"Sho!" exclaimed Barnum; "you don't say so! Do you think, John, that we could find something in England that would knock 'em, here?"

"Nothing else," replied John. "_Hi_ know where they keep 'em." (John was raised in Great Britain.)

"But, John," persisted Phineas, "there's _Burnham_, you know, of Boston.

They say _he_ has the best poultry in the world; and I've no doubt of it, between you and I."

"Fudge!" exclaimed John; "Burn'am's a very clever fellow, hi've no manner o' doubt, and hi won't say nuth'n' ag'inst 'im; but 'ee's the wust 'umbug you _ever_ see, since you 'ad breath. 'Ee don't know the dif'rence 'tween a Shanghi and a Cochin-Chiny--an' never did. 'Ee's a _hum_, 'is Burn'am. Don't go near _'im_, unless you want the skin shaved hoff o' yer knuckles, clean."

"Well, John," said the show-man, "something must be done. I've got the fever, bad, I'm afraid, as you suggest; and it must be fed. What can you do for me?"

John thought the matter over, and it was finally agreed, as there were no good fowls in America (according to John's notions), that _he_ should be deputized by Phineas to proceed to "Hingland," and procure some genuine (that is, _pure_) stock, for the coops at Iranistan, at the liberal show-man's expense! A capital recipe, this, for Barnum's disease, as well as for John's own benefit.

But Phineas isn't taken down easy, though they do occasionally "fetch him." And so he hesitated. He thought the matter over a while, and finally said to his friend, one day,

"John, I've got it!"

"'Ave you?" says John.

"Yes, I've got it. You know I've something in my head besides grey hairs, John."

"Hi've no manner o' doubt o' _that_," replied John.

"Well, I have thought this thing over, and I have determined to see, first, what there is in America, before I send you out to Europe."

"It'll take you a long time to do that," said John, "and you'd 'ave to travel a great w'ile to see all the poultry we've 'ere."

"I won't travel at all," said Phineas.

"No? As 'ow, then?" inquired John.

"I'll get up a show--a poultry exhibition--on a grand scale, and it shall come off at my Museum, at New York. Everybody'll come, of course; and we can see what there is, buy what I want from the best of 'em, and make our selections as we may fancy; you shall go out afterwards to England, and obtain for me what I can't get here, you see."

"Capital!--hexellent!" responded John.

"And I'll call it the--the--_what_?" said Barnum, stopping for an appropriate t.i.tle to this antic.i.p.ated exhibition.

"I donno," said John, puzzled.

"Well--then--the _National Show_," continued Phineas. "How'll that do?

The first exhibition of the 'National Poultry Society.' I think that's good. You see that includes all quarters of the country; and we shall know no north, no south, no east, no west! A quarter admission--Museum included--capital!"

"Yes--just _the_ thing!" chimed in his friend. And shortly afterwards advertis.e.m.e.nts and circulars found their way into the hands of all the hen-men in the country, who were thus invited to visit New York, in February, 1854, to contribute to the grand show of the "National Poultry Society," of which P.T. Barnum, Esq., was _President_.

A long string of names was attached to this call, and the list of "Managers" embraced one or more representatives from every State in the Union--my own humble name appearing among the Vice-presidents for Ma.s.sachusetts.

The whole thing was clearly one of Barnum's _dodges_ to fill his Museum for a few days; and probably not a single individual except himself had any knowledge of the formation or existence of any such _society_ as this, of which he thus nominally appeared to be the presiding officer.

At any rate, after diligent inquiry, I could never ascertain that anybody knew anything about any such an a.s.sociation, except himself.

However, this was a matter of no sort of consequence, of course. The Fitchburg Depot Show, in Boston, was a similar affair; and I now joined in this exhibition without asking unnecessary questions,--because I saw that there was fun ahead, and that _I_ could make an honest penny out of it, whether Barnum did or not.

Every one now put his best foot foremost; and, as this fair approached, Shanghaes were converted into Cochin-Chinas (by the knowing ones), by the removal of the feathers from the legs; the mongrels were made feathered-legged Bother'ems, by the free use of gum-tragacanth and down; the long-tailed fowls were deprived of all superfluous plumes, through the aid of the pincers; and what this last process did not satisfactorily effect, the application of the _shears_ completed (see engraving!); until, at last, the unlucky bipeds, whom nature had originally supplied with decent caudal appendages, were reduced to that requisite state of brevity, astern, which the _mode_ or the taste of the day demanded. And, at length, all was ready for the great "National Show" in New York city.

