"But what if she does not wish to return to Parkland? And what if she grows to love another man?" Arabella watched him with rounded eyes.

"Then I have a choice," Theodore said. "I can crack her over the head with a club and drag her home by the hair or I can let her go. If she ever marries me, Bellaa"and I am confident that she willa"she will do so because she freely wishes to do so. I would rather risk losing her than be married to a wife who thinks she might have done better for herself."

"I am not sure I could be as wise," Arabella said. "I don't think I could risk losing his lordship. But why did you come to London yourself, Theo, if you wanted Frances to be free?"

He shrugged. "I was restless and, frankly, I was afraid, puss," he said. "I had to give myself a reasonable excuse for coming, of course. Frances should see me as I look in this new world of hers. She should be able to make comparisons. She should be able to see, for example, that I am not quite as handsome as that milksop with her now, whose front teeth I would dearly like to plant in his throat."

"Oh, Theo," Arabella said after a startled laugh, "you are ten times as handsome as Sir John Charlton, and Frances would have to be blind not to see it. And she had better see it because I refuse to have him for a brother-in-law. I want you."

"Well," he said, grinning, "if I miss Frances, there is always Jemima, you know. Did you know she climbed a tree last week and stayed up there for three hours until your mama was ready to call out the militia, thinking her lost? She was afraid to come down, it seems. She might still be up there if the vicar had not heard her screeches as he rode down the lane. Wicked little hoyden! I had better marry Frances. If I married Jemima, I would doubtless turn into a wife-beater."

"You had better not tell Frances that story," Arabella said, "or she will have a fit of the vapors and then soak ten handkerchiefs with her tears."

They giggled like a pair of childish conspirators.

"Do take me into the music room, Theo," Arabella said, "if you can bear to leave off your contemplation of Sir John's front teeth, that is. I am a respectable married lady, you know, and I should be able to say in all truth tomorrow that I listened to and appreciated the music."

"Come on, then, puss," he said, getting to his feet, "though I don't think you will deceive anyone into seeing you as a staid and respectable matron. I must see the singer, anyway. I have heard that she is a quite delectable female."

"You have no refinement of taste whatsoever, Theo," Arabella said, taking his arm and clucking her tongue. "It is a singer's voice that one is supposed to show interest in. Who is the lady, anyway?"

"A Miss Virginia c.o.x," he said. "And I shall listen to her voice too, Bella. I promise on my honor as a gentleman."

"Hm," Arabella said. "I remember you promised on that that time when you swore you would not let me fall off those wobbly stepping-stones into the stream."

"And neither would I," he said, "if you had not bellowed out that you were going to fall and s.n.a.t.c.hed your hand away from mine to saw at the air. Let us go seea"and heara"Miss c.o.x, puss."

Lord Astor dined alone at White's. He was feeling thoroughly blue-deviled. He should have gone to Mrs. Pottier's soiree with Arabella, he thought. He had said he would. They had been married for less than three weeks, and he did not wish anyone to begin whispering that he had tired of his bride already. That would not be fair to her. And how could he expect her to grow easy with him and begin to like him if he did not spend his time with her?

Besides, he wanted to be with her. Coping with his sister-in-law's tedious conversation and his wife's self-conscious attempts to converse with him was preferable to sitting alone at White's. Where was everyone tonight? Had there been some ma.s.s conspiracy to eat elsewhere?

His thoughts irritated Lord Astor. Why should he not dine at his club? Why should he not plan an evening with his mistress, who was being paid handsomely to do less and less work? Why should he feel obliged to live in his wife's shadow? Other men did not. Indeed, he would become the laughingstock if he appeared everywhere she went. People would begin to think he was in love with her.

He was going to have to take himself firmly in hand. He treated Arabella with perfect kindness. He had clothed her for a Season in London and made sure she was properly entertained. He bought her gifts. He had taken her about quite as much as anyone could expect. He had been indulgent with her. He had scolded her only once, over the matter of going out unescorted, and he had done so with restraint. Many men would have beaten their wives for less. And he was doing his best to get her with child. Perhaps by the next month she would be increasing. She would surely be happy then. He really had no reason whatsoever to feel guilty about his marriage.

