Yung Lu shook his head. "I agree with Tseng. You are the only person the warlords fear today."

"But you know how I feel."

"Yes, I do. But think of Tung Chih, Your Majesty." I looked at him and nodded.

"Let me go and straighten out the matter for Tung Chih," he said.

"It is not safe for you to go." I became nervous and began to speak fast. "I need your protection here."

Yung Lu explained that he had already made the arrangements and that I would be safe.

I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye.

Without looking at me, he asked for forgiveness and was gone.

4.

It was the spring of 1868 and rain soaked the soil. Blue winter tulips in my garden began to rot. I was thirty-four years old. My nights were filled with the sound of crickets. The smell of incense fluttered over from the Palace Temple, where the senior concubines lived. It was strange that I still didn't know all of them. Visits were purely ceremonial inside the Forbidden City. The ladies spent their days carving gourds, raising silkworms and doing embroidery. Images of children appeared in their needlework, and I continued to receive clothing made for my son by these women.

My husband's younger wives, Lady Mei and Lady Hui, were said to have met with a secret curse. They spoke the words of the dead, and they insisted that their heads had been soaked in the rain throughout the season. To prove their point, they took down their headpieces and showed the eunuchs where water had seeped through to the roots of their hair. Lady Mei was said to be fascinated by images of death. She ordered new bed sheets of white silk and spent her days washing them herself. "I want to be wrapped in these sheets when I die," she said in an operatic voice. She drilled her eunuchs in the practice of wrapping her in the sheets.

I dined alone after the day's audience. I no longer paid attention to the parade of elaborate dishes and ate from the four bowls An-te-hai placed in front of me. They were usually simple greens, bean sprouts, soy chicken and steamed fish. I often took a walk after dinner, but today I went straight to bed. I told An-te-hai to wake me in an hour because I had important work to do.

The moonlight was bright, and I could see the calligraphy of an eleventh-century poem on the wall: How many flurries or squalls can spring stand Before it will have to return to its fount?

One is afraid Spring flowers fade too soon.

They have dropped Petals Impossible to count.

Fragrant gra.s.s stretches As far as the horizon.

Silent spring leaves only fluff behind.

Spider webs catch but Spring itself would not stay.

An image of Yung Lu entered my mind, and I wondered where he was and whether he was safe.

"My lady," came An-te-hai's whisper,"the theater is crowded before the show is even created." Lighting a candle, my eunuch drew near. "Your Majesty's private life has been the talk of teahouses throughout Peking."

I didn't want to let it bother me. "Go away, An-te-hai."

"The rumors expose Yung Lu, my lady."

My heart shuddered, but I couldn't say that I hadn't antic.i.p.ated this.

"My spies say it is your son who stirs up the rumors."

"Nonsense."

The eunuch backed himself toward the door. "Good night, my lady."

"Wait." I sat up. "Are you telling me that my son is the source?"

"It's just a rumor, my lady. Good night."

"Does Prince Kung have a role in it?"

"I don't know. I don't think Prince Kung is behind the rumor, yet he hasn't discouraged it either."

A sudden weakness ran through me.

"An-te-hai, stay awhile, would you?"

"Yes, my lady. I'll stay until you are asleep."

"My son hates me, An-te-hai."

"It is not you he hates. It is me. More than once His Young Majesty swore that he would order my death."

"It doesn't mean anything, An-te-hai. Tung Chih is a child."

"I've told myself that too, my lady. But when I look at him, I know he is serious. I am afraid of him."

"Me too, and I am his mother."

"Tung Chih is no longer a boy, my lady. He has already done manly things."

"Manly things? What do you mean?"

"I can't say another word, my lady."

"Please, An-te-hai, continue."

"I haven't the facts yet."

"Tell me whatever you know."

The eunuch insisted that he be allowed to remain silent until he obtained more information. Without wasting a moment, he left.

All night long I thought about my son. I wondered whether it was Prince Kung who was manipulating Tung Chih in order to get back at me. The word was that after Kung apologized for his behavior, he ended his friendship with Yung Lu. They had split over the case of General Sheng Pao.

I knew Tung Chih was still bewildered and angry over my treatment of his uncle. Prince Kung was the closest thing to a father he had, and he resented that he had been the one to read the condemning edict before his uncle and the entire court. He might have only barely grasped the import of the words he read, but he could not have missed the look of humiliation in his uncle's eyes as they turned away from him. I knew my son blamed me for this and so much else.

Tung Chih was spending more and more time with Kung's son, Tsai-chen. I rejoiced that together they could escape from the pressures of the court in each other's company, however briefly. In my mind I joined them on their rides through the palace gardens and in the royal parks beyond. My spirits lifted when they returned, their faces flushed with color. I sensed a greater independence in my son. But I had begun to wonder whether it was true independence or simply his avoidance of me, his mother, whom he a.s.sociated with the tiresome attendance at audiences, the person who told him to do things he didn't wish to do.

