed b.u.t.terscotch to the wagon and patted her rump. "And because your face gets all pink and pretty when you're mad."

"It does not. And I'm not mad."

"Okay, you're not mad. You're fl.u.s.tered."

"You don't fl.u.s.ter me."

"Fine."

"Fine."

He hauled himself into the seat, landing too close for her liking. She scooted over. He frowned. "What's going on with you? You act like you're suddenly afraid of me."

"I'm not scared of anything."

"Except sitting too close to me. I don't have cooties."

"I'm not a little kid."

"Gut. Let's go, then." He tugged at the reins and clucked. b.u.t.terscotch ambled in a half circle and headed for the road. Lights flickered, came closer, blinding them.

Rebekah shielded her eyes. "Who is it?"

"Looks like . . . it's my daed, I think. I didn't know he'd left the house." Tobias sounded like the disapproving father. "He should be resting. Last time I saw him he was in the front room, talking to Jacob-checking him out, I think. Jacob has taken a shine to Martha-and vice versa."

"He's a grown man. If he wants to go for a buggy ride, he should."

"He's still healing." Tobias pulled up on the reins and brought the buggy to an abrupt halt. "Doctor said he should take it easy."

"Hard for a man like him to do."

Tobias didn't answer. His gaze seemed riveted on the buggy. Rebekah followed suit. Susan sat in the front seat with Levi. Rebekah clamped her mouth shut to keep from squealing in a most ungrown-up way. Good for her. Susan deserved her moment. She deserved to find love. Still, it must be hard for Tobias to see his father with another woman, even after six years. "I'm sorry-"

"Who is that in the back?"

Rebekah peered past the headlights, trying to make out faces in the dark. "Is that your bruder?"

David sat in the backseat, arms crossed over his chest, face hidden by his hat.

"This isn't gut."

If Levi and Susan had gone for a ride, how had David ended up with them? Not exactly conducive to courting, if they were indeed courting. Levi pulled his buggy even with the wagon. His expression was hidden in the darkness. "Did you know?"

The words were delivered with a biting curtness.

The memory of David with Bobbie McGregor in the fireworks tent surfaced. Rebekah opened her mouth, then shut it. Levi was talking to Tobias, not her. Thank the good Lord for that.

"I knew, but I thought I-"

"After everything you went through, how could you let this happen?"

What had Tobias been through? Rebekah opened her mouth again. Susan shook her head. Rebekah sighed and closed her mouth.

"I didn't let it happen. I talked to him. I said all the things you said to me. He's a grown man." Tobias jerked his head toward the backseat. "What happened?"

"Nothing happened." David straightened and shoved his hat back on his head. "Ask him what he was doing at the shop with-"

"You'd do well to hush." Levi didn't look back, but if eyes could shoot bullets, his would've. "He and Bobbie McGregor came into the shop all cuddled up together."

What had Levi and Susan been doing at the shop after dark? From the pink spreading across Susan's face, there had been more than one couple cuddling. Did people their age cuddle?

Levi popped the reins and the buggy jerked forward. He swiveled his head as the buggy pa.s.sed them. "It's time to go home. Gather up the kinner."

Disappointment curled around Rebekah's heart and squeezed, making it hard to breathe. She would have to wait for Tobias's touch. As much as she enjoyed giving him a hard time, she also enjoyed that touch. That kiss. Gott, forgive me. She shouldn't be thinking of herself at a time like this. Especially about hugs and kisses. Love was more than that. Much more. Still, she couldn't deny how Tobias made her feel, no matter how hard she tried. She slapped away the thought. Tobias's family needed him. His daed needed him. She would do the same thing for her own bruder or schweschder. "It's okay, Tobias, another time."

He maneuvered the wagon back toward the house. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. As you know, we have our share of misadventures when it comes to the Lantz family."

"Jesse and Leila left because they wanted to worship in a different way, not because they wanted to fraternize with Englischers."

It was good of him to see the difference. Many Amish-including some in her own district-would not make that distinction. Even Mudder had difficulty doing it. "Either way, it hurts to lose them."

"I'll not lose David."

The steely determination in his voice told Rebekah he wasn't a man easily deterred when he made up his mind about something. Had he made up his mind about her? His touch said he had. Thank You, Gott. "What did your daed mean about 'after all you've been through'?"

Tobias parked the wagon next to the fence with a soft, "Whoa." They sat without talking for a minute or two. He wound the reins around his left hand and then unwound them. "It pains me to tell you this, but it might be you have a right to know. If things go the way I hope they will."

"Know what?" More importantly, what things and what way did he want them to go?

"Up north, I got tangled up with an Englisch girl."

"Was it serious?"

"I loved her."

