"Leave thy fatherless children, I will preserve them alive; and let thy widows trust in me,' Jer. 49: 11; the Lord's promise, which he made to me in the days of my widowhood, and which I have made the subject of my prayers from day to day, taking the words in a spiritual sense. The Lord has done wonders for me and mine since the day I was left a widow with three orphans, and the fourth not born, in a strange land, without money, at a distance from friends; or rather, without friends. Hitherto he has supplied all my wants, and laid to hand every necessary and many comforts; supporting character and credit, making a way for me through the wilderness, pointing out my path, and settling the bounds of my habitation.

"For all these blessings I desire to be grateful to the G.o.d of providence, whose is the earth and the fulness thereof; but these I cannot take as the substance of the promise; neither have they been the chief matter of my prayers. The salvation and the life I have wrestled for, is that which Christ died to purchase, and lives to bestow--even spiritual life, and salvation from sin. My G.o.d knows I have held fast this view of the words, seeking first the kingdom of G.o.d for my children, leaving temporals to be given or withheld, as may best suit with the conversion and sanctification of their souls. I have not asked for them health, beauty, riches, honor, or temporal life: G.o.d knows what share of these consists with their better interests; let him give or withhold accordingly. One thing I have asked of the Lord, one thing only, and will persist in asking, trust in him for, and for which I think I have his promise--even the life of their and my soul. 1 Thess. 5:23, is my pet.i.tion for me and mine; verse 24, my anchor of hope, preceded by Jeremiah 49:11."

"EDINBURGH, March 17, 1789.

"This day from the head of his own table did the Lord, by his servant Mr. R----, proclaim his name the I AM, and called on me to write under what I would, for time and eternity. My soul rejoices that G.o.d is, and that he is what he is; nothing less than himself can content me, nothing more do I desire.

"This great I AM is my portion--what can I ask beside? He hath opened my eyes to see his excellency; he hath determined my will, to choose him for my portion. He hath arranged and set in order a rich testament sealed by the blood of his own Son, containing every blessing for time and for eternity. All my heart's desire is there promised, and faith given to believe there shall be a full performance. What have I to say then, but, Amen, do as thou hast said? Father, glorify thy name. Thou hast said, 'Then will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye shall be clean; from all your filthiness and from all your idols will I cleanse you. A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you; and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh; and I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments and do them. And ye shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers: and ye shall be my people, and I will be your G.o.d.' Amen; Lord, do as thou hast said. Behold, I take hold of thy covenant for myself and for my children. It is well ordered in all things, and it is sure. My heart accords to every part of it. Wilt thou guide us by thy counsel while we live, and afterwards receive us to thy glory?

Amen and amen--do as thou hast said.

"If we forsake thy laws, and go astray; if we depart from thee and break thy commandments, wilt thou visit our faults with rods, and our sins with chastis.e.m.e.nts. Blessed promise; amen, Lord, do as thou hast said: seeing thy loving-kindness is secured to us, and thou wilt not cast us off from being thy people, nor alter that which thou hast spoken; wilt thou keep us as the apple of thine eye? wilt thou cover us with the shadow of thy wing? Art thou my Husband? art thou the Father of my fatherless children? wilt thou be the stay of these orphans, and their and my shield in a strange land? wilt thou perfect what concerns us? wilt thou care for us? wilt thou _never leave us, never forsake us_? in the valley of the shadow of death shall thy rod and staff support us? What can thy servant say but, Amen, do as thou hast said."

CHAPTER IV.

SCHOOL IN NEW YORK--DEATH OF HER PASTOR DR. JOHN MASON--LAST NEWS OF HER SON.

MRS. GRAHAM, after a pleasant though tedious voyage, landed in New York on the 8th day of September, 1789, where she and her family were received with the greatest cordiality and confidence. The late Rev. Dr. Rodgers and Rev. Dr. John Mason were especially kind to her.

She came eminently prepared to instruct her pupils in all the higher branches of female education; and the favorable change effected by her exertions was soon visible in the minds, manners, and accomplishments of the young ladies committed to her care. She opened her school on the 5th of October, 1789, with five scholars, and before the end of the same month the number increased to fifty. She not only imparted knowledge to her pupils, but also, by her conversation and example, prepared their minds to receive it in such a manner as to apply it to practical advantage. While she taught them to regard external accomplishments as ornaments to the female character, she was careful to recommend the practice of virtue as the highest accomplishment of all, and to inculcate the principles of religion as the only solid foundation for morality and virtue. The annual examinations of her scholars were always well attended, and gave great satisfaction.

General Washington while at New York honored her with his patronage.

