"Question for the boys. Lieke wants to know if you have girlfriends," the host says, turning back to his guests.

"Nah," replies Nate.

"I see you've found ladies though," the man says, pointing at Will and Nate.

I laugh to myself at the term 'lady' used on the girls next to them.

"Form an orderly queue, we'll try and get to you all," says Nate and the look Ruby gives him would be lethal if it were as poisonous as the expression.

What a douche. I bet they're all high.

"And you, Jax?" asks the host. "Do you have a girl in your life?"

My heart thumps as confusion crosses his face. "Huh. No. n.o.body. Waiting for someone special."

No.

I watch in disbelief as the host replies to the girl, but her English is good enough that she heard and understood his answer. With a squeal, she blows him a kiss and the camera pans back to Jax who throws the girl a smile and blows a kiss back.

"You heard it first, ladies! No girl for Jax!" the host calls out, with a grin.

For a moment Jax frowns, before he's distracted by new questions about the tour. The clip ends.

Under the link on the entertainment site is the headline. 'Jax Lewis and Tegan Hughes - it's over'.

Glutton for punishment, I replay the clip, studying Jax carefully. He's clearly drunk - or stoned - and dazed by his surroundings, but loving the reaction from the girls in the studio. I bristle at the smiles, waves, and at the twins' dumb remarks. I hope Ruby smacked one - or all - of them once they left the studio.

Jax's words echo: 'No. n.o.body'. He could've put the host straight, mentioned me, but he didn't.

Anger grips and I grab my phone, stab in Jax's number and wait. The phone rings out. I don't leave a voicemail and hang up instead. I bet this was b.l.o.o.d.y PR telling him to deny our relationship because the situation suits them.

Maybe it b.l.o.o.d.y suits him too. A night out in Amsterdam, no girlfriend to constrain him, Jax could easily forget and give in to his old ways. Several hours since we spoke and I'm forgotten about, his memories of me and our relationship drowned at the bottom of a beer gla.s.s.

I catch sight of the other pictures below the talk show footage. Jax having an awesome time in Amsterdam surrounded by girls. Sure, I've seen many pictures of Jax and girls since I arrived back in Wales, but trusted him. Now he's on tape as denying our relationship; that trust has gone.

For a few minutes, I sit numbed, disgusted with myself for falling for his spin.

I will not cry over him.

I change and head out for a long run, and switch off.

JAX.

I stare at the plate of toast and gla.s.s of orange juice, convincing my stomach that eating is the way to go here. Bile rises again and I swallow. My head aches as if somebody stomped on it last night. h.e.l.l, maybe they did, I don't remember past the first club after the TV appearance. To be honest, I barely remember my debut in front of TV cameras either.

I do remember the reason I don't drink and smoke weed at the same time. It makes me puke. I pick at the toast and slump down in my chair, closing my eyes. Nope. Can't touch this. Mid-afternoon, I can't stay in my hotel room anymore and have taken refuge in the quiet restaurant. No sign of Will or Nate, unsurprisingly. Last I remember was trying to figure out which twin was which - the girls and them.

"Jax, you d.i.c.k." I snap my head up at Ruby's voice. She heads across the restaurant and pulls out a chair. "Nicely done."

Oh, s.h.i.t. "What? f.u.c.k." I scramble for my phone and Google my name. What happened? I can't remember any girls or arrests last night. Before I have a chance to look, Ruby takes my phone and sets it on the table.

Why wouldn't Tegan answer the phone earlier?

"What did I do, Ruby?"

She taps her red-painted fingernails on the table. "I knew you were off your face at the studio, but thought you'd remember. You told everybody you and Tegan were over."

Ruby's words. .h.i.t my pounding head. "What? No, I f.u.c.king didn't! When?"

"You did. Does Tegan know?"

"Know what? There's nothing to know! When did I say that?"

"Talk Show Guy asked if you had a girl and you told him no."

I slump back in my seat and push the offending toast away. "I did? I didn't. Why would I say that? He asked me about Tegan?"

I cycle through the foggy memories of the TV studio. We played 'My Kinda Disaster' - very suited to the evening - and sat on the sofa. Loads of chicks screamed at me. The host asked stupid questions.

Oh, s.h.i.t. That question.

"No! He meant a hook-up like Will and Nate's, right? They were obviously gonna hook up with the girls. That's what he was asking me." Ruby raises a plucked brow. "Right?"

"If you say so."

"f.u.c.k!" I stand. "What exactly did I say?"

"He asked if there was a girl in your life and -"

I interrupt. "No, he said 'girl for tonight', didn't he?" Ruby shakes her head. "f.u.c.k! I meant no girl for me last night! I'm waiting for Tegan to come back from Wales - for somebody special! Her!"

"I'm sure she'd believe you if it wasn't for this." Ruby pushes her phone across the table and I s.n.a.t.c.h it. On the screen is a grainy picture of me leaving a club with a girl, alone. Her face is obscured by long blonde hair.

"I don't f.u.c.king know who that is!" I slam the phone on the table. "She definitely wasn't in my bed this morning! I swear!"

"Why didn't you mention Tegan to the host and put things straight?"

"I was out of it, Ruby. I had no idea what the f.u.c.k he was saying."

"Yeah, that's obvious. You'd better speak to Tegan."

I stand and grab my phone. "I don't f.u.c.king believe this! Everything's twisted!"

I storm out of the restaurant and back to my room - a small voice telling me my life is safer there until this is sorted. Bryn's waiting for me to slip up; avoiding his fists is number two on my priority list. Contacting Tegan is number one.

