When I have been loaded with sin and hara.s.sed with temptations, I had a trial of the virtue of Christ's blood, with a trial of the virtue of other things; and I have found that when tears, prayers, repentings, and all other things could not reach my heart, one shining of the virtue of his blood hath in a very blessed manner delivered me. It hath come with such life and power, with such irresistible and marvellous glory, as to wipe off all the slurs, silence all the outcries, and quench all the fiery darts and flames of h.e.l.l-fire, that are begotten by the charges of the law, Satan, and doubtful remembrances of a sinful life.

SIN AND THE SAVIOUR.

Saints are sweetly sensible that the sense of sin and the a.s.surance of pardon will make famous work in their poor hearts. Ah, what meltings without guilt; what humility without casting down; and what a sight of the creature's nothingness, yet without fear, will this sense of sin work in the soul. The sweetest frame, the most heart-endearing frame that possibly a Christian can get into while in this world, is to have a warm sight of sin and of a Saviour upon the heart at one time. Now it weeps not for fear and through torment, but by virtue of constraining grace and mercy, and is at this very time so far off of disquietness of heart by reason of the sight of its wickedness, that it is driven into an ecstasy by reason of the love and mercy that is mingled with the sense of sin in the soul. The heart never sees so much of the power of mercy as now, nor of the virtue, value, and excellency of Christ in all his offices, as now; and the tongue is never so sweetly enlarged to proclaim and cry up grace as now: now will Christ come to be glorified in his saints and admired in them that believe.

Dost thou see in thee all manner of wickedness? The best way that I can direct a soul in such a case, is to place a steadfast eye on Him that is full, and so to look to him by faith as that thereby thou mayest draw his fulness into thy heart.

The best saints are most sensible of their sins, and most apt to make mountains of their molehills.

THE CHRISTIAN IN DARKNESS.

I know it is dreadful walking in darkness; but if that should be the Lord's lot upon me, I pray G.o.d I may have faith enough to stay upon him till death; and then will the clouds blow over, and I shall see him in the light of the living.

THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH.

Then they went on again, and their conductor did go before them, till they came to a place where was cast up a pit the whole breadth of the way; and before they could be prepared to go over that, a great mist and a darkness fell upon them so that they could not see.

Then said the pilgrims, "Alas, what now shall we do?" But their guide made answer, "Fear not; stand still, and see what an end will be put to this also." So they staid there, because their path was marred. Then they also thought they did hear more apparently the noise and rushing of the enemies; the fire also and smoke of the pit was much easier to be discerned. Then said Christiana to Mercy, "Now I see what my poor husband went through; I have heard much of this place, but I never was here before now. Poor man! he went here all alone in the night; he had night almost quite through the way; also these fiends were busy about him, as if they would have torn him in pieces. Many have spoke of it, but none can tell what the Valley of the Shadow of Death should mean until they come in themselves. The 'heart knoweth its own bitterness; a stranger intermeddleth not with its joy.' To be here is a fearful thing."

"This," said Mr. Greatheart, "is like doing business in great waters, or like going down into the deep; this is like being in the heart of the sea, and like going down to the bottom of the mountains; now it seems as if the earth with its bars were about us for ever. But let them that walk in darkness and have no light, trust in the name of the Lord, and stay upon their G.o.d. For my part, I have often gone through this valley, and have been much harder put to it than now I am; and yet you see I am alive. I would not boast, for that I am not my own saviour; but I trust we shall have a good deliverance. Come, let us pray for light to Him that can lighten our darkness, and can rebuke not only these, but all the devils in h.e.l.l." So they cried and prayed, and G.o.d sent light and deliverance.

THE CHRISTIAN DOUBTING.

It is a rare thing for some Christians to see their graces, but a thing very common for such to see their sins, yea, and to feel them too in their l.u.s.ts and desires, to the shaking of their souls.

QUESTION. But since I have l.u.s.ts and desires both ways, how shall I know to which my soul adheres?

ANSWER. This may be known thus:

1. Which wouldest thou have prevail; the desires of the flesh, or the l.u.s.ts of the spirit? Whose side art thou of? Doth thy soul now inwardly say, and that with a strong indignation, "Oh, let G.o.d, let grace, let my desires that are good, prevail against my flesh, for Jesus Christ's sake?"

