The cloth lay wide and heavy across my forehead, like no other cloth I had ever felt.

The ceremony was repeated for Ptolemy.

"Now turn to Serapis and say, 'We accept the state to which you have called us; we pray to be worthy of your favor.' "

Did the G.o.d acknowledge us? O Isis, only you know that. Do the G.o.ds listen to every word? Or are they careless sometimes, bored, preoccupied?

We were back out on the loggia of the temple, the bright day hurting our eyes, blinding us to the screaming crowds below. The wind lifted our garments a little, as if giving us a blessing as it pa.s.sed.

I was Queen. I wore the sacred diadem, and the day, the people, the city, and Egypt itself were mine--to cherish and to protect.

"O my people!" I cried. "Let us rejoice together! And let me always be worthy of your love, and be granted the wisdom to preserve Egypt for you!"

Our crowning at Memphis was another thing altogether. For the second time in my life I was taken in a boat down the Nile--how different now! The barge was a royal one, with a gilded lotus flower at its bow, and banks of oars--not a little cabin-boat. The riverbanks were lined with the curious; everyone had left the fields. Only the donkeys remained, tied to their wheels. These people were all smiling, and there was no edge to 'their voices, only the lilt of delight. Ptolemy and I stood on the deck and waved at them, seeing them slide by behind the reeds and bulrushes.

We pa.s.sed the pyramids, and I felt as though I were taking possession of them. All Egypt was mine, all the monuments and the sands and the Nile itself. I could barely speak for emotion.

Memphis was not far from the pyramids, and the landing stage was decorated for our arrival, hung with banners and garlands of lotus. Date palms lined the road, their dusty branches meeting overhead to make a canopy for us; people climbed them and shook the branches, making a rustle of welcome. Through their branches I could glimpse the limestone walls surrounding the inner palace and temples that had given Memphis its early t.i.tle, " "City of the White Wall."

Here the Pharaohs had had their coronations, and here Alexander had come to be crowned ruler of Egypt. His successors have done likewise, paying obeisance to the old forms, the old G.o.ds.

Before Alexandria, Memphis had been the largest and most important city of Egypt. Here the Pharaoh dwelt, and here was the place where the mysteries of Osiris were enacted, the holy of holies for the Egyptian. Today we were to be initiated into those mysteries by the high priest of Ptah, who was clad in a long linen gown with a panther's skin across his shoulders. The ceremony was in Egyptian, and I was proud that I could understand all of it--the only one of my family ever to have done so.

In the dim light of the inner temple, we received the symbols of a Pharaoh: the golden crook, the flail, the scepter, robes of linen from Lower Egypt, and ceremonial leather garments. Upon our heads were placed the uraeus uraeus of pure gold, Egypt's guardian serpent. of pure gold, Egypt's guardian serpent.

I grasped the handles of the crook and flail, circling them firmly with my fingers, feeling them almost welded to my hands. I vowed never to release or relinquish them until death made me relax my grip. Until then, they were mine--and I was theirs.

Afterward we had to perform the special rites of a Pharaoh. Dressed in ceremonial robes, we had to yoke the sacred Apis bull and lead him through the streets. This was to show our people that we were physically strong, and could be warriors; at the same time we had to chant a refrain promising never to be cruel to anyone beneath our sway, as the bull was beneath his yoke.

At your temple, O Isis, we took more vows. Do you remember that day? The day I bound myself to you by solemn oaths? We promised the priest that we would not interfere with the calendar, neither adding nor subtracting days, nor changing feast days, but allow the three hundred sixty-five days to complete their round as inst.i.tuted. We also swore that we would protect the land and the water given to our charge.

Then the Memphis diadems were brought out, and we were crowned Pharaohs of Upper and Lower Egypt. They no longer used the heavy, hatlike double crown of the old kingdom, but had adopted the diadem. The cloth had been woven of flax grown in a field sacred to Ptah.

This was my true wedding day, my wedding to that which, if it lay within my power, would live forever: Egypt. I have saved my diadems from those ceremonies, and the gowns. My four marriages to earthly men have not survived, because nothing that is human can last. But Egypt. . .

The ceremonies over, all the rites observed, I set about taking power. The Regency Council tried to obstruct me, in the name of their protege, Ptolemy XIII. They insisted I marry him forthwith. I demurred. Too many ceremonies, I said, are confusing. People enjoy ceremonies, but they should be doled out like candies, lest the appet.i.te become cloyed. For now, the lavish public funeral of the King, followed by the coronation procession and citywide banquets, was enough.

