The Rat on Fire.

George V. Higgins.

"I DO NOT NEED this s.h.i.t," Terry Mooney said. He was a small man with a lot of red hair, wire-rimmed gla.s.ses that were tinted pink and a wardrobe of three-piece glen plaid suits.

I hate the little b.a.s.t.a.r.d, John Roscommon thought after their meeting. Roscommon had said that aloud on many occasions when there was n.o.body around but other State cops. "That little b.a.s.t.a.r.d," Roscommon said, "here he is, about thirty years old, got more hair on him'n a f.u.c.kin' buffalo but less brains, and he's got this diploma from some half-a.s.sed law school and that gives him the right to order everybody around. He thinks. The little s.h.i.t.

"This guy," Roscommon told Mickey and Don and every other trooper in the Attorney General's office, "this guy was appointed directly by G.o.d to clear up all of the problems of suffering mankind. Here I am, I have been running around the world and dealing with the j.a.panese when I was a kid with fuzz on my cheeks and they have got Nambu machine guns with which they have got every intention of blowing my a.s.s off before we finally get Douglas MacArthur safely at home in Tokyo, and they didn't make it. I went out there in the G.o.dd.a.m.ned jungle like I was Wyatt f.u.c.kin' Earp and I keep my head down and no G.o.dd.a.m.ned j.a.p blows my a.s.s off and I in the meantime blow the a.s.ses off of several j.a.ps.

"I live through that," Roscommon said. "I will not eat beef teriyaki and I will not go down to some fake j.a.p restaurant where the chef's idea a good time is waving a knife around and screaming 'Banzai' every time somebody heaves a piece of cow in front of him, but I come out of my adventures with the j.a.ps all in one piece and that is pretty good going, considering what I see happen to some other fellows I was somewhat acquainted with for a little while.

"I live through that," Roscommon said. "I live through several small labor disputes that some gentlemen on this side of the Pacific had with the warden and the guards down at the various jails we maintain for the care and feeding of guys that make everybody nervous when they are out on the street. There was one night when some of my previous fellow officers went out to deliver a piece of paper to a guy that took French leave from the prison and I was ordered to join them because the word was that he had every sidearm Colt Firearms ever made and one or two extra from Remington Arms that you could put up against your shoulder for a little extra range. And he did, too, and he was using them, and I got out of that in one piece.

"I have never had an ulcer," Roscommon said. "I am fifty-eight years old and if I do say so myself, I am in the prime of health and the pink of f.u.c.king G.o.dd.a.m.ned good condition. But if I ever get an ulcer, if I ever do fall down and collapse on the floor with motherf.u.c.king apoplexy, it will be the fault of Terry Mooney."

Roscommon got out of the wooden chair and began to pace around the conference room. His face reddened upward from the collar of his shirt to the roots of his gray hair. Mickey Sweeney and Donald Carbone, corporals in the Ma.s.sachusetts State Police, looked at the floor and did not permit any expression of amus.e.m.e.nt to attract the attention of Detective Lieutenant Inspector John Roscommon.

"So," Roscommon said, "we got no G.o.dd.a.m.ned choice. That little piece of s.h.i.t has got a law degree and for some reason that escapes my sawtoothed mind, the Attorney General has seen fit to make him a full-fledged prosecutor. There're times when I think that guy's playing with no more'n forty-four cards too, puttin' a jerk of a kid like that in charge of anything bigger'n a head-on collision of two skateboards. But he did it and we're stuck with it, the d.a.m.ned fools that we are."

"John," Mickey said, "what's he want?"

"He wants to get reelected, naturally," Roscommon said. "He's got another year before he goes to bat again, and therefore naturally he is sucking every minority and majority hind t.i.t he can find, and he is going to take over the work every District Attorney between here and Albany until he gets reelected. Then he will relax and maybe then we can all calm down a little and maybe even get some work done.

