He started after her, then stopped, sat on the bottom step.

Lucy was leaving him. And it was all his fault.

Lucy closed the bedroom door and collapsed against the wall. She put her head on her knees and forced herself to breathe.

Walking away from Sean had been a lot harder than she thought. She focused on the lie he told-a lie she still didn't understand. She wished she understood what he'd been thinking.

She loved him. He loved her. Why would he not tell her the truth? And then ... lie about it? Lie that he didn't have a chance to tell her? That's what bothered her the most.

She didn't want to leave, but she needed time and space. Distance. She had a key and the security codes to Jack's house in Hidalgo. No ... she couldn't do that. She couldn't leave work for a few days, and she was in no condition to drive anywhere today.

The security panel beeped. She looked up-Sean had left the house.

What was she supposed to do? Forgive him? Just like that? She wanted to, desperately, but there was that doubt in the back of her mind that he would do it all again. That his regret was only that she'd figured out he knew about Jesse before he left.

Time. Time and distance and then maybe they could find a way to pick up the pieces.

Or not. Because right now, she didn't know if she could forgive ... because she didn't know how Sean thought of her.

She was too tired to think, too tired to do anything, really, but she had to leave before he came back. Tomorrow maybe there would be perspective. She'd get a hotel room. Noah already told her not to come in tomorrow morning. She'd sleep ... if she could. Go to work. Bury herself in her job. It would save her.

It would have to.

She went down the hall to the storage closet and pulled out her travel suitcase. She packed up enough clothes for the weekend, a couple of work outfits, her toiletries. The faster she got out, the faster she could figure out what to do about ... everything.

It was after six by the time Lucy walked down the stairs with her bag. She couldn't bear to look at her house ... it might be the last time she saw it. She didn't want to leave.

She had to.

She went down the hall to the kitchen. Considered leaving Sean a note as to where she'd be, but he might not respect her wish for time. Maybe it would be better if he didn't know where she was.

His laptop case and overnight bag were on the floor by the garage door. She picked them up and put them on the breakfast nook table.

She needed to leave him a note. Brief. Something like, We'll talk tomorrow. Though she didn't know what she could say. She'd said it all.

She grabbed a notepad that was next to the house phone and searched for a pen. She unzipped the side of Sean's laptop case and felt inside for a pen. Attached to the clip was a folded piece of paper with her name on it.

Slowly, she opened it. It was dated Wednesday. Yesterday.

Dearest Lucy ~ In case everything goes sideways tonight, I need you to know that I loved you with a passion and joy that knows no bounds.

Lucy sat down. He went into the rescue thinking he might die.

You are everything to me. My beginning and my ending. You have made me a better person, a better man, a better brother, a better friend. You are my strength. I see in you a glow that humbles me, and always makes me want to do better.

I'm gone now, but you're not. You have an amazing life ahead of you. You have family and friends who love you. But more than that, you have you. You are stronger than you know; you are braver than you think. You have always told me that I am the light in your darkness; princess, you are my light. You are my life.

You're going to learn that Jesse Spade is my son. I didn't know until Monday when Madison told me; I wanted to tell you, I don't know what stopped me. I think ... deep down ... that you would think I was a lesser person. That I should have known that I had a son. That I should have talked to my ex-girlfriend, figured it out. But I didn't know, and I hate that I didn't know.

And I think in the back of my mind, I knew you had a tough case. I didn't want you to worry about me. Or be thinking that this was anything but a normal rescue situation. I wanted you to focus 100% on your case. I wanted you to find the lost girls. Distractions can mess with our heads, they can lead to mistakes-I should know. I have made many mistakes.

None of this means anything anymore. The only thing that matters is that you know I loved you with every cell in my body. That now that I'm gone, I want you to live and love again. You deserve it.

Yours now and always, Sean Lucy didn't realize she was crying until her tears hit the paper.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN.

Sean didn't want to see Dean Hooper or Noah Armstrong tonight, but they'd both left urgent messages for him that he had been ignoring all afternoon.

He was on autopilot. Lucy was leaving him, and he didn't know how to make it right. He didn't know what to do. She loved him ... but she was walking away.

When he finally checked his messages, he knew he had to go into FBI headquarters. He didn't want to leave the house ... would Lucy be there when he returned? But what could he do? There was a lot of fallout from what happened in Mexico. Some things he needed to clean up himself. And he didn't know what else he could say to Lucy.

He arrived at FBI headquarters at six that night. When had he last slept? A bit on the plane when Jack took over flying.

He didn't care. His life was falling apart around him.

Noah greeted him at the door. "You look like shit."

"Good to see you, too, Noah."

Noah almost said something else, but didn't. "I would have waited until tomorrow, but we have a time crunch, and I need my ducks in a row before I talk to the judge tomorrow. But the most important component is Jesse."

Sean pushed Lucy out of his head-as much as he could. His fears still clouded his head, but if Jesse was in trouble ... He had to be able to fix one thing in his life.

"What happened?"

"Hooper and I took his statement. Do you know what he knows?"

"Some."

"He figured out what Spade was doing and has some dangerous information. He's a witness. Hooper doesn't think we need him to testify against the Flores crime family, but they're going to know he could potentially testify."

"RCK will do everything to protect him."

"Spade agreed to turn state's evidence. He's working with the AUSA now putting together his statement. He's going to testify so Jesse doesn't have to-on the condition that he and his family are put into witness protection."

Sean stared at him. He might be slow tonight, but he knew what that meant.

"That bastard."

"Sean-he knows a lot. We can take down not only the remaining Flores cartel members, but others."