The venerable and amiable Bishop of the Episcopal church in the state of New York, then the Rev. Dr. Benjamin Moore, was never once absent from those examinations. She was sensible of his friendship, and always spoke of him in terms of great esteem and respect.

She united in communion with the church under the pastoral care of the Kev. Dr. Mason. This excellent man was her faithful friend and wise counsellor. Under his ministry her two daughters, Joanna and Isabella, joined the church in the year 1791. Her eldest daughter Jessie, who had made a profession of religion in Scotland, was married in July, 1790, to Mr. Hay Stevenson, merchant of New York, and she became a member of the church under the care of Dr. Rodgers, where her husband attended.

In the year 1791 her son, who had been left in Scotland to complete his education, paid his mother a visit. Mrs. Graham, considering herself as inadequate to the proper management of a son, had at an early period of his life sent him to the care of a friend, who had promised to pay due attention to his morals and education. The boy had a warm affectionate heart, but possessed, at the same time, a bold and fearless spirit. Such a disposition, under proper management, might have been formed into a n.o.ble character; but he was neglected, and left in a great measure to himself by his first preceptor.

For two years of his life he was under the care of Mr. Murray, teacher of an academy at Abercorn. He was a man truly qualified for his station. He instructed his pupils with zeal; led even their amus.e.m.e.nts; and to an exemplary piety added the faithful counsel of a friend. He loved, and was therefore beloved. Under his superintendence John Graham improved rapidly, and gained the affections of his teacher and companions. Happy for him had he continued in such a suitable situation. He was removed to Edinburgh to receive a more cla.s.sical education. Being left there by his mother and sisters, the impetuosity of his temper and a propensity for a sea-faring life induced his friends to place him as an apprentice in the merchant-service. He was shipwrecked on the coast of Holland, and Mr. Gibson of Rotterdam, a friend of Mrs. Graham, took him to his house, and enabled him to come to the United States.

He remained at New York for some months. His mother deemed it his duty to return to Scotland to complete his time of service. He evidently inclined to the profession of a sailor; she therefore fitted him out handsomely, and he embarked for Greenock in the same ship with Mr. John M. Mason, the only son of Dr. John Mason, who went to attend the theological lectures at the Divinity Hall in Edinburgh.

The following extract shows the anguish of Mrs. Graham's mind in parting with her son, and how she cast him upon the covenant mercy of her G.o.d, placing a blank, as to temporal things, in her Lord's hand, but holding on with a fervent faith and hope to the promise of spiritual life.

"NEW YORK, May 20, 1791.

"This day my only son left me in bitter wringings of heart: he is again launched on the ocean, G.o.d's ocean. The Lord saved him from shipwreck, brought him to my home, and allowed me once more to indulge the yearning of my heart over him. Short has been the time he has been with me, and ill have I improved it: he is gone from my sight, and my heart bursts with tumultuous grief. Lord, have mercy on the widow's son--'the only son of his mother, and she a widow,'

"I ask nothing in all this world for him: I repeat my pet.i.tion--save his soul alive; give him salvation from sin. It is not the danger of the seas that distresses me; it is not the hardships he must undergo; it is not the dread of never seeing him more in this world: it is because I cannot discern the fulfilment of the promise in him. I discern not the new birth nor its fruits, but every symptom of captivity to Satan, the world, and self-will. This, O this is what distresses me: and in connection with this, his being shut out from ordinances, at a distance from Christians; and shut up with those who forget G.o.d, profane his name, and break his Sabbaths.

"O Lord, many wonders hast thou shown me; thy ways of dealing with me and mine have not been common; add this wonder to the rest: call, convert, regenerate, and establish a sailor in the faith. Lord, all things are possible with thee: glorify thy Son, and extend his kingdom by sea and land; take the prey from the strong. I roll him over upon thee. Many friends try to comfort me; miserable comforters are they all. Thou art the G.o.d of consolation; only confirm to me thy gracious word, on which thou causedst me to hope in the day when thou saidst to me, 'Leave thy fatherless children, I will preserve them alive.' Only let this life be a spiritual life, and I put a blank in thy hand as to all temporal things. 'I wait for thy salvation.' Amen."

Three months afterwards she learned that a press-gang had boarded the ship in which her son was, and although he was saved from their grasp by a stratagem of the pa.s.sengers, yet all his effects were taken away from him. In the following reflections on this event, the anxious mother shows that she would not withdraw the blank she had put into her Redeemer's hands.

"NEW YORK, August 18, 1791.

"Thus far the Lord hath tried me, and kept me to my choice.

