CHAPTER XIX.

CURIOUS LETTERS ADDRESSED TO THE POST-OFFICE.

The fountain-head of the Post-office establishment of this country, whose personal embodiment is the Postmaster-General, possesses very ample means for the collection of information of various kinds through its willing and trusty agents, to be found in every corner of the empire; and this idea seems to be entertained as well by individuals abroad as by our neighbours at home, who, when they fail to ascertain what they want by other means, frequently fall back upon the Postmaster-General for a.s.sistance and guidance--the Post-office being pre-eminently a people's inst.i.tution, whose head even no poor man need fear to approach--at any rate by letter. It is a common expression to say that a thing cannot be done for love or money; but while the Postmaster-General is addressed by inquirers on every variety of subject, it will be found that love and money are at the bottom of many of the communications addressed to him not strictly upon the business of his Department. In the following paragraphs will be found specimens of such letters--some entreating him to render a.s.sistance in tracing missing relatives, some asking help in the recovery of fortunes supposed to have been left to the writers, others begging him to obtain situations for them, and the like; but the letters generally explain themselves.

The Dead-letter Office must occasionally be supposed to be a repository for the human dead, as inquiries for deceased persons are sometimes addressed to the "Dead Office." Thus:--

"We heard in the paper about 12 or 14 months back Mary Ann ---- the servant girl at London was dead. Please send it to the Printer's office by return of post whether their was a small fortune left for ----."

"i Beg of you to let me if you do no something about a young sailor. his name Hugh ----. he is away now since 4 or 5 years. i hope gentlemen you will let me no if he is dead or alive as i am anxious to no as it is a deal of trouble on my mind as he is a Boy that i have reared up without father an mother an he a deal of trouble on my mind. he has a dark eyes an Brown hair, looking pael. please gentlemen to let me no if you can by return."

"i rite a Line two see if you hard Enny thing of my husband ---- that was left at ---- ill. pleese will you rite back by return of post as we are in great trobble."

"I have just been hearing of 3 men that was drowned about 9 months ago.

i hear there was one of the men went under the name of John ----. Could the manager of the office give any particulars about that man,--what he was like, or if there was such a name, or if he had any friend. He just went amissing about that time. I here enclose a stamp, and address to ----" &c.

Again, the Post-office is asked to hunt up missing relatives:--

"I write to ask you for some information about finding out persons who are missing. I want to find out my mother and sisters who are in Melbourne in Australia i believe--if you would find them out for me please let me know by return of post and also your charge at the lowest."

"i right to you and request of you sinsearly for to help me to find out my husband. i ham quite a stranger in London, only two months left Ireland. i can find know trace of my husband. Your the only gentleman that I know that can help me to find him. thears is letters goes to him to ---- in his name and thears is letters comes to him to the ---- Post-office for him. Sir you may be sure that i ham low in spirit in a strange contry without a friend. I hope you will be so kind as not to forget me. Sir, I would never find ---- for i would go astray, besides I have no money."

"I right these fue lines to you to ask you if you would be so kind as to teel me if there his such a person living in england. She was living at Birmingham last Rtimmas--this his mi sister and brother-in-law--they hant in Birmingham now--let this letter go to every general post-office there is."

Then come requests for information about property that may be supposed to have been left by relatives in this country to persons abroad--generally in America--in which the Postmaster-General is usually treated to an insight, more or less deep, into the family affairs or history of the writers, the rich relatives being as a rule faithfully remembered by the poor, while the recollections in the opposite direction would seem to exhibit features of a less enduring nature. Here are a few specimens:--

"KANSAS.

"My grandfather Mr John ---- made a will on or about 22 Oct. 18-- dated at ---- leaving to his son, my father, 1000, the interest to be paid to him half yearly, the prinsaple to be divided among his children at his death. My father died on the ---- last leaving myself and one brother who wishes you to look up and collect the money for us."

"CALIFORNIA.

"I take the plesure in writing a few lines to you wishing you to ask some old friend of yours to find my father wether he is ded or gone to some other place. his trade was when I left a artist and a panter. I left London when I was four years old. I came to California, my mother and him had some fuss. the street where we lived is on oxford street.

You will find my name on the regester in the blumsbery church. My father is german and my mother she is french. I wish you would try and find him for me i woud be so glad if you find him. I will pay you for your truble.

"I was born in 18--. if you go to that ---- church you will find my age if the church is there or the book. pleas let me know as soon as you can."

"MISSOURI.

"You must excuse me for writing to you for I dont know any one in England. I know the names of no lawyers, and thought I would write to you. We have seen it in our paper several times of money being left to the ---- heirs, and heard that a Lawyer of London made a flying visit to St Louis to find the heirs, but failed. My father was born and raised in ---- England. His name was ---- the oldest son of three. My parents died shortly after we came to America, and I was quite small. I know but little about any of them. I remember hearing my Father say that he had rich relatives who intended to make him their heir. I am very poor; lost everything during the war. If you know of some lawyer who will see to it without money as I have none to invest. Please answer to tell me what you think you can do for me."

