I saw Marshall only in pa.s.sing over the next few days, but each time he saw me, he nodded, smiled, and greeted me by name. I was flattered by the attention from this sophisticated young man.

"Marshall drinkin' all the time," Mama said at supper that evening.

"I tell him not to ride out when he drinkin' like that," Papa agreed, "but he go just the same, every day."

"Where he go?" Mama asked.

"Folks over at the other place say he find Rankin again... maybe Rankin find him, I don't know," Papa said. "It good that boy leavin' again in a few days."

"What gonna happen when the cap'n gone?" f.a.n.n.y asked. "Will Marshall come back here to run this place? He be the masta then?"

Belle answered quickly. "The cap'n's gonna be just fine, f.a.n.n.y! Every day he's getting stronger."

"Belle, you know he sick. You best talk to him about gettin' those free papers of yours," Papa George said to Belle.

"I will, Papa," Belle said. "I'll get the papers, but I don't want him to get started up again about sending me off."

"You tell him you need those papers," Papa said firmly.

"I will. I will," Belle answered, her irritation clear.

THE S SUNDAY OF THE ANTIc.i.p.aTED sacrament service finally came, and the twins and I could barely contain our excitement. I had worked with Belle to prepare the feast we took with us for the communal picnic at the church grounds. We packed baskets of fresh biscuits and corn bread, pickled cuc.u.mbers and peach preserves, and my favorite, a pound cake with thick strawberry jam for topping. sacrament service finally came, and the twins and I could barely contain our excitement. I had worked with Belle to prepare the feast we took with us for the communal picnic at the church grounds. We packed baskets of fresh biscuits and corn bread, pickled cuc.u.mbers and peach preserves, and my favorite, a pound cake with thick strawberry jam for topping.

Beside myself with excitement, I begged Belle to come along and bring Sukey. "Ben and Lucy are coming," I said as encouragement.

"Mama needs me to do the cooking for the big house," Belle said, "and I don't think I'm wanting to pray all day anyway."

She waved good-bye in the early-morning light. She had rushed to help us get underway and hadn't taken the time to attend to her hair. Her thick braid hung down, and when she raised her arm to wave us off, her shift dropped to expose a corner of her smooth tanned shoulder. She pulled it back quickly and blushed with embarra.s.sment. I did not miss the admiring look Will Stephens gave her, and because of it, I was happy that she could not come.

I waved good-bye to her but felt a strange sense of foreboding when I looked up toward the big house to see Marshall at a bedroom window, watching as our wagon rumbled away.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Belle

I WAS IN THE KITCHEN BY WAS IN THE KITCHEN BY myself, sweeping, and I don't hear nothing until I got a knife at my neck and Rankin in my ear, telling me if I make a noise, that knife's going in. Then Marshall, drunk like Rankin, comes at me. I start kicking, but Rankin twists my arm and punches my stomach. I start screaming, but Rankin takes off my head rag and stuffs it in my mouth. It's hard to breathe and I'm choking on blood, but when I see what Marshall's gonna do next, I go wild. Then Rankin hits me and I go down. All the time Marshall's working on me, he's talking, but I don't hear what he's saying. Rankin is talking, too, but all I know is, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. When it's all over, when Marshall's b.u.t.tonin' up, Rankin moves that knife real slow across my chest, watching my face. "You want me to cut these off," he says, "keep 'em for myself?" My head flies back and forth, back and forth. I can't stop it. myself, sweeping, and I don't hear nothing until I got a knife at my neck and Rankin in my ear, telling me if I make a noise, that knife's going in. Then Marshall, drunk like Rankin, comes at me. I start kicking, but Rankin twists my arm and punches my stomach. I start screaming, but Rankin takes off my head rag and stuffs it in my mouth. It's hard to breathe and I'm choking on blood, but when I see what Marshall's gonna do next, I go wild. Then Rankin hits me and I go down. All the time Marshall's working on me, he's talking, but I don't hear what he's saying. Rankin is talking, too, but all I know is, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. When it's all over, when Marshall's b.u.t.tonin' up, Rankin moves that knife real slow across my chest, watching my face. "You want me to cut these off," he says, "keep 'em for myself?" My head flies back and forth, back and forth. I can't stop it.

He says I tell anybody about this, he'll come back and cut 'em off, then he's gonna kill anybody I talk to. "Just like this," he says. He puts that knife up over me, then brings it down fast, right into the floor. Everything in me goes soft.

