A WEEK AGO, Pascagoula knocked on my bedroom door.

"There's a long distance phone call for you, Miss Skeeter. From a Miss . . . Stern, she say?"

"Stern?" I thought out loud. Then I straightened. "Do you mean . . . Stein? Stein?"

"I . . . I reckon it could a been Stein. She talk kind a hard-sounding."

I rushed past Pascagoula, down the stairs. For some stupid reason, I kept smoothing my frizzy hair down as if it were a meeting and not a phone call. In the kitchen, I grabbed the phone dangling against the wall.

Three weeks earlier, I'd typed out the letter on Strathmore white. Three pages outlining the idea, the details, and the lie. Which was that a hardworking and respected colored maid has agreed to let me interview her and describe in specifics what it's like to work for the white women of our town. Weighing it against the alternative, that I planned planned to ask a colored woman for help, saying she'd already agreed to it seemed infinitely more attractive. to ask a colored woman for help, saying she'd already agreed to it seemed infinitely more attractive.

I stretched the cord into the pantry, pulled the string on the single bare bulb. The pantry is shelved floor to ceiling with pickles and soup jars, mola.s.ses, put-up vegetables, and preserves. This was my old high school trick to get some privacy.

"h.e.l.lo? This is Eugenia speaking."

"Please hold, I'll put the call through." I heard a series of clicks and then a far, far away voice, almost as deep as a man's, say, "Elaine Stein."

"h.e.l.lo? This is Skeet--Eugenia Phelan in Mississippi?"

"I know, Miss Phelan. I called you." I heard a match strike, a short, sharp inhale. "I received your letter last week. I have some comments."

"Yes ma'am." I sank down onto a tall tin can of King Biscuit flour. My heart thumped as I strained to hear her. A phone call from New York truly sounded as crackly as a thousand miles away ought to.

"What gave you this idea? About interviewing domestic housekeepers. I'm curious."

I sat paralyzed a second. She offered no chatting or h.e.l.lo, no introduction of herself. I realized it was best to answer her as instructed. "I was . . . well, I was raised by a colored woman. I've seen how simple it can be and--and how complex it can be between the families and the help." I cleared my throat. I sounded stiff, like I was talking to a teacher.

"Continue."

"Well," I took a deep breath, "I'd like to write this showing the point of view of the help. The colored women down here." I tried to picture Constantine's face, Aibileen's. "They raise a white child and then twenty years later the child becomes the employer. It's that irony, that we love them and they love us, yet . . ." I swallowed, my voice trembling. "We don't even allow them to use the toilet in the house."

Again there was silence.

"And," I felt compelled to continue, "everyone knows how we white people feel, the glorified Mammy figure who dedicates her whole life to a white family. Margaret Mitch.e.l.l covered that. But no one ever asked Mammy how she felt about it." Sweat dripped down my chest, blotting the front of my cotton blouse.

"So you want to show a side that's never been examined before," Missus Stein said.

"Yes. Because no one ever talks about it. No one talks about anything down here."

Elaine Stein laughed like a growl. Her accent was tight, Yankee. "Miss Phelan, I lived in Atlanta. For six years with my first husband."

I latched on to this small connection. "So . . . you know what it's like then."

"Enough to get me out of there," she said, and I heard her exhale her smoke. "Look, I read your outline. It's certainly... original, but it won't work. What maid in her right mind would ever tell you the truth?"

I could see Mother's pink slippers pa.s.s by the door. I tried to ignore them. I couldn't believe Missus Stein was already calling my bluff. "The first interviewee is . . . eager to tell her story."

"Miss Phelan," Elaine Stein said, and I knew it wasn't a question, "this Negro actually agreed to talk to you candidly? About working for a white family? Because that seems like a h.e.l.l of a risk in a place like Jackson, Mississippi."

I sat blinking. I felt the first fingers of worry that Aibileen might not be as easy to convince as I'd thought. Little did I know what she would say to me on her front steps the next week.

"I watched them try to integrate your bus station on the news," Missus Stein continued. "They jammed fifty-five Negroes in a jail cell built for four."

I pursed my lips. "She has agreed. Yes, she has."

"Well. That is impressive. But after her, you really think other maids will talk to you? What if the employers find out?"

"The interviews would be conducted secretly. Since, as you know, things are a little dangerous down here right now." The truth was, I had very little idea how dangerous things were. I'd spent the past four years locked away in the padded room of college, reading Keats and Eudora Welty and worrying over term papers.

"A little dangerous?" She laughed. "The marches in Birmingham, Martin Luther King. Dogs attacking colored children. Darling, it's the hottest topic in the nation. But, I'm sorry, this will never work. Not as an article, because no Southern newspaper would publish it. And certainly not as a book. A book of interviews interviews would never sell." would never sell."

"Oh," I heard myself say. I closed my eyes, feeling all the excitement drain out of me. I heard myself say again, "Oh."

"I called because, frankly, it's a good idea. But . . . there's no possible way to take it to print."

