"I could perform therapy and at the same time ex- perience genuine visual impressions."

"No," said Render.

"You don't know what it's like to be cut off from a whole area of stimuli! To know that a Mongoloid idiot can experience something you can never know-and that he cannot appreciate it because, like you, he was con- demned before birth in a court of biological hapstance, - in a place where there is no justice-only fortuity, pure and simple."

"The universe did not invent justice. Man did. Un- fortunately, man must reside in the universe."

"I'm not asking the universe to help me-I'm asking you.'*

"I'm sorry," said Render.

"Why won't you help me?"

"At this moment you are demonstrating my main rea- son."

"Which is .. .T

"Emotion. This thing means far too much to you. When the therapist is in-phase with a patient he is narco- electrically removed from most of his own bodily sensa- tions. This is necessary-because his mind must be completely absorbed by the task at hand. It is also nec- essary that his emotions undergo a similar suspension.

This, of course, is impossible in the one sense that a per- son always emotes to some degree. But the therapist's emotions are sublimated into a generalized feeling of exhilaration-or, as in my own case, into an artistic re- verie. With you, however, the 'seeing' would be too much.

You would be in constant danger of losing control of the dream."

"I disagree with you."

"Of course you do. But the fact remains that you would be dealing, and dealing constantly, with me abnormal.

44 THE LAST DEFHNDER OF CAMELOT.

The power of a neurosis is unimaginable to ninety-nine point etcetera percent of the population, because we can never adequately judge the intensity of our own-let alone those of others, when we only see them from the outside. That is why no neuroparticipant will ever under- take to treat a full-blown psychotic. The few pioneers in that area are all themselves in therapy today. It would be like diving into a maelstrom. If the therapist loses the upper hand in an intense session, he becomes the Shaped rather than the Shaper. The synapses respond like a fis- sion reaction when nervous impulses are artificially aug- mented. The transference effect is almost instantaneous.

"I did an awful lot of skiing five years ago. This is be- cause I was a claustrophobe. I had to run and it took me six months to beat the thing-all because of one tiny lapse that occurred in a measureless fraction of an instant.

I had to refer the patient to another therapist. And this was only a *minor repercussion. -If you were to go ga- ga over the scenery, girl, you could wind up in a rest home for life."

She finished her drink and Render refilled the glass.

The night raced by. They had left the city far behind them, and the road was open and clear. The darkness eased more and more of itself between the falling flakes.

The Spinner picked up speed.

"AH right," she admitted, "maybe you're right. Still, though, I think you can help me."

"How?" he asked.

"Accustom me to seeing, so that the images will lose their novelty, the emotions wear off. Accept me as a pa- tient and rid me of my sight-anxiety. Then what you have said so far will cease to apply. I will be able to undertake the training then, and give my full attention to therapy.

I'll be able to sublimate the sight-pleasure into something else."

Render wondered.

Perhaps it could be done. It would be a difficult under- taking, though.

It might also make therapeutic history.

No one was really qualified to try it, because no one had ever tried it before.

But Eileen Shallot was a rarity-no, a unique item- for it was likely she was the only person in the world who

45.

combined the necessary technical background with the unique problem.

He drained his glass, refilled it, refilled hers.

He was still considering the problem as the "RECO- ORDINATE" light came on and the car pulled into a cutoff and stood there. He switched off the buzzer and sat there for a long while, thinking.

It was not often that other persons heard him acknowl- edge his feelings regarding his skill. His colleagues con- sidered him modest. Offhand, though, it might be noted that he was aware that the day a better neuroparticipant began practicing would be the day that a troubled homo sapien was to be treated by something but immeasurably less than angels.

Two drinks remained. Then he tossed the emptied bot- tle into the backbin.

"You know something?" he finally said.

**What?"

*1t might be worth a try."

He swiveled about then and leaned forward to reco- ordinate, but she was there first. As he pressed the buttons and the S-7 swung around, she kissed him. Below her dark glasses her cheeks were moist.

The suicide bothered him more than it should have, and Mrs. Lambert had called the day before to cancel her appointment. So Render decided to spend the morning being pensive. Accordingly, he entered the office wearing a cigar and a frown.

"Did you see ... ?" asked Mrs. Hedges.

"Yes." He pitched his coat onto the table that stood in the far corner of the room. He crossed to the window, stared down. "Yes," he repeated, "I was driving by with my windows clear. They were still cleaning up when I passed."

"Did you know him?"

"I don't even know the name yet. How could I?"

"Priss Tully just called me-she's a receptionist for that engineering outfit up on the eighty-sixth. She says it was James Irizarry, an ad designer who had offices down the hall from them- That's a long way to fall. He must have been unconscious when he hit, huh? He bounced off

46 .

the building. If you open the window and lean out you can see-off to the left there-where..."

"Never mind, Bennie. -Your friend have any idea why he did it?"

"Not really. His secretary came running up the hall, screaming. Seems she went in his office to see him about some drawings, just as he was getting up over the sill.

There was a note on his board. 'I've had everything I wanted,' it said. 'Why wait around?' Sort of funny, huh?

I don't mean funny. . . ."

"Yeah. -Know anything about his personal affairs?"

"Married. Coupla kids. Good professional rep. Lots of business. Sober as anybody. -He could afford an office in this building."