"Did he make you cry?" demanded Bill, his fury transferring outside the family with ease. "He looked the type. Too clean-cut. Too smooth. Never had to try hard in life to get what he wanted."

"No he didn't make me cry," Jo said. "That was Sheila. It turns out Shaun-the perfect Shaun you're so desperate for me to marry-has been two-timing me with my best friend all the way through our relationship. That's right, with Sheila. Since before our first date, almost seven years ago. Good thing I didn't listen to you and refused him every time he proposed, eh, Dad?"

Hilda gasped. "Josie!"

"Oh I'll be fine," said Jo wearily. "I needed to get rid of him for years, just didn't know how." She let out a bitter laugh. "Didn't want to hurt him. Didn't want to rock the boat. Hah! Typical!"

"How did you find out?" asked Hilda.

"Because I finished with him the other night. Or he finished with me. Not sure which, you'll have to ask Sheila. Anyway it doesn't matter."

Bill sat down heavily on her bed. "I can't believe it," he said.

"I know, Dad," said Jo. "Believe it or not, that's another reason I didn't finish it sooner. I knew how much you wanted him for a son-in-law. I was trying to want the same things for me as you did. A bit of a pattern, it appears."

Bill gave his daughter a baffled stare. "You dated him for me?"

"No," said Jo slowly. "At first I dated him for both of us. But after a while...I suppose I was in denial." She let out another sharp laugh. "Didn't want to disappoint the men in my life. And I didn't even notice how much that was disappointing me."

There was a pause.

"Well," said Bill quietly. "Well."

Hilda came slowly into the room and sat next to Bill on the bed.

"You both seem to have missed something rather important," she said breathily.

They looked at her.

"I came up the stairs on my own," she said.

The slam of the front door woke Vanessa and d.i.c.k out of their slumber. They heard Josh clatter into the kitchen and make more noise in there than when the children got their own breakfast.

"b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l," said d.i.c.k. "What's wrong with him?"

"Shall we go and see?" asked Vanessa. "I owe him an apology anyway."

"Yeah," said d.i.c.k. "And we can tell him about Jo, too."

They jumped into their clothes and went downstairs, where they found Josh standing by the kettle.

"Josh!" greeted Vanessa. "How nice to see you!"

"I went to see Jo," he told the kettle. "And she's a f.u.c.king b.i.t.c.h."

Vanessa and d.i.c.k stopped in their tracks.

"Ri-ight," said Vanessa thoughtfully. "I just wanted to say-"

"You're better off without her." Josh turned to Vanessa, his face pale with anger. "I went all the f.u.c.king way to no-man's-land, where I had to be polite to her father-a man who makes the G.o.dfather look like Mahatma f.u.c.king Gandhi-to tell her how much the kids miss her and how much you two need her to save your doomed marriage because Dad's so scared of you he's-"

"Son-" began d.i.c.k.

"Sorry." Josh took a breath. "Sorry. And guess what? Did she thank me for my pains? Did she b.u.g.g.e.ry. She called me a 'two-faced hypocritical scrounging b.a.s.t.a.r.d with a Peter Pan complex.'" He stopped and laughed. "'A two-faced hypocritical scrounging b.a.s.t.a.r.d!'" he repeated.

"Why?" asked Vanessa and d.i.c.k at the same time.

"With a Peter Pan complex!" he finished.

"Why?" they repeated.

"How the h.e.l.l should I know?" he asked.

"Oh dear," said Vanessa. "What did you say to her, Josh?"

"Oh it's my fault, is it?" burst Josh. "Of course! I should have known-it's always Josh's fault. Even when I'm the one trying to save the day-especially when I'm the one who's trying to save the day. Josh the Accident Waiting to Happen. Josh the Guilty until Proved Innocent-"

"I didn't mean that," interrupted Vanessa. "I just thought maybe you'd triggered something, and we might be able to work out why she said that."

"Well," he said, "I clearly said something a two-faced hypocritical scrounging b.a.s.t.a.r.d with a Peter Pan complex would have said."

He looked at their pained faces.

"She accused me of living here rent-free while earning a fortune, neither of which is remotely true-"

"Oh dear," said Vanessa.

"I wish they were!" continued Josh. "I wish I did earn a b.l.o.o.d.y fortune-it might help me deal with the fact that I hate my job and the fact that my dad lives in fear of his wife."

"About that, son-"

"And she said I helped Dad have affairs. Helped him! Said we had some sordid little secret from Vanessa."

"Well we did," said d.i.c.k. "When you think about it."

Josh stopped.

"What?" he clipped.

"Well, we were colluding to keep my money problems secret from Vanessa."

Josh stared at his father.

"Which meant lots of whispered conversations," continued d.i.c.k. "Lots of secret looks-"

"Dad!"

"Maybe Jo just overheard us or noticed something. She was a perceptive one, was Jo."

Josh stared at Vanessa.

"It's okay, Josh," said Vanessa. "I know all about it."

