Jamie instinctively drew back, shut down. He knew what she was doing-she was trying to fix him, but there were some things that simply couldn't be fixed and he was one of them. She'd been doing this all week-picking, probing, question after question, trying to open him up and lay him bare. The mere thought turned his insides to ice, made bile rise in his throat.

"Leave it," Jamie told her, a warning he hoped like h.e.l.l she heeded. He set his jaw and fought back a tide of angry emotion. More horrible memories from that night rushed rapid fire through his mind, making his gut clench with dread. Leave me! You know it's over! Leave me! You know it's over! The backs of his lids burned. The backs of his lids burned.

Oh, G.o.d. He couldn't do this.

"He was a Ranger with you, right? In the same unit?"

Jamie shoved his hands into his hair, pushing it away from his face. He glanced around and realized that she'd rowed them all the way out into the middle of the lake. No escape. Panic sent acid churning though his belly. This had been a trap, he realized suddenly. She'd done this on purpose. His gaze flew to hers. Of all the sneaky, underhanded...If he wasn't so d.a.m.ned angry, he'd be impressed. Like a bear with a ring in its nose, she'd led him around all day, setting him up for this very moment.

And while this tactic might have worked on an ordinary man, it wasn't going to work on him, he thought grimly. He'd been a United States Ranger, by G.o.d. He was like Houdini, he could find his way out of anything.

Jamie stood, inadvertently rocking the boat.

Audrey inhaled sharply, grasped the sides. "What are you doing? Sit down! You're going to tip us over."

"News flash, baby," Jamie told her, his lips curled in an angry smile. "Your plan didn't work."

Then he leaped neatly over the side and started swimming toward sh.o.r.e.

She would not break him, dammit.

She would not.

His feelings were all he had left of his friend. He didn't want to share them. And he wouldn't.

UTTERLY SHOCKED, Audrey watched Jamie determinedly swim toward sh.o.r.e. When she'd concocted this trap-him-in-the-boat plan, she could honestly say that she'd never antic.i.p.ated this scenario. She'd wanted to force him to open up, to let her help him. The small boat had seemed like a good choice because, logistically, it would have been hard to distract her with s.e.x, his usual, admittedly excellent, method of shutting her up.

Her eyes narrowed on his rapidly shrinking form. This new development was a setback, but she'd be d.a.m.ned before she'd accept defeat. The more time she spent with Jamie, the more she knew he needed her. She could feel the ache inside him worsening. h.e.l.l, he hurt so much it made her her nauseous. It was eating him up inside, Audrey knew, and the more it festered, the worse it was going to become. nauseous. It was eating him up inside, Audrey knew, and the more it festered, the worse it was going to become.

She stood. "Jamie!"

When he didn't so much as look at her, Audrey did what seemed like the only plausible thing-she jumped in after him.

The shock of cold water stole her breath, but she pressed on. She was an excellent swimmer, after all, and frequently took a dip in the lake. She'd never done it in late September, but what the h.e.l.l. New experiences were what made life interesting. Between strokes, she looked for Jamie and had the pleasure of seeing his outraged face when he saw that she'd come in after him.

His eyes looked like they'd burst from their sockets. "Have you lost your mind?" he shouted at her.

Audrey ignored him. No more than he had, the stubborn jerk. But she'd lost something a whole lot more precious-her heart. She'd given it to a tight-lipped obstinate former Ranger who could swim like a friggin' fish, Audrey thought, resisting the inappropriate urge to laugh.

Jamie had doubled back and was suddenly next to her. "Do you have a death wish?" he shouted angrily. "What the h.e.l.l were you thinking?"

"I just followed your lead," she said, ignoring his anger. "I'm not letting you run away from me."

"What about the boat?"

"f.u.c.k the boat."

His feet found ground before hers did. He gaped at her. "What is your deal?" he demanded, slogging forward. He grabbed her arm and tugged her with him.

"What's yours?" she answered back.

"I want you to lay off!"

"Why? So you can wallow in self-pity for the rest of your life?" It was risky and mean, but he wasn't mad enough yet and it was going to take anger to make him break.

Five feet from sh.o.r.e, his face dripping wet, clothes clinging to him like a second skin, he stopped and glared daggers at her. "Self-pity?" he repeated in a voice so quiet it was thunderous. "That's what you think is wrong with me?"

"What choice do I have when you won't level with me?"

He crossed his arms over his chest and smirked at her. "Did it ever occur to you that it was none of your d.a.m.ned business?"

That dart found a mark, forcing her to swallow. "Maybe not," Audrey conceded. "But you made it my business when you showed up at my camp! Sure, my grandfather ordered you here, but you didn't have to come, did you?"

He opened his mouth, readying for a comeback, but stopped short. He released a weary breath, rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Just let it go," he said instead.

Shivering, Audrey shook her head. "I won't," she told him. She thumped a hand against her chest. "I can feel it in here. It hurts, hurts, dammit, and if it hurts me, it's got to be killing you. Just-" She blinked, determined not to cry. "Just tell me what happened." dammit, and if it hurts me, it's got to be killing you. Just-" She blinked, determined not to cry. "Just tell me what happened."