"In the meantime," Roscommon said, "what he has got is a whole bunch of people that're beating on his head and griping all the time about various things that they do not approve of. Some of them're complaining about the oil companies and how they're nailing everybody to the mast, and some of them're complaining about being broads and that means they can't get their bosses to leave them alone and can't get free abortions after their bosses get through with them. He's got guys that want him to sue the Red Sox because the seats in the bleachers're too expensive, and he's got guys that don't approve of dogs taking a s.h.i.t on Beacon Hill. He's got women that spend the whole day at the State House so they can scream at him that we shouldn't have nuclear power, and he's got people there that bring kids and yell about how they should get forty grand a year on welfare and he should go sue somebody so they can. I am telling you, if his porch light is out, and I think it is, I also know the reason why. I'll be d.a.m.ned if I can figure out how the h.e.l.l he stands it.

"Now," Roscommon said, "one of the things he does on some day when he's got six shingles off the roof and all these people yelling at him, one of the things he does is hire this f.u.c.king Mooney kid. He hadda be nuts to do that. You know what Terry Mooney thinks? Terry Mooney thinks us cops're too soft on crime. Terry Mooney thinks that until Terry Mooney came along and became a G.o.dd.a.m.ned prosecutor, people got away with murder all over the place. And Terry Mooney is going to put a stop to it, and also make the AG think that if he did one thing right in the whole time he was in office, it was hiring Terry Mooney. Terry Mooney thinks that when the AG runs again, he is gonna spend most of his time out in Belchertown and Clinton telling everybody that we got the whole crime thing under control now, on account of they elected him and he hired Terry Mooney. The AG does not believe this, but he has got Terry Mooney believing it and that is enough to give me a case of piles, I can tell you that."

Sweeney began to laugh.

"Shut up," Roscommon said. "You think this is funny, you wise little p.r.i.c.k? Listen up, because you won't when you get through.

"Mooney can read," Roscommon said. "I know it's hard to believe, but he can. You would've thought a man that reads as well as he does would've learned something about judgment, but he didn't and there's nothing we can do about that, either.

"What that little t.u.r.d has done," Roscommon said, "is somehow he persuaded the newspapers to bring him copies every morning, and he also watches the television every night and apparently takes in a lot of what is said. So he goes to the AG and he says to him, 'There're people that're burning buildings down in Boston.' "

"No s.h.i.t," Sweeney said.

" 'And furthermore,' says Mooney, 'they are doing it for money.' "

"Goodness gracious," Sweeney said.

"Heavens to Betsy," Carbone said.

"Who would've dreamed of it?" Roscommon said. "I'm telling you guys, this kid's as sharp as a tack. There's no fooling him.

" 'Now,' says the genius Mooney, 'here is what you should do: you should set up a special outfit that doesn't do a G.o.d-d.a.m.ned thing in the world except run around and catch guys that play with matches. And you should put me in charge of it and give me every single cop in the world that isn't off guarding the President or the Pope and never mind all that simple-minded s.h.i.t about catching people that're looting the banks, and then make an announcement about how you're gonna stand up for the rights of all the poor people that live in the buildings where the fires start, and that will make you golden. How is that?' And the Attorney General says, 'Mooney, you are a gentleman, a scholar, a good friend and a loyal knight of the table round, and someday I will dub thee Sir Terrence, if everything else works out all right and I get reelected. Go plague the s.h.i.t out of Roscommon.'

"Which, of course," Roscommon said, "he did. And therefore I am plaguing you."

"Oh," Sweeney said.

"Yeah," Roscommon said, "that's nowhere near as G.o.dd.a.m.ned funny, is it? Uh-uh. Now it's serious. Now you're looking around for the Preparation H. I got bad news for you-there isn't any. You are going to catch all the firebugs and make everybody safe in their beds, so that the AG can go out and tell everybody that him and Terry Mooney've ended the terrible menace of people setting fires and doing other evil things."

"Right," Carbone said. He got up. "Well, how long we got? I mean, I realize it'd probably be nice if we had the whole thing wrapped up by lunchtime tomorrow, but it's prolly going to take at least until maybe three-thirty or so."

"Siddown," Roscommon said.

"John," Carbone said, "we got fire marshals for that kind of s.h.i.t."

"This is true," Roscommon said. "And if you know any fire marshals ... You know any fire marshals?"