Lord Astor rose to his feet. He was going to visit Ginny without further delay. He was going to leave all thought of Arabella outside the door, and he was going to enjoy his mistress as he had enjoyed her for a full year before that d.a.m.nable journey to Parkland. He would stay all night if he felt like doing so, and exhaust both himself and Ginny until there was no energy left for anything except blissful, dreamless sleep. He was not going to feel guilty. After all, he could not go to Arabella that night anyway, or for the four nights following. He would be depriving her of nothing.

He was disappointed half an hour later to discover that Ginny was from home, singing at one of her musical entertainments. He had not thought of the possibility. He hesitated as the butler stood politely in the small tiled hallway of Ginny's house. It might be hours before she came home.

But what were the alternatives? He could go home to an empty house or back to White's on the chance that some of his acquaintances would turn up. Or he could go to the soiree after all. And if he did, he thought, he would doubtless find Arabella surrounded by the gentlemen friends she seemed so comfortable with, and unable to grant him more than a self-conscious smile and flush.

No, he would wait. At least he could be sure of commanding Ginny's undivided attention when she did come home. And at least he could unleash all his frustrations on her unprotesting and doubtless eager body. Ginny would not mind an energetic lovemaking. She would prefer it so. And he did not think he would have the energy to be gentle tonight.

Lord Astor removed his hat and gloves, unb.u.t.toned his greatcoat, and gave orders for brandy to be sent to the sitting room.

"Miss c.o.x is very beautiful, I must admit," Arabella whispered to Theodore as the singer's performance came to an end. "It does not seem fair that some women are allowed to grow so tall and elegant. And she has a lovely face."

"I thought you came to listen to her songs," he whispered back. "I must say she is everything I was led to expect in the breakfast parlor at Grillon's this morning. But she does not have nearly your air of breeding, Bella, if that is what is bothering you."

"I don't like the way everyone is turning to talk among themselves and quite ignoring her," Arabella said, "just as if she were a servant. Perhaps she has been hired for the occasion, but for all that, her voice is vastly superior to any I have heard among people of the ton. We are all being decidedly rude, Theo. I believe I shall go and commend her on her performance."

"I shall come with you if you must," Theodore said, his eyes twinkling. "That voice bears listening to at closer quarters."

Arabella clucked her tongue and rose to her feet to find Lord Farraday almost upon her and reaching for her elbow.

"Good evening, ma'am," he said. "I saw you earlier but have not had a moment to talk with you. They are serving supper immediately, I hear. May I lead you in?"

Arabella smiled at him. "I saw you too, my lord," she said, "but I was having a particularly important conversation with Mr. Lincoln, and when I was finished, you had disappeared. I daresay you have been listening to the music. Did you not think Miss c.o.x's voice quite superior?"

"Quite so," he said. "If we do not leave immediately, we will be at the back of the line and have to wait forever. May I have the pleasure?" He had a firm hold of her elbow. He was standing so close to her that she was almost forced to sit back down on her chair again.

"Have you met my friend and neighbor from home, Sira"?" she began, but Lady Berry interrupted her, catching at her sleeve and saying something that Arabella could not hear over the hubbub of conversation around them. "Excuse me a moment. I must see what Lady Berry wants. I shall be glad to go in to supper with you, my lord, after I have commended Miss c.o.x on her singing."

She edged her way past the two men until she could hear Lady Berry, who had merely been trying to draw her attention to the fact that supper was being served and that they should hurry if they wanted the best choice of food.

When she turned back, Arabella found that a few people had moved between her and the two gentlemen, and everyone seemed bent on reaching the doorway and making his way to the supper room. She moved around behind some of them until she could worm her way between two large bodies, and reached up to tap Theodore on the shoulder. He was talking with Lord Farraday, both of them facing away from her and being jostled by guests eager for their supper.

