4.

The gas lamp in the hallway wasn't working, probably needed a new mantle, but Lydia didn't even notice. She hurried down the gloomy pa.s.sage from the front door, instinctively avoiding the holes in the linoleum, dumped her packages on the bottom of the stairs and knocked on Mrs Zarya's sitting-room door.

'Who is it?'

'It's me, Lydia.'

The door opened and a tall middle-aged woman looked out at Lydia suspiciously. 'Kakaya sevodnya otgovorka?' 'Kakaya sevodnya otgovorka?'

'Please, Mrs Zarya, you know perfectly well I don't speak Russian.'

The woman laughed as if she had scored a point, a great big laugh that shook the thin walls. She was a large woman with a broad fleshy face and a bosom like the great steppes of Russia. She frightened Lydia because her tongue could be as fierce as her hugs and it was important to stay on the right side of her. Olga Petrovna Zarya was their landlady and occupied the ground floor of her small terraced house. The rest she let out to tenants.

'Come in, little sparrow, I want to speak to you.'

Lydia stepped inside the room. It smelt of borscht and onions, despite the window being open onto the narrow strip of flagstones she called her backyard, and was full of heavy furniture too large for the cramped s.p.a.ce. In pride of place on an embroidered runner that hid the stains on the top of the mahogany piano stood a framed photograph. It was of General Zarya. In full White Army uniform, his arms folded, his gaze stern and accusing. Lydia always avoided his sepia eye if she could. There was just something about it that made her feel a failure.

'My patience is over,' Olga Zarya announced, planting herself firmly in front of Lydia. 'Tell that lazy mother of yours that she has taken wicked advantage of me, of my good nature. You tell her. That next week I throw her out. Da Da, into the street. And what does she expect, if she doesn't . . .'

'Pay the rent?' Lydia placed a neat pile of dollar bills on the table and stood back.

Mrs Zarya's jaw dropped for a split second, and then she s.n.a.t.c.hed up the money and flicked through it quickly, counting to herself in Russian.

'Good. Spasibo. Spasibo. I thank you.' The woman stepped closer, her long shapeless black dress wafting the smell of mothb.a.l.l.s toward Lydia, and put her big face so close Lydia could see her mouth twitch with irritation as it said sharply, 'But not before time.' I thank you.' The woman stepped closer, her long shapeless black dress wafting the smell of mothb.a.l.l.s toward Lydia, and put her big face so close Lydia could see her mouth twitch with irritation as it said sharply, 'But not before time.'

'The two months we owe and this month. It's all there.'

'Da. It's all here.' It's all here.'

'I'm sorry it was so late.'

'She's been playing again? To earn this?'

'Yes.'

The landlady nodded and reached out a well-padded arm as if she would enfold the girl in an embrace, but Lydia eyed the bosom with alarm and backed out the door.

'Do svidania, Mrs Zarya.'

'Good-bye, little sparrow. Tell that mother of yours that . . .'

But Lydia shut her ears. She scooped up her packages and dashed up the stairs. The treads were uncarpeted, the bare wood scuffed and dusty, so her feet made a clattering sound she knew her mother would hear from above.

'h.e.l.lo, Mrs Yeoman,' she sang out as she shot past the second-floor rooms. They were rented by a retired Baptist missionary and his wife who had decided, inexplicably, in Lydia's view, to eke out their pension in the country they had devoted their lives to.

'Good afternoon, Lydia,' Mr Yeoman called back in his usual cheery manner. 'You sound as if you're in a hurry.'

'Is my mother home?'

There was a slight pause, but she was too excited to notice. 'Yes, I do believe she is.'

Lydia took the last flight of narrow steps up to the attic room two at a time and burst through the door. 'Mama, look what I've got for us, Mama, I've . . .' She stopped. The smile died on her face.