We were all in the throne room of the alabaster palace, the one where I had attended on my sisters not so long before; the one with the tortoisesh.e.l.l doors and gem-encrusted chairs. I was not sitting, but pacing back and forth in front of these men. They were all much bigger than I, and I needed to remember that.

Pothinus was taller than the others; his legs were spindly, but his chest was covered in rolls of fat where muscles should be. With his long nose and sharp, close-set eyes, he reminded me of a sacred ibis, except that he was not in the least sacred.

"Your Majesty," he intoned, with his child's voice, which he had trained to be soothing, "if you believe that, you do not understand people. There is no such thing as a surfeit of festivities."

"And the people are anxious to see you married," added Theodotos, once my tutor, then pa.s.sed down to Ptolemy, a giggly little man with a large bald spot that he attempted to disguise by growing long curls he could fluff up over it. He had also taken to wearing a fillet, like a Gymnasion director.

"I cannot imagine why," I said. "It is not as if anything would change. Ptolemy is not a foreign prince, bringing an alliance with him. And we could hardly have an heir yet."

"It was your father's express command!" barked Achillas. He was the Egyptian commander of the army, and came from Upper Egypt, where the soldiers are the best fighters. Dark-skinned and lean, he looked like a tomb painting come to life. I always imagined him wearing the pleated kilt shown in the old paintings; but of course he wore the latest military attire, with bronze breastplate and shin protectors. He had taken a Greek name, like many Egyptians who wish to ingratiate themselves with the powers that be. His real name was probably "Beloved of Amun" or some such.

"And I shall honor it," I a.s.sured him. "I esteem my father. Have I not added the name Cleopatra Philopator, 'She Who Loves Her Father,' to my other t.i.tles?" I looked up at my three enemies, for such they were.

"Obedience is the best way to honor a parent," said Pothinus.

"And the best way to honor your Queen," I reminded them. "You are my subjects as well as Ptolemy's advisors."

I myself had no advisors, no older, wiser councillor I could consult. I was surrounded on all sides by enemies; my friends were all younger or less powerful than I. The trio in front of me seemed to grow larger, their penetrating eyes more feral.

They glared at me. " "We of course will obey and honor you," said Achillas, with his flat Egyptian accent. "But you must not neglect your duty to your brother and co-ruler."

"I shall not," I a.s.sured him.

Ptolemy XIII was guaranteed a place at court and in history. But what of the others? What were Arsinoe and little Ptolemy to do while we ruled? Just wait in the palace--wait their turn? Circle like vultures? I shivered.

"I have no wish for a civil war!" I blurted out. Best to let them know I knew where they were leaning. "But I will rule in my own court, and in my own land!"

If only they were not so much bigger bigger than I! Those who denigrate physical strength and power have never had to tilt their heads back to look an enemy in the eyes, or had to drag a stepstool over to peek out a high window. than I! Those who denigrate physical strength and power have never had to tilt their heads back to look an enemy in the eyes, or had to drag a stepstool over to peek out a high window.

"The Romans are, as usual, setting us a bad example," said Achillas with disdain, settling on the first part of my words and ignoring the second. "They are about to embark on another round of civil war, this time between Julius Caesar and Magnus Pompey. If we are very lucky, they will destroy themselves in the process." He sniffed like a greyhound scenting the wind.

"If Pompey sends an appeal to us, we will have to respond," I said. He had been my father's ally and now, if the tables were turned, might require our help. Caesar was responsible for collecting the money Egypt owed to Rome. I hoped he would be defeated. But Egypt would be the poorer even so, because we would have had to help equip Pompey to conquer Caesar. And someone else would just take over Caesar's debt. . . .

"Why? Egypt is a long way from Rome. We can ignore the appeal," said Pothinus.

Was this this the man who thought himself a wise, sophisticated advisor? I had all I could do not to snort in derision. "Like a child pretending he does not hear his mother calling him to bed? No, Pothinus, that is the way of a coward. And Rome, the city, may be far from Alexandria--some twelve hundred miles--b the man who thought himself a wise, sophisticated advisor? I had all I could do not to snort in derision. "Like a child pretending he does not hear his mother calling him to bed? No, Pothinus, that is the way of a coward. And Rome, the city, may be far from Alexandria--some twelve hundred miles--but the might of Rome, and Roman armies, is as near as Jerusalem, only three hundred miles away. Remember how quickly Gabinius and his troops arrived? No, we cannot pretend we do not hear when Rome calls. But we can frame our answer to our best advantage."

