"Sawyer..." Vida went to her friend's side.

"It's the truth, Vida. Callie deserves to be happy and safe, and this time we're old enough to do something. I'm going to talk to Penni again and make sure Callie is okay." Sawyer shook her head when she saw the men were about to protest. "I'll be careful not to rouse her suspicions, but I want to make sure she's happy with The Last Riders."

"And if she isn't?" Ice asked Sawyer, but it was Vida who answered.

"Then I guess we'd have a fight on our hands."

Lily woke up early Thanksgiving morning to put the turkey on to cook. The factory had been closed all week to give everyone a chance to go home for the holidays. She had spent those days with Rachel, preparing to open the church store on Friday. They would take turns working in the store until Pastor Dean found someone to work full time.

Lily hummed to herself as she moved around the kitchen. She had volunteered to help cook the dinner, but Beth would come over when she woke to help. Pouring herself a cup of coffee, she blew on it as she walked across the kitchen to sit at the table.

Bliss came into the kitchen wearing a t-shirt that barely came to the top of her thighs and her short, spiked hair was messed. She was halfway across the kitchen before she realized it wasn't empty.

"I didn't know you were down yet. I was just getting a drink."

"I woke up early to put the turkey on," Lily explained uncomfortably.

Bliss went to the fridge, taking two bottled waters. Lily expected her to leave; instead she came to the table and took a seat in front of Lily.

"I want to apologize."

"For what?" Lily asked.

Bliss bit her lip. "For flirting with Shade in front of you. I know you caught me a couple of times; I wanted you to."

"Why?" Lily lowered her eyes, not wanting the woman to see she had succeeded in hurting her.

"Because I was having Shade withdrawal," Bliss admitted regretfully. "Truthfully, I was hoping you'd get mad enough to leave and everything would go back to normal."

"With you and Shade back together again?"

"Yes, but not like you're thinking. All of us enjoy having s.e.x with each other. When Razer, Viper and then Knox quit f.u.c.king us, it didn't bother me. To be blunt, there's plenty of d.i.c.ks around here to scratch an itch if a girl gets one. The thing is, Shade scratches a particular itch of mine that none of the others do."

Lily sat there listening quietly to Bliss discuss her and Shade's s.e.x life. Her stomach churned, however she couldn't bring herself to say or do anything to hurt Bliss's feelings.

"I even acted out with Razer, hoping Shade would... but he didn't." Bliss paused. "I was wrong, and I apologized to Beth and Razer. We're cool now. Beth understood and I hope you do, too."

Lily smiled at her. "Of course. I didn't mean to come between you and Shade's... um..." She didn't know how to continue.

Bliss smiled. "You can say I'm a submissive. It doesn't bother me. Lily, you do know that Shade isn't your typical man, don't you?"

Lily turned bright red, almost knocking her coffee cup over. "Typical is not a word I would use to describe Shade."

"No, he's not," Bliss sighed then caught herself, giving Lily a rueful smile. Standing up from the table, she picked up her water bottles.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead." Bliss paused, waiting for it.

"What made you change your mind about trying to break me and Shade up?"

"The night of the Halloween party. I'm not going to lie and say I won't miss Shade, but I can say that I don't mind so much if it's you."

Lily had to clear her throat. "Thanks, Bliss."

She left Lily sitting alone in the kitchen, not knowing exactly how to feel about herself and Shade. The kitchen door opened again and Beth came in, still half-asleep.

"Tell me why we volunteered for this again."

"Because we enjoy cooking for the holidays," Lily suggested.

"That's true." Beth yawned as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

"And because we're nuts."

"I won't disagree with that, either."

After they both finished their coffee, they began cooking all the dishes that the members had requested. It was a ma.s.sive task, but Evie soon showed up to pitch in and the morning pa.s.sed quickly.

Lily had set the turkey on the serving platter when Pastor Dean walked into the kitchen with Viper.

