But the ruthless talons refuse to unfix, Till far beyond a surgical case, With starting eyes, and black in the face, Down he tumbles as dead as bricks!

A pretty sight for his mates to view!

Those shaggy murderers looking so blue, And for him above all, Red-bearded and tall, With whom, at that very particular nick, There is such an unlucky crow to pick, As the one of iron that did the trick In a recent bloody affair-- No wonder feeling a little sick, With pulses beating uncommonly quick, And breath he never found so thick, He longs for the open air!

Three paces, or four, And he gains the door; But ere he accomplishes one, The sound of a blow comes, heavy and dull, And clasping his fingers round his skull-- However the deed was done, That gave him that florid Red gash on the forehead-- With a roll of the eyeballs perfectly horrid, There's a tremulous quiver, The last death-shiver, And Red-Beard's course is run!

Halloo! Halloo!

They have done for two!

But a heavyish job remains to do!

For yonder, sledge and shovel in hand, Like elder Sons of Giant Despair, A couple of Cyclops make a stand, And fiercely hammering here and there, Keep at bay the Powers of Air-- But desperation is all in vain!-- They faint--they choke, For the sulphurous smoke Is poisoning heart, and lung, and brain, They reel, they sink, they gasp, they smother.

One for a moment survives his brother, Then rolls a corpse across the other!

Halloo! Halloo!

And Hullabaloo!

There is only one more thing to do-- And seized by beak, and talon, and claw, Bony hand, and hairy paw, Yea, crooked horn, and tusky jaw, The four huge Bodies are haul'd and shoven Each after each in the roaring oven!

That Eisen Hutte is standing still, Go to the Hartz whenever you will, And there it is beside a hill, And a rapid stream that turns many a mill; The self-same Forge,--you'll know it at sight-- Casting upward, day and night, Flames of red, and yellow, and white!

Ay, half a mile from the mountain gorge, There it is, the famous Forge, With its Furnace,--the same that blazed of yore,-- Hugely fed with fuel and ore; But ever since that tremendous Revel, Whatever Iron is melted therein,-- As Travellers know who have been to Berlin-- Is all _as black as the Devil_!

THE UNIVERSITY FEUD.[45]

"A plague o' both the houses!"--MERCUTIO.

[Footnote 45: "The Row at the Oxford Arms" (to quote its alternative title) is a squib on the contest at Oxford, in 1841-42, for the Professorship of Poetry. The candidates, it will be remembered, were Isaac Williams and Mr. (afterwards Archdeacon) Garbett. The struggle was the more intense that it was openly acknowledged to be a trial of strength between the adherents of the "Oxford Movement" and the Evangelical Party.]

As latterly I chanced to pass A Public House, from which, alas!

The Arms of Oxford dangle!

My ear was startled by a din, That made me tremble in my skin, A dreadful hubbub from within, Of voices in a wrangle--

Voices loud, and voices high, With now and then a party-cry, Such as used in times gone by To scare the British border; When foes from North and South of Tweed-- Neighbors--and of Christian creed-- Met in hate to fight and bleed, Upsetting Social Order.

Surprised, I turn'd me to the crowd, Attracted by that tumult loud, And ask'd a gazer, beetle-brow'd, The cause of such disquiet.

When lo! the solemn-looking man, First shook his head on Burleigh's plan, And then, with fluent tongue, began His version of the riot:

A row!--why yes,--a pretty row, you might hear from this to Garmany, And what is worse, it's all got up among the Sons of Harmony, The more's the shame for them as used to be in time and tune, And all unite in chorus like the singing-birds in June!

Ah! many a pleasant chant I've heard in passing here along, When Swiveller was President a-knocking down a song; But Dick's resign'd the post, you see, and all them shouts and hollers Is 'cause two other candidates, some sort of larned scholars, Are squabbling to be Chairman of the Glorious Apollers!

Lord knows their names, I'm sure I don't, no more than any yokel, But I never heard of either as connected with the vocal; Nay, some do say, although of course the public rumor varies, They've no more warble in 'em than a pair of hen canaries; Though that might pass if they were dabs at t'other sort of thing, For a man may make a song, you know, although he cannot sing; But lork! it's many folk's belief they're only good at prosing, For Catnach swears he never saw a verse of their composing; And when a piece of poetry has stood its public trials, If pop'lar, it gets printed off at once in Seven Dials, And then about all sorts of streets, by every little monkey, It's chanted like the "Dog's Meat Man," or "If I had a Donkey."

Whereas, as Mr. Catnach says, and not a bad judge neither, No ballad--worth a ha'penny--has ever come from either, And him as writ "Jim Crow," he says, and got such lots of dollars, Would make a better Chairman for the Glorious Apollers.