"And what might that be?" asked Theodotos. I had almost forgotten he was there, as the presence of the other two overshadowed him.

"That we will comply--later."

"Exactly the answer you have returned to us about the marriage!" snapped Pothinus. "It fools no one!"

"It is not meant to fool anyone," I said, as grandly as possible. "There are true delays and diplomatic delays and obstructionist delays; there are as many types of delays as there are situations. Surely you don't mean to imply that your request that I marry my brother forthwith is the same as a command from the Romans?"

"It is not a command command--" began Achillas.

"This is a quibbling about words." I cut him off. "You have made a request. I have refused it at present. That is enough. You may leave me now."

Their faces dark with anger, they bent low and backed out of the chamber.

They had forced me to be curt with them. I sensed that the time of niceties was already past.

I also sensed that I must set about finding myself devoted supporters.

There were many small details to attend to, the sort of details that one can easily mistake for true action and important decisions. (Yet a leader must never lose grasp of them. So many things a leader must do, and be. No wonder most fail.) The King's quarters, the most beautiful in the whole palace grounds, stood empty. I had shied away from occupying them, but now I realized that was foolish. Why not honor my father by living there? Who eLe was ent.i.tled to do so? In the alabaster palace, on the entire upper floor, the King's apartments stretched from the northwest tip of the Lochias promontory, looking across the turquoise waters of the harbor to the Lighthouse, to the southeast, looking out over the open ocean. Breezes blew constantly from one open window across to another, keeping the onyx floors deliciously cool, like the flavored ices we ate in summer. Light played about all day, crossing the floor as the sun made his way from one window to the next, turning the entire apartments into one big sundial. At night the moon did the same. The sound of the sea was so satisfying that one hated to call musicians to compete with its distinctive voice. The royal apartments seemed a magic dwelling place in the air. most fail.) The King's quarters, the most beautiful in the whole palace grounds, stood empty. I had shied away from occupying them, but now I realized that was foolish. Why not honor my father by living there? Who eLe was ent.i.tled to do so? In the alabaster palace, on the entire upper floor, the King's apartments stretched from the northwest tip of the Lochias promontory, looking across the turquoise waters of the harbor to the Lighthouse, to the southeast, looking out over the open ocean. Breezes blew constantly from one open window across to another, keeping the onyx floors deliciously cool, like the flavored ices we ate in summer. Light played about all day, crossing the floor as the sun made his way from one window to the next, turning the entire apartments into one big sundial. At night the moon did the same. The sound of the sea was so satisfying that one hated to call musicians to compete with its distinctive voice. The royal apartments seemed a magic dwelling place in the air.

As I walked through them, considering what to order or change for myself, I was struck by my father's mania for collecting. He had beds made of ebony from Africa and inlaid with ivory from Punt; handworked metal tables from Damascus; embroidered cushions from Syria; woven carpets from India, and silk hangings from the far east. There were painted Greek vases and candelabra of Nubian silver and water clocks from Rome. From Egypt herself he had carvings of the G.o.ds, done in basalt and porphyry, and fine vessels of multicolored gla.s.s, a specialty of Alexandria. Entering his quarters was like entering a bazaar of the world, one where no ordinary merchants traded, but only artists. The transparent white silk window hangings billowed and flapped in the soft breeze, as if trying to shed different lights on the wares for me to appreciate them fully.

His wardrobe room was as large as a normal palace audience chamber, and crammed full of robes and mantles, sandals and cloaks. I smiled, remembering how he had loved to dress for ceremonial occasions. His wardrobe, however, unlike his water clocks, could not be transferred to me. As I was staring at it, I became aware that someone else was in the room behind me. I whirled around and recognized a familiar face: one of the servants of the inner chamber, a woman.

"I did not see you," I said. "What is your name?"

"Charmian, Your Majesty," she said. She had a very deep, husky voice. "Forgive me. I did not mean to startle you."

"You were keeper of the King's wardrobe?"

"Yes. An enjoyable task." She smiled. She had a very winning smile. I also noticed that she had a distinct Macedonian accent.

"Are you Macedonian?" I asked. She had the coloring for it: tawny hair and smoky gray eyes.