"One or two," Carbone said.

"One or two," Roscommon said. "Now, Corporal, thinking back over what you know about the one or two fire marshals that you know, do you think maybe there might be an explanation for why we got this kind of s.h.i.t?"

"Yup," Carbone said.

"Sure," Roscommon said. "You're just as smart as Mooney. They can't fool you, neither. But they sure can fool the fire marshals, and they do. They fool them all the time. The fire marshals are fire marshals because they couldn't find their way out of a phone booth if they had a map and a guide and one of those big dogs with a harness on it, and some desk sergeant got a look at them one night and said to himself, 'This guy is so f.u.c.kin' stupid he couldn't fall out of a tree and land on the ground, and I think I will get him out the barracks before he tries to brush his teeth with his revolver and blows somebody else's head off.' "

"Jesus Christ, John," Sweeney said, "I don't know anything about fires. Don doesn't know anything about fires. h.e.l.l, I'm not even sure Don knows anything about getting his pants on, and if he does know anything, it's what I told him."

"Sure," Carbone said, "you're the guy that told me to pull them on over my head."

"You're not investigating fires," Roscommon said.

"You got to excuse me," Sweeney said, "I had the distinct impression I been sittin' here about three weeks listening to you yell about this Mooney kid and the fires and the AG and a whole bunch of other s.h.i.t, and now I got it wrong?"

"You are not investigating fires," Roscommon said. "Now, all right? Terry Mooney does not know this, or much of anything else, and I do not tell Terry Mooney much of anything because the first time he finds something else out, he thinks it is a good idea to run around all over town shooting his mouth off about this great thing he just learned that everybody else in town knew for years but n.o.body could ever prove. What you are investigating is not fires, but fire marshals and people who take money for setting fires and then give some of that there money to fire marshals so that the fire marshals will not be too critical when they come around and look at someplace that was torched. This means that you are investigating Billy Malatesta, who is a fire marshal, and a sc.u.mbag loser name of Proctor that I put away once and I will put away again as soon as I get a halfway decent chance, and that will get Mooney and the AG off of my back. What do you guys know about trucks?"

THE FAT MAN WORE a white shirt, the sleeves rolled up over the elbows and the fabric straining over the biceps. The top three b.u.t.tons were undone, showing the neck of the sleeveless tee-shirt. He wore brown suit pants with a pleated front and his black hair was spa.r.s.e. He said, "The princ.i.p.al thing that there is about this, that is bothering me basically, is the f.u.c.kin' n.i.g.g.e.rs."

The other man was about forty. He was in reasonably good shape. He wore a lightweight blue madras sport coat and a light blue tie embroidered with white birds. His shirt was light blue and so were his slacks. He had gray-black curly hair, cut short. He said, "I don't see what's botherin' you. What's to bother? You got to get them out of there. There isn't one G.o.dd.a.m.ned other thing that you can do about it, because there isn't anything that anybody else could do about it. Until you get those n.i.g.g.e.rs out of there, n.o.body can do anything. You leave the boogies in, they are in and that is all there is to it. There's no way anybody can do a f.u.c.king thing for you if those n.i.g.g.e.rs're still in it and something happens. The f.u.c.kin' Globe'd go nuts if there was n.i.g.g.e.rs in there and something happened. It'd be worse'n if the Cardinal was in there and something happened, for Christ sake. I told you that before and I'm telling you that now, and anybody who tells you different's just blowing smoke up your a.s.s and gonna get you in a whole mess of s.h.i.t that you'll never get out of. That's the way it is."

They sat in a booth at the Scandinavian Pastry Shop on Old Colony Boulevard in Dorchester. The fluorescent lights reflected on the fat man's sweaty scalp and the white Formica tabletop. Large moths b.u.mped the plate-gla.s.s window from the outside and the air conditioning droned on with the kind of noise that a motor makes when it is running short of oil and some system attached to it is making unusually heavy demands. "Twenny years ago," the fat man said, "twenny years ago, n.o.body would've given a s.h.i.t." The fat man's name was Leo Proctor.

