c.o.xcombs are of all ranks and kind: They're not to s.e.x or age confined, _20 Or rich, or poor, or great, or small; And vanity besets them all.

By ignorance is pride increased: Those most a.s.sume who know the least; Their own false balance gives them weight, But every other finds them light.

Not that all c.o.xcombs' follies strike, And draw our ridicule alike; To different merits each pretends.

This in love-vanity transcends; _30 That smitten with his face and shape, By dress distinguishes the ape; T'other with learning crams his shelf, Knows books, and all things but himself.

All these are fools of low condition, Compared with c.o.xcombs of ambition.

For those, puffed up with flattery, dare a.s.sume a nation's various care.

They ne'er the grossest praise mistrust, Their sycophants seem hardly just; _40 For these, in part alone, attest The flattery their own thoughts suggest.

In this wide sphere a c.o.xcomb's shown In other realms beside his own: The self-deemed Machiavel at large By turns controls in every charge.

Does commerce suffer in her rights?

'Tis he directs the naval flights.

What sailor dares dispute his skill?

He'll be an admiral when he will.

_50 Now meddling in the soldier's trade, Troops must be hired, and levies made.

He gives amba.s.sadors their cue, His cobbled treaties to renew; And annual taxes must suffice The current blunders to disguise When his crude schemes in air are lost, And millions scarce defray the cost, His arrogance (nought undismayed) Trusting in self-sufficient aid, _60 On other rocks misguides the realm, And thinks a pilot at the helm.

He ne'er suspects his want of skill, But blunders on from ill to ill; And, when he fails of all intent, Blames only unforeseen event.

Lest you mistake the application, The fable calls me to relation.

A bear of s.h.a.g and manners rough, At climbing trees expert enough; _70 For dextrously, and safe from harm, Year after year he robbed the swarm.

Thus thriving on industrious toil, He gloried in his pilfered spoil.

This trick so swelled him with conceit, He thought no enterprise too great.

Alike in sciences and arts, He boasted universal parts; Pragmatic, busy, bustling, bold, His arrogance was uncontrolled: _80 And thus he made his party good, And grew dictator of the wood.

The beasts with admiration stare, And think him a prodigious bear.

Were any common booty got, 'Twas his each portion to allot: For why, he found there might be picking, Even in the carving of a chicken.

Intruding thus, he by degrees Claimed too the butcher's larger fees.

_90 And now his over-weening pride In every province will preside.

No talk too difficult was found: His blundering nose misleads the hound.

In stratagem and subtle arts, He overrules the fox's parts.

It chanced, as, on a certain day, Along the bank he took his way, A boat, with rudder, sail, and oar, At anchor floated near the sh.o.r.e.

_100 He stopp'd, and turning to his train, Thus pertly vents his vaunting strain: 'What blundering puppies are mankind, In every science always blind!

I mock the pedantry of schools.

What are their compa.s.ses and rules?

From me that helm shall conduct learn.

And man his ignorance discern.'

So saying, with audacious pride, He gains the boat, and climbs the side.

_110 The beasts astonished, lined the strand, The anchor's weighed, he drives from land: The slack sail shifts from side to side; The boat untrimmed admits the tide, Borne down, adrift, at random toss'd, His oar breaks short, the rudder's lost.

The bear, presuming in his skill, Is here and there officious still; Till striking on the dangerous sands, Aground the shattered vessel stands.

_120 To see the bungler thus distress'd, The very fishes sneer and jest.

Even gudgeons join in ridicule, To mortify the meddling fool.

The clamorous watermen appear; Threats, curses, oaths, insult his ear: Seized, thrashed, and chained, he's dragged to land; Derision shouts along the strand.

FABLE VI.

THE SQUIRE AND HIS CUR.

TO A COUNTRY GENTLEMAN.

The man of pure and simple heart Through life disdains a double part.

He never needs the screen of lies His inward bosom to disguise.

In vain malicious tongues a.s.sail; Let envy snarl, let slander rail, From virtue's shield (secure from wound) Their blunted, venomed shafts rebound.

So shines his light before mankind, His actions prove his honest mind.

