LX.

Give him a collar without a skirt, (That's the Irish linen for shirt) And a slice of bread with a taste of dirt, (That's Poverty's Irish butter) And what does he lack to make him blest?

Some oyster-shells, or a sparrow's nest, A candle-end and a gutter.

LXI.

But to leave the happy Phelim alone, Gnawing, perchance, a marrowless bone, For which no dog would quarrel-- Turn we to little Miss Kilmansegg, Cutting her first little toothy-peg With a fifty-guinea coral-- A peg upon which About poor and rich Reflection might hang a moral.

LXII.

Born in wealth, and wealthily nursed, Capp'd, papp'd, napp'd, and lapp'd from the first On the knees of Prodigality, Her childhood was one eternal round Of the game of going on Tickler's ground Picking up gold--in reality.

LXIII.

With extempore carts she never play'd, Or the odds and ends of a Tinker's Trade, Or little dirt pies and puddings made, Like children happy and squalid; The very puppet she had to pet, Like a bait for the "Nix my Dolly" set, Was a Dolly of gold--and solid!

LXIV.

Gold! and gold! 'twas the burden still!

To gain the Heiress's early good-will There was much corruption and bribery-- The yearly cost of her golden toys Would have given half London's Charity Boys And Charity Girls the annual joys Of a holiday dinner at Highbury.

LXV.

Bon-bons she ate from the gilt _cornet_; And gilded queens on St. Bartlemy's day; Till her fancy was tinged by her presents-- And first a Goldfinch excited her wish, Then a spherical bowl with its Golden fish, And then two Golden Pheasants.

LXVI.

Nay, once she squall'd and scream'd like wild-- And it shows how the bias we give to a child Is a thing most weighty and solemn:-- But whence was wonder or blame to spring If little Miss K.,--after such a swing-- Made a dust for the flaming gilded thing On the top of the Fish Street column?

HER EDUCATION.

LXVII.

According to metaphysical creed, To the earliest books that children read For much good or much bad they are debtors-- But before with their A B C they start, There are things in morals, as well as art, That play a very important part-- "Impressions before the letters."

LXVIII.

Dame Education begins the pile, Mayhap in the graceful Corinthian style, But alas for the elevation!

If the Lady's maid or Gossip the Nurse With a load of rubbish, or something worse, Have made a rotten foundation.

LXIX.

Even thus with little Miss Kilmansegg, Before she learnt her E for egg, Ere her Governess came, or her Masters-- Teachers of quite a different kind Had "cramm'd" her beforehand, and put her mind In a go-cart on golden casters.

LXX.

Long before her A B and C, They had taught her by heart her L. S. D.

And as how she was born a great Heiress; And as sure as London is built of bricks, My Lord would ask her the day to fix, To ride in a fine gilt coach and six, Like Her Worship the Lady May'ress.

LXXI.

Instead of stories from Edgeworth's page, The true golden lore for our golden age, Or lessons from Barbauld and Trimmer, Teaching the worth of Virtue and Health, All that she knew was the Virtue of Wealth, Provided by vulgar nursery stealth With a Book of Leaf Gold for a primer.

LXXII.

The very metal of merit they told, And praised her for being as "good as gold"!

Till she grew as a peacock haughty; Of money they talk'd the whole day round, And weigh'd desert, like grapes, by the pound, Till she had an idea from the very sound That people with nought were naughty.

LXXIII.

They praised--poor children with nothing at all!

Lord! how you twaddle and waddle and squall Like common-bred geese and ganders!

What sad little bad little figures you make To the rich Miss K., whose plainest seed-cake Was stuff'd with corianders!

LXXIV.

They praised her falls, as well as her walk, Flatterers make cream cheese of chalk, They praised--how they praised--her very small talk, As if it fell from the Solon; Or the girl who at each pretty phrase let drop A ruby comma, or pearl full-stop, Or an emerald semi-colon.

LXXV.

They praised her spirit, and now and then The Nurse brought her own little "nevy" Ben, To play with the future May'ress, And when he got raps, and taps, and slaps, Scratches, and pinches, snips, and snaps, As if from a Tigress or Bearess, They told him how Lords would court that hand, And always gave him to understand, While he rubb'd, poor soul, His carroty poll, That his hair has been pull'd by _a Hairess_.

LXXVI.

Such were the lessons from maid and nurse, A Governess help'd to make still worse, Giving an appetite so perverse Fresh diet whereon to batten-- Beginning with A B C to hold Like a royal playbill printed in gold On a square of pearl-white satin

LXXVII.

The books to teach the verbs and nouns, And those about countries, cities, and towns, Instead of their sober drabs and browns, Were in crimson silk, with gilt edges;-- Her Butler, and Enfield, and Entick--in short Her "Early Lessons" of every sort, Look'd like Souvenirs, Keepsakes, and Pledges.