"Twenty years ago," the other man said, "there probably weren't any c.o.o.ns in there. Just nice, respectable, middle-aged white people that paid their f.u.c.kin' rent on time and didn't put coal inna bathtub or rip out the plumbin' or bypa.s.s the gas meter and break all the windows. That was a long time ago. Twenty years ago, there wouldn't be this problem you got."

Two truckers sat in green cotton uniforms at the counter. They had large sweat stains at their armpits and the belt area of their backs. "I meet this guy," Mickey said, "the diner out at Nine and Twenty?"

"The f.u.c.k're you doin' there?" Don said. "You got time enough, f.u.c.k around on those roads? The h.e.l.l you didn't take the Pike?"

"Jesus Christ," Mickey said, "will you lemme f.u.c.kin' talk for once? You always have to go around interrupting me all the time, you a.s.shole? I'm tryin' to tell you something."

"So," Don said, "tell me something. I'm listening. I'll listen to any a.s.shole. Doesn't mean I'm gonna pay attention, but I'll listen."

"I had trouble with the unit," Mickey said. "I got off at Auburn, see if maybe there was someone could do somethin', maybe fix it so I could drive it home and get Carl to work on it inna morning. So, and there's n.o.body around. I said, 'Some kind of all-night service you got here, Charlie,' and by then I lost an hour already so I figure I might as well get a bowl of soup for myself. And I go down the diner and there's this guy in there. I never saw this guy before in my life. And all of a sudden he's gonna have this conversation with me. I'm tryin' drink my coffee, and this guy I never saw before in my life says to me, 'Come on, we'll go see Auburn Alice, the Long-haul Lady. So, only a couple miles. I ain't got my rocks off since Buffalo.'

"So I looked at him. I says, 'You crazy? I gotta loada frozen chickens in there and a compressor goin' nuts and it's gotta be seventy-five degrees out there, which means that G.o.dd.a.m.ned thing's gonna break down on me any minute, and you're tellin' me I oughta stop for nookie? I do that and that d.a.m.ned thing's gonna quit on me while I'm in there and I'll get to Hyde Park with that truck smellin' worse'n Alice after a hard night. That b.a.s.t.a.r.d down there, the night checker, he didn't s.h.i.t in years, he's gonna take one whiff and tell me, "Rotten. Keep 'em." Which is gonna leave me with a busted rig and no dough and a mad wife which I already had and didn't want, and a three-ton loada spoiled chickens. Which I don't think my kids're gonna want to eat, and which I certainly don't want and right now I haven't got, like I do have the wife.' So I says to him, 'No, there's enough rotten s.h.i.t in my life as it is.' "

"Well," Malatesta said, "inna first place, you gotta keep in mind that if you got yourself mixed up with Fein you are already obviously not very smart and you probably need as many guys as you can find, if you got any plans involve staying out of jail, on account of if you're listening to Fein, if you are in a position which has got you listening to him, then you obviously do not know how things are yourself, on your own, and you need somebody to tell you. I was you, I would not want to listen to Fein either, because I have got good reason to know that Fein is an a.s.shole, is what Fein is, and the only reason n.o.body has put him away for a long time yet's because he's just cute enough to find a bigger a.s.shole'n himself to do the things he ought to've gone to jail for himself. Which in this case is you."

"I don't have no choice," Proctor said. He rubbed his hand over his face. "I did that stupid thing.... The last stupid thing I did recently was when Clinker Carroll got outta Walpole there and they had this homecoming thing for him the Sat.u.r.day night before Memorial Day up there in that joint in Swampscott, you know?"

"Clinker didn't last long, I'll say that for him," Malatesta said. "How long was he on the street, he got hooked again? A week? Less'n that."

"About a week," Proctor said. "Week or ten days. He has the usual problem which a guy has when he gets out, which is he gets all itchy with all the catchin' up he's gotta do. You come out of one of those places, they oughta give you a new car, good-lookin' broad, ten grand walkin' around, save a h.e.l.l of a lot of chasin' guys around that just came out. But, he's out on bail now. Which is another thing of course.