Her foot kicked the door shut behind her. She felt all the happiness of the day drain from her body and trickle onto the floor alongside the broken crockery, the crushed flowers, and the thousands of cushion feathers that made the room look as if it had been attacked by a swan. At her feet lay the pieces of a shattered mirror. In the middle of the chaos lay the small figure of Valentina Ivanova, curled up on the carpet as neat as a cat. She was fast asleep, her breath coming in soft, regular little puffs. Under the table lay a vodka bottle. It was empty.

Lydia stood staring, struggling for control. Then she dropped her armful of parcels and brown paper bags carelessly on the floor and tiptoed over to her mother, as if she feared she might disturb her, though in reality she knew that only a bucket of water could wake Valentina now. She knelt down beside her.

'h.e.l.lo, Mama,' she whispered. 'I'm here. Don't you worry, I'll . . .' But the words wouldn't come. Her throat ached and her head felt as if it might burst.

She reached out a hand and brushed a dark strand of tousled hair from her mother's face. Valentina usually wore it up in an elegant twist or sometimes tied back girlishly behind her head, like Lydia's own, but today it lay spread out in long loose waves of dense colour on the drab carpet. Lydia stroked it. But Valentina did not move. Her cheeks were slightly flushed but even in a drunken stupor her beautiful features managed to look clean and fine. She was dressed only in an oyster-coloured silk chemise and a pair of stockings. Under one eye was a dried smear of mascara, as if she had been crying.

Lydia sat back on her heels but continued to stroke her mother's hair, again and again, calming herself by the feel of it under her fingers. At the same time she told her in detail about her narrow escape in the old town today and about her Chinese protector and how terrified she'd been of the disgusting snake.

'So you see, I might not have come home today, Mama. I might have fallen into the clutches of a white slave trader and been shipped down to Shanghai to become a Lady of Delight.' She made a sound that was supposed to be a laugh. 'Wouldn't that have been funny? Don't you think so, Mama? Really funny.'

Silence.

The place smelled sour. Of cigarette smoke and ash. The windows were closed and the heat was stifling. Lydia picked up the empty vodka bottle and hurled it with a cry of rage against the wall. It exploded into a thousand pieces.

It took Lydia more than an hour to clean the room. To sweep up the pieces of china, the gla.s.s, the petals, and the feathers. By far the worst were the feathers. They seemed to come to life and mock her efforts at capture as they floated teasingly just out of reach. By the end of it, she had a cut knee from where she'd knelt on a tiny stiletto of porcelain, an ache in her back from all the brushing, and a handful of feathers in her hair. On top of everything else, she was now unbearably hot, so she threw off her clothes and walked around in just her bodice and navy knickers.

Valentina slept through it all. At one point Lydia eased a pillow under her head on the floor and kissed her cheek. The windows were open but it made little difference, as all the heat of the house rose and gathered in their airless aerie under the roof. The attic was just one long room with slanted walls and two dormer windows, not improved by a smattering of down-at-the-heels furniture. A threadbare carpet, which might once have been colourful but was now a washed-out grey, covered the centre of the floorboards. Each end of the room was part.i.tioned off by a curtain to form two windowless bedrooms, and though the curtains managed to give the illusion of privacy, sounds carried through them with ease. So both mother and daughter had learned the courtesy of silence.

Lydia unwrapped her packages. But the sudden abundance of good food did not tempt her now. Nor did she bother with the meal she had planned to cook. She had no heart for it. Nor stomach either. Automatically she rinsed the fruit and vegetables in cold water because the Chinese were disagreeably fond of using human manure in their fields, but then she left them discarded on the drain board, unchopped and uncooked.

She made herself a drink, a cup of milk with a spoonful of honey in it, and dragged a chair to the window to sit with her elbows on the sill, looking down on the street below. A dingy terrace. Narrow houses. With doors that opened straight onto the pavement. Nothing nice about it in Lydia's eyes, nothing to lift her mood of despair. The Russian Quarter, they called it, packed with Russian refugees who were stuck here with no papers and no jobs. The lowly paid work went to the Chinese, so unless you could turn a trick at sword swallowing for coppers in the marketplace or had a wife willing to walk the streets, you starved. Simple as that.

