It is there like a tree, rooted in his being, branching be-
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hind his eyes, all bud, blossom, sap and color, but no leaves, no fruit. He can feel it swaying within him, puls- ing, breathing; from the tips of his toes to the roots of his hair he feels it. But it does not bend to his will, it does not branch within his consciousness, furl there it leaves, spread the aromas of life.
He parks in the hospital lot, enters the lobby, avoids the front desk, finds a chair beside a table filled with magazines.
Two hours later he meets her.
He is hiding behind a copy of Holiday and looking for her.
/ am here.
Again, then! Quickly! The power! Help me to rouse it!
She does this thing.
Within his mind, she conjures the power. There is a movement, a pause, a movement, a pause. Reflectively, as though suddenly remembering an intricate dance step, it stirs within him, the power.
As in a surfacing bathyscaphe, there is a rush of distor- tions, then a clear, moist view without.
She is a child who has helped him.
A mind-twisted, fevered child, dying ...
He reads it all when he turns the power upon her.
Her name is Dorothy and she is delirious. The power came upon her at the height of her illness, perhaps be- cause of it.
Has she helped a man come alive again, or dreamed that she helped him? she wonders.
She is thirteen years old and her parents sit beside her bed. In the mind of her mother a word rolls over and over, senselessly, blocking all other thoughts, though it cannot keep away the feelings:
Methotrexate, methotrexate, metholrexate, meth . . .
In Dorothy's thirteen-year-old breastbone there are needles of pain. The fevers swirl within her, and she is all but gone to him.
She is dying of leukemia. The final stages are already arrived. He can taste the blood in her mouth.
^ Helpless within his power, he projects:
^ You have given me the end of your life and your final strength. I did not know this. I would not have asked it of you if I had.
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Thank you, she says, for the pictures inside you.
Pictures?
Places, things I saw ...
There is not much inside me worth showing. You could have been elsewhere, seeing better.
I am going again . . .
Wait!
He calls upon the power that lives within him now, fused with his will and his sense, his thoughts, memories, feel- ings. In one great blaze of life, he shows her Milt Rand.
Here is everything I have, all I have ever been that might please. Here is swarming through a foggy night, blinking on and off. Here is lying beneath a bush as the rains of summer fall about you, drip from the leaves upon your fox-soft fur. Here is the moon-dance of the deer, the dream drift of the trout beneath the dark swell, blood cold as the waters about you.
Here is Tatya dancing and Walker preaching; here is my cousin Gary, as he whittles, contriving a ball within a box, all out of one piece of wood. This is my New York and my Paris. This, my favorite meal, drink, cigar, res- taurant, park, road to drive on late at night; this is where I dug tunnels, built a lean-to, went swimming; this, my first kiss; these are the tears of loss; this is exile and alone, and recovery, awe, joy; these, my grandmother's daffodils: this her coffin, daffodils about it; these are the colors of the music I love, and this is my dog who lived long and was good. See all the things that heat the spirit, cool within the mind, are encased in memory and one's self. I give them to you, who have no time to know them.
He sees himself standing on the far hills of her mind.
She laughs aloud then, and in her room somewhere high away a hand is laid upon her and her wrist is taken be- tween fingers and thumb as she rushes toward him sud- denly grown large. His great black wings sweep forward to fold her wordless spasm of life, then are empty.
Milt Rand stiffens within his power, puts aside a copy of Holiday and stands, to leave the hospital, full and empty, empty, full, like himself, now, behind.
Such is the power of the power.
AUTO-DA-F6.
Returning home late one night, I was almost hit by a speeding car which crashed a red light three blocks from my apartment in Baltimore. By the time I reached home, I had this entire story in mind and I finished writing it before I turned out the lights. I sold it to Harlan Ellison for Dangerous Visions. I'm very fond of it.
Still do I remember the hot sun upon the sands of the Plaza de Autos, the cries of the soft-drink hawkers, the tiers of humanity stacked across from me on the sunny side of the arena, sunglasses like cavities in their gleam- ing faces.
Still do I remember the smells and the colors: the reds and the blues and the yellows, the ever present tang of petroleum fumes upon the air.
Still do I remember that day, that day with its sun in the middle of the sky and the sign of Aries, burning in the blooming of the year. I recall-the mincing steps of the pumpers, heads thrown back, arms waving, the white dazzles of their teeth framed with smiling lips, cloths like colorful tails protruding from the rear pockets of their coveralls; and the homs-I remember the blare of a thousand horns over the loudspeakers, on and off, off and on, over and over, and again, and then one shimmering, final note, sustained, to break the ear and the heart with its infinite power, its pathos.
Then there was silence,
I see it now as I did on that day so long ago. . . .
He entered the arena, and the cry that went up shook blue heaven upon its pillars of white marble.
"Viva! El mechador! Viva! El mechador!"
I remember his face, dark and sad and wise.
Long of jaw and nose was he, and his laughter was as the roaring of the wind, and his movements were as the music of the theramin and the drum. His coveralls were blue and silk and tight and stitched with thread of gold and broidered all about with black braid. His jacket was
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beaded and there were flashing scales upon his breast, his shoulders, his back,
His lips curled into the smile of a man who has known much glory and has hold upon the power that will bring him into more.
He moved, turning in a circle, not shielding bis eyes against the sun.
He was above the sun. He was Manolo Stillete DOS Muertos, the mightiest mechador the world has ever seen, black boots upon bis feet, pistons in his thighs, fingers with the discretion of micrometers, halo of dark locks about his head and the angel of death in his right arm, there, in the center of the grease-stained circle of truth.
He waved, and a cry went up once more.
"Manolo! Manolo! DOS Muertos! DOS Muertos!"
After two years' absence from the ring, he had chosen this, the anniversary of his death and retirement to return-for there was gasoline and methyl in his blood and his heart was a burnished pump ringed 'bout with desire and courage. He had died twice within the ring, and twice had the medics restored him. After his second death, he had retired, and some said that it was because he had known fear. This could not be true.
He waved his hand and his name rolled back upon him.
The homs sounded once more: three long blasts.
Then again there was silence, and a pumper wearing red and yellow brought him the cape, removed his jacket.