"I have shut my door, desiring to commune with G.o.d, but feeling dull and lifeless, ask what shall I read? My Bible lies just at hand; where shall I read? every part is good. I open and find it marked: 'My prayer is unto thee, O Lord, in an acceptable time; O G.o.d, in the mult.i.tude of thy mercy hear me, in the truth of thy salvation.' Psalm 69:13. In an acceptable time--when? 'To-day if ye will hear his voice.' Nevertheless, I am continually with thee; thou holdest me by my right hand, and ever upholdest me, in the time of need especially.

"'In the mult.i.tude of thy mercy hear me, in the truth of thy salvation.' What is the truth of G.o.d's salvation? To be the property of Christ by purchase, to have Christ made our property by the Father's gift; to have the Holy Spirit sent into our hearts, to enlighten our understandings, to govern our wills, to regulate our affections and tempers, and to be in us 'a well of water springing up into everlasting life.' Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, ours by gift and by power; this. Oh, this contains all my asking for myself, for my children and children's children, for nay friends and all dear to me.

Take us, O Lord, and in 'the truth of thy salvation' give thyself to us; do all the needful for us, and glorify thy name."

"SABBATH.

"'A certain man made a great supper, and bade many, and sent his servants at supper-time to say to them that were bidden, Come, for all things are ready. And they all, with one consent, began to make excuse.' Luke 14:16.

"Alas, such are our hearts, that we make idols even of the blessings and bounties of providence; no room is left for Christ, though without him every temporal good is under a curse, and our own persons also.

"O Lord, bless the gracious invitations given to perishing sinners this day; the pathetic and tender remonstrances of thy faithful servant. O, may many of the poor, the maimed, the halt, the blind, from the streets and lanes of the city, and may many from the highways and hedges, be compelled to come, that thy house may be filled. And Oh, my gracious Father, let these careless ones, who are my flesh and blood, be among the number. Hear, O hear the prayers offered this day for poor, self-deluded, self-destroying sinners; awaken them, O Lord, and sweep away all lying refuges, and, gracious G.o.d, settle and establish these halters. O bring to the birth, and give life and love and zeal to make a full profession to the glory of thy powerful grace, and to the joy and comfort of fellow-members. Let thy kingdom come."

"GREENWICH, June 11, 1813.

"In my large light closet, within my airy, comfortable room; the prospect from my windows such as I have ever delighted in, woods and water, flower-garden and fruit-trees, and beautiful shrubs of various kinds, all as much mine as if my own individual property by the laws of the land in which I live; surrounded with books, and my children's rich library at my command; enjoying rich gospel ordinances, under a G.o.dly, gifted pastor, with pious, loving, sensible church-members; a carriage to convey me, Sabbath and week-days, to places of worship; children whose desire is that I may enjoy all these to the full without care or trouble, they caring for me; with all these a large measure of health, my eyes see my teachers, my ears hear their voice.

Why then these tears? Are they all for sin? Lord, search and see. Does no wounded pride, no selfish hurt mix? Ah, Lord, thou knowest. I have detected much, and mourn and weep on that account; but I fear there is yet much lurking and working that I know not.

"I have set apart the remainder of this day for fasting and humiliation on account of past sins which I already know, and for yet further search into what I know not of at present. Lord, give me heart-searching exercises. Glory, glory, glory to Father, Son, and blessed Comforter, that I am forgiven; thy Spirit witnesseth with my spirit that I am forgiven. Thou hast given me faith in the truth of thy testimony, that the blood of Christ cleanseth from all sin--that this is thy own provision for sinners--that Christ died for the unG.o.dly--that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us--that Christ hath loved us, and given himself for us--that 'G.o.d so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.' These last words came from thy own lips of flesh. Thou gift of G.o.d to a perishing world, and to me, one of the most guilty in it, thou also saidst, 'He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life.' Thy Spirit witnesseth with my spirit, that to me it is given on the behalf of Christ to believe in him. Phil. 1:29. Therefore I have everlasting life. Him who was slain and hanged on a tree, 'Him hath G.o.d exalted to be a Prince and a Saviour, for to give repentance and remission of sins.' From this exalted Prince I have repentance and forgiveness of sin, and therefore I dare look at my sins: I look with grief, but not with terror. Though forgiven, and though provision is made for forgiveness, sin is still an evil and a bitter thing.

