"All good. Riley has everything under control."

"You're a very capable team." He gestures around. "How cool is all this?"

Cool. Weeks of preparation and a day of stress that hasn't ended yet is cool? But I'll take it. "I'm headed to change. Two hours until doors," I say.

Cole lifts his gla.s.s in a toast. "I'll finish this; then I'm on it!"

"I'll be back in an hour," I tell Mitch.e.l.l.

Mitch.e.l.l touches my arm. "Take all the time you need. Take a bath, relax, then get ready to hit everybody with this coolness." We exchange a smile over the word.

"And you'll be around if there're any problems?" I ask.

"Everything's set, Riley. Then we'll keep track of things tonight. I've told Cole he's on his best behaviour. We'll be fine."

Cole smirks. "As always!"

Hmm. As I walk away through the venue, I allow myself a pat on the back at the picture-perfect surroundings and the evening I'm determined will put the name of SMC PR firmly at the top of everybody's list.

Mitch.e.l.l's suggestion to take time out, relax, and recharge makes perfect sense. Best I leave him to his gentler way of dealing with issues if anything last minute does crop up. The next poor person who made a mistake was likely to receive a mouthful from me, as my stress levels peaked around four this afternoon.

Too wired to rest properly, I soak in the bath and speak to Josh. This is my first overnight trip since leaving for the tour date in Newcastle and the disaster that followed. Josh asks if it's snowing where I am. I rea.s.sure Josh I'll be home tomorrow and that there's no chance I'll be trapped anywhere. The doubt in Josh's voice when he replies that Newcastle wasn't the first time I promised him I'd be back after a night tears at my heart.

But that lifestyle has stopped now.

The colour theme of the evening at least makes clothing choice easy, and this time I've spent more money than usual on an outfit. I'll attempt to blend into the background, but I will be photographed. The black dress I chose pushes my b.r.e.a.s.t.s upwards, and the gold winds around the tight skirt as it spirals to my ankles. My black shoes feature a gold heel and set me higher than usual, though I can't look Cole in the face even then. I've watched make-up artists and stylists arrive with the celebrities but don't buy that luxury. Instead, I spend time winding and styling my hair in an updo and take more time than usual to make up my face.

Is it wrong I look at the woman in the mirror and think how attractive she is? The fit of the dress, the powder shimmering gold on my arms. The darker eye shadow brings out the gold flecks in my eyes, the tendrils of my hair touching my neck a perfect match for the surroundings I've spent the day perfecting. That's one good side effect of Nate - his rejection wasn't for a more beautiful girl. When we were together he gave me a s.e.xual self-confidence that I've hung onto since. One I increasingly suspect has attracted Mitch.e.l.l.

My hands tremble as I put on gold drop earrings featuring a lily. Ruby Riot are invited tonight and I pray Nate has returned to his avoid functions Riley will attend behaviour. He's a distraction I don't need.

I step from the elevator, shaking with nerves I need to calm. This is my biggest project yet and a million scenarios play through my head over what could go wrong. Have I dealt with everything? Too late now because the doors open in five minutes.

A brief search of the back of the venue and I locate Mitch.e.l.l. This man knows how to dress. Wow. I'm half-tempted to tell him how amazing he looks in his well-cut suit, how the shirt accentuates the muscles I've absentmindedly suspected are as toned as they obviously are. Then I pull on my professionalism. He's attractive, but not for me.

I laugh at myself; the last guy who aroused any interest was covered in tattoos, and he wouldn't know how to smarten up if you held him down and dressed him in a suit. My mind drifts. When I held Nate down, it wasn't to put clothes on him.

"Stunning, Riley," says Mitch.e.l.l with a smile.

"Thanks. Thought I should make an effort."

"Definitely. Just..." Mitch.e.l.l stretches a hand out and I freeze as his fingers lightly brush the top of my chest. "Your pendant is facing the wrong way." He flips over the black jewel and smiles. "There you go."

c.r.a.p. My heart is already elevated, joined by the ma.s.sive swarm of b.u.t.terflies accompanying me in my chest and stomach this evening. I don't want my body thinking it's because of him. Subject change. "Thanks. Right, what's next?"

"Security are in situ, paparazzi herded into their enclosure, and the man himself is almost ready."

I check the time. "Where is Cole? He's close to late."

"He's changing, don't stress. I told him he can't be late for this one."

