[Sidenote: B.C. 58, aeT. 48]

You raised no little flutter in my mind when you said in your letter that Varro had a.s.sured you as a friend that Pompey would certainly take up my case, and that as soon as he had received a letter from Caesar, which he was expecting, he would even name some one to formally carry out the business. Was that all mere talk, or was the letter from Caesar hostile? Is there some ground for hope? You mentioned, too, that Pompey had also used the expression "after the elections." Pray, as you can conceive the severity of the troubles by which I am prostrated, and as you must think it natural to your kindness to do so, inform me fully as to the whole state of my case. For my brother Quintus, dear good fellow, who is so much attached to me, fills his letters with hopeful expressions, fearing, I suppose, my entirely losing heart. Whereas your letters vary in tone; for you won't have me either despair or cherish rash hopes. I beseech you to let me know everything as far as you can detect the truth.

LXXVI (A III, 19)

TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)

THESSALONICA, 15 SEPTEMBER

[Sidenote: B.C. 58, aeT. 48]

As long as my letters from you all continued to be of such a nature as to keep expectation alive, I was bound to Thessalonica by hope and eager longing: afterwards, when all political measures for this year appeared to me to be over, I yet determined not to go to Asia, both because a crowd of people is disagreeable to me, and because, in case any movement was set on foot by the new magistrates, I was unwilling to be far off.

Accordingly, I resolved to go to your house in Epirus, not because the natural features of the country mattered to me, shunning as I do the light of day altogether, but because it will be most grateful to my feelings to set out from a harbour of yours to my restoration; and, if that restoration is denied me, there is no place where I shall with greater ease either support this most wretched existence or (which is much better) rid myself of it. I shall be in a small society: I shall shake off the crowd. Your letters have never raised me to such a pitch of hope as those of others; and yet my hopes have always been less warm than your letters. Nevertheless, since a beginning has been made in the case, of whatever sort and from whatever motive, I will not disappoint the sad and touching entreaties of my best and only brother, nor the promises of Sestius and others, nor the hopes of my most afflicted wife, nor the entreaties of my most unhappy Tulliola, as well as your own loyal letter. Epirus will furnish me with a road to restoration or to that other alternative mentioned above. I beg and entreat of you, t.i.tus Pomponius, as you see that I have been despoiled by the treachery of men of all that most adds splendour to life, of all that can most gratify and delight the soul, as you see that I have been betrayed and cast away by my own advisers, as you understand that I have been forced to ruin myself and my family--help me by your compa.s.sion, and support my brother Quintus, who is still capable of being saved; protect Terentia and my children. For myself, if you think it possible that you may see me at Rome, wait for me; if not, come to see me if you can, and make over to me just so much of your land as may be covered by my corpse. Finally, send slaves to me with letters as soon and as often as possible.

15 September.

LXXVII (A III, 20)

TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)

THESSALONICA, 4 OCTOBER

_Cicero greets Q. Caecilius Pomponia.n.u.s Atticus, son of Quintus._[347]

[Sidenote: B.C. 58, aeT. 48]

That this is now the case, and that your uncle has done what he ought to have done, I approve in the strongest manner possible: I will say I am "glad," when circ.u.mstances shall admit of my using such a word. Ah me!

how well everything would have been going if my own spirit, my own judgment, and the good faith of those on whom I relied had not failed me! But I won't review these circ.u.mstances lest I increase my sorrow.

Yet I feel sure that it occurs to your mind what a life ours was, how delightful, how dignified. To recover this, in the name of fortune, bestow all your energies, as I know you do, and take care that I keep the birthday of my return in your delightful house with you and my family. For this hope and expectation, though now put before me as being very strong, I yet wished to wait in your home in Epirus; but my letters are such as to make me think it better not to be in the same neighbourhood. What you say in your letter about my town house and about Curio's speech is exactly true. Under the general act of restoration, if only that is accorded me, everything will be included, of which I care for nothing more than for my house. But I don't give you any precise injunction, I trust myself wholly to your affection and honour. I am very glad to hear that you have extricated yourself from every embarra.s.sment in view of so large an inheritance. As to your promise to employ your means in securing my restoration, though I am in all points a.s.sisted by you above all others, yet I quite see what a support that is, and I fully understand that you are undertaking and can carry on many departments of my cause, and do not need to be asked to do so. You tell me not to suspect that your feelings have been at all affected by acts of commission or omission on my part towards you--well, I will obey you and will get rid of that anxiety; yet I shall owe you all the more from the fact that your kind consideration for me has been on a higher level than mine for you. Please tell me in your letters whatever you see, whatever you make out, whatever is being done in my case, and exhort all your friends to help in promoting my recall. The bill of Sestius[348] does not shew sufficient regard for my dignity or sufficient caution. For the proposed law ought to mention me by name, and to contain a carefully expressed clause about my property. Pray see to it.

Thessalonica, 4 October.

[Footnote 347: Cicero gives Atticus his full name, rather playfully, as it was a new acquisition. His uncle, Q. Caecilius, dying this year, left him heir to a large fortune, and adopted him in his will (Nep. _Att._ 5). He therefore, according to custom, took his uncle's _praenomen_ and _nomen_, Q. Caecilius, retaining his own _nomen_ in an adjectival form (Pomponia.n.u.s) as a _cognomen_, just as C. Octavius became, by his uncle's will, _C. Iulius Caesar Octavia.n.u.s_. His additional name of Atticus remained as before, and in ordinary life was his usual designation. See p. 15.]

