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If Geo. W. never told a lie what's his pic. doing on a 39 cent $1.00 bill.

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Don't know whether they'll cure poverty but they sure cured wealth.

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Man's home is his castle-looks like a home but it's taxed like a castle.

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Don't mind govt's. war on pov. But use our money for ammo.

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He has all the charm of a dirty Xmas card.

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Hippie keeps stealing his mother's beads-she hopes he's a hippie.

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3 wise men on an island told vast tidal wave soon destroy and totally cover island. 1st would take family to highest pt. & spend last hours in meditation and prayer. 2nd live it up and try to experience ultimate pleasures. 3rd surround self with best advisors could find & learn to live under water. wise men on an island told vast tidal wave soon destroy and totally cover island. 1st would take family to highest pt. & spend last hours in meditation and prayer. 2nd live it up and try to experience ultimate pleasures. 3rd surround self with best advisors could find & learn to live under water.

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Tom Edison asked if he considered work a wasted effort after 28,000 unsuccessful exper. on a new type battery. "No-now know 28,000 things won't work."

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Man had nite mares every nite-big savage animals crawled out from under bed & attacked him. "Went to my brother and he stopped it." "You're brother is a psych.?" "No-carpenter-he sawed the legs off the bed."

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Today-plenty of buffalo and the trains are nearly extinct.

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Cooking a TV dinner doesn't put you in show business.

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Muggers picketing-want more parks.

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There is a legend among snakes that once upon a time a mama & a papa snake living in the garden of Eden were corrupted by humans.

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I used to think I was poor. Then they tell me I was needy. They said I was being self defeating-I wasn't needy-I was culturally deprived. Then they said deprived was a bad image-I was underprivileged. That became overused and I became disadvatanged. I still don't have a dime but I do have a great vocabulary. used to think I was poor. Then they tell me I was needy. They said I was being self defeating-I wasn't needy-I was culturally deprived. Then they said deprived was a bad image-I was underprivileged. That became overused and I became disadvatanged. I still don't have a dime but I do have a great vocabulary.

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You'll always stay young if you live honestly, eat slowly, sleep sufficiently, work industriously, worship faithfully and lie about your age.

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Anyone who thinks he's going to be happy and prosperous by letting govt. take care of him should take a good look at the Am. Indian.

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Saw a chimp-could sort photos of apes and humans. Humans on one pile-apes on the other. But every time she came to her own pic. she put in on the pile with the humans.

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Mama Bear to Papa Bear: This is positively my last year as a den mother.

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We are already working a 4 day week-it just takes 5 or 6 to do it.

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You don't have to be awake nights to succeed-just stay awake days.

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A sweater-that's something your kid wears when his mother feels chilly. sweater-that's something your kid wears when his mother feels chilly.

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My son is studying Eng.-now he talks back with perfect diction.

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Police sent out pics. of an escaped convict in 6 dif. poses-A small town constable sent wire ... have captured 5 of them & on the trail of the 6th.

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Managing ed. to cub reporter-"names are essential in every story" Cub handed in story-"Last night lightening struck a barn n.w. of town-3 cows were killed-Rosie, Isabel & Mabel."

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Pilot to control tower-"I'm coming in please give me landing instructions"-tower to pilot-"why are you yelling so loud?"-Pilot-"I don't have a radio."

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Adolescence is the time when children suddenly feel responsible for answering the phone.

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If at 1st you don't succeed, do it the way she told you.

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A compliment may be blunt, but criticism calls for courtesy. compliment may be blunt, but criticism calls for courtesy.

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Prosperity is something created by businessmen for politicians to take credit for.

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Mod. styles-buckle shoes, loafers, moccasins. A man can earn his Ph.D. without learning to tie his shoelace.

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Teacher asked kid what he did to care for his teeth-"watch out for kids who shove at the drinking fountain."

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Inflation-that's the price we pay for those govt. benefits everybody thought were free.

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What with a major flu epidemic & a bad snow storm, Wash. D.C. was in a bad way. Reporter doing a story on the sit. called a big govt. agency to see how it had been affected. The asn. he got revealed more than intended. A cheerful voice said "we're functioning normally-with only 1/2 our staff"

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Sam Levinson raised in a tenement says "never knew my family was underprivileged. We thought we slept 5 in a bed because it was more fun that way"

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There is nothing wrong with them that trying to reason with them won't aggravate.

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Neighbor asked a little boy how many children in the family. "Seven." My that must cost a lot. "Oh no-we don't buy 'em-we raise 'em."

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Govt.-like-bra.s.siere-oppresses-opulent-uplifts-fallen & deceives-unwary.

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Can't beat the logic of a fisherman when he wants to stay at it another few hours. One reason of course is because the fish are biting-the other is because they aren't.

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Albert was so slow in learning to talk his parents thought he was abnormal. His teacher called him a misfit and his cla.s.smates avoided him. He failed his 1st college entrance exam-Albert's last name was Einstein.

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If you get up earlier in the morning than your neighbor-work harder-scheme more & stick to the job more closer-stay up later planning to get ahead-you'll leave more money when you die & you'll leave it a lot sooner.

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Bathtub-invented in 1850-phone in 1875-for 25 years you could have a sit in the tub without having the phone ring.

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After a traffic accident, one woman rushed out of the crowd to lean over one of the victims. She was roughly pushed aside by a fellow who said "stay back-I've had a course in 1st aid." The woman stood-watched the mans ministrations for a few mins. then tapped him on the shoulder-she said, "when you get to the part about calling the Dr.-I'm already here."

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A bargain sale-where women fight for things that have been reduced in price because no one wanted them in the 1st place. bargain sale-where women fight for things that have been reduced in price because no one wanted them in the 1st place.

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Today the average man lives 25 yrs. longer than he did a century ago-he has to-to get his taxes paid.

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The good old days-took your horse to a blacksmith-he put shoes on it and didn't tell you a dozen other things you ought to have done to it.

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Taxpayers-that's someone who doesn't have to pa.s.s a civil service exam to work for the govt.

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Housewife just has to reverse things these days-fill the shopping cart with money & put the groceries in her purse.

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Some instead of trying to drown their troubles take them out and give them swimming lessons.

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Judge: "Your age madam?"-"30 years"-J: "You may have a hard time proving that"-"You'll have a hard time proving that I'm not-the court house where my birth was registered burned down in 1920."

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Man took his son to visit Cong.-Boy asked "who is that man at the platform?"-"Chaplain"-"Does he pray for the members?"-"No-when he goes into the house & sees the members-he prays for the country."