"Thank you."

She turned to camera two. "Josh Harrison. We'll be back after this."

He had been set up. Most likely by Ryan Majors. His road manager was trying to throw him off balance. To preoccupy him. Ryan had given away all of Josh's dirty little secrets.

Now, he-or someone-must face the repercussions.

40.

Present Day Blackberry winter," Beth said to herself as she opened the mudroom door to let Buster out before bedtime.

The little dog wouldn't budge. "What's wrong, Mr. B.?"

He looked at her with his big, brown eyes and gave a slight wag of the nub of his tail. "It's not raining right now, buddy. We can make a quick trip. I'll go with you."

He followed her outside and then scampered into the yard. Beth walked farther onto the patio to enjoy the night sky. The weather was right on target for the middle of April, unpredictable. They'd had no lightning or thunder today. Just rain, and lots of it.

Buster barked from the middle of the yard for her attention.

"I'm coming," Beth said. "You sure are needy tonight, aren't you, boy?" The dog smiled. At least his expression appeared to be a smile. She grinned in return. There was nothing like a dog to take your mind off your own worries.

She strolled through the backyard, while Buster moved on to his nightly routine of chasing bugs, sniffing clumps of grass, and checking the perimeter of his yard.

Night had fallen with no real fanfare. After the dog finished his business, she planned to go inside and relax in bed with a book. In the meantime, she would enjoy the peace and quiet of her surroundings. This was her favorite time of day and her favorite season of the year.

A feeling of gratitude descended upon her. Gratefulness for life came naturally in the spring, the earth's season of new beginnings. Honeysuckles bloomed on the nearby fence, wafting old memories. And a bed of spring flowers beside the patio reflected almost unworldly colors in the moonlight.

Without warning, she heard the rain hitting the leaves of the tall trees that grew in the far end of the yard. Another surprise downpour.

Pregnant women didn't jog, so she walked as quickly as she could toward the house. When she was halfway there, the rain found its way to the ground. The first few drops landed lightly on her face. The cool mist refreshed and tingled when it touched her skin, taking her back to her childhood. How many times had she walked in the rain when she was a young girl? She had always envisioned God opening up a giant sprinkler system, pouring out healing water for the benefit of all who dwell below.

The rain intensified, and the sharp pelts now stung. She detoured to the eave of the house, shimmying along the side before taking a seat on the back step, protected from the rain.

Invigorated, Buster rushed to her side and settled beneath her bended knees.

"Ooohh. Wet dog!"

He trembled from the chill.

Beth reached inside the door for a towel and then sat back down on the stoop. "Here, let me dry you off, Mr. B. Then we'll sit here for a while and watch the rain."

She enveloped the dog in the towel and rubbed him gently dry. After she finished, he snuggled beside her and closed his eyes.

Beth sat, mulling over the beauty of her surroundings, contented to watch the rain and take in the ambiance of the night. When the rain slacked again, Buster ran barking into the yard.

"Shhhh, Buster. You'll wake the neighbors."

"What are you up to, girlfriend?"

Beth jumped. "You frightened me!"

Alex had managed to walk through the back gate without Beth hearing her.

"The feeling is mutual," Alex scolded.

"What do you mean?"

Her neighbor took a seat beside her. "When I got up for a drink of water, I looked out the window and saw Buster playing in the yard. It scared me. What are you doing outside at this hour?"

"What time is it?"

"One o'clock."

"I must have lost track," Beth grinned.

"Why are you up so late?"

Beth pointed skyward. The clouds had moved on, and the half moon glowed in a sea of dark blue. "I've been sitting here watching the rain and thinking about things."

"It might be safer, and warmer, to do that inside."

"I suppose so." Beth drifted back to her reflections. "Have you ever thought you could see the dark side of the moon?"

"What do you mean?" Alex twisted her body so she could see the moon.

"Just look at it. You can almost make out the full circle, the perimeter, the edges, and even see the faint details of the dark part."

Alex studied the sky without speaking.

"Or is it an optical illusion?" Beth asked. "Kind of like seeing what you think is there, based on the part you can see."

"Good question. I have to admit I've never thought about it," Alex chuckled.

"I'm being philosophical tonight. But I think it compares to life," Beth said. "We always think we know how ours will turn out, you know, based on what we have lived so far. We have plans and dreams and expectations. But we don't know really, do we? Only God knows what's on our dark side."

"I agree," Alex nodded.

"And we all have dark things in our past. I know I do. But I want to do better tomorrow."

"One day at a time," Alex said.