Howsomever that's the meaning of the squabble that arouses This neighborhood, and quite disturbs all decent Heads of Houses, Who want to have their dinners and their parties, as is reason, In Christian peace and charity according to the season.

But from Number Thirty-Nine--since this electioneering job, Ay, as far as Number Ninety, there's an everlasting mob; Till the thing is quite a nuisance, for no creature passes by, But he gets a card, a pamphlet, or a summut in his eye; And a pretty noise there is!--what with canvassers and spouters, For in course each side is furnish'd with its backers and its touters; And surely among the Clergy to such pitches it is carried, You can hardly find a Parson to get buried or get married; Or supposing any accident that suddenly alarms, If you're dying for a surgeon, you must fetch him from the "Arms"; While the Schoolmasters and Tooters are neglecting of their scholars, To write about a Chairman for the Glorious Apollers.

Well, that, sir, is the racket; and the more the sin and shame Of them that help to stir it up, and propagate the same; Instead of vocal ditties, and the social flowing cup,-- But they'll be the House's ruin, or the shutting of it up, With their riots and their hubbubs, like a garden full of bears, While they've damaged many articles and broken lots of squares, And kept their noble Club Room in a perfect dust and smother, By throwing _Morning Heralds_, _Times_, and _Standards_ at each other; Not to name the ugly language Gemmen oughtn't to repeat, And the names they call each other--for I've heard 'em in the street-- Such as Traitors, Guys, and Judasses, and Vipers and what not, For Pasley and his divers ain't so blowing-up a lot.

And then such awful swearing!--for there's one of them that cusses Enough to shock the cads that hang on opposition 'busses; For he cusses every member that's agin him at the poll, As I wouldn't cuss a donkey, tho' it hasn't got a soul; And he cusses all their families, Jack, Harry, Bob or Jim, To the babby in the cradle, if they don't agree with him.

Whereby, altho' as yet they have not took to use their fives, Or, according as the fashion is, to sticking with their knives, I'm bound they'll be some milling yet, and shakings by the collars, Afore they choose a Chairman for the Glorious Apollers!

To be sure it is a pity to be blowing such a squall, Instead of clouds, and every man his song, and then his call-- And as if there wasn't Whigs enough and Tories to fall out, Besides polities in plenty for our splits to be about,-- Why, a cornfield is sufficient, sir, as anybody knows, For to furnish them in plenty who are fond of picking crows-- Not to name the Maynooth Catholics, and other Irish stews, To agitate society and loosen all its screws; And which all may be agreeable and proper to their spheres,-- But it's not the thing for musicals to set us by the ears.

And as to College larning, my opinion for to broach, And I've had it from my cousin, and he driv a college coach, And so knows the University, and all as there belongs, And he says that Oxford's famouser for sausages than songs, And seldom turns a poet out like Hudson that can chant, As well as make such ditties as the Free and Easies want, Or other Tavern Melodists I can't just call to mind-- But it's not the classic system for to propagate the kind, Whereby it so may happen as that neither of them Scholars May be the proper Chairman for the Glorious Apollers!

For my part in the matter, if so be I had a voice, It's the best among the vocalists I'd honor with the choice; Or a Poet as could furnish a new Ballad to the bunch; Or at any rate the surest hand at mixing of the punch; 'Cause why, the members meet for that and other tuneful frolics-- And not to say, like Muffincaps, their Catichiz and Collec's.

But you see them there Itinerants that preach so long and loud, And always takes advantage like the prigs of any crowd, Have brought their jangling voices, and as far as they can compass, Have turn'd a tavern shindy to a seriouser rumpus, And him as knows most hymns--altho' I can't see how it follers-- They want to be the Chairman of the Glorious Apollers!

Well, that's the row--and who can guess the upshot after all?

Whether Harmony will ever make the "Arms" her House of call, Or whether this here mobbing--as some longish heads foretell it, Will grow to such a riot that the Oxford Blues must quell it, Howsomever, for the present, there's no sign of any peace, For the hubbub keeps a-growing, and defies the New Police;-- But if _I_ was in the Vestry, and a leading sort of Man, Or a Member of the Vocals, to get backers for my plan, Why, I'd settle all the squabble in the twinkle of a needle, For I'd have another candidate--and that's the Parish Beadle, Who makes such lots of Poetry, himself, or else by proxy, And no one never has no doubts about his orthodoxy; Whereby--if folks was wise--instead of either of them Scholars, And straining their own lungs along of contradictious hollers, They'll lend their ears to reason, and take my advice as follers, Namely--Bumble for the Chairman of the Glorious Apollers!

THE END.