McNaughten The less, the better. I can see nothing to like about it. I'm only here to get married.

Spruce You usually can't do that business in a single day.

McNaughten I'm also here to collect an inheritance of sixty thousand pounds. I inherited it from an uncle that I had once, but no longer do--by a singular grace of G.o.d.

Spruce And is it all for you, sir?

McNaughten Precisely. War took off my brother--opportunely. He was only twenty-- in the flower of his youth. He took a quick trip to the promised land, and has never returned. G.o.d's grace knows no bounds.

Spruce Heaven give him peace, and give you success in all your plans. If you have need of my little services, you can employ me, sir, in any way you please. I know London very well, and I am always willing to serve my friends devotedly.

McNaughten Can you tell me how to find a man named George Hastings?

Spruce Hastings?

McNaughten Exactly, that's his name.

Spruce Is there a man in London who knows better than I how to get to his house? We'll go together. Have you some business with him?

McNaughten Yes, I do. By chance, might you also know where a solicitor named Torrington lives?

Spruce Ah, indeed, I know him. You couldn't have done better than ask me-- he's a particular friend of mine. We'll go to him, too.

(Aside) But, I see Jenny coming. Good G.o.d, I hope she doesn't ruin all my good work.

(Enter Jenny)

Jenny What the Devil are you two doing--are you tied to a stake? Dinner's getting cold, my mistress is annoyed. Ah, there you are, sir. Truly, I am delighted.

McNaughten What for?

Jenny I'm sent to see what prevents you from coming. My lady cannot understand the reason. But, what is this, sir, why the mourning outfit and the lugubrious reception? You act as if you didn't know me?

McNaughten Miss--

Jenny Why have you gone into mourning so suddenly? Do you think this is the way to dress for a dinner party? Are you coming from a funeral, sir?

McNaughten What's it to you? I'll dress as I please.

(Low to Spruce) The girls around here are well equipped with effrontery and curiosity.

Spruce It's the custom of the town. They're always friendly with people they've never met. Beware a trap.

Jenny My concern in this matter is natural enough. Whatever happens to you interests me. My lady has an extreme tenderness for you, and I must imitate her.

McNaughten Quite unnecessary.

Jenny Sir!

McNaughten You pretend your mistress loves me, do you?

Jenny You pretend you don't know that?

McNaughten May I be hanged if I ever heard of it before this moment!

Jenny (puzzled) You've had several proofs already. And if you want more solid proof, you can bed her and marry her whenever you like.

McNaughten I can bed her?

Jenny Easily.

McNaughten And marry her?

Jenny Yes, indeed.

McNaughten Why would I want to do that?

Jenny You don't have any other object in view, do you?

McNaughten The proposition is very straightforward, on my word.

(Aside to Spruce) On my oath, this wench is a procuress.

Spruce (protesting) I rather like her that way.

Jenny Before your return thousands came to offer for her hand, but McNaughten is the only one who ever earned her love.

McNaughten (astounded) How'd you know my name?

Jenny How do you know mine?

McNaughten How do I know YOUR name?

Jenny Exactly. Same way.

McNaughten I don't know it at all. Who the Devil are you, anyway?

Jenny What's the meaning of this joke? My name's Jenny, and I serve Urania.

And I've seen you there more than a thousand times.

McNaughten You're her servant?

Jenny Now you've got it.

McNaughten My word! So much the worse for you. I know nothing about it. But, it's really a shame to think such a young girl is engaged in such a sinful school.

Jenny Quit joking. In one word, my lady is waiting dinner for you. To please you, she's invited her girl friend, who is pretty and very vivacious.

McNaughten Your mistress does very good work.

Jenny (to Spruce, giving up on McNaughten) You talk to me, then? Tell me, what vapor has deranged his mind in so short a time?