It's paradox imbecile, not pair of ducks. For someone who thinks they are smart you are not very smart. My intellect is far superior to yours so it would be simple for me to stay one step ahead of you. Just as I always do. I'd just go back and stab you before you were born or go back to 1998 and register the name google and use some of my billions to pay for a hit on you.

From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Friday 17 September 2010 7:22 p.m. Friday 17 September 2010 7:22 p.m.

To: Scott Redmond Scott Redmond Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fake Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fake

Dear Scott,

As no man is an island, regardless of size, it is hardly surprising that the weight of your obsession would require hiring professional help. But your attempt to purchase the Google name would prove unsuccessful, since I would travel back to 1988 and invent the Internet, adding a clause that Benny Hill look-a-likes with pathological disorders stemming from issues with self-confidence and self-esteem, are not allowed to use it.

This would not only foil your plan to own Google but also save people the misfortune of clicking on your blog when googling the word "beige." Although encouragement, rather than reprimand, may be the key to persuading a slow child to stop defecating in the bath, there eventually comes a time when you just pull the plug and slap him.

Regards, David From: Scott Redmond Scott Redmond Date: Friday 17 September 2010 8:36 p.m. Friday 17 September 2010 8:36 p.m.

To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fake Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fake

My website isnt beige imbecile. Its a color I invented called Priceless Coral. It looks a lot better than your artsy-fartsy nonsense and is a lot better designed. Learn from someone that knows what they're doing on the internets. Good design is about readability and great content. I'm not interested in continuing this converstation when I have already proven my point so you can f.u.c.k off now.

From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Wednesday 13 February 2019 12:03 Wednesday 13 February 2019 12:03 To: Scott Redmond Scott Redmond Subject: Message from the future Message from the future

Dear Scott,

This is David from the future and I am sending you good news. Due to changes in media-based stereotypes, spherical is now considered the ideal body type and Pogs is an Olympic sport. Also, priceless coral is the new black.

Regards, David

From: Scott Redmond Scott Redmond Date: Friday 17 September 2010 9:12 p.m. Friday 17 September 2010 9:12 p.m.

To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: Re: Message from the future Re: Message from the future

I said f.u.c.k off imbecile. Don't contact me again and if you post any of my e-mails you will have a legal suite.

From: Scott Redmond Scott Redmond Date: Thursday 16 September 2010 8:02 p.m. Thursday 16 September 2010 8:02 p.m.

To: Scott Redmond Scott Redmond Subject: Proof that David's stuff is fake Proof that David's stuff is fake

Dear Scott,

This is Scott from the past, and I am sending you good news. It seems David has let the ball slip. His last article about george from West Virginia calling him a foggot is obviously fake because he is in Australia which is 13 hours and 30 minutes ahead of West Virginia. Seeing as he would use his local time in his e-mails, this would mean George would be awake and writing e-mails at 5:21 a.m., 8:38 a.m., 11:48 p.m., and 1:32 a.m. unless he too has a time machine. You should e-mail him this fact.

Also, you are awesome and girls think you are hot.

Scott

h.e.l.lo, my name is John, and I ride a bicycle My bicycle has a t.i.tanium composite alloy such as NASA uses on the s.p.a.ce shuttle, and it has Shimano gears, which are the best. People often say to me, "That's a nice bicycle, John," and I reply, "Yes, it is made out of a t.i.tanium composite alloy such as NASA uses on the s.p.a.ce shuttle, and it has Shimano gears, which are the best."

Every day, I ride my bicycle to the local cafe to meet other people who ride bicycles, and we drink coffee and talk about bicycles.

Riding a bicycle has many advantages. As you do not have to register bicycles or obey any road rules, I am currently constructing a four-person family bicycle that consists of two bicycles welded together with four armchairs in between. Due to the extra weight, I have added an engine and am devising a roof, doors, and storage area at the back, allowing us to ride in all weather conditions and take it shopping.

Correct bicycling speed and position.

Sometimes when I am riding my bicycle I feel like I am the only person on the road. If I have my earphones in and the iPod turned up really loud, I cannot hear the car horns and people yelling, "Get off the f.u.c.king road!" Little compares to the exhilaration of listening to Queen's "Bicycle" while riding in the center of a lane at half the speed limit with several hundred cars banked up behind me during peak hour traffic. Riding a bicycle is also an excellent way to quickly go downhill.

I am often asked why my Spandex bicycle riding costume features eight hundred and thirty corporate sponsorship logos even though I do not actually have a sponsor. The reason for this is simple. For every thirty male bicycle riders, there is one female bicycle rider and, as in nature, where the most adorned peac.o.c.k gets the peahen, the male bicycle rider with the most brightly colored Spandex and most corporate sponsorship logos gets to mate with her.