"But . . . what if . . ." My eyes started darting around the pantry, looking for something to bring back her interest. Maybe I should should talk about it as an article, maybe a magazine, but she said no-- talk about it as an article, maybe a magazine, but she said no-- "Eugenia, who are you talking to in there?" Mother's voice cut though the crack. She inched the door open and I yanked it closed again. I covered the receiver, hissed, "I'm talking to Hilly, Hilly, Mother--" Mother--"

"In the pantry? You're like a teenager again--"

"I mean--" Missus Stein let out a sharp tsk. "I suppose I could read what you get. G.o.d knows, the book business could use some rattling."

"You'd do that? Oh Missus Stein . . ."

"I'm not saying I'm considering it. But... do the interview and I'll let you know if it's worth pursuing."

I stuttered a few unintelligible sounds, finally coming out with, "Thank you. Missus Stein, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your help." you. Missus Stein, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your help."

"Don't thank me yet. Call Ruth, my secretary, if you need to get in touch." And she hung up.

I lug an Old SATCHEL to bridge club at Elizabeth's on Wednesday. It is red. It is ugly. And for today, at least, it is a prop.

It's the only bag in Mother's house I could find large enough to carry the Miss Myrna letters. The leather is cracked and flaking, the thick shoulder strap leaves a brown mark on my blouse where the leather stain is rubbing off. It was my Grandmother Claire's gardening bag. She used to carry her garden tools around the yard in it and the bottom is still lined with sunflower seeds. It matches absolutely nothing I own and I don't care.

"Two weeks," Hilly says to me, holding up two fingers. "He's coming." She smiles and I smile back. "I'll be right back," I say and I slip into the kitchen, carrying my satchel with me.

Aibileen is standing at the sink. "Afternoon," she says quietly. It was a week ago that I visited her at her house.

I stand there a minute, watching her stir the iced tea, feeling the discomfort in her posture, her dread that I might be about to ask for her help on the book again. I pull a few housekeeping letters out and, seeing this, Aibileen's shoulders relax a little. As I read her a question about mold stains, she pours a little tea in a gla.s.s, tastes it. She spoons more sugar in the pitcher.

"Oh, fore I forget, I got the answer on that water ring question. Minny say just rub you a little mayonnaise on it." Aibileen squeezes half a lemon in the tea. "Then go on and throw that no-good husband out the door." She stirs, tastes. "Minny don't take too well to husbands."

"Thanks, I'll put that down," I say. As casually as I can, I pull an envelope from my bag. "And here. I've been meaning to give you this."

Aibileen stiffens back into her cautious pose, the one she had when I walked in. "What you got there?" she says without reaching for it.

"For your help," I say quietly. "I've put away five dollars for every article. It's up to thirty-five dollars now."

Aibileen's eyes move quickly back to her tea. "No thank you, ma'am."

"Please take it, you've earned it."

I hear chairs sc.r.a.ping on wood in the dining room, Elizabeth's voice.

"Please, Miss Skeeter. Miss Leefolt have a fit if she find you giving me cash," Aibileen whispers.

"She doesn't have to know."

Aibileen looks up at me. The whites of her eyes are yellowed, tired. I know what she's thinking.

"I already told you, I'm sorry, I can't help you with that book, Miss Skeeter."

I set the envelope on the counter, knowing I've made a terrible mistake.

"Please. Find you another colored maid. A young'un. Somebody... else."

"But I don't know any others well enough." I am tempted to bring up the word friends, friends, but I'm not that naive. I know we're not friends. but I'm not that naive. I know we're not friends.

Hilly's head pops through the door. "Come on, Skeeter, I'm fixing to deal," and she disappears.

"I'm begging you," Aibileen says, "put that money away so Miss Leefolt don't see it."

I nod, embarra.s.sed. I tuck the envelope in my bag, knowing we're worse off than ever. It's a bribe, she thinks, to get her to let me interview her. A bribe disguised as goodwill and thanks. I'd been waiting to give her the money anyway, once it added up to something, but it's true, my timing today had been deliberately planned. And now I've scared her off for good.

"Darling, just try it on your head. It cost eleven dollars. It must be good."

Mother has me cornered in the kitchen. I glance at the door to the hall, the door to the side porch. Mother comes closer, the thing in hand, and I'm distracted by how thin her wrists look, how frail her arms are carrying the heavy gray machine. She pushes me down into a chair, not so frail after all, and squeezes a noisy, farty tube of goo on my head. Mother's been chasing me with the Magic Soft & Silky Shinalator for two days now.

She rubs the cream in my hair with both hands. I can practically feel the hope in her fingers. A cream will not straighten my nose or take a foot off my height. It won't add distinction to my almost translucent eyebrows, nor add weight to my bony frame. And my teeth are already perfectly straight. So this is all she has left to fix, my hair.

Mother covers my dripping head with a plastic cap. She fastens a hose from the cap into a square machine.

"How long does this take, Mother?"

She picks up the booklet with a sticky finger. "It says here, 'Cover with the Miracle Straightening Cap, then turn on the machine and wait for the miraculous--' "

"Ten minutes? Fifteen?"