Starved or stole.

But she kept looking, kept watching. The bald man with the white stick from next door, the two German sisters strolling arm in arm, the scrawny dog stalking a b.u.t.terfly, the baby playing with a rattle in a doorway, the cars crawling past, the bicycles, even a grim-faced man with a pig in a wheelbarrow.

The only one to glance up in her direction was a big bear of a man, unmistakably Russian with his ma.s.s of oily curls sneaking out from under an astrakhan hat and a heavy beard that smothered the lower half of his face. A black eye patch gave him a gloomy, sinister appearance. Just like the picture of Bluebeard, the pirate in one of her library books, except this one didn't carry a knife glinting between his teeth, and as he pa.s.sed she noticed that his knee-high boots seemed to have a howling wolf tooled into the side. She felt like howling herself. But instead she continued to look at each person with interest, anything rather than look at what lay in the room behind her.

The sky was growing darker as the heavy clouds on the horizon marched nearer and the evening air began to smell of rain. To keep her mind off the one thing that was filling it, she wondered whether it was raining in England. Polly said it always rained in England but Lydia didn't believe her. One day she was determined to go there and find out for herself. It was odd the way Europeans came to China by choice when, from what she'd read, there seemed to be everything that was beautiful and sophisticated and desirable in Europe already. In London, in Paris, in Berlin. Well, maybe not Berlin anymore. Not since the war. But London, yes. The Ritz. The Savoy. Buckingham Palace and the Albert Hall. And all the clubs and shops and theatres.

Regent Street and Piccadilly Circus. Everything. Just everything you could possibly ever want. So why leave them?

She gave a deep shuddering sigh, and a trickle of sweat crept from her ear to her chin like a tear. Oh G.o.d, she didn't know what to do. What to say. Her heart was kicking like a mule in her chest and all she could think of was whether it was raining in England. That was so stupid. She dropped her head on her arms and lay quite still, until her breathing grew calmer.

'Papa, what should I do for her? Please, Papa. Tell me. Help me.'

No one knew that Lydia whispered to the memory of her father when she was in trouble. Not even Polly. And certainly not her mother. Her mother never mentioned him, didn't even use his surname anymore.

'Papa,' she whispered again, just to hear the sound of that word coming out of her mouth.

Finally she abandoned the window and turned back to the room. It was a grim place to live, with its low sloping ceiling, its moody little paraffin cooking stove and its chipped earthenware sink, but her mother had done everything she could to make it bearable. More than bearable. She'd made it colourful and flamboyant. The nasty brocade sofa and armchair, worn through at the arms, had vanished from sight under swathes of material in wonderful purples, ambers, and magentas that seemed to glow with life. Armfuls of cushions everywhere in gold and bronze gave the room an atmosphere of bohemian looseness, which her mother called risque and which Olga Zarya called lascivious. A fringed shawl the colour of Lydia's hair was draped over the pine table, and candles were gathered on a bra.s.s dish in the centre so that their flames flickered and reflected on the coppery silk.

To Lydia it was home. It was all she had. She went over to the sleeping figure once more. In the fading light of day she sat on the grey carpet and held her mother's grey hand in hers.

'Darling.' Valentina lifted her head from the pillow on the floor and blinked slowly like a cat stirring itself. 'Darling, I fell asleep. What time is it?'

'The church clock just struck one.' Lydia did not look up from the book in front of her on the table.

'In the morning?'

'It's not this dark at one o'clock in the afternoon.'

'Then you should be in bed. What are you doing?'

'Homework.' Still she refused to look at her mother.

Valentina stretched, easing the kinks out of her spine, sat up and noticed the pillow. She closed her eyes for a brief moment and shuddered.

'Darling, I am sorry.'

Lydia shrugged indifferently and turned a page of her Outlines of English History Outlines of English History, though the words in front of her eyes jumped around without meaning.