[Footnote 348: Sestius, tribune-elect for B.C. 57, would come into office 10th December, B.C. 58. He means to bring a bill before the people for Cicero's recall, and a draft of it has been sent to Cicero, who criticises it as not entering sufficiently into details, though he had before said that a general _rest.i.tutio in integrum_ covered everything; but perhaps this bill only repealed the Clodian law as a _privilegium_, without mentioning anything else.]

LXXVIII (F XIV, 2)

TO TERENTIA (AT ROME)

THESSALONICA, 5 OCTOBER

[Sidenote: B.C. 58, aeT. 48]

Greetings to Terentia, and Tulliola, and Cicero. Don't suppose that I write longer letters to anyone else, unless some one has written at unusual length to me, whom I think myself bound to answer. For I have nothing to write about, and there is nothing at such a time as this that I find it more difficult to do. Moreover, to you and my dear Tulliola I cannot write without many tears. For I see you reduced to the greatest misery--the very people whom I desired to be ever enjoying the most complete happiness, a happiness which it was my bounden duty to secure, and which I should have secured if I had not been such a coward. Our dear Piso I love exceedingly for his n.o.ble conduct. I have to the best of my ability encouraged him by letter to proceed, and thanked him, as I was bound to do. I gather that you entertain hopes in the new tribunes.

We shall have reason to depend on that, if we may depend on Pompey's goodwill, but yet I am nervous about Cra.s.sus. I gather that you have behaved in every respect with the greatest courage and most loyal affection, nor am I surprised at it; but I grieve that the position should be such that my miseries are relieved by such heavy ones on your part. For a kind friend of ours, Publius Valerius, has told me in a letter which I could not read without violent weeping, how you had been dragged from the temple of Vesta to the Valerian bank.[349] To think of it, my dear, my love! You from whom everybody used to look for help![350] That you, my Terentia, should now be thus hara.s.sed, thus prostrate in tears and humiliating distress! And that this should be brought about by my fault, who have preserved the rest of the citizens only to perish myself! As to what you say about our town house, or rather its site, I shall not consider myself fully restored, until it has also been restored for me. However, these things are not yet within our grasp. I am only sorry that you, impoverished and plundered as you are, should be called upon to bear any part of the present expenses. Of course, if the business is successfully accomplished we shall get everything back: but if the same evil fortune keeps us down, will you be so foolish as to throw away even the poor remains of your fortune?[351]

I beseech you, my life, as far as expense goes, allow others to bear it, who are well able if they are only willing to do so; and do not, as you love me, try your delicate const.i.tution. For I have you day and night before my eyes: I see you eagerly undertaking labours of every kind: I fear you cannot endure them. Yet I see that everything depends on you!

Wherefore, to enable us to attain what you hope and are striving for, attend carefully to your health. _I_ don't know to whom to write except to those who write to me, or to those about whom you say something in your letters. I will not go farther off, since that is your wish, but pray send me a letter as often as possible, especially if there is anything on which we may safely build our hope. Good-bye, my loves, good-bye!

Thessalonica, 5 October.

[Footnote 349: Terentia, whose half-sister was a Vestal, seems to have taken sanctuary with the Vestals, as did the mother and sister of Augustus in B.C. 43. The special indignity of which Cicero complains is that she had been forced to leave the sanctuary and appear at the bank of Valerius, but for what purpose we cannot now tell. It is suggested that it was to make some solemn declaration as to her husband's property, some of which she may be supposed to have tried to conceal.

The term _ducta esses_ is that applied to prisoners led through the streets, but we may regard it as used _ad invidiam_.]

[Footnote 350: In securing her husband's advocacy.]

[Footnote 351: Mention is made of Terentia's separate estate in Letters x.x.x and Lx.x.xI.]

LXXIX (A III, 21)

TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)

THESSALONICA, 28 OCTOBER

[Sidenote: B.C. 58, aeT. 48]

It is exactly thirty days to the writing of this letter since I have heard from you. Well, my present intention is, as I have told you, to go into Epirus and there by preference to await whatever may turn up. I beg you to write to me with the utmost openness whatever you perceive to be the state of the case, and whether it is for good or evil, and also to send a letter, as you say, in my name to whomsoever you think it necessary.

28 October.

Lx.x.x (A III, 22)

TO ATTICUS (AT ROME)

THESSALONICA AND DYRRACHIUM, 27 NOVEMBER

[Sidenote: B.C. 58, aeT. 48]

Though my brother Quintus and Piso have given me a careful account of what has been done, yet I could have wished that your engagements had not hindered you from writing fully to me, as has been your custom, what was on foot and what you understood to be the facts. Up to the present, Plancius[352] keeps me here by his generous treatment, though I have several times already made an effort to go to Epirus. He has conceived a hope, which I do not share, that we may possibly quit the province together: he hopes that that may redound greatly to his credit. But as soon as news shall come that soldiers are on their way hither,[353] I shall have to insist on quitting him. And as soon as I do that I will at once send you word, that you may know where I am. Lentulus,[354] in his own peculiar zeal for my cause, which he manifests by action and promises and writings, gives me some hope of Pompey's friendly feelings.