I hear a click, a rising rumble, then feel a slow, intense warmth on my head. But suddenly there's a pop! pop! The tube is loose from the machine and jerking around like a mad firehose. Mother shrieks, grabs at it and misses. Finally, she s.n.a.t.c.hes it and reattaches it. The tube is loose from the machine and jerking around like a mad firehose. Mother shrieks, grabs at it and misses. Finally, she s.n.a.t.c.hes it and reattaches it.

She takes a deep breath and picks up the booklet again. "The Miracle Cap must remain on the head for two hours without removal or results--"

"Two hours hours?"

"I'll have Pascagoula fix you a gla.s.s of tea, dear." Mother pats me on the shoulder and swishes out through the kitchen door.

For two hours, I smoke cigarettes and read Life Life magazine. I finish magazine. I finish To Kill a Mockingbird. To Kill a Mockingbird. Finally, I pick up the Finally, I pick up the Jackson Journal Jackson Journal, pick through it. It's Friday, so there won't be a Miss Myrna column. On page four, I read: Boy blinded over segregated bathroom, suspects questioned. Boy blinded over segregated bathroom, suspects questioned. It sounds . . . familiar. I remember then. This must be Aibileen's neighbor. It sounds . . . familiar. I remember then. This must be Aibileen's neighbor.

Twice this week, I've gone by Elizabeth's house hoping she wouldn't be home, so I could talk to Aibileen, try to find some way to convince her to help me. Elizabeth was hunched over her sewing machine, intent on getting a new dress ready for the Christmas season, and it is yet another green gown, cheap and frail. She must've gotten a steal at the bargain bin on green material. I wish I could go down to Kennington's and charge her something new but just the offer would embarra.s.s her to death.

"So, do you know what you're wearing for the date?" Hilly'd asked the second time I came by. "Next Sat.u.r.day?"

I'd shrugged. "I guess I have to go shopping."

Just then Aibileen brought a tray of coffee out and set it on the table.

"Thank you." Elizabeth nodded to her.

"Why, thank you, Aibileen," Hilly said, sugaring her cup. "I tell you, you make the best colored coffee in town."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Aibileen," Hilly continued, "how do you like your new bathroom out there? It's nice to have a place of your own, now isn't it?"

Aibileen stared at the crack in the dining table. "Yes ma'am."

"You know, Mister Holbrook arranged for that bathroom, Aibileen. Sent the boys over and the equipment, too." Hilly smiled.

Aibileen just stood there and I wished I wasn't in the room. Please, Please, I thought, I thought, please don't say thank you. please don't say thank you.

"Yes ma'am." Aibileen opened a drawer and reached inside, but Hilly kept looking at her. It was so obvious what she wanted.

Another second pa.s.sed with no one moving. Hilly cleared her throat and finally Aibileen lowered her head. "Thank you, ma'am," she whispered. She walked back into the kitchen. It's no wonder she doesn't want to talk to me.

At noon, Mother removes the vibrating cap from my head, washes the goo from my hair while I lean back in the kitchen sink. She quickly rolls up a dozen curlers, puts me under her hair dryer hood in her bathroom.

An hour later, I emerge pink and soreheaded and thirsty. Mother stands me in front of the mirror, pulling out curlers. She brushes out the giant circular mounds on my head.

We stare, dumbfounded.

"Ho-ly s.h.i.t," I say. All I'm thinking is, The date. The blind date is next weekend. The date. The blind date is next weekend.

Mother smiles, shocked. She doesn't even scold me for cursing. My hair looks great. The Shinalator actually worked.

chapter 9.

ON SAt.u.r.dAY, the day of my date with Stuart Whitworth, I sit for two hours under the Shinalator (results, it seems, only last until the next wash). When I'm dry, I go to Kennington's and buy the flattest shoes I can find and a slim black crepe dress. I hate shopping, but I'm glad for the distraction, to not have to worry about Missus Stein or Aibileen for an afternoon. I charge the eighty-five dollars to Mother's account since she's always begging me to go buy new clothes. ("Something flattering for your size. size.") I know Mother would profoundly disapprove of the cleavage the dress enables me to have. I've never owned a dress like this.

In the Kennington's parking lot I start the car, but cannot drive for the sudden pains in my stomach. I grip the white padded steering wheel, telling myself for the tenth time that it's ridiculous to wish for something I'll never have. To think I know the color blue his eyes are from a black-and-white photograph. To consider something a chance that is nothing but paper and filament and postponed dinners. But the dress, with my new hair, it actually looks pretty good on me. And I can't help but hope.

IT WAS FOUR MONTHS AGO when Hilly showed me the picture, out back by her swimming pool. Hilly was tanning in the sun, I was fanning in the murky shade. My heat rash had flared in July and hadn't subsided.

"I'm busy," I said. Hilly sat on the edge of the pool, saggy and post-pregnant fat, inexplicably confident in her black swimsuit. Her stomach was paunchy, but her legs, as always, were thin and pretty.