"Anyway," Proctor said, "like a f.u.c.kin' a.s.shole I go to Clinker's party. And like the horse's hang-down that I am, I get myself s.h.i.tfaced. And I agree, I'm gonna take this guy home that I don't even know his name, even, that lives in Framingham. And naturally, we get inna car onna Ma.s.s Pike and he's drunker'n a goat himself, and we're doing sixty-five, seventy. I'm all over the road and it's a perfect night for that, of course, because there ain't no more cops out that weekend'n there are at your average riot down the prison, and what does this a.s.shole that I don't even know, that I'm being nice enough, I'm drivin' him home? What does he want to do? He wants to fight.

"I couldn't f.u.c.kin' believe it," the fat man said. "As drunk as I was, and I was pretty drunk, I could not f.u.c.kin' believe it. Just a little piece of s.h.i.t, this guy, and he didn't have no knife or anything, and I says to him, I am tryin' talk him out of it, I couldn't believe it. I'm all over the road. By now I'm doin' at least eighty. Everything I see in front of me, there's two of them. Every car's got at least four taillights and ones that come with four've got eight, maybe sixteen, and I went through two tollbooths without, I didn't hit nothin', and I'm trying to reason with this crazy drunken c.o.c.ksucker. 'Will you for the luvva Christ and his G.o.dd.a.m.ned Blessed Mother calm down before you get us both in the slammer and dead at the same time?' And he won't, naturally, so we get out there in Weston and there's nothin' around but weeds and water and he hits me onna head. Right onna f.u.c.kin' head, and I'm doin' eighty and I already got enough things on my mind with seeing double and everything, and he clocks me one."

"Auburn Alice," Don said. "She the one that advertises, Channel 19?"

"I guess so," Mickey said. "I never turn the d.a.m.ned CB on anymore. Too many a.s.sholes ratchet-mouthin' s.h.i.t at each other. I never heard of her. I had six thousand pounds of chicken in there I was worried about, and that was more'n enough for me. I dunno who she is."

"That's the one," Don said. "That woman's got diseases they never even heard of in Vietnam. She's infected guys from Seattle, and guys from Monterey've given her new stuff to give to guys from Louisville. You oughta thank the Lord you had them G.o.dd.a.m.ned chickens. You didn't, you'd have something now they couldn't cure unless they used a blowtorch on you."

"What'd he hit you with?" Malatesta said.

"His fist," Proctor said. "He didn't have no gun or anything, thank G.o.d. And, it didn't really hurt me much. He's just a little guy. And he was also drunk. His aim wasn't too good, even if he was strong. But it surprised me, you know? I was having trouble understanding things. The guy shocked the s.h.i.t out of me. I didn't expect it. I thought he was just screamin' and hollerin' and acting like a G.o.dd.a.m.ned a.s.shole and I was yelling at him and thinking I was either gonna calm the guy down before I got him home or else when I got him home and that car was stopped I would get out with him and cold-c.o.c.k him into the rosebushes or something, and he got quiet. Then he comes barrel-a.s.sin' out of nowhere and belts me.

"So," Proctor said, "naturally I do the reasonable thing and pull over the side of the road and stop the car and take the keys and get out and open his door and drag him out, beat the livin' s.h.i.t out of him and throw him inna G.o.dd.a.m.ned lake, right? Wrong. I take my hands off the wheel and grab the little c.o.c.ksucker. I am gonna beat the p.i.s.s out of him. I don't have to take this kind of s.h.i.t from some little p.i.s.spot like that, that I am doing a favor for that is Clinker's friend anyway and I don't even know him. But I forget, of course, that I am right then doing eighty miles an hour in a car that I am the guy that's supposed to be steering it, and I will tell you this: I am very glad this is the Ma.s.s Pike in Weston around three inna morning when there is much of nothing around on either side of me and it's not like I'm down on Gallivan Boulevard there on a weekday afternoon doing the same thing when some big fat nun starts marching a whole buncha second-graders across the street so they can sing at Benediction, all right? Because I got him all right and belted him right into Labor Day, but at the same time I sort of went off the road some. Into this little pond they got there."

