"Yes, the whole neighborhood is stirred up," he replied.

"What is the cause?" we asked eagerly.

"Ploughing."

"I don't give a rap," said the coachman, haughtily, as he rang the electric bell.

A farmer once called his cow "Zephyr,"

She seemed such an amiable hephyr.

When the farmer drew near, She kicked off his ear, And now the old farmer's much dephyr.

"Are you engaged?" inquired the lady of Bridget at the intelligence office. "No, mum, but I have regular company for four nights o' the week."

How to gain flesh--buy out a butcher shop.

IDA--"Yes, dear, this is one of those 'perfume' concerts the same as they have in New York."

MAY--"Perfume? Why I smell gasoline."

IDA--"Well, you see, they are playing the 'Automobile March'

now."

When the curtain at the theater takes a drop the majority of the males in the audience go out to follow suit.

"There's one peculiar feature about the trust business."

"What?"

"Those interested in it don't need it."

"Don't need what?"

"Trust. They can pay cash."

A woman's shoe that is "a mile too big," is never a foot in length.

Full many a coat tail that is long and wide Does from the public gaze two monstrous patches hide.

The glazier is not necessarily a tiresome man because he "gives you a pane."

"Some men are easily satisfied," remarked the Observer of Events and Things. "There is the clock-maker, for instance, he never gets any extra pay, and yet every day he works overtime."

A poacher, surprised at his work and pursued in his escape by a vengefully thrown axe, remarked, as he vaulted a fence: "I have no fault to find with your remarks, but I object to the axe-sent."

Take away my first letter, take away my second letter, take away all my letters and I am still the same. What am I? The postman.

"You have been losing flesh lately, haven't you?" "Yes, I've been shaving myself."

An emblem of tenuity We witness every day; Behold the corset-and you'll see The whale-bone comes to STAY.