[Ill.u.s.tration: PREPARING FOR THE FOWL SHOW.--(See page 195.)]

As it turned out, the whole thing (though an utter _sham_ as regarded its being a _society_ matter) proved to have been well conceived, and, from beginning to end, was admirably well carried out. Mr. Barnum did his part most creditably at this first show in New York, and the experiment was eminently successful.

The birds were afforded excellent care, and an immense quant.i.ty of good specimens found their way to the Museum at the appointed time. For a week, notwithstanding the very dull weather, the great rooms of the American Museum on Broadway were thronged with visitors; and Barnum was in high glee at the entire success of his undertaking.

Not content with one week's show of the fowls, Barnum proposed that it should be continued for six days longer; and the crowd continued to visit this exhibition for another week, and to pour in with their friends, their wives, their children, and their quarters, to the great edification and satisfaction of the proprietor of the show, and the "President" of the "National Poultry Society."

I was there, with a goodly quant.i.ty of my "rare" and "unexceptionable"

and "pure-bred" fowls, which were greatly admired by the thousands of lookers-on, who flocked to this extraordinary exhibition. It was really astonishing (to _me_, at least) what very fine birds I had at this show.

And, "may be," fowls didn't _sell_ there! If I remember rightly, "the people" were round, on that occasion. And so was _I_!

CHAPTER XXIX.

FIRST "NATIONAL" POULTRY-SHOW IN NEW YORK.

Whether it was because Barnum had taken this enterprise in hand, whether it was because it was known that my "superior" stock was to be seen at the Museum, or whether it was because the intrepid "f.a.n.n.y Fern" had promised to visit the show, I cannot say; but one thing was certain,--such a gathering of "the people" was seldom witnessed, even in busy, driving, sight-seeing New York, as that which crowded the great rooms of Barnum's establishment on the occasion of the first exhibition of the so-called "National Poultry Society."

"All the world" was there, with his wife and babies, and nieces and nephews. The belle and the beau, the merchant and the mechanic, the lawyer and the parson, the rich and the poor, old and young, grave and gay,--all were in attendance upon this extraordinary display of c.o.c.kadoodledom; and Barnum--the indefatigable, the enterprising, the determined, the incomparable Barnum--was in his glory, as the quarters were piled up at the counter of the ticket-office, and "the people"

wedged their way up the crowded stairs and aisles of his Museum.

The great show-man was as busy as His Satanic Majesty is vulgarly supposed to be in a snow-storm! Now here, now there; up stairs, down stairs; in the halls, in the lobbies; busy with John, b.u.t.ton-holing the "committees," from morning till night. All smiles, all good-nature, all exertion to please the throngs of visitors who constantly jammed their way about the building. And, to say that everything about this undertaking (so far as he was personally concerned) was not managed with tact and good judgment, as well as complete propriety and liberality, would be to state what was untrue. Mr. Barnum rarely does anything by halves; and to him, in this instance, belongs the credit of getting up, and carrying through successfully, the very best show of poultry ever seen in America,--beyond all comparison.

In due season I selected from my then somewhat reduced stock sixty specimens of the Shanghae tribe of fowls, which, with some twenty samples of choice Madagascar Rabbits, I forwarded (in charge of my own agent) to this long-talked-of show.

The person whom I employed to look after my stock--(for I had long since got to be "a gentleman," and couldn't attend to such trifling matters, personally)--the man who went with it to this exhibition was thoroughly posted up in his "profession," and knew a hawk from a handsaw, as well as a Shanghae from a Cochin-China. And when he started for New York with my contributions, I enjoined it upon him to bear in mind, under _all_ circ.u.mstances, that the gentleman he represented had the only _pure_-bred poultry in America, any way. To which he replied, briefly,

"Is _that_ all? I knew that before."

I said, "John, you're a brick. A faced-brick. A _hard_-faced-brick.

You'll _do_."

John winked, and left me, with the understanding that, as soon as he should have time to look around the show, he would telegraph me at Boston what the prospect was, comparatively. I felt quite _sure_ that my fowls would take all the premiums, for they always had done so before; and my "pure-bred" stock grew better and better every year!

I did not go to the show for a day or two after my agent left; and, on the morning succeeding the opening, I received from him the following brief but expressive telegraphic dispatch:

"G.P. BURNHAM, BOSTON.

"Arrived safe; thought we'd got 'em, _sure_. We have--_over the left_. You are nowhar!

"B."