Rum ti iddity, &c.

How canny Joe Foster did stare, As he trotted past me on a donkey, 'Mang la.s.ses still wild as a hare, And he keeps Jacky c.o.xon as flonkey: Ne bishops nor priests here they need, For the folks they can say their awn pray'rs, man-- But, to myek them work hard for their breed, They're sent on a mission, doon stairs, man.

Rum ti iddity, &c.

Aw agyen see'd the canny au'd King, He's a far better chep now than ever-- But, set a' yor fine kings iv a ring, I still think Fourth Geordy's as clever.

Aw've getten a pa.s.s for Doon Stairs, And if aw see owt there bewitchin', Wey just think o' me i' yor pray'rs, And aw'll send an account o' the Kitchen.

Rum ti iddity, &c.

THE PITMAN'S DREAM;

_Or, His Description of the Kitchen_.

BY THE SAME.

Tune--"h.e.l.l's Kitchen."

The day was fine, the sun did shine, Aw thowt aw was preparing To leave the Powl, myed me repine-- Aw scarce could keep fra blairin';-- A greet balloon was brought me seun, Twe cheps wi' wings sae switchin', Wiv it were sent to tyek me doon To shew me a' the kitchen.

Right fal de ral, &c.

Wiv a' my friends aw had a jill, King Geordy was quite canty-- Says he--Now eat and drink yor fill, Doon stairs good things are scanty.

When deun, says aw--Kind folks, fareweel'

Maw Guides their wings are stretchin'-- In the balloon aw off did reel To see this querish kitchen.

Right fal de ral, &c.

We doon a narrow place did rowl-- As sure as maw nyem's Cranky.

This is the pa.s.sage in the Powl That's mention'd by the Yankee:[14]

As we flew on it darker grew, Wi' such a noise and screechin'-- Greet clouds o' fire we darted through, And landed in the kitchen.

Right fal de ral, &c.

They use poor folks here wa.r.s.e than beasts-- Greet lots o' Turks and Tartars, Wi' lawyers, quakers, kings, and priests, Were phizzin' in a' quarters.

The Jews were bowlting lumps o' pork-- Mahomet, that au'd vixen, Was toss'd about frae fork to fork, Wi' Derry in the kitchen.

Right fal de ral, &c.

Fast i' the stocks au'd Neddy sat, The late Newca.s.sel bellman-- And there was Honour Breet, Bed Watt, Just gaun the rig hersel', man: Then farther in, upon a stuel, Sat Judy Downey st.i.tchin', She d--n'd me for a greet stark cull, For comin' to the kitchen.

Right fal de ral, &c.

Aw, wi' the heat and want o' drink, Was swelter'd myest to deed, man-- When fairly deun and gaun to sink, Aw was whupt off wi' speed, man.

How aw escap'd aw's puzzled sair, 'Twas like a sudden twitchin'

Aw, like a lairk, flew through the air, Half roasted, frae the kitchen.

Right fal de ral, &c.

As aw cam doon aw pa.s.s'd the meun, An' her greet burning mountains-- Her turnpike roads aw fand out seun, Strang beer runs here in fountains: To hev a sup aw was reet fain, Wi' some queer cheps thrang ditchin'-- But waken'd then in Percy Main, A lang way frae the kitchen.

Right fal de ral, &c.

Footnote 14: Alluding to the following extraordinary advertis.e.m.e.nt which recently made its appearance in the American journals:--

_St. Louis, (Missouri Territory)_

_North America, April 10, A. D. 1818._

"To all the world--I declare the earth to be hollow and habitable within; containing a number of concentric spheres, one within the other, and that their poles are open 12 or 16 degrees. I pledge myself in support of this truth, and am ready to explore the concave, if the world will support and aid me in the undertaking.

JOHN SYMMES," &c. &c.

FAMED FILLY FAIR;

_Or, A Peep into Pilgrim Street_.

Come, Geordy, an' aw'll tell ye, lad, where aw hae been, In Pilgrim-street, where there's to see an' to be seen, A great many la.s.ses, and they shew off sic fine airs, Aw's sure they're all as wild as ony March hares.

Now, d'ye n.o.but gan there iv next Sunday neet, About the time o' six o'clock, you'll see the fine seet; A large show of la.s.ses fine, that drive about there, They nyem'd it but reet when they ga'd Filly Fair.

Now, one Sunday neet, to the high town aw went, That aw might get the evening cannily spent: Among the rabble, sure enough, aw gat there, And saw the first dresses in fam'd Filly Fair.

There's some la.s.ses, they say, that are so very keen, That they come to this place just for to be seen; And, on every wet Sunday, they sit down to prayer, And think it provoking they're not at the Fair.

Aw enter'd the street with a great deal of glee, Where the lads and the la.s.ses in flocks aw did see: The task wad be endless to tell a' what was there, Aw mean the fine dresses in fam'd Filly Fair.

Aw look'd about all these fine dresses to see, Aw glowr'd at the la.s.ses, and they glowr'd at me: So now for a description, I will give to a hair, Of all the fine things in this fam'd Filly Fair.

There was white gowns, silk spencers, and flounces galore, And queer monkey jackets aw'd ne'er seen before; With little drakes' tails, that hing from the hair, And large ringlets a' curl'd, was in fam'd Filly Fair.

The spencers a' carv'd, wye, with cords of a' kind, That seem'd just like soulgers afore and behind; And black silks, and stript silks, and a' silks was there, And pads, and cat backs were in fam'd Filly Fair.

There was hats like my awn, with fine flee-behint cloaks, And queer things ahint them, like the pitmen's bait pokes; And hats myed of muslin, to let in the air, Besides some wi' high crowns were in fam'd Filly Fair.

The hats were deck'd o'er a' with ribbons and lace, And lairge cabbage nets were thrawn o'er their face: Paddysoles too were there, as were monie things mair, And fine mobbed caps were in fam'd Filly Fair.

There was scarfs of a' kinds, and of every degree; And little wee bairneys, scarce up to my knee; With beaux, arm in arm, they were driving thro' there, 'Twas shameful to see them in fam'd Filly Fair.

O, mun! just like a loadstone in this curious place, For what I hev tell'd you, aw'm sure it's the case-- It's the case of them all that walk about there, To be talk'd of by strangers in fam'd Filly Fair.

And besides a' the tricks that I cannot explain, For this kind of rambling I'm sure I disdain: Take advice, my good la.s.ses, and don't wander there, Or your character's stain'd by walking the Fair.

This advice now, I hope, you will readily take, And keep up your character, for your own sake; It's nought unto me if all night you walk there, But your name will be blasted by attending the Fair.

T----LY'S BEST BLOOD.