"As I have no correspondent in London at present I adopt this plan of procuring one that I can transact business through--the matter I wish to call your attention to is this--To the estate of ---- and the heirs. The papers were sent here once but have been lost. ---- died in London about 45 years ago and left a large estate of which my client's interest would be about seventy-five thousand dollars at the time of his death--Will you please inform me what it is necessary for us to do in the matter in full."

"UNITED STATES.

"Will you do me the kind favour, as you are the Postmaster and able to know, as I judge of. It is this, give to me the full name and address of any 'Mac----' that you know of in England, or in Scotland, or Ireland, or Wales, or in India, or at or in any other country that you may know of, with their full names and correct address, so that I can write to them myself.

"If you have any list, or book, or pamphlet, with the names of parties who have died, and left money or land to their heirs at law, as I want such information," &c.

A farmer in the country wants a postmaster to act as go-between in a little business matter, and pens him a few lines to the following effect:--

"John ---- acting as Farmer here would be very much obliged to the postmaster if he would be so good as to name a suitable party at ---- to whom he might sell a 30 stone pig of good quality well--for he understands it is the best place to sell. The pig is now quite ready for killing."

A sharp fellow in Tennessee, anxious to become rich by a short cut, wants an instrument to hunt gold and silver, and forthwith applies to the Post-office:--

"I want you to do me a kines, to hand this (letter) to some good watch maker and tell him to see if I can by a instrument to tell where gold or silver is in the ground or if there is a instrument maid to find mettel--gold or silver--that are in the ground. If it will attrack it. A instrument for that perpos. I understand there are sutch a thing made.

If so, be pleas tell me where I can by one and what it will cost me. It can be sent to New York to ---- where I can get it. I want to get a instrument to hunt gold & silver. You will pleas write to me as I think if there are sutch a thing maid I could get one in your country. I send you a stamp."

A stranger in the country expresses his readiness to reward the Postmaster-General with some partridges if he will get some one to send him a parcel of mithridate mustard:--

"Will you do me the favour of dropping me a line to say if you know of an herbalist or greengrocer that could send me a parcel of Mithridate Mustard. It grows at Hatfield by the river side, and in the streets of Peckham on the Surrey side. As I am a stranger, if you will kindly see if you can get any one to send it me I will send a Post-office order or stamps for what it will cost before they start it by train; or if you will get it I will send it to you. I will send you some partridges for your trouble if you will kindly let me know. It dont grow in any part of ----shire that I am aware of. We have the common hedge mustard growing here, but that wont do what the gentleman wants it for."

A Ma.s.sachusetts owner of an old clock begs for antiquarian search into the history of an ancient timepiece which has come into his possession:--

"I have tuke the liberty to address you, wishing to know if I could ask the favour by paying you for the trouble I ask to know.

"I have an old clock in my collection made by Henton Brown, London, in the first part of 1700. I would like to know where he was in business and when he died, if it could be ascertained. Please inform me if you could find out by any record in London. I would pay you for all trouble.

"This darling ---- is one of the loveliest places in Ma.s.sachusetts."

Now a brother, being doubtful of a love business in which his sister is concerned, claims the help of the Post-office in clearing matters up:--

"Will you, if you please, let me know if there is such a gentleman as Mr ---- in ----. i beleave he is a Chirch Clurdgman. There is a young man in ---- who has been engaged to my sister, and he says Mrs ---- at ---- is his sister. i should very much like to know, if you will oblige me by sending. i thought if Mrs ---- was his sister i would rite and ask for his charetar, because he is a stranger to us all."

A Frenchman, with hat in hand, and all ready to propose, merely wants to know, as a preliminary, whether the lady he has in view is still alive!--

"a Monsieur le "Directeur de la Poste de Londres.

"J'ai cinquante trois ans. Veuillez etre a.s.sez bon de me faire reponse pour me donner des resultats sur l'existence de Madame ----? Si parfois elle etait toujours veuve je voudrais lui faire la proposition de lui demander sa main d'apres que j'en aurais des nouvelles. En attendant, Monsieur, votre reponse."

A couple, having got over the proposal and acceptance stage, write for a special licence to get married forthwith:--

"Will you please oblige Susannah ---- and Walter ---- with the particulars of an aspecial licence to get married--is it possible for you to forward one to us without either of us coming to you--if you enclose the charge and have it returned, would we get one before next Monday week to get married at ----. If you will kindly send by return to the address enclosed the particulars, we should feel greatly obliged."

And matters being advanced one stage further in another case, the following inquiry is sent to the Postal headquarters:--

"Will you please inform me if there is to be a baby show this year at Woolwich; if so, where it is to be holden, and what day."

Nor is the purely social element lost sight of in the letters reaching St Martin's-le-Grand, unconnected with Post-office business, as the two specimens hereafter show:--

"UNITED STATES.

"I have always had a great desire to visit your country, but as I probly never shall, I thought I would write.

"I am a young lady attending the High School at ----, a pictorest town bordering on the ---- river. Our country seat is four miles and a half west of ----. My father is a rich gentleman farmer.