2. What kind of secret wishes hast thou in thy soul, when thou feelest the l.u.s.ts of thy flesh to rage? Dost thou not inwardly, and with indignation against sin, say, "O that I might never, never feel one such motion more. O that my soul were so full of grace, that there might be no longer room for even the least l.u.s.t to come into my thoughts?"

3. What kind of thoughts hast thou of thyself, now thou seest those desires of thine that are good so briskly opposed by those that are bad? Dost thou not say, "Oh, I am the basest of creatures; I could even spew at myself. There is no man in all the world, in my eyes, so loathsome as myself is. I abhor myself; a toad is not so vile as I am. O Lord, let me be any thing but a sinner; any thing, so thou subduest mine iniquities for me?"

4. How dost thou like the discovery of that which thou thinkest is grace in other men! Dost thou not cry out, "Oh, I bless them in my heart! Oh, methinks grace is the greatest beauty in the world! Yea, I could be content to live and die with those people that have the grace of G.o.d in their souls. A hundred times, and a hundred when I have been upon my knees before G.o.d, I have desired, were it the will of G.o.d, that I might be in their condition?"

5. How art thou, when thou thinkest that thou thyself hast grace?

"Oh, then," says the soul, "I am as if I could leap out of myself; joy, joy, joy then is in my heart. It is, methinks, the greatest mercy under heaven to be made a gracious man."

And is it thus with thy soul indeed? Happy man! It is grace that has thy soul, though sin at present works in thy flesh. Yea, all those breathings are the very actings of grace, even of the grace of desire, of love, of humility, and of the fear of G.o.d within thee. Be of good courage; thou art on the right side.

"I find," says the doubting Christian, "weakness and faintness as to my graces; my faith, my hope, my love and desires to these and all other Christian duties, are weak: I am like the man in the dream, that would have run, but could not; that would have fought, but could not, and that would have fled, but could not."

ANSWER. Weak graces are graces--weak graces may grow stronger; but if the iron be blunt, put to the more strength. Eccles. 10:10.

Christ seems to be most tender of the weak: "He shall gather lambs with his arm, shall carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead them that are with young." Only here thy wisdom will be manifested, to wit, that thou grow in grace, and that thou use lawfully and diligently the means to do it. 2 Pet. 3:18; Phil. 3:10, 11; I Thess.

3:11-13.

I never heard a presumptuous man in my life say that he was afraid that he presumed; but I have heard many an honest, humble soul say that they have been afraid that their faith has been presumptive.

INDWELLING SIN.

A man, in mind and affections, may depart from that which yet will not depart from him, yea, a man in mind may depart from that which yet will dwell in him as long as he lives.

For instance, there are many diseases that cleave to men, from which in their minds they willingly depart; yea, their greatest disquietment is, that so bad a distemper will abide by them; and might they but have their desire accomplished, they would be as far therefrom as the ends of the earth are asunder: and while they are found to continue together, the mind departs therefrom, and is gone either to G.o.d or to physicians for help and deliverance from it.

And thus it is with the saint, and should be with every one that by way of profession nameth the name of Christ, Rom. 7; he should depart from his indwelling sin with his mind: "With his mind he should serve the law of G.o.d."

MR. FEARING.

HONEST. It seems he was well at last.

GREAT-HEART. Yes, yes; I never had a doubt about him. He was a man of a choice spirit; only he was always kept very low, and that made his life so burdensome to himself and so very troublesome to others.

He was, above many, tender of sin; he was so afraid of doing injuries to others, that he would often deny himself of that which was lawful, because he would not offend.

HONEST. But what should be the reason that such a good man should be all his days so much in the dark?

GREAT-HEART. There are two sorts of reasons for it. One is, the wise G.o.d will have it so; some must pipe, and some must weep: now, Mr.

Fearing was one that played upon the ba.s.s. He and his fellows sound the sackbut, whose notes are more doleful than the notes of other music are, though indeed some say the ba.s.s is the ground of music.

And, for my part, I care not at all for that profession that begins not in heaviness of mind. The first string that the musician usually touches is the ba.s.s, when he intends to put all in tune; G.o.d also plays upon this string first, when he sets the soul in tune for himself. Only, there was the imperfection of Mr. Fearing, he could play upon no other music but this till towards his latter end.

HONEST. He was a very zealous man, as one may see by the relation which you have given of him. Difficulties, lions, or Vanity Fair, he feared not at all: it was only sin, death, and h.e.l.l that were to him a terror, because he had some doubts about his interest in that celestial country.