But if Jesse was in witness protection, Sean would never see him again.

He was losing both the love of his life and the son he barely knew.

"Let's sit down," Noah said and steered Sean into his office. He closed the door. "What's going on?"

There was no way in hell Sean was telling Noah about what had happened between him and Lucy.

"It's been a long fucking week."

"Jesse had a lot to say."

Sean didn't say anything.

"He sees you and Kane as practically superheroes."

"We didn't do anything we wouldn't have done for another kid in trouble."

"He doesn't want to go into witness protection. He refused, in fact. Had some choice things to say about his stepfather. But at the core, he realized that if he goes into witness protection, he'll never see you again."

Sean had no idea what to do or say. He didn't know how to fix this. He didn't know how to protect Jesse and get Lucy back.

"Hooper is bringing Madison and Jesse here. I think you are the only one who can convince Jesse that this is the best thing for him." Noah paused. "Sean-RCK is the best in the business, but can you honestly say you can protect Jesse and his mother? Because Madison made it clear if Jesse doesn't go, she won't go. And Carson Spade made it clear if his wife and stepson aren't with him, he'll go to prison before turning state's evidence."

"Which puts Jesse in danger because he knows too much. Goddamn that bastard."

"Where's Lucy?" Noah asked.

I don't know.

"Home."

Noah stared at him. What did he know? That Sean had fucked up? That he was losing the only good thing in his life? Sean couldn't stop thinking about what he'd said, what he'd done, how he'd screwed up. He thought ... Hell, he didn't know what he was thinking. When he was in Mexico, it was so easy to believe that when he told Lucy, she would understand. She'd listen, she'd realize that he hadn't had a good opportunity to explain before he left ...

He'd lied to himself. Just like he lied to Lucy. He knew he should have told her the truth from the beginning, but he was scared. He didn't know why. Lucy would never have left him because of Jesse. She'd never have walked away.

She's leaving you because you lied to her.

He wanted to take it all back. He didn't know how to fix it.

"Are you okay, Sean?"

"No."

He didn't elaborate. He couldn't. This was Noah Armstrong. He was half in love with Lucy; he'd told Sean before he didn't think Sean was good enough for her.

"Did Lucy tell you what happened in Laredo?"

"I don't want to talk to you about Lucy."

"I don't care what you want, Sean. You need to listen."

"You were just waiting for me to fuck up."

"Get over yourself. You did this, Sean. You fucked this up. But Lucy loves you."

"Don't. Just ... stop." Every muscle in Sean's body was coiled and ready to pop.

"I'm not your rival. I'm your friend. More, I'm Lucy's friend. She went through hell these last three days. You went through your own crucible. I'm not judging you. I was in college once. I've made mistakes. We all screw up, Sean. But right now, this isn't about you. It's about Lucy. This case was horrific. It affected me, and cases don't affect me. None of us working this have slept much in four days. But through it all, Lucy went above and beyond. She needs time. She needs you."

"I fucked up, Noah."

"I know. Fix it."

"I don't know how."

"You'll figure it out. You always do." He slid over a newspaper. "The unidentified FBI agent in the article is Lucy. I'm going to check on Hooper. I'll get you when they're here."

Noah left Sean alone in his office. Sean picked up the newspaper and read the article Noah pointed to.

Laredo, TX-A violent shootout Wednesday night resulted in seven dead, six injured-including two Webb County sheriff's deputies, one of whom is in stable but critical condition-and three arrests.

Webb County Assistant Sheriff Adam Villines reported that at approximately 0900 hours, he and two officers canvassed a neighborhood where they believed a woman was being held against her will. When they approached a ranch house on the 1800 block of Westwood Avenue, they were fired upon. Officer Tom Franz was shot twice point-blank in the chest and thigh. He's in critical but stable condition following surgery.

After a short but tense standoff, the suspects began to shoot hostages. Three of the six hostages were killed before SWAT was able to secure the scene. During the assault, four suspects were shot and killed and three were taken into custody. Two were transported to the hospital but are expected to make full recoveries.

But the hero of the night was a rookie FBI agent whose name was withheld for her safety. One of the hostages was a pregnant woman who was used as a shield by Lance Dobleman, one of the suspects. According to witnesses, Dobleman shot the unidentified pregnant woman in her neck before SWAT officers immobilized him. With her dying breath, she begged the officers to save her baby. The paramedics were en route, but the life of the infant was at stake. The rookie FBI agent, who has had some medical training according to her commanding officer, performed an emergency C-section with the assistance of the SWAT medic. According to Dr. Laurel Davidson with the children's hospital, the quick thinking of the officers saved the baby's life. Unfortunately, the mother died from her injuries.

"If the FBI agent didn't perform the surgery immediately, even in the horrific conditions, that baby would have died," Davidson said. "Even so, it's a miracle that the baby survived."

The nurses at the hospital are calling the miracle baby Lucia.

Villines said that this is the end of a black-market baby criminal organization that has resulted in the sale of more than six dozen infants over the last two years. The FBI and Webb County Sheriff's Department have been working together ...

Noah brought Sean to where Jesse was sitting in one of the FBI conference rooms. It was late, so no one was in the office except for them and the small team Dean Hooper was working with in the White Collar Crimes Division. "Hooper is talking to Madison. You have about ten minutes."

Sean looked Noah in the eye and said, "Thank you."

Noah squeezed his shoulder. "Sean, it's going to be okay. Things will work out the way they are supposed to."

Sean closed the door and sat down next to Jesse. He looked tired, scared, and determined.

"Hey."

Jesse looked at him. "I'm not going."