"Jesus," Malatesta said.

"It was all right," Proctor said. "It wasn't really a pond, actually. Well, it was a pond, but it wasn't a very deep pond. The water just came up about, when you open the car door, all right? It came in the car then. It wasn't too deep, and the bottom was all mud or else you could've driven through it like you would any other puddle that was just about as deep, only about a mile across, and the car stopped in the mud and I opened the door and the water came right in. Right up to about the bottom of the front seat, you know? If I'd've been able to keep going, I could've gone right across it. It was a little higher'n the seat, actually. Went all over the console and my tapes, but what the h.e.l.l, huh? And I took out a few of them little trees on the way in. But, I never did like that Monte Carlo anyways. Lousy car. Lousy on gas. This guy Carter got any idea what he's doing, you think, on the gas thing? Jesus, first he makes me, I can't use nothing that burns the stuff with lead in it and then he tells me I can't use none of the stuff that hasn't got lead in it and when I do I can kiss my house goodbye. What the h.e.l.l is he doing? You got any ideas?"

"No," Malatesta said.

"Neither've I," Proctor said. "I have no idea in the world what he is doing. I wished I could convince myself that he does. It's bad enough, I got to be an a.s.shole, but if the G.o.dd.a.m.ned President's an a.s.shole we are all in trouble, including poor a.s.sholes like me that can't stay out of trouble anyway, and then what the f.u.c.k we do, huh?

"Anyway," Proctor said, "I was thinkin' about gettin' rid the d.a.m.ned car anyway, although what I had in mind was, I was gonna sell it, not drown it, because it was all shot. But the water was kind of cold and it sobers me up. I'm soaked and I'm walkin' around in the mud with the water up to my b.a.l.l.s and it's three inna morning, but then I think, Hey, somebody could've got themselves killed in this thing, and it could've been me, even. See, the little c.o.c.ksucker, him I don't care about. I wished he was dead, him causing all the trouble, except I don't want him dead in my car, I want him dead in somebody else's car.

"Because," Leo said, "you know what them cops're gonna do with somebody that's got a record like I got, that he ends up inna swamp at three inna mornin' and there's a body of a dead guy inna car with him, or maybe inna swamp and there doesn't happen to be no other way that body could've gotten there, huh? They're gonna blame me for it, and then they're gonna charge me manslaughter.

"This," Leo said, "I do not need. He is a little s.h.i.t and the whole G.o.dd.a.m.ned world will be better off for all of us if he is dead, and that includes the cops, but I was glad he was alive. Because if he is dead, I certainly cannot afford to take the credit."

"So what'd you do?" Malatesta said.

"Well," Leo said, "like I said, what I did was sober up. Which maybe would've been a good idea earlier, when I wasn't so tired and then maybe I never would've gotten myself in this mess where I drowned my own car like a cat. What am I, a United States Senator or something, I drown my own car? But it was not such a hot idea, because I decide I can charm a dog offa meat wagon and I am gonna think up this story that'll explain the whole thing. When I am finished, the cop is probably gonna be cryin' his eyes out and put me in for an award, I was such a quick-witted citizen when this emergency hits and I probably even saved the guy's life. The worthless little piece of s.h.i.t he is that started the whole thing inna first place."

"What'd you tell them?" Malatesta said.

"I told them," Proctor said, "I told them I was, I was standing there inna water up over my ankles, I sort of waded over to where I saw the headlights, and I would've been freezing my b.a.l.l.s off except it was summer and anyway I was so s.h.i.tfaced I was probably good for about twenty below, and honest to G.o.d, Billy, I must've thought I was Winston Churchill or something. Here is this cop. I saw something once that was also alive and was just as big, but it was gray and it couldn't talk and it had a very long nose and I saw it in the circus when I took the kids the Garden and it cost me about seventy bucks and there was this guy that had on a silver suit and made a tiger jump on the back of this thing with a long nose and then the guy jumped on the tiger's back and rode the two of them around the room and that big gray thing was an elephant. That's how big this cop was.