"This day is set apart for mourning. I desire to search, to know more of my vileness, that I may mourn yet more; that while my heart is wrung for my ingrat.i.tude, the Lord may make it the means of crucifying my sins, especially that which so easily besets me, that he will give me the prayer of faith that they may be forgiven, and that I may be delivered from their power in my heart; that I may be clothed with humility, so humble that nothing can hurt me, wearing my Redeemer's yoke, leaning upon him who was 'meek and lowly,' that I may find rest to my soul. Now, Lord, a.s.sist me for the rest of the day" and let to-morrow be the beginning of days."

"Ten o'clock at night.

"The day is spent, and I look for the blessing. It has not been spent so much in my usual way of retracing, confessing, and bewailing, but with Owen on the subject of indwelling sin, of purification and the, means appointed by G.o.d. The blood of Christ is the only effectual means not only as atonement for sin, setting us free from condemnation, but also for cleansing, as sprinkled on the conscience by the Holy Ghost, and purging it from dead works. There are means in which we are to exercise ourselves, depending on the Spirit for benefit. We are to work in the faith that G.o.d works in us.

Mortification is one means, and though the mortification of the body is perhaps one of the lowest, I think it is of divine appointment, therefore not to be neglected. I have been also studying the death of Christ, and his previous sufferings; the unbelief, the opposition, contradiction, contempt, and cruel mocking which he endured; and his meekness, patience, and submission under them; healing Malchus' ear, praying for his murderers; that, as the children of Israel were healed by looking to the brazen serpent, I may be healed by looking unto the uplifted Jesus; the Spirit producing the effect. And as the woman with the b.l.o.o.d.y issue was healed by a touch, exercising faith in the power of Christ, so I may be healed by a look, exercising the same faith, the Spirit producing the effect of conformity to his example, working in me that meek and lowly spirit for which I have been praying. And now, by grace communicated, I hope to watch over my spirit with more success than formerly. I wait for thy salvation."

The following letter shows how Mrs. Graham persevered in her endeavors to guide and benefit immortal souls as long as G.o.d gave her powers to be employed.

To Mrs. J. W----.

"GREENWICH, 1814.

"Did not the dove, my dear J----, get into the ark? Yes, Noah put out his hand and pulled her in; both are types of Christ. He is the Ark of safety from the flood of wrath that must overwhelm unbelievers.

"I know not, my dear, the amount of that over which you mourn with so much agony; I know not even if it be sinful, except in the circ.u.mstances; you are conscious of sincerity, and you do not now wish to draw back. We can, my dear, do nothing in our own strength; no, not so much as think a good thought. To make any resolution without dependence on G.o.d for strength to perform, is sinful; to make any vow without a consciousness of our weakness and dependence on G.o.d for strength to perform, is an aggravation of the evil.

"I suppose my J---- has sinned; what then? If any man say he has no sin, he deceives himself, and the truth is not in him. And if you suppose that your sin in this is greater than many other sins with their aggravations, you judge wrong. I think that any one _deliberate_ sin, wilfully committed with a knowledge that it is sin, is greater than yours in such circ.u.mstances. You are bound by your vow, and G.o.d will enable you to perform it. Turn, my dear, to the second chapter of the Acts of the Apostles, where Peter preaches to the very murderers of our blessed Saviour, and charges the guilt upon them, verse twenty-second; and again in verse thirty-sixth, 'Therefore let all the house of Israel know a.s.suredly, that this same Jesus whom ye crucified, G.o.d hath made both Lord and Christ; and when they heard this, they were p.r.i.c.ked in their hearts.' Read on, my dear; Peter exhorts even them to repent and be baptized in the name of Christ, for the remission of sins. I make no doubt but many have made vows in a rash manner; but, so far as I know, you have vowed only to serve the Lord; this you are bound to do with or without a vow; and if the Lord makes this vow the means of keeping you watchful and humble, and firm in avoiding what you have vowed against, it will, by his overruling Spirit, prove a blessing.

"You 'do not know where to look for comfort!' To, Jesus, my dear; not to yourself, nor to any creature. 'Look unto me and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth: for I am G.o.d, and there is none else.' Isa.

45:22. 'O Israel, thou hast destroyed thyself, but in me is thy help.'