"I am. I was brought here to serve His Majesty after his stay in Athens." There was a discreet pause. We both knew why the King had been in Athens; he was on his way to Rome after being deposed. "It was said that our families afre distantly related."

I liked this Charmian, or else I was merely fascinated by her voice and bearing. It would take a little while for me to figure out which. "Would you like to return to Athens, or would you prefer to stay here and serve me as wardrobe mistress?"

I was in sore need of one. My childhood nurse had no knowledge of clothing, beyond knowing that milk removed scorches, and that salt should be sprinkled on red wine stains as soon as possible.

She gave a wide smile. "If you would deem me worthy, I would be happy beyond measure to stay with you."

"Worthy? Anyone who could select and oversee all this this"--I gestured to the glittering piles of brocade and silks--"certainly can oversee whatever I will have. But what shall be done with it all?"

"I would advise putting all this away until the day when you have a son who will wear them."

"That will be such a long time that they will be quite out of style."

"Things of this quality will not go out of style quickly." That deep, intimate voice ... it wrapped itself around her words, cradling them.

So now I had the beginning of my staff. I would appoint Mardian to my household as chief scribe and administrator. I had seen little of him in the past year, but whenever we met, our friendship was still strong. And Olympos, who was now studying medicine at the Museion, would serve as my physician. I knew I could trust him not to poison me! But I needed a soldier, a strong, trained military man, to counterbalance Achillas, and I knew no one like that. I had at my disposal the Macedonian Household Troops who guarded the palace grounds, but the three Roman legions--composed mainly of huge barbarians from Gaul and Germany--had a Roman commander, and the Egyptian army was under Achillas's control. Even if the Macedonians proved to be completely on my side, they were outnumbered by the legions and the native Egyptians. I would have to see what fate provided for me.

Chapter 10.

Long ago, Egypt had been protected by its deserts on the east and west. We had lain in our Nile valley out of reach of the rest of the world. But Bedouins on camels had breached our western frontiers, and armies could march over-land, through Syria, to our eastern borders now. We were part of the larger world, and what happened elsewhere affected us directly. Thus the first crisis of my reign came not from something in Egypt, but from the happenings in other countries.

To be brief: the Parthians (O Isis! How I was to learn to hate that word! The Parthians have been the scourge of all my hopes!) had troubled the Roman province of Syria, and the new Roman governor there, Calpurniu* Bibulus, wanted the Roman legions back to aid in his revenge attack on the Parthians. He sent his two sons to command the troops and lead them out of Egypt. The soldiers, who had settled down, did not want to leave, and so they set upon the governor's sons and, far from obeying them, killed them.

Like foolish rebels everywhere, who do not think beyond the deed of rebellion itself, the troops were jubilant. The city of Alexandria rejoiced along with them, for any defiance of Rome sent them into fits of excitement. And Pothinus and his henchmen were pleased beyond measure. A blow had been struck against Rome! Never mind that this was the simple murder of helpless envoys.

I called a meeting in the royal council chambers. I was seated in the Queen's chair of honor when the Regency Council filed in, pushing Ptolemy like a hostage.

"My brother may take his seat here, beside me," I said, indicating the other royal chair. Let him separate himself from them, for once! "The rest of you, sit here." There was a bench, albeit a richly gilded one, for all of them, including Mardian.

"You know what I have called this council for," I said. Outside, the day was glorious, brilliant and sparkling. The fleet was bobbing up and down in the harbor. "The Roman governor of Syria has had his sons murdered by the very troops they were sent to command."

"We didn't do it!" crowed Ptolemy. "It was done by Roman troops! It's not our fault!"

Pothinus gave a smug nod.

"Is this how you advise your Prince?" I asked. "His youth excuses him, but if you truly believe that, you are a child yourself and have no business serving on any council, even one to ration donkey dung!" I watched the smile drain from his face. Good.

"The troops do not want to leave Egypt," said Pothinus. "They have settled here, married, have children."

"In other words, they are no longer soldiers but civilians?" I asked. "Then we shall not miss them if they go, for they can no longer serve their purpose.

We hardly want more civilians. We have a million in the city." I looked at all of them. Now was the time to make things clear. "The murderers must be apprehended and turned over to Bibulus."

"No!" cried Theodotos. "That is acknowledging him our master! We are a sovereign state!"