"She has a kind heart," Theodore was saying. "She thinks Virginia c.o.x is being treated too much like a servant."

"We have to get her away from here," Lord Farraday said urgently. "Ginny is Astor's mistress, for the love of G.o.d. There is no time for talk. Where is Lady Astor, anyway? I have lost her in the crowd."

Arabella made sure that she remained lost for a few seconds longer. When the two men spotted her a little way to one side of them, she smiled gaily.

"One problem with being small," she said, "is that one is in danger of being trodden on. And no one would even notice me until the servants came in tomorrow to sweep up the night's debris. Are you going to take me to supper, my lord? Thank you." She laid a hand on Lord Farraday's sleeve. "And, Theodore, if you are not to be left all alone, I shall take your arm with my free one and be the envy of every lady present. At least with two such large gentlemen as bodyguards I may escape being squashed beneath someone's shoe."

The two men exchanged a glance of relief over her head. She seemed to have forgotten her plan to commend the singer.

"By the way, I did meet Sir Theodore last evening at the theater," Lord Farraday said to Arabella. "Had you forgotten."

"Oh, forgive me, please," Arabella said, laughing merrily. Her eyes were sparkling. Her cheeks glowed with heightened color.

"Geoffrey!" Ginny swept into her sitting room, hands outstretched. She looked quite magnificent, Lord Astor thought as he rose to his feet, her daringly low-cut evening gown showing off her figure to advantage, her hair piled high and set with waving plumes. Her painted lips smiled at him. "What a delightful surprise. You have not been here at night since your marriage."

He took her hands. "You look lovely, Ginny," he said. "Did you have great success tonight? Were you in good voice?"

"I believe so," she said. "The applause was more than just polite. I had one quite delightful pleasure."

"Did you?" he said, and waited politely.

"I shall tell you later," she said, reaching up to remove her plumes and pulling at the pins that held her hair up. "Are you hungry, Geoffrey? I shall not keep you waiting for long. And you may have the pleasure of watching me disrobe. I know you always enjoy that. Unless you would prefer to do it yourself, that is." She smiled and twirled before him as she ran her hands through her hair and shook it free about her shoulders. "I am ravenous, I would have you warned."

He sat back on his chair and linked his hands behind his head. He watched her undress. She was quite voluptuously beautiful, her b.r.e.a.s.t.s generous and heavy, her hips and thighs shapely. Her fair hair hung, curled and disheveled, halfway to her waist. She was what he needed more than anything else that night. He rose to his feet and opened his arms to her as she came to him.

"Geoffrey," she said, her voice throaty with desire, "undress too. You cannot know how glad I am you came tonight."

He held her against him and felt desire for her grow in him. She was almost as tall as he. She felt very different from Arabella. Not that he had ever held Arabella against him. But he had lain on her. She was very tiny, but she was warmly and softly feminine. She always made him feel protective. He wanted to be gentle with Arabella. He could never forget the world around him and abandon himself to his own pleasure with her. He was always conscious of the still, submissive body beneath his own. He was always aware that it was the marriage act he performed with her.

He did not want to think of Arabella. It was Ginny he needed tonight. He found her mouth with his and proceeded to explore her with eager hands. He pressed her more closely against him as he recalled the soft warmth of Arabella's lips beneath his own the night before.

"Ah, Geoffrey." Ginny was stretched out on the bed beside him in the adjoining bedchamber much later, her head in the crook of his arm. "What a wonderful lover you are. I declare you will quite spoil me for all others."

"Mm," he said, gazing at the canopy over their heads.

"You are going to stay all night?" she asked. "I swear that by morning I will be too exhausted to get out of bed. Will you mind?" She looked across at him archly.

"Mm?" he said with a start. "What was that?"

"I asked if you would mind my being unable to get out of bed in the morning," she said. "Have I exhausted you so much already, Geoffrey, that you cannot think straight?"

"I was wondering if Ara..., if my w... It does not matter, Ginny. It is not important."