A pain as sharp as the crunch of a bone crushed under a two-ton horse sliced through Rebekah's chest. He'd loved another. His heart had been taken. She heaved a breath. Past tense. He loved her in the past. Not now. Not anymore. Rebekah took another breath and interlocked her fingers in her lap to keep them still. Her throat hurt from swallowing inexplicable tears. He had loved another. She was no one's first. "What happened?"

"I realized it was a mistake. That's why we moved down here." He cleared his throat. "I chose my district, my family, my faith over Serena."

Serena. What a nice name. Rebekah could imagine her. Long black hair, dark eyes, lipstick and eye makeup. Jeans and blouses that left nothing to the imagination. How did a Plain woman compete with that? Nee, she didn't have to compete. Tobias chose long before he met her. "But still, you loved her."

"Ripped my heart in two, but I know it was the right thing. I am Plain. However I felt about Serena, I did not have those feelings for her way of life."

"But she felt the same about you?"

"She said she did. I believe she did. She'll never forgive me, I reckon."

"And now you're over her?"

"I regret causing her hurt. I regret letting it go as far as I did. For not showing better judgment and restraint." Tobias swiveled on the seat so he faced her. "Serena was-is-a good person, a good woman. Smart and kind. I hurt her and what I did was wrong. I asked her to forgive me and she said she did, but I know she didn't understand. She couldn't."

For a man like Tobias to like, even love her, Serena would have to be that kind of woman. Someone who could hold her own with him. Questions bombarded Rebekah like tiny, razor-sharp knives that p.r.i.c.ked and wounded. Would he feel that way about her, given time? Did she have the qualities that would make him want to be with her and no one else? Keeping her gaze on the corral fence, she cleared her throat. "Your love sound strong."

"It was. It had to be in order to drive me from all that I know and believe in."

"How do you know you won't ever do that again?"

"You mean how do you know I won't do it again?"

"I'm only a Plain woman."

Tobias's chuckle sounded weak. His fingers traveled across the small s.p.a.ce between them and tucked themselves around hers. "You have your own ways. You are Plain in faith, but not so in looks nor heart. I close my eyes at night and I see you smiling at me with those dimples. I can hear your voice and the way you say my name."

Heat washed over Rebekah in scalding waves. She saw similar images of Tobias when she closed her eyes at night. Now she would see him with another. She tugged her hand free and scooted to the far end of the seat. It didn't seem far enough. "This isn't about looks. It's about a way of life and a way of thinking." She hopped from the wagon, seeking solid ground beneath her feet. She turned and looked up at him. "I don't want to be anyone's second choice."

With her last ounce of willpower, she pivoted and plodded toward the house without looking back.

THIRTY-SEVEN.

Saying the wrong thing to women seemed to be Tobias's strong suit. His arms as heavy with fatigue as his mind, he pulled the wagon into the barn and tugged on the reins to bring it to a halt. On the workbench along one wall, Daed had left a lit kerosene lantern, its flame flickering in the humid night air. It wasn't like him. The potential for a fire that would destroy their most important work tools-their horses-loomed too great. Still contemplating how telling the truth could cause a man such grief, Tobias hopped from the wagon and began to unhitch b.u.t.terscotch.

A disgusted grunt stopped him in midstep. He whirled and peered into the closest stall. David sprawled in the hay, head propped on a bale. That explained the lantern. Tobias turned his back on his brother and went back to his task.

"Sorry we messed up your ride with Rebekah."

"Why are you out here?"

"Daed said I should sleep here. He said I shouldn't be around the kinner. It's like he's practicing meidung when I'm still on my rumspringa. I haven't made any choices. Isn't that the point of all this?"

"You went to the shop with Bobbie."

"To talk. To tell her I'm not sure."

"Not sure of what?"

"Of anything."

A flicker of hope sprang up in Tobias's chest. He breathed and fanned the flame as he led b.u.t.terscotch into her stall and picked up a brush. "When we talked before, you made it sound like you had made up your mind."

"When I'm with Bobbie I feel like a different person." David hauled himself to his feet and walked to the stall gate, dusting off his hands as he went. "But when I come home, I see the kinner playing and Martha in the kitchen and life is exactly the way it should be."

"Like you're being split in two."

"Jah. Ripped in two."

"I remember that feeling." Tobias rested his head against b.u.t.terscotch's warm flank for a second and closed his eyes. It was easier to talk about this with his back to his brother. "Like I told you the last time, I've been where you are. I know how it feels."

"I know you do and I know how it ended. I know I have to make this decision for myself, but I look at you and wonder how long it will take to get over someone as beautiful inside and out as Bobbie. You still moon around over Serena."

"Not anymore."

"You think Rebekah will make you forget her, finally."

"I don't know." He raised his head and turned to face David. "She seemed pretty upset to find that I had feelings for another woman."

"You told her."

"Nee, Dad did. Because of you."