"You'll get there, sweetie. Your body just wasn't ready. No one expects you to tolerate the pain."

"Thanks." Beth forced a smile. Alex always reassured her, always calmed her frazzled nerves. She fiddled with the handle of the mug. "I need to tell you something."

"What?" Alex settled back onto the bench opposite Beth, taking a sip of hot tea.

"I've been carrying a load of guilt around, and I need to share."

"I'll help if I can," Alex said.

Beth studied her friend's face and gathered her words. There was no easy way to say it. "I had an abortion when I was nineteen."

Alex's expression didn't change so Beth continued.

"I was caught up in the party crowd, away from home for the first time. And I was in a meaningless relationship." She clasped her hands and placed them on the table to keep them from shaking. "Neither he nor I wanted the responsibility of a baby."

Tears began to flow at the realization that she had not wanted her own child. God, how could you ever forgive me?

Alex started to say something, but Beth held up her hand. "No, please, let me continue. This is difficult." She swallowed the lump in her throat and brushed away a tear.

Alex waited quietly.

"I can't believe what I just said. It's something I've needed to admit to myself for a long time." She blotted more tears. "I turned on my own flesh and blood because I wanted an easier life for myself. I didn't want to accept the consequences for my actions. Or, for that matter, the blessing of life that God had given me-"

"God forgives," Alex said softly.

"I know. I just have to forgive myself."

Her caregiver handed her a napkin, and Beth wiped her eyes.

"Every year I think about how old he or she would be. Sometimes, when I look out in our backyard, I can imagine this beautiful child running and . . ." Tracks of sadness trickled down Beth's cheeks. "If only . . ."

"Bethany, you can't think about the if onlys. You have to think about today, and today only. God has given you another child-"

"That's what I'm worried about." Beth's tears returned. "I'm afraid he will punish me by taking this baby away." She wrapped her arms around her stomach and embraced the child inside her womb, the child who had just recently begun to show, despite her maternity clothes.

Alex remained silent. Beth feared it was because she agreed with her assertion.

After a long silence, Alex spoke. "Our God is a God of mercy. He takes no satisfaction in punishing his children. Instead he delights in giving life to those who repent."

Beth stared at her hands, which were clutched together on the tabletop.

"This baby is a sign of God's blessing not his punishment." Alex reached across the table and covered Beth's hands with her own. "Let's thank him."

They bowed their heads, and Alex prayed.

Beth awoke from a sound sleep that night, the bed wet beneath her. She turned over to scan the clock. Blurry numbers read 3:06 a.m. It took her a minute to remember that Josh wasn't home. He wouldn't return until Tuesday morning.

She reached toward the bedside table to switch on the light. Stretching toward the lamp provoked a dull pain in her lower abdomen, almost a cramping. Something didn't feel right. She threw back the covers and stumbled out of bed. Fear and nausea rushed through her when she saw the red stain of blood on the bedsheets.

"Alex!" she screamed and ran into the bathroom.

Within a few seconds, Alex stood by her side. "What's wrong?"

"I'm bleeding." Beth said, her body quaking with fear. "Look at the bedsheets."

"Try to relax. I'll call an ambulance."

"No. Just drive me there." Beth grabbed her robe.

29.

Present Day The emergency room nurse sat down next to Beth while making notes on a chart. "How far along are you?"

"Twenty-four weeks. I'm due in June." Beth reminded herself to breathe.

"Have you ever had a miscarriage?"

"No."

Please, God.

"Any family history of miscarriage?"

"None."

"Have you ever had an abortion or multiple abortions?"

Beth glanced at Alex, who sat in the chair in the corner of the exam room, and then back to the nurse. "One. In 2002."

The nurse never looked up. "Only one?"

"Yes, ma'am." Beth fought back tears.

"Do you know what kind of procedure you had?"

"I believe it was called an aspiration."

"Any complications?"

"I don't think so."

"Good." The nurse patted Beth on the arm and offered a reassuring smile. "Try to relax. We're only being cautious. Some abortion procedures can leave damage, which may cause an unstable pregnancy later."

Beth's stomach churned. She braced herself, knowing she couldn't hold back. She threw up all over the floor. The nurse grabbed a basin from the cabinet and held it for her.