Hosea 13:9; chap. 14. Take a view, my dear, of the character of G.o.d in his dealings with his perverse Israel, after they had made the molten calf, and sinned otherwise grievously against G.o.d. He, at the intercession of Moses, forgave their sin, and proclaimed that wonderful name, which to this day is the encouragement of convicted sinners, and mine in particular. And the Lord pa.s.sed by him (Moses) and proclaimed, 'The Lord, the Lord G.o.d, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin.' And how can G.o.d do this, whose law is, as himself, immutable; and who adds 'that he will by no means clear the guilty?' Exodus 34:6. Look now to the fifty-third chapter of Isaiah, where you will find your Redeemer standing in your stead. In the thirtieth chapter is another amazing display of G.o.d's forgiveness. The prophet begins the chapter with, 'Woe to the rebellious children!' and lays grievous things to their charge till you come to the eighteenth verse, where he says, 'Therefore will the Lord wait, that he may be gracious to you; therefore will he be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you; for the Lord is a G.o.d of judgment, blessed are all they that wait for him.'

Once more look at the proclamation, Jeremiah 3:12. G.o.d has provided a sacrifice of sufficient value to atone for our most aggravated transgressions, and a righteousness answerable to the uttermost extent of his holy law. Both are made over to the sinner by free gift. 'He hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin, that we might be made the righteousness of G.o.d in him.' 2 Cor. 5:21. _In Him_--He, our surety, having fulfilled all righteousness for us, _as_ our surety and representative.

"You fear that it is not the hand of the Lord that is upon you. I do think that it is, my J----. It is the peculiar office of the Spirit to convince of sin, and I do think that he is at this time dealing with your soul. But why look so much at your vow? you have sinned, my J----, in heart, lip, and life. 'Thou shalt love the Lord thy G.o.d with all thy heart.' O my J----, what prost.i.tuted affections, what misspent time. While G.o.d says, 'Whether you eat or drink, or whatsoever you do, do all to the glory of G.o.d,' what self-indulgence and self-will, instead of self-denial. Listen to the voice of convictions, listen to it as the voice of mercy, leading you to Christ the great propitiatory sacrifice, 'the Lamb of G.o.d, which taketh away the sin of the world.'

"Go to Christ, my dear, as a sinner; tell him you commit your sinful soul into his hands; say, Thou hast bid me look unto thee and be saved. Saviour, I do look unto thee for salvation. Wash me in thy blood, clothe me in thy righteousness, sanctify me by thy grace, accept of me as thy pardoned, saved child; and be a surety for me for good, that having vowed to thee that I would be thy servant, I may perform my vow; furnish me with both will and power to devote myself to thee every day of my life.

"Try, my dear, to rest on Christ; put your trust in him; if you do he will not disappoint you; as your faith, so shall it be unto you.

Now faith is a saving grace; thereby we receive and rest upon Christ for salvation, as he is offered to us in the gospel. Do as you have said: wait his appointed time, in the use of means, till he manifest himself to you. I am hurried for time to get this to town. Farewell. I will pray for you.

"I. GRAHAM."

"1814.

"'A day of darkness and gloominess, a day of clouds and thick darkness, as the morning spread upon the mountains.' Joel 2:2.

"Not in temporals, nor in the means of grace; every thing that earth can afford is gathered into my present cup; it is full and runs over with earthly good, and a large measure of health to enjoy it.

Moral temporals are also mine in no common degree, friendship, society at my choice, and respectability in it. Rich means of grace within my reach, my Bible, and books of every kind and great variety at my hand, of instruction and of devotion. Mine eyes see my teachers, and my judgment approves their doctrine as corresponding with that sure word of testimony given me as the test of all human writings. Yet it is a day of darkness and of gloom.

"'Who is among you that feareth the Lord, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness and hath no light? Let him trust in the name of the Lord and stay upon his G.o.d.' Isa. 50:10.

"To trust in the name of the Lord and to stay myself upon my G.o.d is still my privilege, and though with little life and little comfort, my experience. My mind is so desultory! My Bible, and helps derived from men's deductions and experiences, seem useless; they are not blessed as means to fix my heart; trifles of every sort pa.s.s and repa.s.s often; while my eyes read the words, my mind is gone in a dream on some other subject; my heart remains unimpressed, my mind uninformed; the same in prayer, especially in secret and in the family; less so in the sanctuary.

"I seem, as to apprehension, left to my own dark, dismal, carnal self; naked faith on the finished work of my Redeemer is all that supports me; and that as a bare preventive of fear and source of a hope that 'I shall yet praise Him who is the health of my countenance and my G.o.d.' I know his covenant stands fast, I have taken hold of it; I do at this cold and stupid moment place my confidence in it. Christ is G.o.d's covenant, G.o.d's gift to sinners; I believe it; he is the Lamb of G.o.d, which taketh away the sin of the world; I believe it; I believe on the Son for all the purposes for which G.o.d has sent him into the world; therefore I have everlasting life; I believe the record that G.o.d gave of his Son; that G.o.d hath given to me eternal life, and this life is in his Son, not in me, but in union with him.