"The smell of turkey and stuffing... ask and the Lord shall provide," Pastor Dean said, gazing down at the turkey in admiration.

When Beth teased him that he could eat the twenty-pound bird by himself, the pastor replied, "I don't know about that, but I hope one of those legs has my name on it."

Evie picked the turkey up. "You can take that up with the other men. The Lord only gave this turkey two legs."

Lily picked up a ca.s.serole, carrying it out to the dining room where Ember and Stori had decorated the table and all the members who had stayed were already seated. Lily took a chair at the opposite end of where Pastor Dean took his.

Lily sat quietly eating her dinner, not joining the conversation around her unless someone spoke directly to her. After dinner, the desserts were fought over as much as the turkey and stuffing had been. Lily ate a small portion and then began carrying the dirty plates into the kitchen. Shade followed her into the kitchen, packing another stack of dishes.

"You were quiet at dinner."

"Just tired, I guess. It's been a long day," Lily said quietly.

Shade leaned against the counter, watching her face carefully. "Bliss said she had a talk with you this morning. Did something she said upset you?"

"No, we're fine," Lily replied as she loaded the dishwasher.

Shade nodded his head, yet she could tell he sensed her disquiet.

"Ready for some football?" Rider asked as the rest of the club came through the kitchen to go into the television room.

"Go ahead. I'm going to head to bed when I finish," Lily urged, waving her hand at Shade to go.

"I'll be up after the game."

"Okay."

Shade left, going into the room to find a s.p.a.ce on the already overflowing couch.

"Need any help?" Beth asked.

"Nope, I've got it covered. I'm almost finished. Go watch the game."

"I think I will. I'm exhausted." Lily watched as her sister sat down on the arm of the couch next to Razer. Reaching up, he tugged her down onto his lap and then Beth laid her head on his shoulder. The love between them brought a lump to Lily's throat.

She finished the dishes, wiping her hands on the dishcloth before folding it and placing it on the counter. Instead of going to bed, she slipped out the kitchen door while everyone's attention was on the game. Taking a deep breath, she walked across the backyard, taking the path to Shade's house. She climbed the steps to the porch then sat down on the top step. Sitting there, she looked out over the vast expanse of the mountains, not feeling the temperature drop as night began to fall.

"You're going to get sick sitting out here in the cold without a jacket." Pastor Dean walked to the bottom of the steps, looking up at her.

Lily tensed; she hadn't seen him approach from the house.

"I was just about to go in," Lily replied.

When Pastor Dean walked up the steps, taking a seat next to her, Lily turned her face away from him.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" Pastor Dean asked quietly.

"I haven't been avoiding you. I saw you last week at the store and Sunday at church."

"You hide behind Rachel at the store and you take off as soon as church is over, and you haven't said two words to me today. What's wrong, Lily?"

She leaned her head against the wooden rail next to her, not letting him see her face in the darkness. "Because I'm so ashamed," Lily's voice trembled.

"What on earth have you got to be ashamed of?" His stunned voice only made Lily want to hide from him more.

"Because I don't belong in your church." Lily licked her cold lips. "I'm not the person you think I am. I've done things, Pastor Dean. Things I know that G.o.d's not going to forgive me for."

"Lily, don't. Please don't think like that." He reached out to touch her shoulder, but Lily moved away, not wanting him to touch her. She was too unclean to even be sitting next to him.

"It's true. I...I..." Lily's voice firmed. "Before I came to Treepoint to live with Beth's parents, I lived with my mother. She... she wasn't a nice person. She had me do things, Pastor, to men she would bring to our apartment." She shuddered, remembering the revolting things she had been forced to do. "I didn't want to, but she would make me drink liquor so that I wouldn't fight them. I quit fighting what she wanted me to do so she wouldn't make me drink it anymore. Do you think G.o.d will forgive me for that? She told me that, if I told my friends, she would kill them. I knew she would because I was her daughter and she didn't care if I was dead or alive. She just wanted the money they would give her for me."