Back in my room, I leave yet another voicemail for Tegan then lie on my bed. The bed that was most definitely free of groupies last night. s.h.i.t, I had enough offers but I managed. I held onto the image of Tegan. Of us. At least I think I did. f.u.c.k my memory.

Who was the girl in the picture?

I call Will and ask him. "You just described half of the chicks there last night, man. I have no clue," he replies.

"Did you see me? With a chick I mean?"

"No. You disappeared for a bit. Maybe you were with her then?"

"Did I? s.h.i.t!"

Will's no help; I hang up and sink back onto the soft bed again. I run through the events I can remember after the TV show. A group who work on the programme took us to a bar. Then another. Memories flash in, of wandering the Red Light District and swapping bars for a coffee shop. Then nothing.

My chest constricts with fear that I did do something and f.u.c.ked things up with Tegan. In the past, I've slept with chicks and forgotten, finding them in my bed the next morning, but that was before her. I remember spending time throwing up in a bathroom; but no, I'm positive I didn't hook up. I wouldn't. The most that happened is I spent the time peeling girls off me who attempted to attach themselves.

My phone rings again. Will. "Hey, man. So, I saw the picture. That chick was there, yeah. You left with her and a couple of her friends and staggered back a few minutes later. Said you'd put them in a taxi."

My shoulders slump in relief. "Why aren't the other girls in the picture?"

He snorts. "Cropped out probably. Man, you have a lot to learn."

"And did I touch the blonde, while she was with us?"

"I don't know about that. Kinda busy myself."

s.h.i.t. I don't even know the chick's name. Does she recognise herself in the pictures?

Will Tegan believe me?

After another failed attempt to contact Tegan, I doze on the bed, glad we're not due to fly out of Amsterdam until this evening. I'm unsure how long I've slept for when I'm woken by my phone. Tegan's name displays. Thank f.u.c.k for that.

"Hey." I brace myself. This could go very badly.

"h.e.l.lo, Jaxon," she says coldly. "Anything you want to tell me? Or doesn't it matter now we're not a couple anymore?"

I sit and prop myself against the pillows. "They got it wrong. I didn't say that."

"I saw the video clip, Jax!"

"I misheard his question! I thought he said for the night, not in my life. I told him I didn't have a girl for the night like the twins obviously did. I meant I was waiting for you to come back when I said I was waiting for somebody special!" The words rush out with the fear Tegan might hang up before I can explain.

My admission silences her and I b.l.o.o.d.y hope she's processing the information. I've suffered the brunt of her temper in the past, her overreaction, which sent her back to Wales. Please be okay.

"Tegan. Believe me."

"What about when he said you were single? You didn't exactly mention me at that point!" she snaps.

"What? Did you want me to talk about us on TV after all the c.r.a.p thrown at us recently?'

"No, it's just..." More silence. "s.h.i.t, Jax. This is screwed up."

"And I was um... a bit worse for wear."

"Stoned? Drunk? Both?"

"Both," I mumble. "I couldn't focus on what was happening properly."

"And the rest of the evening? Can you remember that?"

I close my eyes and push my fingers against my forehead. This girl is p.i.s.sed off, but she's talking to me, which is one thing in my favour. "A bit of a blur."

"You're such a d.i.c.khead when you get drunk!" she retorts.

"Not denying that." I wait for her to say more and wish I could gauge the emotion behind her silence. "Do you believe me? Don't let my screw up ruin things. You know you're the somebody special I'm waiting for."

"Possibly I'd believe you but - the girl in the picture?" Her icy tone remains.

"I wasn't alone with her, the photo was cropped. She had friends. I was taking them to a taxi."

"Taking them to a taxi? Is that a euphemism?"

"Ha, ha. No. Tegan, I didn't do anything!" The next minute pa.s.ses in another silence and perspiration breaks out along the back of my neck. I'm furious with myself. I want to be the guy who makes her happy. "Tegan? Why would I? I called you yesterday! I was thinking of you - missing you. I still f.u.c.king miss you." Another silence. "Tegan? Nothing happened."

"I've spent the morning swinging between believing and not believing. Between p.i.s.sed off and wanting to throw up. This has messed with my head, Jax."

"You know I'm photographed around girls all the time! We weren't touching - I don't even know her name. Ask Will or Nate."

She snorts. "Reliable witnesses."

I lie back on the bed and look at the ceiling. "Do you do believe me?"

"I don't know! I know the media like making stories out of you - us - but watching all this happen from over here is b.l.o.o.d.y hard."

"Come back then."

"I'm going to come back to the tour tomorrow, whatever I decide to do. I'm not giving up this experience for anybody! I b.l.o.o.d.y fought hard enough with Bryn to let me stay."

My heart skips out of rhythm. "Decide what to do?"

"About us. I can't believe what's happening to my life less than two weeks into a relationship with you. It's insane!" When Tegan's voice cracks, a leaden weight hits my stomach. She's hurting and I'm the reason.

"Things will calm down. That's why you went home, to wait."

"Things won't calm down, will they?"

Neither of us speaks, knowing she's right. Is this my life now? A heavy realisation descends - Tegan might end what we have before we've really started.

"Don't make a decision until we've spoken face to face, when you can see I'm telling the truth," I say.

"I said I will come back. I need to think and I need to talk to you." Her small voice emphasises the distance between us, one I hope doesn't exist when she returns.