I didn't know how to quell his anger except to leave him alone and hope that it would pa.s.s. Increasingly we saw each other only at audiences, which just deepened my loneliness and made my nights longer. More and more my thoughts returned to the old concubines and widows of the Palace Temple, to wonder if their fate was not more tolerable than my own.

In order to protect me, Yung Lu had removed himself to a distant corner of the empire. I had been the subject of scorn and misunderstanding since the day I gave birth to Tung Chih, so I was used to it. I didn't expect the rumors and nightmares to stop until Tung Chih had gone through the ceremony of officially mounting the throne.

My only true wish was to establish a life of my own, a possibility I feared was slipping away. For the sake of my son's future, I could not remove myself from my duties as a regent. But to stay was to be embroiled in conflicts whose resolutions I could not grasp. I wondered what life was like for Yung Lu on the frontier. I had willed myself to stop fantasizing about us as lovers, but my senses continued to betray me. His absence made the audiences unbearable.

Knowing that I would never be in Yung Lu's arms, I was envious of those whose lips p.r.o.nounced his name. He was the nation's most desirable bachelor, and his every move was observed. I imagined his doorsill being worn down by matchmakers.

To avoid frustration I kept busy and cultivated friendships. I reached out to support General Tseng Kuo-fan in his strategy to thwart the Taiping peasant rebels. In my son's name I congratulated his every victory.

Yesterday I'd granted an audience to a new man of talent, Tseng Kuo-fan's disciple and partner, Li Hung-chang. Li was a tall and handsome Chinese. I had never heard Tseng Kuo-fan praise anyone the way he did Li Hung-chang, calling him "Invincible Li." The moment I detected Li's accent, I asked if he was from Anhwei, my own province. To my delight, he was. Speaking the provincial dialect, he told me he was from Hefei, a short distance from Wuhu, my hometown. In our conversation I learned that he was a self-made man like his mentor, Tseng.

I invited Li Hung-chang to attend a Chinese opera at my theater. My true purpose was to find out more about him. Li was a scholar by background, a soldier-turned-general by trade. A smart businessman, he was already among the richest in the country. He let me know that his new field was diplomacy.

I asked Li what he had done before coming to the Forbidden City. He replied that he was in the middle of building a railway that would someday stretch across China. I promised that I would attend the inauguration of his railroad; in exchange, I asked if he could extend the track all the way to the Forbidden City. He became excited and promised that he would build me a station.

My making friends outside the royal circle disturbed Prince Kung. The gap between us began to widen again. We both knew that our dispute was not about recruiting talented allies-for he desired them as much as I-but about power itself.

I didn't mean to be anyone's rival, certainly not Prince Kung's. As confused and frustrated as I was, I realized that our differences were fundamental and impossible to resolve. I understood Kung's concerns, but I couldn't let him run the country his way.

Prince Kung was no longer the open-minded and big-hearted man that I had first come to know. In the past, he had appointed people for positions based on merit and been among the strongest advocates for embracing the many peoples of China. He promoted not only the Han Chinese but also foreign employees, such as the Englishman Robert Hart, who for years had been in charge of our customs service. But when the Han Chinese filled the majority of the seats at the court, Prince Kung became uneasy and his views changed. My connections with such men as Tseng Kuo-fan and Li Hung-chang only made matters worse.

Prince Kung and I also had differences regarding Tung Chih. I didn't know how Prince Kung raised his children, but I realized-all too well-that Tung Chih was still an immature boy. On the one hand, I wished Prince Kung would be firm so that Tung Chih could benefit from having a father figure. On the other hand, I wanted the prince to stop ridiculing my son in front of the court. "Tung Chih might be weak in character," I said to my brother-in-law, "but he was born to be the Emperor of China."

Prince Kung officially proposed to have the court limit my power. "Crossing the male-female line" was the name of my crime. I was able to quash the move, but it became increasingly difficult to offer posts to non-Manchus. Prince Kung's anti-Han att.i.tude began to have a negative impact.

The Han Chinese ministers understood my hardship and did their best to help, including swallowing insults from their Manchu colleagues. The disrespect I witnessed on a daily basis devastated me.

When Prince Kung insisted in an audience that I hire back the Manchu officers who had failed in their duties, I walked out. "The Manchus are like defective firecrackers that won't pop!" was what people remembered my saying. And now that phrase was being used against my son.

The consequences were mine to bear: I lost my son's affection. "You've made Uncle Prince Kung a victim!" my son yelled.

I prayed to Heaven to make me strong, for I believed in what I was doing. Let Prince Kung be shaken by the fact that he was not able to stop me. I told myself that I had nothing to fear. I had been running the nation without him and would move forward as I must.

5.

