The Nephews: A Play, in Five Acts.

by William Augustus Iffland.

ACT I.

SCENE I.

At the Chancellor's House.

COUNSELLOR FLEFFEL, LEWIS BROOK, at Breakfast.

Enter a Servant.

Counsellor (to the Servant).

Take away. But, no--let it stand; my father may chuse some: is he returned?

_Servant._ I'll enquire, Sir. [Exit Servant.

_Counsellor_ [rising and viewing himself]. We've made a long breakfast.

_Lewis._ But _you_ have eaten nothing.

_Counsellor._ Why, my dear friend, I'm quite uneasy about my growing so fat.

_Lewis_ [ironically]. Oh, certainly; All the affecting graces of a pining love-sick swain will be destroyed: you'll lose all your credit with the ladies.--Apropos of ladies, how do you stand with Miss Drave?

_Counsellor._ Ill enough. Your worthy guardian and the whole family are so intolerably stiff.

_Lewis._ Don't say I told you; but you certainly are the happy man.

_Counsellor._ I?--No indeed; it is rather you.

_Lewis._ You have nothing to fear from me. You know my pa.s.sion for your sister. But for that grave, melancholy gentleman, my dear brother, I'd have you beware of him.

_Counsellor_ [laughs] Excellent! As if such a sour misanthrope could please any one, particularly a young girl.

_Lewis._ Tastes are different; and besides, my serious guardian is his friend.

_Counsellor._ So much the worse for _you_.

_Lewis._ No matter.

_Counsellor._ How! Believe me, this excellent brother of yours is continually defaming you.

_Lewis._ I know it very well.

_Counsellor._ And he is now striving----

_Lewis._ I know what you would say; to enforce the clause of my father's will.

_Counsellor._ Tell me, how is this clause worded?

_Lewis._ If one of his sons should turn out a prodigal, the other is declared his tutor.

_Counsellor._ It is a shocking clause.

_Lewis._ It is indeed. Yet, should they attempt it--by heavens!--But to the purpose--your father is still willing to give me your sister?

_Counsellor._ Certainly.

_Lewis._ But take care then I have some of the ready with her.

_Counsellor._ Oh, you may depend upon that.

_Lewis._ Not any of your father's own; only my share of the fortune of old Crack-brains.

_Counsellor._ Old Crack-brains! What do you mean?

_Lewis._ As if you did not know! Why my old uncle, to whom you have prescribed a little wholesome confinement, by way of cure for his pretended madness.

_Counsellor._ Oh! that old man! So, so.

_Lewis._ Exactly. You always seem wonderfully at a loss when that point is touch'd.

_Counsellor._ But--I was going to observe--yes--it might be done, had he not escaped--but now it is uncertain whether he is alive, or what is become of him.

_Lewis._ I say he is dead.

_Counsellor._ But we have not heard.

_Lewis._ He shall be dead.

_Counsellor._ But----

_Lewis._ Why a live man is as easily declared to be dead, as a man in his senses to be mad; and if he should make his appearance, you can secure him again.

_Counsellor._ No! who would do that?

_Lewis._ Zounds! what a tender conscience! If my uncle could be declared mad, by your good-nature, that you might shew your Christian charity, in managing his estate, I am sure your n.o.ble heart would have no scruple to advance a part of the inheritance to the lawful heir.

_Counsellor._ My dear friend, your expressions are so harsh--so----

_Lewis._ His madness was not so very clear. The old fellow was reasonable enough at times.

_Counsellor._ Quite out of his senses, I a.s.sure you: mad as a March hare.