"Crikey," said Josh. "I was only away for one day. What else did I miss? You haven't had another baby or anything?" He turned to his dad suddenly. "How come you're home on a Sat.u.r.day?"

d.i.c.k explained everything, and for the third time in as many weeks, Josh's world map was picked up, shaken vigorously, and replaced in a different location-a location offering improved views and amenities that he was sure to appreciate once he'd got over the travel sickness.

Afterward, Vanessa came over to him and put her arm on his.

"Josh," she said. "I owe you an enormous apology. You were right; I have always a.s.sumed you were at fault. I've been very unfair to you, and I'm sorry. I'm also deeply grateful that you actually sacrificed your own comfort to help your father's marriage with a woman you hated. Even though I'd have much preferred it if d.i.c.k had come to me, I am aware that what you did was unbelievably big and I think you're...well, amazing."

"I didn't hate you," said Josh quietly. "I just thought you hated me."

"Oh dear." She sighed. "You thought I hated you, and d.i.c.k thought I loved him for his money. And there you both were, plotting to keep me in the picture. You're misguided fools, but in a good way."

There was silence in the kitchen for a while.

"And that's another thing!" Josh suddenly exploded. "She said I disgusted her. Disgusted her."

Vanessa and d.i.c.k watched mutely as Josh picked up Jo's car keys, muttered something about going for a long drive over a short cliff, and left the house.

"What shall we do now?" asked Vanessa, after the echo from the slamming door had died down. "When do you think will be the best time to tell him we've decided to give Jo an offer she can't refuse?"

d.i.c.k thought long and hard.

"Cup of tea?" he suggested eventually.

"Shall we still phone Jo?"

"Don't know."

"I'd love one, thanks."

"Hmm," said d.i.c.k as he switched on the kettle.

They stood watching the kettle boil, which, it being the latest Alessi, didn't take long.

"I think we should call her just to find out what happened," said d.i.c.k.

"But do you think it's fair to get her back in the house when Josh feels like this? I don't want to alienate him any more than I already have. I want him to feel welcome here."

"Maybe we can try and clear it up," said d.i.c.k, taking milk out of the fridge. "Anyway, he'll be moving into the flat as soon as he can. And I need Jo. They need never see each other again."

"I wonder what happened between them?" Vanessa took out the only two mugs not in the dishwasher. "Should I tell Jo I got it wrong about Josh not paying rent?"

d.i.c.k grimaced. "Do you mind not? I don't really want our-my-personal financial situation dissected."

"Of course not," said Vanessa, getting out the tea. "Silly suggestion. And I'm sure it's irrelevant anyway-it'll hardly have been about that."

d.i.c.k spooned the tea into the teapot.

"It was awfully good of Josh to go all that way to get her back for us," murmured Vanessa, watching d.i.c.k pour water into the pot. "I really have underestimated him."

d.i.c.k smiled. "He's a good boy, my Josh."

Vanessa patted her husband's cheek. "Just like his dad." They kissed.

A retching noise came from the garden. They turned to see Toby framed by the French windows.

"Do you mind?" he said. "There are children present."

"I'll phone Jo," whispered Vanessa.

"I'll bring you your tea," said d.i.c.k, and watched her go.

Jo and her parents were sitting at the kitchen table. They'd celebrated Hilda's first solo stair walk with a nice cuppa and were all feeling much calmer and able to take in all the different pieces of Jo's news. She and her father hadn't actually apologized to each other, but he'd made the tea, and when he handed her her cup, she'd said thank you.

When the phone rang, they all stopped. Hilda wasn't expected to answer the phone anymore. Bill would have done it, but had just made the tea, yet Jo was emotionally fragile and had just pointed out that he had been selfish for the past thirty years. The phone continued to ring.

"I'll get it," said Jo eventually.

"Thanks," said Bill.

Hilda and Jo exchanged glances as Jo left the room.

Bill and Hilda strained to hear the conversation in the hall as they sipped their tea.

Jo was somewhat surprised to hear Vanessa's voice at the other end of the phone and felt a surge of sisterhood toward her. When Vanessa explained that d.i.c.k was selling his shop and was going to become a house-husband and that they wanted her to come back as their part-time nanny for a tiny reduction in salary, she could hardly believe her ears. On the one hand it was too good to be true-a message from heaven, the answer to all her prayers. On the other, she'd just told Josh to f.u.c.k off. Not only that, but she'd have to spend most of her working day with a cheating husband, which, especially after what she'd just discovered about her own cheating man, would not be easy. And could she live in such close proximity to Josh? The thought brought an angry flush to her face.

"I know about your argument with Josh," said Vanessa quickly.

"Oh," said Jo.

"And it might help if you know that he'll be moving out soon."

"Oh," repeated Jo.

"Yes," said Vanessa. "He's the one buying d.i.c.k's shop, and he'll be moving into the flat above it. So you've got nothing to worry about on that score."

"Oh."

"He's a good boy really," said Vanessa.

Jo was silent.

"Turns out I've been wrong about him in the past," continued Vanessa. "He's been much maligned."

"Hmm."