Road safety is an important component, and basic precaution needs to be undertaken. Once when I was riding my bicycle at great speed, I developed speed wobble and was thrown, rolling several times and sliding several meters, toward a busy intersection. I was lucky enough not to enter the flow of traffic thanks only to friction. As bicycles do not come with safety airbags, I now carry an inflatable raft and pump with me at all times. A lot of people choose not to ride a bicycle because they are too embarra.s.sed to wear a crash helmet, but by painting the helmet light brown, it can easily be disguised as a large mushroom.

Things that are almost as good as riding my bicycle: 1. Looking at my bicycle 1. Looking at my bicycle2. Talking about my bicycle3. Watching television programs that feature people riding bicycles4. Cheese

h.e.l.lo, my name is Josh, and I live in New Zealand New Zealand is the most beautiful country in the whole world, and one day I will be king of it, because my mum says that people with red hair are descended from royalty.

I live in Wellington, the capital of New Zealand. It is the best village in the whole world and a thriving metropolis with seventy-four residents. When I grow up I want to drive the village car. My plan is to drive to the neighboring village in the middle of the night and steal their fire. The residents of Wellington will probably build a mud statue in my honor like they did for my uncle Robert when he caught a pig.

Every day I play the national sport of "throw a stick," where you throw a stick. It is so much fun, and often I will spend the entire day throwing a stick. Each night when I climb into bed, I practice by throwing twigs across the room in preparation for the next day's game of throw a stick. When I am not playing throw a stick, I play a game called "Find where the stick went."

My auntie, who is also my second cousin and the village prost.i.tute, pays me two sh.e.l.ls, the New Zealand currency, to sit on her porch and watch out for uncle Robert. I have a lot of sh.e.l.ls, and I keep them on the beach. My uncle Robert-who is also my nephew, the official village pig catcher, and head of New Zealand tourism (famous for the catch phrase: "At least it's not Adelaide")-has initiated several projects aimed at increasing tourism to New Zealand. These include an annual four-day "Look at the Sheep" festival, sheep rides, a "famous sheep through history" exhibition, and a guided tour in the village car to view local highlights such as sheep.

If I were a sheep, I would write something in the dirt with a stick, becoming famous and the subject of much scientific and media interest. I would be rich and buy a Porsche.

Every seventy-four days, when it is my turn to wear the village shoes, I go hiking through the sheep paddocks, enjoying the feeling of not having sheep droppings between my toes, then climb a hill to sit at the top, singing. My favorite song is called "Kahadanhibrakahana," which, roughly translated from Maori, means "I am sitting on a hill." As I share a bedroom with seventeen siblings, this solitude is something I look forward to. Sometimes I play throw a stick, but usually I just m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.e.

Bees are attracted to yellow-it is a scientific fact A few months back, while I was meant to be working, I filled out a company's online contact form by instead listing my household furniture and asking what they would give me for it all as trade-in on a R 1200 GS motorcycle. Several years ago, I did some work for a guy named Andrew, who drove to work in a brand-new, bright yellow convertible one day. I think it was a Renault. I told him that it is a scientific fact that bees are attracted to yellow. Being highly allergic to bees, he then refused to drive with the top down, claiming that bees did actually seem to congregate around his car. He would not even drive with the windows down. I think the bees may have simply smelled his fear and approached out of curiosity, as I had made the scientific fact up. I also sold him a computer, stating that it had twice the amount of megatron as other available systems.

From: Peter Conner Peter Conner Date: Friday 9 Jan 2009 9:17 a.m. Friday 9 Jan 2009 9:17 a.m.

To: David Thorne David Thorne Subject: R 1200 GS R 1200 GS

h.e.l.lo David,

Thank you for your recent enquiry regarding pricing of the R 1200 GS Motorcycle. We do not accept household furniture as trade ins on vehicles and would reccomend you sell them privately. The R 1200 GS has a list price of $25,470. Please note that this excludes Dealer delivery and ORC and is GST inclusive. I welcome you to contact me personally to arrange a test ride at a time that would suit you.

Sincerely, Peter Conner

From: David Thorne David Thorne Date: Friday 9 Jan 2009 10:03 a.m. Friday 9 Jan 2009 10:03 a.m.

To: Peter Conner Peter Conner Subject: Re: R 1200 GS Re: R 1200 GS

Dear Peter,

Thank you for responding to the online request I filled out several months ago and your kind offer to allow me to test ride the product before paying what is essentially five times the value of my car. If you could confirm for me that the model is available in desert yellow, I would be very interested.