When he was come at the river where was no bridge, there he was in a heavy case. "Now, now," he said, "he should be drowned for ever, and so never see that face with comfort, that he had come so many miles to behold." And here I took notice of what was very remarkable--the water of that river was lower at this time than ever I saw it in all my life; so he went over at last, not much above wet-shod When he was going up to the gate, Mr. Great-heart began to take his leave of him, and to wish him a good reception above; so he said, "I shall, I shall;" then parted we asunder, and I saw him no more.

ENCOURAGEMENT FOR THE DOUBTING CHRISTIAN.

Doth this water of life run like a river, like a broad, full, and deep river? Then let no man, be his transgressions never so many, fear at all but there is enough to save his soul and to spare.

Nothing has been more common to many, than to doubt the grace of G.o.d: a thing most unbecoming a sinner of any thing in the world. To break the law, is a fact foul enough; but to question the sufficiency of the grace of G.o.d to save therefrom, is worse than sin, if worse can be. Wherefore, despairing soul, for it is to thee I speak, forbear thy mistrusts, cast off thy slavish fears, hang thy misgivings as to this upon the hedge, and believe; thou hast an invitation sufficient thereto, a river is before thy face. And as for thy want of goodness and works, let that by no means daunt thee; this is a river of water of life, streams of grace and mercy. There is, as I said, enough therein to help thee, for grace brings all that is wanting to the soul. Thou, therefore, hast nothing to do--I mean as to the curing of thy soul of its doubts and fears and despairing thoughts--but to drink and live for ever.

PRUDENCE. Can you remember by what means you find your annoyances, at times, as if they were vanquished?

CHRISTIAN. Yes; when I think on what I saw at the cross, that will do it; and when I look upon my embroidered coat, that will do it; and when I look into the roll that I carry in my bosom, that will do it; and when my thoughts wax warm about whither I am going, that will do it.

PRUDENCE. And what is it that makes you so desirous to go to mount Zion?

CHRISTIAN. Why, there I hope to see him alive that did hang dead on the cross, and there I hope to be rid of all those things that to this day are in me, an annoyance to me: there, they say, there is no death; and there shall I dwell with such company as I like best.

For, to tell you the truth, I love him because I was by him eased of my burden; and I am weary of my inward sickness. I would fain be where I shall die no more, and with the company that shall continually cry, "Holy, holy, holy!"

Be often remembering what a blessed thing it is to be saved, to go to heaven, to be made like angels, and to dwell with G.o.d and Christ to all eternity.

ADOPTION.

The Spirit cannot, after he hath come to the soul as a Spirit of adoption, come again as a Spirit of bondage to put the soul into his first fear, to wit, a fear of eternal d.a.m.nation, because he cannot say and unsay, do and undo. As a Spirit of adoption, he told me that my sins were forgiven me and I was included in the covenant of grace, that G.o.d was my Father through Christ, that I was under the promise of salvation, and that this calling and gift of G.o.d to me are permanent and without repentance. And do you think that, after he told me this, and sealed up the truth of it to my precious soul, he will come to me and tell me that I am yet in my sins, under the curse of the law and the eternal wrath of G.o.d? No, no; the word of the gospel is not yea, yea; nay, nay. It is only yea and amen; it is so, "as G.o.d is true." 2 Cor. 17:20.

Sin, after that the Spirit of adoption has come, cannot dissolve the relations of Father and son, of Father and child. And this the church did rightly a.s.sert, and that when her heart was under great hardness and when she had the guilt of erring from his ways; saith she, "Doubtless thou art our Father:" doubtless thou art, though this be our case, and though Israel should not acknowledge us for such.

That sin dissolveth not the relation of Father and son, is further evident: When the fulness of time was come, G.o.d sent forth his Son made of a woman, made under the law, that we might receive the adoption of sons. And because ye are sons, G.o.d hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, "Father, Father!" Now mark: "Wherefore, thou art no more a servant;" that is, no more under the law of death and d.a.m.nation, but a son; and if a son, then an heir of G.o.d through Christ.

Suppose a child doth grievously transgress against and offend his father; is the relation between them therefore dissolved? Again, suppose the father should scourge and chasten the son for such offences, is the relation between them therefore dissolved? Yea, suppose the child should now, through ignorance, cry and say, "This man is now no more my father;" is he therefore no more his father?