"Dear G.o.d. Lily, stop..." Pastor Dean's voice was hoa.r.s.e, yet Lily continued. She had to make him see that she didn't deserve to be in his company, that he wasn't the one at fault for her not being the Christian he believed her to be.

"If she couldn't find someone for me, she would send me to apartments where she knew that the men lived alone and make me ask if they wanted company for the night. I learned how to do what she wanted or she would beat me so bad, I couldn't go outside and play with my friends until I healed. If anyone came to ask about me, she would tell them I was too sick to play."

"What happened to your mother?" Pastor Dean's voice was harsh.

"Her boyfriend moved in with us. He was nice for a while. He paid the bills and gave her money to spend. He even bought me my first doll, but she would get mad at him because he wouldn't give her extra money for her pills, so she would wait until he went to work and sneak men into the apartment.

"One day, he came home early and saw me in bed with a man. Marshall pulled a gun out and made them sit on the bed, and told me to get dressed. I heard him call someone, but I was too scared to listen. He made us all sit there until someone knocked on the door."

"Who was it?"

"I don't know. I'd never seen him before, but he was big and scary to me because, when Marshall told him what he'd seen when he came home, he took the gun and killed my mother and the man on my bed." Lily took a deep breath. "Then he turned to me, asking me if Marshall had ever touched me and when I told him yes, he killed Marshall. He lit a fire on my bed and made me leave with him. I didn't try to scream; I was too scared."

"I bet you were," Pastor Dean said grimly.

"He took me on a long drive. I slept most of the time. When I woke up, I was in Beth's house and he was gone. Her parents told me they were adopting me and to forget about my mom and the life I had before, so I did. I made myself forget every dirty thing that I had been forced to do. I forgot the men. I forgot my mom. I forgot Marshall. I forgot my sitter who always smelled like chocolate chip cookies. I forgot my friends, Sawyer and Vida, who were like sisters to me. I forgot every single ugly detail of my life until I forgot me."

Chapter 30.

"Lily, look at me." Lily didn't want to see the look of disgust she was certain would be on his face.

"Please, look at me." Lily turned her head to see his face in the darkness. Instead of seeing the disgust she'd expected, she saw compa.s.sion and love.

In that second, Lily broke. She cried for the child who had never been a child, for all the years she had spent afraid of her own shadow, and most of all, she cried for a future she was afraid to begin with Shade.

Pastor Dean put his arm around her shoulders, letting her cry until she lay quietly against him.

"I promised myself I wasn't going to cry anymore," Lily said, embarra.s.sed at her lapse.

"I think that one was well deserved. That's why you wanted to become a social worker, isn't it, to help children like yourself?"

Lily nodded her head. "Yes, I think so."

"Lily, do you plan on judging children if you find them in situations like you were in?"

"Of course not," Lily said, shocked that he thought she would.

"When people start coming into the church store tomorrow, are you going to judge them for being in need?"

"No," she repeated. "They need our help."

"Yes, they do, like you needed help, and no one was there for you. You chose to survive, Lily. You're the kindest, most compa.s.sionate woman I know, and it's a true miracle that part of you wasn't destroyed. As your pastor, I couldn't be more proud. You make my Sundays worthwhile because, when I look out into my congregation and see your face, I know that G.o.d has graced my church with your presence.

"You have done nothing to feel ashamed of. The ones who should be ashamed are the ones that are responsible for hurting you. You don't have any lessons to learn from me, but I have many to learn from you, Lily, because as G.o.d is my witness, I would have killed every single one of the b.a.s.t.a.r.ds who touched you."

"Thank you, Pastor." Lily smiled at him, relieved he hadn't thought less of her.

"Go on inside. It's freezing out here. I'll see you in the morning."

She stood up, pausing when he didn't follow. "Aren't you coming in?"

"In a minute. I want to say a prayer."

"Would you like me to stay and pray with you?"

"No, you've been out here long enough. I won't be long."