'Don't sulk, Lydia, it doesn't suit you.'

'Lying on the floor doesn't suit you either.'

'Maybe if I were lying under it, we would both be better pleased.'

'Don't, Mama.'

Valentina gave a soft laugh. 'I apologise, my little one.'

'I am not your little one.'

'No, you're right, I know.' Her deep brown eyes skimmed over her daughter's bent head and coltish naked legs. 'You're grown up now. Too grown up.'

She stood and stretched again, pointing each bare foot in turn like a ballet dancer, and shook out her long hair so that it shimmered around her shoulders, catching the candlelight in its rich dark folds. Lydia pretended not to notice. But instead of reading about the Riot Act of 1716, she was watching her mother's every move through lowered lashes and found herself both relieved and infuriated by how calm and well-rested she looked. More than she had any right to be. Where were the ravages of all that pain? The elfin upsweep of Valentina's eyebrows was even more p.r.o.nounced than usual, as if the whole of life were just one silly joke, not to be taken seriously.

Valentina sat down on the sofa and patted the cushion beside her. 'Come and sit with me, Lydia.'

'I'm busy.'

'It's one o'clock in the morning. You can be busy tomorrow.'

Lydia shut her book with a sharp little snap and went over to the sofa. She sat there stiffly, maintaining a decent gap between her mother and herself, but Valentina reached across it and ruffled her daughter's hair.

'Relax, darling. Where's the harm in a few drinks now and again? It keeps me sane. So please don't sulk.'

'I'm not sulking,' Lydia said sulkily.

'My G.o.d, I'm so thirsty, I . . .'

'We only have one cup left and no saucers.'

Valentina burst out laughing, and despite herself Lydia sneaked a smile. Her mother looked around the floor and nodded. 'You cleaned it all up for me?'

'Yes.'

'Thank you. I bet Mr Yeoman downstairs thought the world was coming to an . . .' She broke off and stared at the bare patch of wall by the door. 'The mirror. It's . . . '

'Broken. That means seven years bad luck.'

'Oh G.o.d, Olga Petrovna Zarya will kill me and charge us twice what it was worth. But the next seven years can't be any worse than the last seven, can they?'

Lydia said nothing.

'I'm sorry, sweetheart,' Valentina murmured, but Lydia had heard those words before. 'At least the cups were ours. Anyway, I always hated that mirror. It was so ugly and it made me look so old.'

'I've made a jug of lemonade. Would you like some?'

Valentina turned and stroked her daughter's cheek. 'That would be heavenly. My throat is parched.'

When she was sipping the cool liquid out of their one remaining teacup - any gla.s.ses had been p.a.w.ned long ago - she placed a hand on top of her head each time she tipped it back, as if to hold it on.

'Any aspirin?' she asked hopefully.

'No.'

'I thought not.'

'But I bought these for you.' With a shy smile Lydia produced from behind her back a chocolate-filled croissant and a long silk scarf in a deep dramatic red. 'I thought it would look good on you.'

Valentina put down the teacup on the carpet and took the croissant in one hand and the scarf in the other. 'Darling,' she said, drawing the word out like a caress. 'You spoil me.' She stared at both gifts for a long moment, then swirled the scarf around and around her throat with delight and took a huge bite out of the pastry. 'Wonderful,' she murmured with her mouth full. 'From the French patisserie. Thank you, my sweet child.' She leaned over and kissed Lydia's cheek.

'I've been doing some jobs to help Mr Willoughby at school and he paid me today,' Lydia explained. The words came tumbling out a fraction too fast, but her mother didn't seem to notice.

A tiny muscle that had been clenched tight in Lydia's forehead relaxed for the first time that evening. Everything would be okay again now. Her mother would stop. No more craziness. No more tearing their fragile world apart. She picked up the cup from the floor and took a mouthful of lemonade for herself to unstick her tongue from the roof of her mouth.

'Was it Antoine again?' she asked in a casual voice with a side-long glance at Valentina.

Instantly she regretted it.