I take calming breaths and switch my focus from everything but what I need to be right now. I'm Riley Sawyer. I'm b.l.o.o.d.y good at my job. Today is the end of a very long week, and the beginning of a night that will change the direction of my career. More than that, I'm the whole of myself, nothing hidden anymore. I own and accept what I can't control, and my past can stay where it needs to be.

My life is more than some people dream of and I never took time to be grateful for this. Now, I'm on the way to making my own happiness too. Nate started the journey alongside, and in my heart, I wish he'd continued with me, but he's chosen to stay behind.

The bar bustles with the mix of TV, music, and film celebrity, and I stand and look at exactly what I've managed. A huge banner for Gold Lily is draped across the back wall, and attendees have signed the canvas to pledge huge amounts of money.

As the room fills, I relax and network. My card is handed to half a dozen TV stars, and my sneaky refusal to invite anybody important from other PR companies helps put me in front of one or two potential clients with no compet.i.tion.

Happy with how the evening is going I retreat to a corner table and sip my c.o.c.ktail in peace. The Golden Lily c.o.c.ktail is specially designed for the event. I'm unsure what's in the gla.s.s, but it tastes like some of the sweets Josh loves. Whatever the drink contains, it's strong, and after my bad night at Tegan and Jax's, I've kept away from alcohol. After this, I'm wiser to stay away tonight.

I startle as Mitch.e.l.l taps me on the shoulder. "Time to relax." He gestures across the room. "Happy people leaving big donations. Great job for the evening!"

"Joint effort," I say with a smile.

He toasts me, his full gla.s.s against my almost empty one. "Can I get you another drink?" he asks.

"That's okay; I think I've had enough."

"Don't want to lose your inhibitions, huh?" He winks. Mitch.e.l.l's less sober than me. I saw him happily knocking back flutes of champagne as he mingled.

"Something like that."

We walk to a table in a quiet corner and sit, and I tense as Mitch.e.l.l's leg rests against mine. "You're pretty d.a.m.n amazing, Riley Sawyer."

"That's very nice of you to say." I play with the straw in my drink, hoping to h.e.l.l that this isn't going the direction I suspect.

"Told you before. Respect for what you do."

I nod and watch the beautiful people around me, beneath the bright lights casting golden hues across the floor. Another client, young footballer Leigh Frank, gives a thumbs up in my direction as he pa.s.ses with his trophy girlfriend. I smile in return.

Intent on watching people around, I miss Mitch.e.l.l saying something until he repeats my name. "Pardon?"

"Wondered if you'd like to come out with me for a drink sometime?" he asks.

I blink. "Me? Oh. Um."

"No? Okay, should've kept my mouth shut. Ignore that." He pulls a face. "Embarra.s.sing."

"Thanks, Mitch.e.l.l, but I'm not dating right now."

He nods slowly and drinks, peering at me from over the top of his gla.s.s. "The rock star's an idiot."

"Which one? Most of my rock star clients are taxing."

"The one who presumably ditched you because you have a kid."

I gulp down the end of my drink. Please don't, I'm trying not to think about Nate. I've already spent the evening on alert in case he's here. "Nate? I knew what I was getting into there. I don't blame him for my own stupidity." I force a nonchalant smile.

"Waste of s.p.a.ce egomaniac," he replies. "G.o.d, we have to deal with some jerks."

"Makes the job interesting."

"Ha! True." Mitch.e.l.l toasts me. "When you do start dating again, I guess I won't be around anymore. I hope you find a guy worth your time."

"Thanks, Mitch.e.l.l."

Speak of the devil. Nate Campbell pa.s.ses with his brother and Fleur. The room could be in darkness and I'd still know I'm looking at Nate's back. His familiar stride a step ahead of the others. His stance somehow makes him look taller than his brother, and the arms he once put around me are kept close to his sides, clearly saying do not touch me.

The b.l.o.o.d.y beautiful man I fell in love with.

My mouth dries and I shift so I'm obscured by Mitch.e.l.l. Jax and Tegan appear too, and I swear beneath my breath as the stunning couple walk through a path cut for them as people step aside. I knew Tegan would be here, stunning in her little black dress with Jax on her arm, and I won't ignore my friend, however much I'd rather avoid the others.

No point paying attention to the rising hope Nate will talk to me because I bet he won't be alone long, not when there's a selection of attractive girls around.

G.o.d, I wish I didn't need to stay sober.

37.