They go, and I pull myself to a corner and stay put, just trying to breathe. I keep choking. I don't even know to take my head rag out of my mouth. When Uncle Jacob finds me, he tells me to hang on, he's going for Mama.

"Who do this?" Mama asks, but I don't say nothing. Mama cleans me up and gives me some peach liquor. Then she asks me again, "Belle, who do this?" I'm sure those two are listening, so I don't say nothing. I know Rankin will do what he says. "Papa say Rankin and Marshall drinkin' and up to no good. Was they here?"

Mama asks. I put my hand over her mouth, quick, to stop her. Mama pulls back, looks at me. Then she says that she's gonna go up and tell the cap'n, and that's when I start crying, "No, Mama, no." I hang on to her like she's gonna leave me. "No, Mama, no. Don't tell n.o.body!" Mama asks. I put my hand over her mouth, quick, to stop her. Mama pulls back, looks at me. Then she says that she's gonna go up and tell the cap'n, and that's when I start crying, "No, Mama, no." I hang on to her like she's gonna leave me. "No, Mama, no. Don't tell n.o.body!"

"Hush, chil', I don't do nothin' you don't want me to do." She gives me another drink to stop my shaking.

I say, "Don't tell n.o.body about this, Mama, please don't tell n.o.body!"

Mama say, "That's all right. I do just like you say, Belle."

I drink some more, and the last thing I know is Mama's taking me up to bed.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Lavinia

IT HAD BEEN A WONDERFULLY long and enriching day. Driving home, we continued to sing hymns, repeating the songs sung earlier at the service. Lucy had surprised us all. She was a large dark woman, not given to talk, but G.o.d had blessed her with a singing voice that caused others to stop and listen. We pleaded on the ride back until we convinced her to sing a solo. Splendor radiated as she sang, and it touched everyone in the wagon. long and enriching day. Driving home, we continued to sing hymns, repeating the songs sung earlier at the service. Lucy had surprised us all. She was a large dark woman, not given to talk, but G.o.d had blessed her with a singing voice that caused others to stop and listen. We pleaded on the ride back until we convinced her to sing a solo. Splendor radiated as she sang, and it touched everyone in the wagon.

At our first stop in the quarters, Ida and the other women climbed down from the wagon, and Ben hopped up to sit proudly next to Lucy. Will flicked the reins, and the horses walked on, stopping next at the kitchen house before their final stop at the barns. When the twins and I jumped off, we were surprised to see Papa seated on the rough pine bench outside the kitchen. He rose at our arrival and came to meet us. My eyes were accustomed to the night light, and I saw the worry on his face.

"Everythin' all right," he tried to rea.s.sure us, "everythin' all right."

"Papa?" Ben leaped from the wagon.

"Belle have some problems, but she gonna be all right," Papa said.

Will came down to join the men. "What happened here, George?"

Papa led the men a short distance away from the wagon before he spoke to them in a low voice. Their response to his quiet information was mutual; they gasped and turned their heads away from Papa. Ben faced the big house, and from the profile of the unscarred side of his face, I had never seen him look so angry.

When he began to walk toward the kitchen door, Papa held him back. When he began to walk toward the kitchen door, Papa held him back.

"You take Lucy home," Papa said. "She don't need trouble, with her baby comin'."

As if on cue, Lucy came to stand beside Ben and tried to take his hand. He shook her off. "Get back on that wagon!" he said, then turned away, angrier still.

Lucy didn't get back on the wagon. Instead, she walked off alone in the dark, heading toward her home down by the barns. Papa gave Ben a strong look until Ben followed after his wife. After Will left with the horses and wagon, Papa sent Beattie and f.a.n.n.y up to the big house, where they were told they would spend the night together in the blue room. Mama was up there with Sukey, waiting for them. They left together, walking hand in hand in the dark, and I was left alone with Papa. He looked down at me as though uncertain what to say.

"Papa, where's Belle?" I could scarcely speak from fear.

"Mama comin' soon," he answered.

"Papa," I said, hardly daring to ask, "is Belle dead?"

"No, chil'," Papa said. He led me to sit on a bench and seated himself next to me. "Belle gonna be all right." He looked off when he spoke. "Belle have a bad day, that's all."

"What happened, Papa?"

"Some men show up. They drinkin' and they hit on Belle."

"Where was Mama?" I asked in alarm.

Papa breathed in deeply. "She and Sukey was up with Miss Martha."

"Who were the men?"

"Belle don't want n.o.body talking 'bout this," Papa said.

"But I want to know what happened," I said.