"If she is at home eagerly awaiting your attentions?" Ginny said. "I think it unlikely. She was looking well-pleased with herself when I saw her earlier, a gentleman on each arm."

Lord Astor turned his head sharply. "You have seen Arabella?" he asked.

She laughed. "That was the delightful pleasure I mentioned earlier," she said. "Yes, I saw her, Geoffrey. Someone pointed her out to me. And what a great surprise she was. She is so small, a child merely. You should be ashamed of robbing the cradle so. But she seems quite firmly established with her cicisbei. You must be well-satisfied."

"It was at the Pottier soiree you were singing?" he said, dismayed. He had an arm over his eyes. "And you saw Arabella. Good G.o.d!"

Ginny had turned over onto her side. "Are you ready to be revived yet?" she asked, placing a hand lightly on his chest. "You see how insatiable I am, Geoffrey? The first course is no sooner over than I am ready for the second. Shall I arouse your appet.i.te too?"

Lord Astor had not moved. He had an image of Ginny as she had appeared earlier, beautiful and flamboyant, in the same room with Arabella, tiny, eager, and wide-eyed. And Arabella would have been watching Ginny and listening. Applauding. Unaware that Ginny was her husband's mistress. And Arabella with a gentleman on each arm. Farraday? Hubbard? Lincoln? The gangly youth? Perrot? Someone new? And looking well-pleased with herself. Yes, he knew the look. He could well imagine it.

"I have to go home, Gin," he said, pushing her hand away.

She pulled a face. "Oh, not so soon," she said. "You said just a short while ago that you were going to stay the night. Just once more, Geoffrey. You cannot be in that much of a hurry."

He caught her hand, which had strayed to his chest again, in a firm grip, leaned over her, and kissed her hard and dispa.s.sionately on the lips. "Another time," he said. "I find I am not in the mood tonight after all. Thank you for the last hour. I needed it."

"You really do not demand a great deal for all you pay me," she said, pouting. "And I am complaining. Does your wife take so much of your energy, Geoffrey?"

He sat on the edge of the bed and reached down for his clothes. "Spite does not suit you, Gin," he said. "I will be back in a day or two to put you to work so that you may earn your keep. I had not realized you were quite so conscientious."

11.

Arabella did not take George for his usual walk the following morning. Neither did she go downstairs to breakfast. She sent her maid down when she thought the meal would be over, to ask if she might wait on Lord Astor at his convenience. The answer came almost immediately. He was in his office and would be glad to see her.

Arabella had not slept the night before. Indeed, she had been up three separate times vomiting. She frequently felt nauseated and otherwise out of sorts on the first day of her month, but she had never been actively sick before. Nevertheless, even though she still felt wretched and at one remove from reality, she dressed with care and brushed her curls neatly. She had declined the services of her maid.

Lord Astor had settled to examine the books that he had had sent from Parkland. But he was quite prepared to set them aside for Arabella. He had been somewhat concerned when she had not come down either for her usual walk with George or for breakfast. It was possible that she was not well. He knew that some women suffered at that certain time of the month. He had wanted to go up to her room to see if she was unwell, but had been afraid of disturbing her sleep.

And he had remembered his feeling of the night before when he had arrived home very late. A feeling of guilt. Yes, quite undeniably and annoyingly, guilt. Even if he could not possess her, he had thought, at least he could have come home early and gone in to talk to her. He could have a.s.sured himself that she was not in any pain or discomfort. He could have sent down for laudanum if she was.

He had shaken off his feelings with some annoyance the night before and resisted the urge to tiptoe into her bedchamber to see her, late as it was. It was a relief now to know that she was up and asking to speak with him.

He rose to his feet with a smile when a footman opened the door for her. But the smile faded. His guess had been right. She was pale almost to the point of being haggard. He moved hastily toward her.

"Arabella," he said, concern in his voice and on his face, "what is the matter? Are you sure you should be out of your bed?"