Jamie blanched. His gaze dropped to her chest, then darted back up and tangled with hers. She didn't have any idea what was going on in that head of his, but she could feel more and more pain radiating off him.

A helpless laugh rumbled up his throat and he shook his head. "You don't know what you're asking of me," he told her, his voice breaking.

No, she did, and that made pushing him for it even harder. Audrey fisted her hands in his shirt, looked up at him. "n.o.body deserves to carry around what you're wrestling with. I may be little, but I'm tough. Share the load, Jamie," she implored, punctuating the statement with a soft kiss to his jaw.

And that did it.

Her bad-a.s.s former Ranger closed his eyes tightly shut, rested his forehead against hers and a quiet sob shook his shoulders.

13.

JAMIE FELT AUDREY'S ARMS tighten around him and he clung to her, sapping up her strength just like every other selfish b.a.s.t.a.r.d who'd come before him. G.o.d, he was pathetic. But he couldn't seem to help himself. She'd just kept on and on, and then when she'd told him that she could feel it too-that tighten around him and he clung to her, sapping up her strength just like every other selfish b.a.s.t.a.r.d who'd come before him. G.o.d, he was pathetic. But he couldn't seem to help himself. She'd just kept on and on, and then when she'd told him that she could feel it too-that his his pain was hurting pain was hurting her her-that was just the last d.a.m.ned straw.

"Oh, Jamie," she said. She tugged him toward the cottage. "Come on. Let's go inside."

Jamie allowed her to guide him, numb from the cold, from arguing, from the grief he'd been carrying for so long. He should be taking care of her, not the other way around, and yet he wasn't strong enough to deny himself her comfort. Selfishly, he needed it. No, it was more than that-he needed her.

Audrey grabbed the bottle of Jameson from the kitchen counter, then led him toward the bathroom. She quickly adjusted the tap and started the shower. One quick guzzle of whiskey later and they were both naked and under the spray. The hot water beat down like little needles of fire, warming his skin back up. She lathered him up, washing his hair in a way that was gentle but not overtly s.e.xual. It was nice, Jamie thought, to be able to be with a naked woman-one he admittedly wanted more than any other on the planet-and yet be content not to act on that desire. He supposed that's what happened when you found the right one.

In short order, she had them both clean, warm, dressed and situated in front of a small fire. She'd tossed a couple of easy-start logs into the grate and a cozy warmth soon permeated the room.

Her hair still wet, she sat down beside him wearing one of his shirts, and offered him her hand. A simple gesture, but one that had a singularly profound effect on his heart. His throat clogged.

Okay, he thought, blowing out an uneasy breath. She wanted to know about Danny. Where to start? "You were right," Jamie told her. "Danny was in my unit. I'm a.s.suming your grandfather told you a little bit about him and-" he cleared his throat "-what happened?"

She nodded once. "Some. He mentioned that you'd lost a good friend recently."

"That's the watered-down version." He traced a finger over her palm. Then he swallowed again. "Danny was more than a good friend. He was more like a brother. Our unit was like that. Tight. We met in college, the four of us. Me, Danny, Guy and Payne." Jamie smiled, remembering. Young and dumb, he thought, h.e.l.l-bent on changing the world. "Guy and Payne are my business partners in Ranger Security," he added as an aside. The silence yawned between them, then he shook his head. "When Danny died, we...We all wanted out."

"That's certainly understandable," Audrey told him. "Surely you don't fault yourself for that?"

"No, not for that," Jamie said. "I fault myself for not saving him."

"Oh, Jamie," she sighed, smoothing the hair above his ear. "You can't fault yourself for that either."

He could and he did. Tears burned the backs of his lids, his chest ached with the pressure of guilt. Jamie swore, wiped his eyes. "I was supposed to have his back," he said, his voice cracking. "Not Payne. Not Guy. Me. Me. I was the one who was supposed to make sure nothing happened to him." I was the one who was supposed to make sure nothing happened to him."

In an instant, Audrey was in his lap. She straddled him, framed his face with her hands, forcing him to look her in the eye. "Jamie, your intentions were good, but we both know you were setting yourself up to do the impossible."

"But-"

She shushed him. "Let me ask you something. Did you follow procedure?"

"Of course."

"Didn't vary from what you were supposed to do and took every precautionary measure?"

"Yes, but-"

"Were you operating on good intelligence?"

She was definitely the Colonel's granddaughter, Jamie thought. He'd asked many of these same questions. "Yes."

"Then what went wrong?"

A cold chill slid down his back. "We were ambushed."

Her thumbs gently swept his cheeks. "Then how were you supposed to have his back?"

Jamie started to reply, but found he couldn't answer.

"You would have had to have been psychic to know what was going to happen," she said softly. She bent forward and kissed him, causing the flow he'd been holding back for eight months to come rushing forward in a cleansing torrent he didn't have a prayer of stopping. He cried for Danny, he cried for himself, he cried for his friends.