This night I have tidings, through a letter to Dr. Mason, that my son has been seized by the press-gang. Through G.o.d's help, he escaped; but all his a.s.sortment of necessaries that his sisters and I made up with so much care, labor, and expense, they have carried off, and he is once more left naked. Satan and a corrupt heart unite in tempting me to complain. Dare I utter a word or harbor a murmuring thought? Would I withdraw the blank I have put into the Redeemer's hand? Has he not hitherto done all things well? Have not my own afflictions been my greatest blessings? Have not I asked for my children their mother's portion? Has not G.o.d chiefly made use of afflictions as means of hedging me in, and shutting me up to my choice of this portion, as well as showing me that He is a sufficient portion without any other? When matters have been at the worst with me as to this world, my triumphs in G.o.d have been highest, and prospects for eternity brightest.

"Has the Lord given me in some measure victory over the world? Do its honors, riches, and gaudy splendor appear to me empty and vain, and not worth an anxious thought? Does provision of food and raiment by the way through this wilderness seem all that is necessary? and is it my wish, as well as form of prayer, that the Lord may give that in kind and degree which he sees fittest for me? And shall I covet that for my child which I despise for myself? Alas, Lord, it is because he feeds not on better things, and sometimes I fear he has no better portion. Still, still foolish. Was it when I was full, or when in want, that I returned to my heavenly Father? Do I desire, have I asked and persisted in asking for my children, salvation from sin and self?

Do I anxiously wish them to reach and to surpa.s.s my present measure of submission and resignation to thy will--to enjoy G.o.d in all things, and nothing without him? And shall I, dare I complain when I see the Lord making use of the same means which first brought me to myself, and recovered me also from numberless backslidings since I first tasted the blessedness of his chosen?

"Lord, I renew my blank. I afresh roll them all over upon thee. I will try to look on, in the faith that all things shall work together for good to their souls, and that I shall yet see the day, or if I see it not, that it will come, when they shall bow at thy footstool, sink into the open arms of thy mercy in Christ, melted down in holy, humble, acquiescing, cordial submission to thy severest dealings with them; when thou shalt put a new song into their mouths, and they shall sing as I do now, It hath been very good for me that I have been afflicted. I wait for thy salvation. Amen."

Again we mark her trust in G.o.d in the more common events of life, and her grat.i.tude in the reception of blessings from his hand.

"NEW YORK, September, 1791.

"Many have been my burdens of late; strangers laid upon me to provide for, even when I thought I had not sufficient to give to all their due and provide for my own family. But what is that to me? the Lord increases business, lays more largely to hand, bears me and my burdens, provides for me and strangers. Lord, it is all well: give when thou wilt, and call for it again when and for what purpose thou wilt; it is thine own. I am thine, and all that thou givest me is thine; the world calls it mine, but I call it thine. If it be thy will, lead me in a plain path, or if thou lead me by a way which I know not, hold up my goings, so shall I be in peace and safety still. Amen."

"NEW YORK, October 10, 1791.

"This day did the Lord's sent servant, in a solemn manner, take us all to witness, and call in the witness of angels, that we had once more avouched ourselves to be the Lord's, and that once more Christ and his salvation had been offered to all within the walls. This same day, for the second time, have my two daughters sat down at the Redeemer's table among his professing people, and, I have reason to think, given their hearty a.s.sent to his covenant.

"Glory, glory, glory, to the hearer of prayer. I have cast my fatherless children on the Lord, and he has begun to make good my confidence. _One thing_, one only thing have I asked for them, leaving every thing else to be bestowed or withheld as consisting with that: I seek for my four children and myself, first of all, _the kingdom of G.o.d_.

"My G.o.d from day to day adds many other comforts, and strengthens my hopes by promising appearances, that _the grain of mustard seed_ is sown in the hearts of my three daughters. They have joined themselves to the people of G.o.d, and I have reason to think the Lord has ratified their surrender of themselves to him; he has made them willing for the time, and he will hedge them in to the choice they have made.

"Sat.u.r.day, September, 1791, the Lord made me a grandmother, a.s.sisted my poor weakly girl, and gave a son to her and my arms.

'There was joy that a man-child was born into the world,' and according to that word 'she remembered no more the anguish.'

"Thanks be to G.o.d for this salvation; but, Lord, this is but a small thing with thee. Look, O look on this twig from a guilty stock; poor, helpless, feeble creature, it can do nothing for its body, and still less for its soul. O G.o.d of _the spirits of all flesh_, give it a plunge in _the blood of Jesus_--cleanse, O cleanse him from original sin, and now, even now, in thy own sovereign and mysterious way, sow _the grain of mustard seed_ in his soul."