"Miss." The nurse called to Alex. "Can you hold this for your friend? I'll be right back. I'll order medicine."

Alex rushed to Beth's bedside, taking the small plastic bowl and holding it. "Try to relax, Mama. God will get you and your baby through this."

"No," Beth told her. "I'm being punished for my past sins."

"Bethany, are you feeling better?"

She opened her eyes to see Dr. Myers standing beside her.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was on call. You picked a good night." Her doctor offered a reassuring smile.

Beth grabbed her doctor's hand. "I'm scared."

"Hey, relax, kiddo. This may not be so bad. Your bleeding appears to have stopped. I want to do a physical exam, and then we'll run an ultrasound to check on the baby."

About an hour later, after the exam, the doctor questioned Beth about her physical activities during the past twenty-four hours. She scribbled notes on her chart and then took a seat on the stool beside the bed.

"Your bleeding may very well be normal. A sizable number of women deal with it during their first or second trimester. I didn't see any abnormal dilation, although I'm a bit concerned about the amount of blood you say you lost. I want to keep you in the hospital for a day or two as a precaution. However, if your ultrasound looks okay, there's no reason you can't go home after that." Dr. Myers gestured toward Alex. "Is this a friend?"

"Yes. Alex. She's helping me while my husband is out of town."

Alex nodded her acknowledgment.

"I'm glad you're here," the doctor said to her. "Will you be able to stay with Bethany for a few days? She'll need bed rest for a while after returning home."

"Absolutely. Whatever is needed."

"Great." Dr. Myers said in her always-upbeat manner. The she turned back to Beth. "So, when does your husband return?"

"Next Monday. Then he'll be leaving again on Thursday."

"I'm not sure how you two found time to make this baby," Dr. Myers teased.

Beth blushed and grinned, while the other two women laughed.

The following afternoon, after an encouraging ultrasound report, Beth waited to be discharged. Alex had just arrived to take her home when Dr. Abrams walked into the room.

"Well, look who's here. Do you have no other friends, or do you just like to visit us?"

The doctor startled Alex, who had been tending to Beth's dinner tray when he entered the room. She turned and ran straight into him, spilling the contents of the Beth's unfinished plate onto the doctor's crisp white coat.

Alex's face turned as red as the pickled beets Dr. Abrams now wore.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Alex said.

Dr. Abrams studied her for a few seconds and then grinned. "Bethany, please tell me this beautiful woman is not your caregiver. If so, I'm a bit worried about your life."

He winked at Beth.

She smiled, enjoying a side of Dr. Abrams she had never seen. A much more human side.

Alex blushed again and shoved a lock of thick, red hair behind her ear.

Beth noticed that her doctor and her friend couldn't stop staring at each other.

"Dr. Abrams, this is Alex Hayes. She's my caregiver. And she's very good at-"

"Ben Abrams. Nice to meet you." The doctor extended his hand, ignoring the remainder of Beth's comment.

Alex wiped her right hand on her jeans and reciprocated. "Likewise. But I'm sorry about the beets." She grabbed a towel from the vanity to blot his jacket.

"I don't think a towel, or water for that matter, will help this too much." Ben Abrams blue eyes sparkled. "Don't worry about it. I keep a change of clothes in my office."

"Okay." Alex gave Beth a sideways glance. "Would you please excuse me? I should probably step out of the room and let the two of you talk." She offered another smile to Dr. Abrams before turning toward the exit.

"Miss-"

"Please, call me Alex. Short for Alexandra."

"Alexandra. Lovely name." The doctor paused to reach into his pocket. "Here's my card."

The freckles on Alex's face danced when she took the card from him.

"Please call me if you have any questions about Bethany's care."

"I will." Alex backed out of the room and closed the door behind her.

The doctor adjusted his coat and his composure, refocusing his attention on Beth and stepping closer to the bed. "So what brings you here?"

Beth sobered at the reminder of her situation. "Bleeding. I was afraid I was having a miscarriage."

"Is everything okay now?"

"I think so. Dr. Myers says the baby is fine but that I need to be on bed rest for a week or two after I get home. Later today . . . I'm going home today."

"How are your headaches?"

"They come and go. Maybe a bit better overall."

"Don't I have you scheduled for an office visit soon?"

"Yes, sir. It's next week."