My son's era was described as "the Glorious Tung Chih Renaissance," although Tung Chih had done nothing to deserve the praise. General Tseng Kuo-fan was the man who brought the glory. He had been battling the Taiping forces since 1864. By 1868 he had succeeded in wiping out most of the rebels. Since Tseng was my choice, the inner court nicknamed me "the Old Buddha" for being wise.

Grateful to General Tseng, I rewarded him with a promotion. To my surprise, he turned it down.

"It is not that I wouldn't be honored," Tseng explained in his letter to me. "I am more than honored. What I don't want is to be seen by my peers as a symbol of power. I fear that my rise in rank would feed the greed for power in the government. I would like to make every general around me feel comfortable and equal. I want my soldiers to know that I am one of them, fighting for a cause, not for power or prestige."

In my reply I wrote: "As coregents, all Nuharoo and I desire to see is order and peace, and this goal simply cannot be achieved without your being in charge. Until you accept the promotion, we won't be able to rest our conscience."

Tseng Kuo-fan reluctantly complied.

As the senior governor in charge of the provinces of Jiangsu, Jiang-hsi, and Anhwei, Tseng Kuo-fan became the first Han Chinese whose rank was equal to that of Yung Lu and Prince Kung.

Tseng worked tirelessly yet continued to be what others would describe as overcautious. He kept his distance from the throne. His suspicion was a cla.s.sic one. In countless instances over China's long history, even as a powerful general was honored, plans were made for his murder. This was especially so when the ruler feared that the general had surpa.s.sed him in power.

Tung Chih was becoming susceptible to his uncle Prince Kung's negative att.i.tude toward the Han. I begged them both to see things differently and to help me regain the trust of Tseng Kuo-fan. My thinking was that if Tseng were to provide stability, my son would be the one to benefit.

In Tung Chih's name I let Tseng Kuo-fan know that I would protect him. When Tseng revealed his doubts, I tried to rea.s.sure him-I promised that I wouldn't retire until my son showed sufficient maturity to a.s.sume the throne.

I convinced Tseng that it would be safe for him to act as he saw fit. With my encouragement, the general began to plan battles broader and more ambitious in scope. Gathering his forces from the north, he moved steadily south until he established headquarters near Anking, a strategically important city in Anhwei. Tseng Kuo-fan then ordered his brother, Tseng Kuo-quan, to station his army outside the Taiping capital at Nanking.

An-te-hai created a map to help me visualize Tseng's movements. The map looked like a fine painting. An-te-hai put little colored flags over its surface. I saw Tseng dispatch the Manchu general Chou Tsung-tang to the south to encircle the city of Hangchow, in Chekiang province. General Peng Yu-lin was a.s.signed to block the Yangtze River sh.o.r.eline. Li Hung-chang, Tseng Kuo-fan's most trusted man, was given the job of blocking the enemy's escape route near Soochow.

The flags on the map changed daily. Before New Year's Day of 1869, Tseng launched a grand attack, wrapping up the Taipings like a spring roll. To further secure his position, he pulled in forces from north of the Yangtze. For the final enclosure, he worked with Yung Lu, whose soldiers came from behind to cut the Taipings' supply line.

"The encirclement is as tight as a sealed bag," An-te-hai said, sticking out his chest and striking a Tseng-like pose. "Nanking is crumbling!"

I moved the little flags around like chess pieces on a board. It became a pleasure. By Tseng Kuo-fan's moves, I could trace how his mind worked and thrilled at his brilliance.

For days I sat by the map, ate my meals there and kept up with all the battle news. From a recent report I learned that the Taipings had pulled out their last forces from Hangchow. Strategically, this was a fatal mistake. Li Hung-chang soon rounded up the remnants of the army at Soochow. Li's counterpart General Chou Tsung-tang moved in and took Hangchow. The rebels lost their base. With all the Imperial forces in place, Tseng Kuo-fan charged.

Tung Chih cheered and Nuharoo and I wept when the report of the final victory reached the Forbidden City. We climbed into our palanquins and went to the Heavenly Altar to comfort Hsien Feng's spirit.

Once again in Tung Chih's name I issued a decree honoring Tseng Kuo-fan and his fellow generals. A few days later I received a detailed report from Tseng confirming the victory. Then Yung Lu returned to the capital. In our usual quiet manner we shared our excitement. As my ladies in waiting and An-te-hai looked on, Yung Lu informed me of his own role in the battles and praised General Tseng's leadership. Expressing concern, he told me that Tseng had recently lost most of his sight following a serious eye infection. Delays in treatment had worsened the condition.

I summoned Tseng Kuo-fan for a private audience as soon as he had returned to Peking.

In his flowing silk robe and peac.o.c.k tail hat the Chinese general threw himself at my feet. His forehead remained down to express his grat.i.tude. As he waited for me to utter "rise," I myself rose and bowed in his direction. I ignored etiquette; it seemed the proper thing to do.

"Let me take a good look at you, Tseng Kuo-fan," I said with tears in my eyes. "I am so glad you returned safely."