"Let it go," she said, hugging him tightly. She rocked him back and forth, the movement soothing and tender and heartbreakingly sweet. "I've got you," she murmured. "Just let it all go. If he was the kind of friend worthy of this grief, then he wouldn't want you holding on to it like this, would he?"

No, he wouldn't, Jamie thought. Odd how he'd never looked at it that way. It was sobering. He felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off his chest.

Audrey drew back, showered his face with healing kisses, sprinkled them along his jaw, lingered around the corner of his mouth. Jamie turned his head and caught her lips, fitted his hands on the small of her back. G.o.d, she tasted wonderful, he thought, savoring the flavor of her against his tongue. What had he ever done without her?

Knowing what he wanted-what he needed-she upped the intensity of the kiss, slid her hands down his chest, then back up again, over his neck and into his hair. An arrow of heat landed in his groin, stirring his d.i.c.k beneath her.

Audrey groaned into his mouth-the sound desperate and erotic-and wriggled on top of him, rocking her hips forward to catch the ridge of his arousal. A sweet sigh stuttered out of her mouth and into his. He cupped her rump and smiled against her lips as he made a pleasant discovery-no panties. They were piled on the bathroom floor with the rest of their wet clothing.

Jamie found the hem of the shirt and tugged it up over her head, then cast it aside. Full creamy b.r.e.a.s.t.s crowned with rosy budded nipples. Tiny waist. A thatch of dark brown curls.

Heaven.

He bent his head forward and drew one perfect nipple into his mouth, and a commingled sigh of pleasure leaked from both his and Audrey's lungs. "I love it when you do that," Audrey told him. "I can feel it all the way down here, here," she said, rubbing herself against him. "It makes my belly all hot and muddled."

Jamie growled low in his throat as his d.i.c.k jerked beneath her. The only thing that separated him from her was a pair of boxer shorts. She leaned forward and licked a hot path up his neck, sighed into his ear, causing a wave of gooseflesh to break out over his skin. He felt a single bead of moisture leak from his d.i.c.k.

She rocked against him once more, gasped as the pleasure barbed through her. "I need you," she said, her voice throaty and broken and every bit as desperate as he was.

Jamie shifted beneath her, freeing himself from his shorts and felt her warm juices slide over the swollen head of his p.e.n.i.s.

He set his jaw and gritted his teeth.

Audrey's mouth opened in a silent O of pleasure and she moved against him once more, b.u.mping the head of him against her c.l.i.t. "G.o.d, that feels good," she told him, arching her neck back.

Jamie pushed against her, deliberately coating the length of him with her wet heat. "It can feel even better."

A s.e.xy chuckle rattled up her throat. "Oh, I know it can," she said confidently. Then she arched herself up, positioned him at her entrance and impaled herself upon him.

A smile of sublime satisfaction transformed her gorgeous face to something almost painfully beautiful. Her lids drooped and a gasp of sheer erotic delight slipped past her lips.

Hot, wet, tight, Jamie thought, struggling to keep from coming right then. He'd never been one to detonate upon entry, but nothing had ever felt so fabulous as the feel of Audrey's sweet little body hovering over his, balancing on his d.i.c.k. He grasped her hips, thrust up, pushing himself even farther into her. Jamie thought, struggling to keep from coming right then. He'd never been one to detonate upon entry, but nothing had ever felt so fabulous as the feel of Audrey's sweet little body hovering over his, balancing on his d.i.c.k. He grasped her hips, thrust up, pushing himself even farther into her.

Her mouth found his once more, desperate, frantic, but confident and sure. She wasn't just making love to him, he realized, she was laying siege. For every parlay of her tongue, she rocked against him, tightened her feminine muscles. The combination made every one of his senses soar, made him buck frantically beneath her. She was everywhere. On top of his body, inside his mouth, inside his head...inside his heart.

"Oh, Jamie," she groaned, the throaty purr the s.e.xiest thing he'd ever heard. "I'm going to-I think-"

The seed of climax had taken root, Jamie knew, upping his thrusts. He reached down between their joined bodies, found the bud nestled in the peak of her curls and stroked her.

Predictably, she went wild.

Her breath came in short broken gasps, she tightened around him, making his b.a.l.l.s shrink and his d.i.c.k threaten to explode. Jamie set his jaw and stroked her even harder. Come on, baby, Come on, baby, he thought. he thought. Give it to me so I can let it go. Give it to me so I can let it go.

A second later, she went rigid with release, a long scream tore from her throat, and she convulsed around him. What she looked like in that instant would forever be burned into his heart. She was...amazing. A G.o.ddess.

Jamie's own release followed hers. The o.r.g.a.s.m shot so hard from his loins, it would have blasted paint off the wall. He went weak-literally weak. His vision blackened around the edges, his breath came in ragged gasps and his legs felt like they were going to fall off.

Sweet mother.

Audrey sagged against his chest, rested her head against his shoulder and pressed a breathless kiss against his neck. "Can I tell you something?" she asked.

It took effort, but he managed to find his voice. "Sure."

"I think I'm in love with you."

Emotion clogged his throat, preventing him from immediately returning the sentiment. Danny may have died in his arms...but he'd just been reborn in hers.