"She don't even want the cap'n to know," Papa said.

"Why, Papa?" I asked angrily. "Why won't she tell the captain?"

"Belle afraid that she get sent away," Papa said flatly.

When Mama came, she took Sukey and me up to bed, cautioning us to be quiet. Belle was already asleep in our dark room, and soon after Mama left, Sukey fell asleep. I stared into the night for a long while, too afraid to go to Belle, too afraid to go to sleep. cautioning us to be quiet. Belle was already asleep in our dark room, and soon after Mama left, Sukey fell asleep. I stared into the night for a long while, too afraid to go to Belle, too afraid to go to sleep.

THE SUN WAS ALREADY UP when I woke the next morning to feel Sukey's fingers gently outlining my face. I pretended sleep while she touched my eyes, then traced my eyebrows, tickling me. I smiled in spite of myself, then startled her by grabbing her hand. She fell against me laughing, and I hugged her to me, breathing in her delicious baby scent. when I woke the next morning to feel Sukey's fingers gently outlining my face. I pretended sleep while she touched my eyes, then traced my eyebrows, tickling me. I smiled in spite of myself, then startled her by grabbing her hand. She fell against me laughing, and I hugged her to me, breathing in her delicious baby scent.

When I heard the kitchen sounds of pots and pans, I remembered the night before and quickly lifted up on my elbow to check on Belle. Her bed was empty and I was relieved to know she was downstairs preparing a morning meal. I stopped my play with Sukey and rose to pull my long brown skirt over my night shift, then told Sukey to wait until I came back.

"Belle," I called, leaning down, midway on the stairs. Unbeknownst to me, Sukey had followed and grabbed my skirt in play. Belle was working at the fireplace, and when I called, I startled her and she swung around. I cried out her name again when I saw her battered face. On seeing my horror, she tried a smile in an effort to soften the shock. It must have hurt her, for she grimaced and held her hand to her swollen mouth. I don't know when I first noticed her skirts in the embers, but when I saw they were smoldering, such was my alarm that I could not speak. Instead, I ran down the stairs, intending to pull her away from the fireplace. Unwittingly, as I ran, I pulled Sukey, who, with a cry, tumbled down the stairs. When Sukey began to scream, I froze, unsure which beloved to help first. I turned back to Sukey for a moment, then saw Belle rush past me to the child, unaware that the back of her skirt had begun to flame.

In shock, I was unable to move. To our good fortune, Will Stephens appeared. Within moments he pulled Sukey from Belle's arms and thrust the screaming child at me. He pushed Belle to the floor, stomped on her skirts, and called for me to bring the water bucket. I sat the shrieking Sukey on a chair and ran for the bucket of drinking water. Will pulled it from me and threw the water on Belle to douse her skirts. She gasped when the cold water hit her legs. floor, stomped on her skirts, and called for me to bring the water bucket. I sat the shrieking Sukey on a chair and ran for the bucket of drinking water. Will pulled it from me and threw the water on Belle to douse her skirts. She gasped when the cold water hit her legs.

"No more," she cried, "no more." She rocked her head back and forth, and although her eyes were wide open, she wasn't seeing us.

Will sat beside her on the dirt floor and placed her head against his shoulder. "It's all right, Belle," he said, "it's over. Your skirts were on fire, and we put it out. It's all right."

Sukey continued to screech as I ran with her to get Mama.

BY THE TIME B BEN AND Lucy's baby, Junior, was born, Belle, though appearing to have recovered from her physical trauma, remained moody and withdrawn. Curiously, there was no explanation. From adult whisperings, f.a.n.n.y, Beattie, and I tried to piece together what little information we could, but later that fall, when Belle's stomach began to swell, we did not a.s.sociate the event with Belle's pregnancy. Lucy's baby, Junior, was born, Belle, though appearing to have recovered from her physical trauma, remained moody and withdrawn. Curiously, there was no explanation. From adult whisperings, f.a.n.n.y, Beattie, and I tried to piece together what little information we could, but later that fall, when Belle's stomach began to swell, we did not a.s.sociate the event with Belle's pregnancy.

When we were told she was to have a baby, all three of us guessed Will was the father, as he had become a frequent visitor to the kitchen. I watched jealously at the concern he showed for Belle. I saw no physical contact between them, but in my young heart, I was convinced they were lovers.

One day, unable to hold back, I asked Belle to name the father of her child.

"You know we don't talk about this," she said coldly.