NATE.

I saw Riley. Of course. She organised the whole thing. I'm f.u.c.king stupid for coming tonight, but my switch failed to trip this time, and I can't shut her out. I swung between staying away and hiding, or using this as the excuse I need.

I have to speak to her.

Two days ago, Riley walked into the middle of the storm raging through my world and pulled me into the eye, where she stood and held me. If I'd let her, Riley could've sheltered with me until everything calmed, but I chose to push my way back into the chaos alone.

Six years for the words to spill, for somebody to hear everything I've tried to forget. The images of that time won't leave again, each hurtful word, each stab to the heart; the confusion of the dumb kid who thought love was simple and would survive anything.

Why am I surprised Riley broke through the thinnest part of the layers she's gradually chipped away? I made the choice. I told her. I wanted Riley to know me, to understand why I'm so f.u.c.ked up.

Why? Because Riley drags me to sense, each time she refuses to accept the Nate who exists in the Ruby Riot world is all I am. I don't need to be snowed in at a pub in Yorkshire to fall back into the man I thought I'd lost; if I'm with Riley, I'm already him.

I'd cemented over the hole Charlotte left, and Riley exploded into my heart and blasted away the leaden weight I'd filled it with. But how can my heart cling to what my head doesn't want?

This s.h.i.t is like Paris all over again, apart from this time I hurt more. This time I want her so f.u.c.king bad. No, what I want is to be stuck with her somewhere nothing else can touch us, again.

Rejecting the c.r.a.ppy c.o.c.ktails, and approaches by dodgy chicks from TV, I move to a VIP area upstairs. I sink down in my seat and place my feet on the low metal table holding our drinks. I may as well be on my own. Nearby, Fleur quietly freaks out the way she does in every situation like this. I've no idea why she comes to them. Somehow, after over a year, her and Will remain at the sickly kissing and hands on each other all the time stage. At least Jax and Tegan have moved on from that, but even they constantly touch. None of them appears able to communicate with each other without skin-to-skin contact.

Will holds Fleur's hand and a weight swings through the air and slugs me in the stomach. I want Riley here. With me. I don't want to sit here alone. The night at the party with Riley was the first time my discomfort about others' scrutiny dropped for months. Here and now, I'm acutely aware of every look or word around me. Riley's presence took the edge of the hyperawareness that accompanies my fame.

Fame. Without Will, the spotlight hit me harder; I couldn't hide behind the Campbell twins anymore. I hate it. Really f.u.c.king hate it. I've heard the rumours: Nate Campbell can't cope with fame; has a secret drug habit; is having a breakdown... take your pick. Basically, I can't be f.u.c.ked with people and don't want to do anything but play my music. Isn't that what the guys and me wanted? So yeah, I'm less the joker and more the arrogant, unapproachable star these days, but life's easier this way.

Or it was.

I don't want a line of girls to fill my bed; I want what Jax and Will have. Somebody to be me with, who doesn't take my s.h.i.t; a girl who refuses to be anything but my equal.

Why the h.e.l.l does the girl who could take that role have a kid and make this impossible?

Tegan settles next to me and studies me with her big, brown eyes over the c.o.c.ktail gla.s.s as she drinks.

"Riley's here," she says.

"Really?" I say, voice laden with sarcasm.

"Going to talk to her?"

"Why?"

Tegan looks straight ahead, away from me. "Because you're miserable without her." She sucks on her straw.

"No, I'm not."

"That means you are." She drops the straw from between her lips. "If you say you're not."

"What the h.e.l.l?"

Tegan side glances me with a smile. "Plus, you came here tonight. You never come to events like this."

"Maybe it's about time I started."

"Uh huh."

Her smug little smile raises my hackles. Jax appears and sits next to Tegan, and hugs her to him. "This is boring."

Tegan smacks him on the arm. "That's not very supportive of Riley!"

"Yeah, whatever. It's very... sedate." He sits back and shakes his fringe from his face, and swigs his beer.

"At the moment," I say and grab my gla.s.s of whisky. "Could be amusing later. Don't get yourselves photographed, huh?"

"I doubt we'll stay long. Was gonna go on to District 9. You coming?" asks Jax.

"I can't be a.r.s.ed with fighting any more press tonight. I'll stick around those who'll get more attention," I reply. Tegan says something I don't catch. "What?"

"She said, 'and Riley'," replies Jax. "Spoken to her yet?"