In the spring of 1792, Mrs. Graham and her family were called to a severe trial by the translation of their beloved pastor, Dr. Mason, to a better world. A few months before his decease, while preaching to his people, his recollection failed, his sermon was gone from his mind, and he sat down in his pulpit unable to proceed. After a short pause, he arose and addressed his people in a pious and affectionate strain; he considered this event as a call from his heavenly Master to expect a speedy dismission from the earth, and solemnly admonished them also to be prepared for the will of G.o.d. His people, who loved him, were affected to tears. An illness soon followed, which terminated in the death of the body. He departed on the night when Mrs. Graham took her turn of watching with him, and she closed his eyes, which she always accounted a privilege and honor bestowed upon her by her divine Master. But this tender and affecting scene is best described in a letter which she wrote to her sympathizing friend Mrs.

Walker, of Edinburgh.

"NEW YORK, April, 1792, Sabbath noon.

"MY DEAR MADAM--It is not my custom to take my pen on this day even to write to a Christian friend, having occasion for the whole time with my family or in secret with my G.o.d; but I cannot go to dinner, I cannot eat, I cannot talk to my girls; my heart must bleed afresh on the same altar upon which it has often been pierced. O, madam, my dear Dr. Mason goes, and leaves me here alone: in all probability his course is nearly finished, and his crown awaits him.

Five physicians now attend him closely. I have seen him often, and he says, 'All is well, all will be well,' Of the physicians he said, 'Yes, yes, it is very well; they are useful men in G.o.d's hand; they may be instrumental in patching up the tabernacle a little. If it be raised to usefulness, I am content; if not to usefulness, I do not desire it. I feel no concern about the issue of this; the will of the Lord be done.'

"I say, Amen; but Oh, I feel alone. I should need large communications from his Master to fill up this blank. I cannot write for weeping; now my face is so swelled I cannot go to church. I called at his house this morning, found the doctors in the parlor, and learned from them the worst. The bell was ringing for church. I stifled as much as possible my grief; would fain have come home to give it vent, but durst not be absent from the house of G.o.d. I heard a stranger in Dr. Rodgers' church; our doors are closed; his text was, 'Henceforth I call you not servants, but friends;' he ran the parallel between human friendship and that subsisting between Christ and his disciples. I ought to be comforted, nay, I am comforted.

"The Bible lies open before me; it is full of consolation; but all is in prospect. I look at G.o.d, what he is in himself, what he is to his people _now_ and what he will be to _eternity_: the consolations of hope are mine; but for the present, I feel like the sparrow on the house-top, or like a pelican in the wilderness; and when I think on my years and the robustness of my const.i.tution, and that I may have a long journey before me, I am not able to look at it.

At the same time, when I consider my children, who, having lost their pastor, who bore them on his heart to the throne of grace, have double need of a mother, I dare not indulge a wish, far less put up a pet.i.tion for release. O, that I could get under the influence of that spirit which I have witnessed in my dear pastor--that entire confidence in G.o.d--that perfect resignation to his will--that complacency in all he has done, is doing, or will do--that rest in G.o.d, of which he seems to be put in possession even now, while his breast is laboring and heaving like a broken bellows, and he cannot fetch one full breath. O, what cannot G.o.d effect.

"SUNDAY EVENING. I have again seen my dear pastor, and discern the clay dissolving fast. The words of dying saints are precious, and his are few. He thus accosted me: 'I am just waiting the will of G.o.d; for the present I seem a useless blank in his hand; I can say very little; be not too anxious for my life, but transfer your care to the church; my life or death is but a trifle; if the Lord have any use for me, it is easy for him to raise me up still; and if he do, it will be agreeable to observe his hand distinct from men; if he should not, you will all be cared for; leave all to him and seek his glory.' He could say no more, nor will I to-night, but address myself to our Lord on his behalf, yours, my own, and our dear concerns.

"Several days have elapsed since I last wrote; our dear doctor still lives, often recruits, and again is reduced; but man can do no more; my last page, before the vessel sails, shall be of him.

"As to myself and family, we are as the Lord would have it with us, and I make no doubt as we need. Business very full; a house full of boarders, and about sixty scholars. I begin to feel the effects of fatigue or age, I know not which. The almond-tree flourishes; those that look out at the windows begin to be darkened; but the keepers of the house stand firm, and all the wheels and springs discharge their office, though more heavily; there is no judging of my days by present appearances. Well, let me once more return to my rest--_G.o.d_; commit my way to him, who shall bring to pa.s.s what is best, and in the end shall complete my happiness.