I didn't respond, but after her refusal, I became increasingly petulant. When, later that month, my body made the transition to womanhood, I went to Mama Mae to have her teach me self-care during my monthly time. After the instructions, Mama sat me down in her small house. "Why you so mad with Belle?" she asked.

I shrugged.

"I hear you talkin' to her in ways that not right," she continued.

I hung my head.

"Womans gets the bad feelin's sometimes, and they don't know why. It all right if you don't know why you so mad with Belle, but I thinkin' it have somethin' to do with Belle havin' a baby."

I stayed silent.

"Belle have no say about this baby. It for us to help her now. She needin' you, just like Sukey needin' you." Mama pulled me to her and stroked my back. "I know you a good girl, Abinia. That day you come here be a good day for us. Now you like Belle's own chil'. That never change. But you growin' up and this be a time she needin' you." She reached down for my face and held it up. "Belle needin' every one of us," she said, looking into my eyes. "We her family, and we gonna help her. You part of this family?"

I yanked away and turned my back to her.

"Abinia?" she said with disappointment. "You not with this family?"

"I don't know!" I said, stomping my foot. "I don't know! Mostly it seems like I'm part of this family, but in church I have to go up front and sit with the white people. I want to sit with the twins, and they can't come up with me, and I can't go back by them. You aren't my real mama, and Belle isn't, either. Where will I go when I grow up? And I don't want to live in a big house, either!" I began to cry, and Mama waited awhile before she spoke.

"Abinia," she said, " if you and Beattie and f.a.n.n.y was playin' in the stream and it got deep like after the big rain and you all needin' help, don't you think I there to help you out, just like I do the twins?"

I thought about that for a moment. "But which one of us would you pull out first?" I asked, turning to face her.

"Whoever go by me first," Mama said quickly. We stared at each other, then laughed aloud at her honest answer. "Abinia," she said, "this I know. What the color is, who the daddy be, who the mama is don't mean nothin'. We a family, carin' for each other. Family make us strong in times of trouble. We all stick together, help each other out. That the real meanin' of family. When you grow up, you take that family feelin' with you."

"But I don't want to go away-" I started.

Mama interrupted. "Why you thinkin' about leavin' now? That some long time away. You look at today, chil'. You say, 'Thank you, Lawd, for everythin' you gives me today.' Then you worries about the next day when the next day come."

I sighed in relief.

"So, Abinia," Mama asked again, "you part of this family?"

I nodded.

She smiled at me. "Good. Then we best get back to work, 'cause we a workin' family." She rose to her feet, and I, feeling like a woman, followed her out the door and into the bright sunlight.

THROUGH THAT FALL AND WINTER Belle grew heavy and awkward. Remembering Mama's words, I tried to help her whenever she would allow. She remained temperamental, but we were close again, although neither of us spoke of the baby she was carrying. f.a.n.n.y told Beattie and me that when the captain finally noticed Belle's condition, he became furious and demanded to know who the father was. Belle refused to discuss the subject and told him that she would not visit him if he were to ask again. He became enraged and told her to stay away. And so she did. Belle grew heavy and awkward. Remembering Mama's words, I tried to help her whenever she would allow. She remained temperamental, but we were close again, although neither of us spoke of the baby she was carrying. f.a.n.n.y told Beattie and me that when the captain finally noticed Belle's condition, he became furious and demanded to know who the father was. Belle refused to discuss the subject and told him that she would not visit him if he were to ask again. He became enraged and told her to stay away. And so she did.

I WAS IN THE KITCHEN WAS IN THE KITCHEN house with Belle and Mama on a cold February night when Belle's baby was born. The twins were up at the big house, and Papa came for Sukey when Belle's labor pains began in earnest. I wanted to go with Papa, but Belle clung to my hand and asked me not to leave. I looked at Mama, hoping she might send me off with Sukey. house with Belle and Mama on a cold February night when Belle's baby was born. The twins were up at the big house, and Papa came for Sukey when Belle's labor pains began in earnest. I wanted to go with Papa, but Belle clung to my hand and asked me not to leave. I looked at Mama, hoping she might send me off with Sukey.

"Abinia gonna stay." Mama set me with her eyes. "Abinia can almost do this by herself," she rea.s.sured Belle. "You remember how she help me when Campbell come."

This time I was older and more prepared for childbirth, but I felt sick with relief when Belle finally delivered herself of the child. Mama had me cut the purple cord, and after she cleaned and wrapped the child, she handed the baby to me. "Give him to Belle," she instructed.

I stared at the baby.