"I am quite well, thank you," she said. She was standing very upright, her eyes looking straight into his, her jaw set firmly. Something in her tone and in her face made him stop and look more inquiringly at her.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I want to know," she said. "I will not condemn you until you have had a chance to deny it. Is Miss Virginia c.o.x your mistress?"

He closed his eyes briefly and then looked at her again. "Who told you this, Arabella?" he asked.

"That does not matter," she said. "I want to know if it is true."

He said nothing for the moment, but stared back at her.

"It is true, is it not?" she said.

"I would rather not talk about this," he said.

"Indeed!" Arabella showed emotion for the first time. "But I insist that we do. She is your mistress, isn't she? Will you deny that you have been with her since our marriage? Can you tell me in all truth that you have not?"

"No, Arabella," he said after a pause, "I cannot tell you that."

"I did not believe it," she said very quietly. Her hands were clenched at her sides. "Until this moment I did not quite believe it could be so. How could you do such a thing? How could you go to another woman and do... and do those things to her? You married me. You married me in church and swore before G.o.d..."

Lord Astor's face had turned chalky white. "Arabella," he said, "please don't distress yourself. It is really quite unimportant. You are my wife. It is youa""

"It is 'unimportant'!" she said, her eyes blazing into his. He looked away from her. "It means nothing to you, my lord, except base physical pleasure? Shall I tell you what it has meant to me? It meant pain on our wedding night, dreadful pain that lasted for several days. But I did not mind, because I was your wife and we had been made one, we were bound by a sacred tie. I have been careful in my duty to you, believing that only I could give you that. And I did not want you to be disappointed. And it is unimportant to you?"

"I did not mean you," he said. "Arabella, please, let me explain."

"I have never said no to you," she said. "I have never shirked my duty. If it was not enough, if you wanted more from me, why did you not tell me or ask for what you wanted or come to me more often? I would not have denied you. I believe you know I would not. I have told you and I have tried to show during every moment since our marriage that I mean to be an obedient wife and that I wish to make you comfortable. You have sinned against me terribly to take a mistress."

He turned away and walked to the window. He stood looking sightlessly out. "Yes, I have, Arabella," he said.

"I know I am not pretty and that I do not know much about the world," she said, "and I know you would have far preferred to marry Frances or some other attractive lady. I know that. But you did marry me. No one forced you to do it. You did it of your own free will. And so you took on a duty too. You owed it to me to be faithful. And I have always been willing to learn. If there was anything I could have done to make you more comfortable, I would have done it readily. But you have never asked, and you have never offered to teach me."

"Arabella, don't do this to yourself," he said, his brow against a pane of the window. "None of this is your fault, believe me. You have been everything I could expect of a bride, and more. Perhaps if you would let me explain..."

"I don't want to hear you speak," she said, "and I don't want to see you or feel your touch. I don't want you near me anymore. I don't want you in my bed. I know I am your wife and that I must remain so. And as your wife I owe you obedience. You will not find me disobedient in future, my lord. If you choose to speak to me, I will listen. If you choose to touch me, I shall not flinch. And if you choose to come to my bed, I shall receive you dutifully. I shall bear your children if I must, and love them too because they are mine and cannot help being yours. But I want you to know one thing. Everything I do for you from this moment on will be done out of duty alone. I will do nothing willingly."

His hands gripped the windowsill. His eyes closed. "You will not find me making your life a misery, Arabella," he said.

"I thought you were perfect," she said. "I have felt awkward and tongue-tied and apologetic because I could not compete with your splendor. You have not deserved my admiration, my lord. I no longer respect or like you."

He took a deep breath and turned to face her. "It is sometimes a dangerous thing to put a living person on a pedestal," he said. "He has all the farther to fall. I am sorry, Arabella, but there is nothing I can say in my own defense, is there? I have a mistress, yes. She has been under my protection for longer than a year. I do not feel less for you as a result. But I have caused you pain and disillusionment, and I am sorry." He shrugged his shoulders. "You may leave to do whatever it is you have planned for this morning. I have work to do here before taking myself out of your sight for the rest of the day."