"But he could talk," Leo said. "He could talk and he did talk. What he said was impressive, but he did not say as much as I did, which was my mistake. My ninth and tenth mistakes for the night, a little over my usual quota, maybe, but not that much over, and I told him that the tire blew and I steered it in the pond so I wouldn't hit n.o.body that was alive.

"And he says," Leo said, "he says, 'Bulls.h.i.t. Those tires're all fine. They're all that's keeping that thing afloat.' Which is when it occurs to me, maybe I better look at the tires, I'm gonna tell stories like that. I did. They were all fine. I wished I thought of doing that a little earlier, maybe before the cop showed up, so I didn't try something dumb as that."

"What'd he do?" Malatesta said.

"The f.u.c.k you think he did?" Leo said. "For Christ sake, you're a cop. The f.u.c.k'd you do? You'd write me up. You oughta know."

"Yeah," Malatesta said, "I guess I would've. I don't think the same I used to."

"He ran me in," Leo said. "Driving Under, Driving So As To Endanger. Drunk. The usual stuff."

"What about the pa.s.senger?" Billy said.

"Locked him up to sleep it off," Leo said. "Let him go the next day. Which was when, of course, I hadda call Fein."

"Well," Billy said, "you are a sorry son of a b.i.t.c.h if you had to call Fein, and I don't rate your chances none too good if that jamoke's going to defend you at a trial in a court of law and all that stuff."

"Billy," Leo said, "I admit to being stupid. You yourself can ask me, and I will personally admit it. I only got an eighth-grade education and the stuff was gettin' a little hard for me the year before that. The nuns down Our Lady of Victory practically made a public announcement and printed it in the newspaper that Leo Proctor was thick as s.h.i.t and would never get anywhere except in jail, and they should've known they were right in the first place when they let him in even though his father was English but they hoped his Irish mother maybe gave him some sense and she didn't.

"Well," Leo said, "they were right about the jail, but they were wrong about the other part, because I have gone and I have transcended what the nuns give me to the point at which I probably owe various people close to half a million dollars if I was to sit down and take the time to add them up, which I am not about to do, on account of how I do not need that s.h.i.t. This is a great country and it is a land of opportunity, so that even a dumb s.h.i.t like me, who cannot get rid of a few noisy n.i.g.g.e.rs, can wind up owing various people half a million dollars or so with just about no hope to G.o.d that he will ever pay them back. If this was not a great country, I would be out someplace with a shovel and some guy'd be whipping me on the naked back for not diggin' fast enough, but it is and so I'm not.

"Still," Leo said, "I am not so stupid that even I do not know that Four-flusher Fein is not your very best legal-type counselor and could on his best day probably not get Jack Kennedy off on a charge that he murdered Lee Harvey Oswald.

"The trouble is, Billy," Leo said, "the trouble is that when you owe various people about half a million dollars or so which you are not in a position to pay back right away, they start looking around all the time and gettin' jittery, you know? And they say, 'Gee, uh, Mister Proctor, we loaned you all that money and stuff and you bought these here buildings with it and everything that've got apartments in them and you're supposed to have people living there. But we took a look at the buildings and there don't seem to be a large number of people floatin' around. Oh, there's a few of the minority groups shuckin' and jivin' on your stoops and stuff like that, and we're certainly glad to see you're doing your bit for low-cost housing for the underprivileged. We mean it. You're a prince of a guy, and we got to compliment you for it. But then again on the other hand, we've been lookin' at your statements here for the past few months, and you haven't been payin' us.'

"Billy," Leo said, "you ever see one of them metal-framed bankers, with the gray hair and the three-piece suits and their black shoes and the gla.s.ses with the metal frames? You ever talk to one of them guys? They don't live in the real world, I'm tellin' you. What they do is live in the banks. They got their desks out in front of everybody and that is where they live. They can't f.u.c.k, fight, frown, wash, s.h.i.t or change their underwear. The h.e.l.l, everybody goin' by on the street could see them and so could everybody at all the other desks on the red rug, and I finally figured it out, how they do it: they hire people that don't do none of those things, so they don't need to.