"I'm starting tomorrow, and I need your help." Beth turned to her friend. "I'm starting to wean myself off the drugs tomorrow."

"Your painkillers? What will Ben say?"

"Ben? Have the two of you been talking about me behind my back?"

Alex covered a mischievous smile with her hand. "No. We haven't been talking about you. Not much anyway. I just don't want you to take any chances."

It was difficult to see the red on Alex's face in the moonlight, but Beth knew it was there. Her caregiver, neighbor, and now best friend had been seeing Ben Abrams for several weeks. Beth had never seen her so happy.

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him," Beth said. "And don't you tell him." She wagged a playful finger at her friend.

"I don't know, Bethany."

"It's okay. Really." Beth tried to assure her. "He told me how to do it a long time ago. I'll take it slowly."

"But-"

"Besides, I think my dissection is healed."

"I thought the last test still showed a problem?" Alex sat back in surprise.

"It did. But something happened at the Noah Awards." Beth repositioned her body, leaning into the corner of the mudroom wall. "One of the singers, a new friend of Josh's, prayed for me." She studied Alex's face again. "I know you will understand what I'm about to say, perhaps some people wouldn't, but I felt something. In my head."

Beth stroked her left temple with her fingers. "And in my spirit," she said. "I believe God healed me." A tear slid down her cheek.

"Wow . . . well, of course, that's possible. I just hope you're ready for the physical and emotional symptoms of withdrawal. It's not going to be easy. You know that from the last attempt."

"I'm ready," Beth said. "I want to do this while Josh is away. We have just over two weeks to get me through it before he comes home. Will you help me?"

Alex thought for a moment. "Yes, with one condition. That you talk to Dr. Myers and make sure you're doing what's right for the baby."

"I've already done that," Beth said. "And she has gone over everything with me."

"Then, I'm ready when you are."

Beth grabbed her friend's hands in hers. "It's going to take a lot from you. You'll have to stay with me night and day again. And . . . I'll probably be grumpy. I might as well tell you now." Beth offered Alex a wry smile.

"You've been grumpy before." Alex grinned and then leaned forward to give Beth a hug. "What do we need to do?"

"Come on inside, and I'll show you the schedule." Beth slowly got to her feet. "Tomorrow, I'll reduce my dosage by ten percent."

41.

December 13, 2002 Despite concerns, Bethany knew she could do this.

She walked, almost confidently, through the door. She was in control of her destiny.

The interior waiting room wasn't as cheerfully decorated as the lobby. Several girls about her age, and one older woman, occupied the brown leather captain's chairs, which lined the dark green walls.

No one looked up when she entered. The clinic counselor instructed her to take a seat, and Bethany fumbled through the magazines on the corner table before settling into a chair.

The ambient sounds in the room, although low, contributed to her discomfort. In the far corner, a blonde girl, who appeared to be a few years younger than her, cried softly. She held a child's teddy bear tightly to her stomach. Her arms crossed around it while, with her head tilted down and her legs pulled up, she sat in an almost fetal position.

A few minutes later, a woman dressed as a nurse called for the young blonde. She wiped her eyes and brushed her long hair from her face. Then she stood, straightening her shoulders and throwing her head back.

Still holding the bear, the girl grabbed her backpack. She appeared to be no more than seventeen or eighteen years old.

As the young blonde approached, her faded blue eyes met Bethany's.

"Here," she said, thrusting the bear at Bethany. "Maybe this will help you. The wait is over for me."

Bethany took the stuffed toy and cradled it in her arms.

"Good luck," she said. But the young girl didn't reply. Instead, she stiffened her shoulders and followed the nurse down the hallway.

Several other women were called while Bethany waited. Her confidence in what she was about to do wavered as she watched the faces of those going before her. At one point, an older woman came into the room and sat beside her.

Most likely noticing Bethany's unease, the woman leaned close to her ear and whispered, "This is my third abortion, dear. No need to worry."

"Bethany McKinney," the nurse called from a nearby room.

Bethany stood, clasping the bear close to her side, and walked on shaky legs across the room and through the doorway.

"Have a seat." The middle-aged woman flipped through paperwork, then asked Bethany to confirm her identity and her age.

"You spoke to a counselor, is that correct?"

"Yes."

The nurse checked off a small, square box. "Any questions about the procedure?"

"No."

Another box checked.

Their conversation continued for fifteen minutes or so. More questions and checked boxes. "How many weeks since your last period?"

"About eight," Bethany said.

"Do you have any concerns?"