He grinned. "Come here and say that."

"I'm ironing them because he won't wear them otherwise," she answered. "It's difficult enough to get him to wear them when they are ironed. Downright impossible if they're not."

Shaun shook his head wearily. "What's wrong with kids today?" he muttered. "What he needs is a good clip round the ear. He'd wear them then."

"Mm," agreed Jo. "And a woman's place is in the home."

"If he was your own kid, you could do it. No child of mine would ever expect his nanny to iron his pants."

Jo put Zak's pants on the table and picked up the Tweenies pillowcase. "But then no child of yours would have a nanny would they?" she asked. They'd been through this so many times, but today they were both saying it with half a smile on their faces. It was nice to know that some things never changed.

"Nope," he said, adopting the tone of a Texas cowboy. "I'd find me a real woman who could be a real mother."

Jo stopped ironing for a split second and looked up at him. "You mean you'd expect her to do all this for no money?" She grinned. "Tell me, Shaun-"

"Oh dear-"

"-do you think the child's father isn't a real father because he's not ironing his son's pants? Or is it just the mother who's fighting her genetic programming by not ironing?"

"Don't start," said Shaun. "You know what I mean."

"Oh yes," said Jo. "I know exactly what you mean."

"I mean a nice, happy family."

"Where the woman's life gets shrunk to fit her home, and the man's expands-"

"Where the man earns the money that puts the roof over their heads, that's what I mean."

"Ooh," said Jo. "It sounds lovely. Just like in The Waltons."

"That's right."

"That anachronistic fictional escapism. For children."

"You know, you don't need to use posh words to impress me. Your a.r.s.e is doing a good enough job already."

Jo smiled. "Oh you sweet-talker, you."

Shaun came and stood behind her and kissed her gently on her neck. Then he gave her another, even softer kiss further down her neck. Then he twisted her body round to face him and softly brushed his lips over her front. Then he pushed her up against the ironing board and started messing up the ironing. Then Josh came home.

"Don't mind me," called Josh, and they both jumped. As it happened, they both minded him very much. Jo spun back to her ironing, her face burning. She could hardly bear the new coldness in Josh's eyes. She felt like some scarlet woman in a bad movie. Shaun waited a moment before stepping forward to Josh.

"Shaun Casey," he said, holding out his hand. "Jo's better half."

"Josh Fitzgerald," said Josh, shaking his hand firmly. "Half brother, half human."

"Oh right," grinned Shaun. "So not one of her charges then?"

"G.o.d no."

"So she isn't tucking you up in bed, too?" he laughed.

Josh let out a short sharp laugh. "Nope. If anything, it's the other way round."

The laughter stopped. Shaun looked over at Jo.

"I-I got a little drunk last night," she explained.

Shaun tensed. "Right," he said between his teeth.

"Then she got a little homesick," explained Josh, "you know the thing, missing her mum, missing her dad, missing"-he gave a little shrug-"her mum and dad."

Shaun nodded. "Right," he said slowly.

"Anyway," said Josh tightly, "don't let me interrupt what you were doing. I know Jo always puts everyone's needs before her own. Nice to meet you, Saul."

"Shaun."

"Shaun."

And Josh left them to it.

Jo ironed three pairs of Zak's pants before Shaun spoke.

"What the h.e.l.l was all that about?" he whispered.

"What?" she answered innocently.

"Don't play games, Jo."

Jo sighed.

She spoke very quietly. "I don't know what he's talking about. I got drunk last night and told him all about you. That's all. It must be hurt ego. Probably expected me to fancy him, you know, poor little homesick nanny."

She wondered who she was turning into as Shaun settled back down to watch her finish the ironing. After five minutes, they heard the front door slam shut. Josh had gone out for his afternoon walk.

"So why's he at home then?" asked Shaun.

"I got him maimed because I thought he was going to kill me with an ax, so he's been working from home to avoid getting his twisted ankle broken in rush hour. He's back at work soon, thank G.o.d."

"No I don't mean that. I mean why's he living here at all?"

"G.o.d knows."

"What does he do?"

"He's an accountant."

Shaun sucked in a vast amount of air between his teeth, a trick he'd learned from years in the building trade.

"So he's loaded, right?"

Jo shrugged. "No idea." She finished the laundry and put the ironing board and iron away in the utility room. "Apparently his flatmates went traveling," she called out. "Left him homeless."

"They must all be made of money," shouted Shaun. "If I had that sort of money, I'd be putting it into the future. Put a deposit on a house. Invest it."

Jo loaded the washing machine.

"Maybe they can do both," she said quietly.

"I bet that's not the real reason he's here," shouted Shaun.