"Now those guys, Billy," Leo said, "those guys're all in favor of helping everybody inna whole wide world as long as it don't involve none of their money. Which is another thing about bankers-they may be all vice-presidents or something, and they're making nine grand a year and they all eat lunch at Slagle's and have the vegetable special and the iced tea that goes with it and it costs a buck twenny-five and they leave a fifteen-cent tip, but there's millions in those vaults and it all belongs to them. Other people maybe put it there, and someday they're gonna come and take it out again, but in the meantime it all belongs to the bankers.

"What they are all for," Leo said, "they are all for helping the f.u.c.kin' n.i.g.g.e.rs. They think helpin' n.i.g.g.e.rs is the greatest thing since people started coming in and depositing their money, and the reason they think this is because if they don't ship that money out to help the n.i.g.g.e.rs, on the understanding that they're gonna get it all back on time with plenty of interest, of course, pretty soon some hairy Jew kid with about ten degrees from Harvard's gonna get a poverty law grant and start dragging them out of the bank and into court, they're not doin' enough for civil rights and they should lose their charters. They are all for loanin' money to guys like me that're gonna rehab old joints and rent 'em out to low-income people, until we do it and they find out them low-income people is f.u.c.kin' n.i.g.g.e.rs, and if that wasn't bad enough, they don't pay their f.u.c.kin' rent, neither. Which means you're not makin' payments on your f.u.c.kin' loans, and I bet you could dump a f.u.c.kin' rattler down a banker's back without makin' him as nervous as he gets when you're not payin' off those G.o.dd.a.m.ned loans.

"Now here is what it is, all right?" Leo said. "I will tell you what it is: f.u.c.kin' n.i.g.g.e.rs've got rights. If the n.i.g.g.e.rs can't find no apartments they can get a Jew or two and go to federal court and pretty soon every landlord in the city's gonna be in federal court with his own high-priced loudmouth tryin' to stop the judge from throwin' him in jail because he didn't take in every n.i.g.g.e.r that came down the street and make sure he had a warm bed and a good dinner in addition to, the roof didn't leak. But when the n.i.g.g.e.rs get in the apartments, then it is a different story. They don't pay their rent. They stick out their lower lips and they look at you and they roll them big white eyes and they say, 'Muhf.u.c.k, I ain't payin' you no rent. I ain't payin' you no hundred thirty-five this month for them five rooms. I ain't been warm enough. You ain't got the heat up high enough. I is withholdin' mah rent until you gets the heat up there.' And then they go shuckin' and jivin' down the street and you just try to get them into court, collect from them. You can't get 'em into court and you can't get 'em out the building, and they won't pay you nothin' while they're in it, and your lawyer costs you money but theirs is free.

"Try and tell a banker that, sometime," Leo said, "you got a half a day and nothin' else to do. He won't even hear you. He won't understand a single word you're saying. He will just keep telling you, you got to pay some money to him and it's not his responsibility, get it for you.

"And that, Billy boy," Leo said, "is when you learn to play with matches."

"Leo," Malatesta said, "that was a different kind of thing. A different kind of thing entirely. That was a vacant warehouse. There wasn't anybody living in it. The only thing in it was that old truck. I had no problem with that at all."

"That isn't what you told me, Billy," Leo said. "You said it'd take at least five hundred to get that one traced to the wiring."

"That was for somebody else," Billy said. "That was for somebody else I hadda take care of, or he would've gone down there and started poking around and then his price would've gone up. Double, at least. I wasn't in the same position then. I was new. I hadda clear things through guys. I didn't make a dime off of that deal."

"Yeah," Leo said.

"I didn't," Billy said. "I hadda keep that guy out of there. That was a dog-a.s.s amateur job. If he'd've gone in there he would've known right off, the way those charrings, alligator burns, showed, he would've known you torched it. I hadda keep him out."

"Yeah," Leo said. "Well, it don't matter. I'm outta warehouses now. I still got loans, and I still can't pay them, but now there's n.i.g.g.e.rs livin' in the collateral, and I can't get 'em out. I'm no amateur anymore, but I can't get those b.a.s.t.a.r.ds out. And I have got to do something."