A Bare Story

n.o.body loves a man that's bald, I've often heard it said; But why does Love, then, laugh at locks?-- It makes me scratch my head.

A Truth

A simple truth I give to you To always recollect; There is one thing--and that's Friendship-- Will not thrive on neglect.

Hooverize

An order of Hoover's I think is quite good; "Don't feed your dear husband-- But husband your food."

Fine

"It must be fine," the Sweet Thing cried, "To write a poem like his'n."

"It should be fine," the man replied, "Plus thirty days in prison."

Fugax, Sequax; Sequax, Fugax

Maids, they say, like shadows are: (I wonder if it's true).

Follow, and they run away; Retreat, they follow you!

A Betrayal of Irish Ancestry

If you ask my wish sincerest, I will quickly make reply: May you live--yes, live _forever_-- And be happy till you die.

Exit Cooky

Our queasy queen of the cuisine A queer, querulous creature has long been; In her quite quiet way she quickly quit on Sunday-- Quid est? Quid nunc? Why--quondam!

The Limit

Prissy, persnickety people there be, Fastidious, finical ones, we see; But the fussiest man in town by far, Is he who washes his little Ford car.

Safety First

PROPINQUITY plus PROXIMITY, plus A little ENCOURAGEMENT, dear, And havoc you'd play With my heart. I'm away To the umbrageous dingles, through fear.

Unbearable

Three things my nature cannot stand-- I'll name them, if you please: TEMPTATION and ENCOURAGEMENT; NEGLECT's the worst of these.

Wrong Prescription

Tell me, please, sir, Mr. Captain-- It's advice I'm lookin' fer-- Is it true carbolic acid Is good for cooties, sir?

Are you serious, poor rookie, Or are you making fun?

What you mention isn't _good_ at all-- It _kills_ 'em every one.

Seeing Double

"Look twice before you leap, son,"

My mother oft told me.

Each time I take a second look, A second girl I see.