Jo came back into the kitchen, put down the empty laundry basket and started filling it with piles of neatly folded ironing.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't trust him."

"I told you, there's nothing to worry about. I just got drunk-"

"Not about that," interrupted Shaun. "Just generally. His eyes are too close together."

"They look fine to me," said Jo quickly. "I'm going upstairs, follow me."

Shaun followed her up the stairs into Tallulah's bedroom, and leaned against the doorframe as she tidied up the child's toys. Jo picked up the orgy of naked Barbies and Ken and dressed them all. Then she placed Tallulah's Barbie Doctor, Barbie Civil Servant, Barbie Social Worker, and Ken Architect in their allotted s.p.a.ce underneath the stationery shelves, checking that the 0.6mm lilac pens ab.u.t.ted the 0.6mm purple pen and not the 0.8mm blue.

"Why would a grown man," continued Shaun, "with money to burn, come back home and live with Daddy and Daddy's new wife and precocious kids if he could afford not to?"

"They're not precocious," she said, returning the dolls' house figures to the library by the d.i.c.kens cla.s.sics.

"I think," said Shaun slowly, "that our Josh is a bit of a sponger. I take it he's not paying rent?"

"No," said Jo. "Vanessa said he was rent-free. How did you know that?"

Shaun laughed. "I've done up houses for blokes like him. So spoiled they don't realize they're grown-ups."

Jo looked at him. "Follow me," she said, and went up the next flight of stairs.

"b.u.g.g.e.r me," said Shaun. "How many floors does this house have?"

"This is it."

Shaun followed her into Zak's room and stopped at the door. He gave a slow, appreciative whistle at the toys.

"s.h.i.t," he said. "I could be very happy in here."

A top-of-the-line scooter sat beside the myriad robots, signed a.r.s.enal football memorabilia, dinosaur collection, and racetrack. Gameboys littered the room. Above the bed hung a hammock full of more toys. In the corner was a small television and some more Gameboys. Shaun tore his eyes away and got back to the point.

"I've got it!" he cried.

"Well don't come near me," muttered Jo from under Zak's bed, "I can't catch it. Can't take time off."

"Josh knows something about Daddy that Daddy doesn't want new wifey to know. And in return for keeping the secret, Josh has wheedled free rent and food from Daddy."

Jo stopped folding Zak's track suit bottoms.

"You think d.i.c.k's having an affair?"

Shaun shrugged. "Or had one in the past. He had one when he was married to Josh's mum, didn't he?"

"That's a horrid thought," murmured Jo. She gasped. "Mind you, Vanessa did say she thought something was going on. And he does come home very late. b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l."

"I dunno," said Shaun. "I just think there's more to Joshua than meets the eye. How old was he when Daddy left?"

"Fourteen. Vanessa told me it was an awful marriage. They were rowing all the time." Shaun shook his head and sucked in his breath again. "Bad age. Bad age for your dad to leave."

Jo decided not to tell Shaun that's exactly what Josh had confided to her. Anyway, it was beginning to strike her that maybe Vanessa was right about Josh. He seemed able to switch the charm on and off like a light.

"Bet you never get over that." Shaun was still talking. "And it was rarer then, wasn't it? Bet he was teased at school. Poor b.a.s.t.a.r.d. Must be really f.u.c.ked up. Watching Daddy with his new kids all the time. It's sick."

Jo sat down on Zak's bed. "Yeah, suppose it is."

"So," continued Shaun, "he can't exactly like his stepmum much can he? Or his stepbrothers and-sisters?"

"He said...he mentioned briefly that he did."

"Well of course he's going to say that, isn't he?" said Shaun.

"Yes. S'pose so."

"And yet he's chosen to live with them instead of finding his own place."

They stared at each other.

"Maybe..." said Shaun, "he's spying for his mum?"

Jo shuddered. "She's a b.i.t.c.h. Big-time."

"Ah!" said Shaun. "But I bet Josh loves her."

"Of course he does."

"Well there you go! She's got Josh to sponge off the dad who left him, while spying for her at he same time."

Jo sat motionless on the bed. Maybe, just maybe, that would explain why he was so friendly to her so quickly. Come to think of it, he'd plied her with drink and then he'd started confiding in her the first night they met-maybe he was trying to ingratiate himself with her so that she could help him spy on Vanessa? She thought back to that first conversation. How he'd been so insistent to know what she thought of them all. And how he'd given away so much about himself. She thought back to d.i.c.k telling her that Josh was a ladies' man and Vanessa warning her not to fall for the famous Josh Fitzgerald charm.

After a moment, she shook her head, utterly confused and feeling increasingly depressed.