'He that hath the Son hath life; he that hath not the Son, hath not life.' John 5.

"I thank thee, my G.o.d, that thou hast not left me to cast away my confidence in Christ. I have life in him, and no life but as I have it from him. Thou seest how it is with me. Thou art my reconciled Father in Christ, but thou hast shut me out from thy presence. I do not enjoy thee; my poor heart is tossed from trifle to trifle. It has been my way through life to destroy myself, and thy way to deliver me. Thou hast been very gracious to me in my old age. I have enjoyed much of thy presence in thy sanctuary and in my private hours; and although sin has dwelt and does dwell in me, I have enjoyed thy forgiving grace, and have tasted thy love, far beyond what I have for weeks past. 'Search me, O G.o.d, and know my heart; try me and know my thoughts; and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.' Show me wherefore thou contendest with me. Am I living in the indulgence of any known wilful sin; or in the habitual neglect of any known duty? Lord, 'it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps.' I know I have been unthankful, unwatchful, idle; alas, this is my ordinary course; but it is not the ordinary course of my Lord G.o.d, merciful and gracious, to mark iniquity against me, but to forgive me daily, to lead me to the blood of sprinkling, to give me contrition, and to restore me to his favor by giving me 'joy and peace in believing.' Help, Lord; give me heart-searching exercises. I read thy word, I set about that to which thou callest me. I set apart this day for fasting, but the gracious exercises are not in me. Come, O come, and be with me. Exalted Prince, give repentance and remission; in thy light let me see light.

"'Therefore now turn ye unto me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping and mourning; rend your heart and not your garments, turn unto the Lord your G.o.d; for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repenteth him of the evil.' Joel 2:12. O, do I not know thee by this name; has it not been thy name to me throughout this wide wilderness, 'pardoning iniquity, transgression, and sin?' Thou hast prepared a prayer for me, 'Turn me, and I shall be turned, for thou art the Lord my G.o.d.' Jer.

31:18. I look to thy new covenant in the same chapter; it is all promise, I can do nothing in it. Christ by thine own appointment answers for my part; or rather, I have no part. I can render nothing to the Lord for all his benefits to me. I will put forth the withered hand to 'take the cup of salvation, and call on the name of the Lord.'

"Ten o'clock. The day is spent; I have confessed, and endeavored to turn to the Lord with mourning, but with little sensibility.

"I attended meeting in the evening, heard two excellent discourses on the priesthood of Christ, and joined in two prayers and three hymns with more fixed attention than has been my attainment lately; for this I thank thee, my G.o.d. Many have been the beginnings of days and of months which thou hast afforded after backsliding. O add this to the number. 'Hear my prayer, O Lord; give ear to my supplications; in thy faithfulness answer me, and in thy righteousness. Enter not into judgment with thy servant, for in thy sight shall no man living be justified.' Psalm 143.

"My spirit is overwhelmed within me, my heart within me is desolate. I stretch out my hands unto thee; my soul thirsteth after thee in a thirsty land. Hear me speedily, O Lord; my spirit faileth; hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto those that go down into the pit. Cause me to hear thy loving-kindness in the morning, for in thee do I trust; cause me to know the way wherein I should walk, for I lift up my soul unto thee. Deliver me, O Lord, from mine enemies; I flee unto thee to hide me. Teach me to do thy will, for thou art my G.o.d. Thy Spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness. Quicken me, O Lord, for thy name's sake; for thy righteousness' sake bring my soul out of trouble. I wait for thy salvation.

This heart my Jesus bought with blood, It is his honest claim; O seize it, fix it, Saviour G.o.d, To give it is my aim.

Take full possession of this heart, And here set up thy throne; Command each idol to depart, And make it all thine own.

O dare I not to thee appeal, That 'tis my first desire, That on this heart thou stamp thy seal And grave it with love's fire?

To fix this heart to stray no more I e'en would quit the clay; Would hasten on to Jordan's sh.o.r.e, And plough the watery way.

Nor fear nor dread my soul should move, With Jesus in my heart; Each pa.s.sion swallowed up in love, I'd court the friendly dart.

The resurrection and the life In death itself he'll prove, And while he closes mortal strife, Breathe his own life of love.

Then boast not, monster, of thy sting, Nor of thy victory, grave; In th' arms of G.o.d's anointed King I dare thy fiercest brave.