"Sovereign states, real real ones, not pretend ones, observe civilized laws. It is not a sign of weakness, but of strength, to be able to control our own people and, when mistakes are made, to offer to set them right." ones, not pretend ones, observe civilized laws. It is not a sign of weakness, but of strength, to be able to control our own people and, when mistakes are made, to offer to set them right."

"The truth," sneered Pothinus, "is that you are afraid of the Romans! So you cower before them and degrade yourself."

How dare he speak thus? Degrade myself! "It is you who degrades Egypt by advocating lawless and insulting behavior," I finally said. "I see you have scant love of your country."

"I love Egypt more than you can ever understand!" he insisted.

"Then do as you are ordered," I said. "Discover the murderers. Bring them to me. If you have no appet.i.te for sending them to Bibulus, let me do it." I looked over at my brother. "Have you anything to say?"

He shook his head.

"Good. Then carry out my instructions, Pothinus."

The tall eunuch sat as stiff as a stone statue in a temple.

After the council had departed, I found myself limp. I knew I was doing the honorable thing, but was it politically wise? I would alienate the Alexandrians. Yet to insult the Romans was to court worse danger; they never forgot a slight or a defeat. I had been caught, like a creature exposed on an open field, with no cover.

The murderers--three very ordinary-looking men--were rounded up and sent to Bibulus to answer to him. The Roman magistrate surprised us by acting in strictest legality. Although his sons had been killed, he said, Roman law forbade his dealing with the murderers; it was rightly a matter for the Senate to judge. He himself would not take direct vengeance on them.

O Roman law! If ever I saw the murderers of my children, I would forget all about the law, except the eternal one of vengeance for a dead child--the prerogative of a mother. Laws can go only so far, and at the crucial moment they fail us. They are a poor subst.i.tute for justice. The Greek G.o.ds know more about that than the Roman law.

The Bibulus affair turned the people against me so certainly that I could almost believe Pothinus had engineered it. (I know this was not true, but, Isis, why did the G.o.ds favor him?) There was murmuring about "the lover of the Romans," "the Roman slave," and how I was truly my father's daughter. They had ousted him from the throne for groveling before Rome, and I was the same. Away with her!

It did not help that, shortly after this, the son of Pompey came to Egypt to request troops and provisions for the coming clash with Caesar. We had to yield them, and so the troops ended up serving Rome after all. Sixty ships were dispatched, along with hundreds of soldiers. Pompey and his followers had been ejected from Italy by this Caesar, who had defied the Roman Senate and acted as if he commanded his own destiny. It was said he was lucky above all men; it was also said that his main weapon was speed, for he could appear at a site before his enemies realized he had even started out. They said he covered a hundred miles a day, making lightninglike strikes.

I must here refute a piece of Roman propaganda, heaped on me with all the rest of Octavian's later abuse: that the younger Pompey and I became lovers on his visit to Alexandria. I met him, I entertained him at banquets, and showed him the city with pride, but he never even touched my hand. To do so would have violated every principle of protocol. I was a virgin, and as protective of my chast.i.ty as Athena. Besides, he was not very attractive!

The other thing that worked against me at the time was the Nile himself. At the last flooding he had not risen up to the level required, and so a famine was inevitable. Scientists had worked out a table of the exact degree the Nile must rise to guarantee crops, and the levels below that they called "the cubits of death." In that year, the great river's level fell within that death range.

The G.o.ds send the waters, or withhold them, but the rulers are blamed. I gave orders for the grain from the previous season's harvest to be rationed, but what happened is what always happens: there was not enough, although profiteers somehow managed to get their own supply. People were starving. In Alexandria, the riots began. In the countryside, there were threats of uprisings. The farther one went up the Nile into Upper Egypt, the greater the disaffection of the people. Being so distant, they had never really been welded to the Ptolemaic state, and now they were starting to pull away.

At about this time the sacred bull of Hermonthis died, and the installation of his successor was to take place. This was an elaborate ceremony in which the new sacred bull must be escorted on the Nile to his holy precinct. Pharaohs had taken part in the water procession in times past, but no Ptolemy had ever done so. Hermonthis was one of the hotbeds of disaffection, a few miles upstream from Thebes. I thought it would be politically wise to partake of the ceremony. It would remove me from the intrigues of the palace for a while, and strengthen my position by allowing me to cultivate support in a dangerous area.

Accordingly I set out in the royal barge. I looked forward to the journey, expected to take about ten days.