HARRIET. My lover!

LOVEYET. So he confidently call'd himself, and took such other insufferably vain and impudent freedoms with your name, that I attempted to give him a little wholesome admonition with this, if his effeminate cries had not brought my lovely Harriet in to prevent me; but the very attempt has proved him to be the basest of dastards. [_While he is saying this, WORTHNOUGHT makes several attempts to interrupt him._]

HARRIET. [_To WORTHNOUGHT._] I am equally surpriz'd and incens'd, sir, that you would dare to take such freedoms with my name.

LOVEYET. Be a.s.sured, Miss Harriet, if you condescend to grant your valuable company to such superficial gentry, they will ever prove themselves as unworthy of it as he has; but your goodness does not let you suspect the use which such characters make of the intimacy they are honour'd with, or you would spurn their unmeaning flattery, and ridiculous fopperies, with indignation.

HARRIET. I ever till now consider'd him as a respectful, well-meaning person, as far as regarded myself; and as such, gave him a prudent share of my civilities; but I never thought either his intellects or his person sufficient to ent.i.tle him to a partial intimacy.

WORTHNOUGHT. You cannot deny, madam, that I have repeatedly experienced the most flattering proofs of your partiality, that a lady (who values her reputation) can ever bestow on her admirer.

HARRIET. Contemptible thing! An admirer, forsooth! Of what?--Your ideas are too mean and frothy to let you admire anything but my dress, or some other trifle as empty and superficial as the trifler I am speaking to. My demeanour towards you was nothing but the effect of cheerfulness and politeness; qualities which, I believe, are inherent in me, and of which, therefore, all with whom I am acquainted are the objects; but your present unmanly and insupportably impudent discourse, makes me despise myself almost as much as you, for allowing such a wretch even that small degree of attention which he so illy deserved.

WORTHNOUGHT. You are very insulting, madam, 'pan hanor.--

LOVEYET. How apt such fellows are to have _honour_ in their mouths.

[_Aside._

WORTHNOUGHT. This is only a trick to conceal your inconstancy during his absence; but it is the nature of the s.e.x to deceive us.

HARRIET. 'Tis the nature of a fool to say so; and if that fool does not instantly quit the subject and the house together, I must request the favour of Mr. Loveyet to make him.

LOVEYET. "As matters are circ.u.mstanced, Mr. Worthnought, I think it is not worth your while to stay."

WORTHNOUGHT. Her unparallel'd rudeness shall not compel me to leave the house, till I please.

LOVEYET. "Oh, fie, sir,--you would not force a lady to give you her company against her inclination."

WORTHNOUGHT. You are very fond of echoing my words, it seems.

LOVEYET. Yes, when I can apply them to your disappointment and disgrace.--"I am monstrously chagrin'd, sir, 'foregad, that I have it not in my power to introduce you to the divine mistress of my heart." Ha, ha, ha.

WORTHNOUGHT. 'Tis very well,--I will have revenge;--if the laws of politeness (which I would rather die than infringe) did not forbid swearing before a _lady_ [_In a contemptuous tone._], curse me, but I would d----n you for a--

LOVEYET. [_Interrupting him._]--"You must know, sir, I have the hanor and felicity of being this lady's very humble admirer."--You have failed in your predictions, I think, sir.

WORTHNOUGHT. Yes, and she shall soon pay for her duplicity; tho' I would not have you think that her ill usage mortifies me in the least: I never was in love with her, nor did I ever intend marriage, which is more than _she_ can say; and, I believe, it is fortunate for us both, that you arriv'd when you did, or something might have happened, which would have obliged me to marry her, merely to prevent her from being miserable.--Ha, ha, ha. Tol lol, &c.

[_Exit._

HARRIET. What a superlative wretch!

LOVEYET. He is too contemptible to cost you a thought, Harriet:--none but the puppy tribe, and a few splenetic old maids, will pay any attention to his slander; they, no doubt, will spread it with avidity;--but to be traduced by such, is to be praised.--Hah!--there comes my father;--I forgot to tell you I expected him here: I will try if he knows me.

_Enter OLD LOVEYET._

OLD LOVEYET. Madam, your most obedient;--Sir, your servant.

LOVEYET. [_Bows._] I find he does not know me:--Nature, be still; for now I feel he is indeed my father.

HARRIET. Mr. Loveyet, I am happy to see you.

OLD LOVEYET. She would not be quite so happy, if she knew my errand.

[_Aside._]--I have waited on you, madam, upon disagreeable business.

HARRIET. How, sir?--I beg you will not leave me in suspense: What is it?

OLD LOVEYET. It is a matter of a delicate nature, madam, and therefore, must not be spoken at random.

LOVEYET. Heaven avert any unfavourable event! [_Aside._

HARRIET. Mr. Loveyet, your cautious innuendoes give me sensible uneasiness.

LOVEYET. I will withdraw, Miss Trueman;--My love--friendship, I would say, though it wishes to afford you happiness, and partic.i.p.ate in your troubles, does not presume to intrude on the private conversation Mr. Loveyet wishes.

HARRIET. I dare say your presence is no restraint, sir.

OLD LOVEYET. I don't know that, madam: pray, who is the gentleman?

HARRIET. The gentleman is my very particular friend, sir.

OLD LOVEYET. By my body, here is rare work going on.--[_Aside._]--Well, madam, as the gentleman is your _very particular friend_; and as his _love_--friendship, I mean, is so great, that you dare to entrust all your secrets with him; I shall acquaint you, that, as you and my son have long entertained a partiality for each other, and being desirous to fulfill all my engagements, as well as to make him happy, I have wrote for him to come and conclude the marriage; but, for very good reasons, I have this day determined to forbid the bans; and Mr. Trueman says, he is very willing too.

LOVEYET. Hah!--what can all this mean? [_Aside._

OLD LOVEYET. You must know, madam, your father has us'd me very ill; and--to be plain with you, madam, your familiarity with this person, convinces me you wou'd have play'd the fool with my son, without my breaking the match. Ugh, ugh.

LOVEYET. The old gentleman imagines I am going to cut myself out, it seems. [_Aside to HARRIET._

HARRIET. You do not know who this is, sir, or you would not put any improper constructions on the friendly freedom you have observ'd between us.

LOVEYET. True; and, therefore, you need not be concerned at what he says.--Since he has made this unlucky resolution, he must not know who I am. [_Aside to HARRIET._

OLD LOVEYET. How well she dissembles!--_Friendly freedom,_--a pretty term that, for the wanton hussy. [_Aside._]--I wish Charles was here now; he wou'd acknowledge his father's kindness in preventing a match, which, I am sure, would end in sorrow and disappointment.

LOVEYET. I doubt that much.--This parent of mine is a singular character. [_Aside to HARRIET._

HARRIET. It is necessary you should be made acquainted with some of his oddities: his most striking peculiarity is a desire to be thought younger than he is; and, I dare say, some remark of my father, respecting his age, is the only cause of his present ill humour.

OLD LOVEYET. Look how they whisper!--well, she is the most brazen coquette I ever knew!--Yes, yes, now her scandalous conduct is glaring enough.

[_Aside._]--I wish you and your _very particular friend_, a good day, madam.

[_Exit._

HARRIET. I think our troubles increase fast: how unlucky, that this dispute should happen at the very crisis of your arrival;--an event which we fondly expected would be attended with the most pleasing circ.u.mstances.

LOVEYET. Those fond expectations, my lovely partner in trouble, shall soon be realized;--this is only the momentary caprice of old age.