_10 If in his country's cause he rise, Debating senates to advise, Unbribed, unawed, he dares impart The honest dictates of his heart.

No ministerial frown he fears, But in his virtue perseveres.

But would you play the politician, Whose heart's averse to intuition, Your lips at all times, nay, your reason Must be controlled by place and season.

_20 What statesman could his power support Were lying tongues forbid the court?

Did princely ears to truth attend, What minister could gain his end?

How could he raise his tools to place, And how his honest foes disgrace?

That politician tops his part, Who readily can lie with art: The man's proficient in his trade; His power is strong, his fortune's made.

_30 By that the interest of the throne Is made subservient to his own: By that have kings of old, deluded, All their own friends for his excluded.

By that, his selfish schemes pursuing, He thrives upon the public ruin.

Antiochus,[8] with hardy pace, Provoked the dangers of the chase; And, lost from all his menial train, Traversed the wood and pathless plain.

_40 A cottage lodged the royal guest!

The Parthian clown brought forth his best.

The king, unknown, his feast enjoyed, And various chat the hours employed.

From wine what sudden friendship springs!

Frankly they talked of courts and kings.

'We country-folks,' the clown replies, 'Could ope our gracious monarch's eyes.

The king, (as all our neighbours say,) Might he (G.o.d bless him) have his way, _50 Is sound at heart, and means our good, And he would do it, if he could.

If truth in courts were not forbid, Nor kings nor subjects would be rid.

Were he in power, we need not doubt him: But that transferred to those about him, On them he throws the regal cares: And what mind they? Their own affairs.

If such rapacious hands he trust, The best of men may seem unjust.

_60 From kings to cobblers 'tis the same: Bad servants wound their master's fame.

In this our neighbours all agree: Would the king knew as much as we.'

Here he stopp'd short. Repose they sought, The peasant slept, the monarch thought.

The courtiers learned, at early dawn, Where their lost sovereign was withdrawn.

The guards' approach our host alarms, With gaudy coats the cottage swarms.

_70 The crown and purple robes they bring, And prostrate fall before the king.

The clown was called, the royal guest By due reward his thanks express'd.

The king then, turning to the crowd, Who fawningly before him bow'd, Thus spoke: 'Since, bent on private gain, Your counsels first misled my reign, Taught and informed by you alone, No truth the royal ear hath known, _80 Till here conversing. Hence, ye crew, For now I know myself and you.'

Whene'er the royal ear's engross'd, State-lies but little genius cost.

The favourite then securely robs, And gleans a nation by his jobs.

Franker and bolder grown in ill, He daily poisons dares instil; And, as his present views suggest, Inflames or soothes the royal breast.

_90 Thus wicked ministers oppress, When oft the monarch means redress.

Would kings their private subjects hear, A minister must talk with fear.

If honesty opposed his views, He dared not innocence excuse.

'Twould keep him in such narrow bound, He could not right and wrong confound.

Happy were kings, could they disclose Their real friends and real foes!

_100 Were both themselves and subjects known, A monarch's will might be his own.

Had he the use of ears and eyes, Knaves would no more be counted wise.

But then a minister might lose (Hard case!) his own ambitious views.

When such as these have vexed a state, Pursued by universal hate, Their false support at once hath failed, And persevering truth prevailed.

_110 Exposed their train of fraud is seen; Truth will at last remove the screen.

A country squire, by whim directed, The true stanch dogs of chase neglected.

Beneath his board no hound was fed, His hand ne'er stroked the spaniel's head.

A snappish cur, alone caress'd, By lies had banished all the rest.

Yap had his ear; and defamation Gave him full scope of conversation.

_120 His sycophants must be preferr'd, Room must be made for all his herd: Wherefore, to bring his schemes about, Old faithful servants all must out.

The cur on every creature flew, (As other great men's puppies do,) Unless due court to him were shown, And both their face and business known, No honest tongue an audience found: He worried all the tenants round; _130 For why, he lived in constant fear, Lest truth, by chance, should interfere.

If any stranger dare intrude, The noisy cur his heels pursued.